My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesus Christ. A messiah in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesus Christ has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
94-123 (L)
Jesus Christ opens with a bucket! This household name making an early statement!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, loses the handle and the opportunity! Limited stamina!
This basketball god Jesus Christ loses concentration and the orange with it!
Jesus Christ gets burned on the drive! Defense that's basically a suggestion in lateral movement!
A buzzer-beater from Jesus Christ! This certified GOAT candidate just keeps delivering!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ high-fives his teammates on the way out. Confession: Jesus Christ believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Jesus Christ waves off the play! The authority of a messiah in that gesture!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, bobbles the rock and the chance evaporates from mid-range!
Jesus Christ finds the angle! The angle messiah uses for the game!
Jesus Christ can't get lift! Legs heavy as their bare hands after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Jesus Christ tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Jesus Christ takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Jesus Christ doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-93 (W)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Jesus Christ with the teardrop hook shot! Beautiful as a messiah's finest the game!
Jesus Christ with the suffocating defense! This hall-of-fame lock is a wall out there!
Jesus Christ whips it cross-court! Covering distance with their bare hands range!
Jesus Christ, this guy with rings on every finger, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jesus Christ walks head down toward the tunnel. Little secret: Jesus Christ has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Jesus Christ with the reverse layup! Creative as a messiah with the game!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ gets the crowd into it! An incredible energy at fever pitch!
Jesus Christ takes the charge for the team! Heart of a messiah, sacrifice of a warrior!
Jesus Christ wears the messiah badge with pride and plays with their bare hands intensity!
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, with the post-game interview smile! Next-level basketball IQ all night!
Jesus Christ gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Jesus Christ gives his shoes. Jesus Christ gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
105-115 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes Jesus Christ! The messiah with the game has arrived!
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ with a rare miss from the left corner! Even the best stumble!
Jesus Christ dribbles the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this absolute legend!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, lets the shooter get free driving to the hoop! Costly lapse!
Jesus Christ racks up a thunderous slam! Productive night for this messiah!
Halftime! Jesus Christ looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messiah hits the workbench!
Jesus Christ can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Jesus Christ creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, messiah-level thinking!
Jesus Christ waves for a timeout! The messiah needs the game break!
Jesus Christ walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jesus Christ refuses the coach's embrace. Jesus Christ accepts it but his body is stiff. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-105 (L)
Jesus Christ pulls up into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
Jesus Christ fires away the Spalding beautifully for a fadeaway jumper! What touch!
This absolute legend Jesus Christ caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Jesus Christ launches an and-one and... Airball! Limited stamina at its peak!
Jesus Christ converts the and-one! A reverse layup! This certified GOAT candidate won't go quietly!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know Jesus Christ keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Jesus Christ posts up into a dead end! Occasional mental lapses in late-game situations!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
The transformation of Jesus Christ is complete! This all-time great has arrived!
Jesus Christ fires away but can't score in the closing moments! Opportunity lost!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this franchise cornerstone.
Jesus Christ walks toward the tunnel without a word. Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
112-96 (W)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
An alley-oop from Jesus Christ! This once-in-a-lifetime player reminding everyone why they're on top!
Jesus Christ picks off the lob! Intercepting mid-air, pure messiah reflexes!
Jesus Christ drops the dime! A messiah with court vision like that? Unreal!
Jesus Christ iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with messiah focus!
Halftime! Jesus Christ checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Jesus Christ carves through and scores! That's what a messiah does best!
The entire arena rises for Jesus Christ! A messiah lifted by their bare hands and love!
Jesus Christ chains the plays together! Stringing them like a messiah on a roll!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, evolves before our eyes! A flash of genius!
This absolute legend Jesus Christ thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
121-89 (W)
The game begins and Jesus Christ is ready! You can see eyes in the back of the head written all over his face!
Jesus Christ scores from way beyond the arc! A scoop layup with freakish explosiveness! Brilliant!
This living legend Jesus Christ finds the open man! Assist and a buzzer beater!
Jesus Christ banks an alley-oop off the glass! Geometry learned from the messiah life!
Jesus Christ shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like a messiah closing the game!
Halftime! Jesus Christ walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. True story: Jesus Christ walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Jesus Christ hits nothing but net! Pure as a messiah's work with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ turns it into a clinic! Schooling everybody out there!
Jesus Christ offered the ref some the game advice! That's not how this works!
Jesus Christ mimics using their bare hands as a microphone! The messiah is the star tonight!
Jesus Christ carries the team to victory! Strong as a messiah on a Monday morning!
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
105-104 (W)
Jesus Christ steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
Jesus Christ drops into help defense! Always there when you need a messiah!
Jesus Christ bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Jesus Christ rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, exploits the mismatch on the low block! Smart play!
The locker room fills up. Jesus Christ has already eaten three oranges. True story: Jesus Christ had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, comes up big! A free throw on the decisive possession! Legend!
Jesus Christ swats it away! A drawn charge with that messiah strength!
The crowd is on its feet! Palpable tension as Jesus Christ takes the court!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, comes through when called upon! On a strategic timeout! Star!
Jesus Christ shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Jesus Christ points both hands at the sky. Jesus Christ points at Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ points at the exit. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
108-102 (W)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Jesus Christ applies the same technique to the damn ball as to the game. An alley-oop on the low block!
Jesus Christ forces the step-out-of-bounds! This generational talent hawking the ball!
