My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · by David Hovhannisyan · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Yao Ming! Picture this: standing at 229 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Robert Wadlow. The man is a circus performer. A freaking circus performer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-124 (L)
This total unknown Jan Peters comes out aggressive! Opens with a deep three in the paint!
Yao Ming, this multi-time All-Star, with the shot-clock heave! No good off the pick and roll!
FlightReacts lets fly into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots!
Yao Ming reacts too late to rotate! Heavy feet on the help side!
This unknown gem FlightReacts hangs the head after the miss! Deflated along the baseline!
Halftime! Robert Wadlow looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know? Robert Wadlow once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This reliable star Robert Wadlow puts up a pull-up jumper but it won't fall! Off night!
Yao Ming, this jersey-selling name, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Yao Ming coughs up the pill! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again from way beyond the arc!
This newcomer Gru gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
FlightReacts, this tweener, trudges off the gym. Lessons to take from this one.
Yao Ming walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Gru speeds up. Wants it to be over. I learned that Yao Ming's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-106 (L)
Gru, this swiss-army-knife type, sets the tone immediately! Unreal swagger from the jump!
Yao Ming, this towering presence, uses strength and skill for a finger roll! Complete player!
Robert Wadlow gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Jan Peters bricks it! Not the same accuracy as digging the deep mine!
Jan Peters sparks the comeback! The miner fire from their pickaxe ignites the temple of basketball!
Halftime. Jan Peters wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Staff confession: Jan Peters is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Robert Wadlow, this multi-time All-Star, commits the late turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure with the ball!
Robert Wadlow, this franchise guy, yells at the coaching staff! Injury-prone body causing friction!
From their rough justice to a hook shot, Gru's range is unmatched!
Robert Wadlow, this giant, chokes on the big stage! At the last second miss!
Gru shakes hands through the pain! A vigilante who respects their rough justice and the game!
Jan Peters bites his lip, fists clenched. Robert Wadlow shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
102-116 (L)
This hungry young player FlightReacts catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Jan Peters misses the free throw! Digging the deep mine under pressure is easier!
FlightReacts turns it over in the dying seconds! A rapper dropping their hot mic at the worst time!
Yao Ming, this beanpole, gets dunked on at the buzzer! Poster material!
A euro-step by Jan Peters! The crowd erupts! That dawg mentality personified!
The players file out. Robert Wadlow exchanges a tense look with the coach. Did you know Robert Wadlow knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Orlando Magic-Beans's colors. By accident, obviously. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Yao Ming dribbles away from the huddle! This max-contract guy in a dark place mentally!
Jan Peters, this smooth operator, gets the separation but can't finish! Sometimes predictable game!
Jan Peters, this do-it-all player, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Robert Wadlow is gassed! This reliable star bent over at half court! Lack of consistency catching up!
Yao Ming, this walking skyscraper, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
FlightReacts takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Gru follows the same path. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
87-131 (L)
FlightReacts, this versatile guy, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
Robert Wadlow misfires from way beyond the arc! Even this elite player has off nights!
Gru, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the pill! Mental lapse!
Gru gets screened out! Stuck behind their rough justice like it's a wall!
Gru throws their hands up! Like a vigilante when their rough justice breaks!
Cut! Halftime. Gru's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Gru tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Gru rattles it out! Shaking the court with their rough justice intensity!
FlightReacts can barely run! The four quarters harder than the four quarters of spitting the fiery bars!
Robert Wadlow with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Yao Ming dunks and kicks the stanchion! This established star losing composure!
Yao Ming walks off in silence. This top-tier talent gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jan Peters takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. FlightReacts doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
87-112 (L)
FlightReacts huddles with the team! Huddling up, the rapper strategizes!
Yao Ming forces a thunderous slam in the paint! This established star trying too hard!
This jersey-selling name Robert Wadlow forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Robert Wadlow, this big fella, gets exploited in the switch! Lack of consistency exposed in the mismatch!
Robert Wadlow knocks down a free throw off the pick and roll! Ice in the veins!
Halftime. The doctor examines FlightReacts's shoulder while the others catch their breath. They say FlightReacts eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Gru walks away muttering! Muttering about the unpunished villain under their breath!
Yao Ming misses the open look! This multi-time All-Star can't believe it! Ego the size of Texas!
Gru creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, vigilante-level thinking!
Jan Peters powers through! The miner in them won't quit on the deep mine!
Jan Peters walks off in defeat! Even a miner's skills couldn't save tonight!
Yao Ming turns back to look at the court one last time. FlightReacts doesn't turn around. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
88-132 (L)
This top-tier talent Yao Ming comes out firing! A floater in the first minute!
Jan Peters takes off but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Gru with the careless pass! Hunting the unpunished villain with more care, please!
FlightReacts watches helplessly! A rapper watching the fiery bars fall off the shelf!
Yao Ming, this certified bucket, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Jan Peters to massage his thighs. Fun fact: Jan Peters is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Robert Wadlow launches a deep three and... Airball! Ego the size of Texas at its peak!
Yao Ming short-arms the shot from fatigue! This big-name player has nothing left!
Jan Peters botches the handoff! Even their pickaxe exchanges go smoother!
FlightReacts is visibly upset! Upset as a rapper when the fiery bars goes sideways!
This diamond in the rough Gru stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this diamond in the rough wanted.
Yao Ming sits on the floor in the hallway. Robert Wadlow sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
93-113 (L)
Robert Wadlow, this top-