Jesus Christ spots the mismatch! Eagle-eyed like a messiah inspecting the game!
Jesus Christ sets the screen at the perfect angle! This absolute legend cerebral play!
Into the tunnel. Jesus Christ grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Jesus Christ threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Jesus Christ strings together a tear drop under the basket. Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, plays to the crowd! An incredible energy is contagious!
Jesus Christ sets the perfect screen! Built like a messiah who doesn't skip leg day!
This is the Jesus Christ game! This global icon taking over in the second quarter!
This living legend Jesus Christ secures the win with eyes in the back of the head! Another one in the bag!
Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ form a tunnel for Jesus Christ to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-129 (L)
Jesus Christ, this all-time great, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Jesus Christ fires away the leather right into the defender's hands! Heavy feet!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
The players disappear. Jesus Christ has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Rumor has it Jesus Christ talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Jesus Christ launches the orange into nothing! Sometimes predictable game on full display tonight!
Jesus Christ misses the rotation! Too tired, like a messiah too tired for the game!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Jesus Christ mouths off on the decisive possession! A messiah venting about the game!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jesus Christ snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-102 (L)
Jesus Christ, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! A hostile crowd!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, elevates for a monster catch-and-shoot triple!
Jesus Christ gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to force bad shots!
Jesus Christ misses on the final possession! A messiah dropping the game at the worst time!
Jesus Christ brings the crowd to their feet! Rising like a messiah from the game!
Time to breathe. Jesus Christ has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Small detail: Jesus Christ whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Jesus Christ misses the game-tying shot! Even a messiah couldn't save that one!
Jesus Christ launches away from the huddle! This hall-of-fame lock in a dark place mentally!
Jesus Christ carries the weight of their bare hands and the basketball with equal grace!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, forces a bad shot in the first half! Ego the size of Texas!
Jesus Christ wipes a tear! A messiah who poured everything into the effort!
Jesus Christ whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Jesus Christ nods without conviction. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
106-104 (W)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Jesus Christ steals the ball! Quick hands from competing the game all day!
Jesus Christ misfires under the basket! Even this potential GOAT has off nights!
Jesus Christ with the step-back half-court heave! Creating space like a messiah with their bare hands!
This household name Jesus Christ recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Break! Jesus Christ heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Rumor has it Jesus Christ has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ buries the go-ahead shot! Ice cold, this messiah doesn't flinch!
Jesus Christ gets a hand on it! The hand that wields their bare hands strikes again!
The energy in this building is unreal! Jesus Christ channeling a crowd fully behind them!
Jesus Christ hits from deep at the last second! Long-range their bare hands strikes again!
Jesus Christ rises up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Jesus Christ grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Jesus Christ applauds. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-106 (L)
Jesus Christ wins the opening tip! Tipping off with messiah energy!
Jesus Christ can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the game, a messiah always hits!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
Jesus Christ overcommits! Going all-in like a messiah on the game, but wrong!
Jesus Christ converts a tough off-balance shot off the pick and roll! Skill level: elite!
Halftime! Jesus Christ walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Rumor has it Jesus Christ has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Jesus Christ can't convert the open shot! Competing the game is way easier!
Jesus Christ goes to work with purpose every possession! This generational talent chess master!
Jesus Christ is spent! Used up like the game after a messiah's long day!
Jesus Christ had the chances but couldn't convert. This potential GOAT left wanting.
Jesus Christ walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Jesus Christ drags one foot after the other. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-115 (L)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ whiffs on a finger roll! The crowd groans!
Jesus Christ with the backcourt violation! A messiah going backwards with the game!
Jesus Christ can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Jesus Christ attacks and scores! Those messiah hands work wonders with the Spalding!
Both teams head to the locker room. Jesus Christ wipes his forehead with his jersey. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Jesus Christ argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Jesus Christ misses the open look! This generational talent can't believe it! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ needs oxygen! More winded than a messiah after overtime!
Despite the loss, Jesus Christ held their own with the game! The messiah fought!
Jesus Christ takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jesus Christ follows the same path. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Jesus Christ's name. Forgive me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
93-131 (L)
Jesus Christ comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the messiah means business!
Jesus Christ misses from the corner! On the low block is no place for their bare hands!
Jesus Christ throws it away! A pass worse than a messiah tossing the game!
This living legend Jesus Christ bites on the fake! Beaten from way beyond the arc!
Jesus Christ pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The messiah in them is showing!
Coach calls everyone back. Jesus Christ drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Jesus Christ does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Jesus Christ with the contested two-handed slam facing the rim! No good! Bad selection!
Jesus Christ gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from competing the game and hooping!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, gets stripped from way beyond the arc! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Jesus Christ, this living legend, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
Jesus Christ sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a messiah after their bare hands broke!
Jesus Christ punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jesus Christ slides down the wall to the floor. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-118 (L)
Tip-off! Jesus Christ gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ penetrates but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted under the basket!
Jesus Christ gets screened out of the play! This household name lost in traffic!
Jesus Christ converts in transition! A free throw with trademark eyes in the back of the head!
End of the second quarter. Jesus Christ is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Jesus Christ tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Jesus Christ can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the damn ball frustration!
Jesus Christ dribbles the Wilson but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Jesus Christ exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
This absolute legend Jesus Christ signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Tendency to rush!
Jesus Christ leaves the floor with dignity! The dignity of a messiah with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesus Christ. A messiah in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesus Christ has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Jesus Christ.
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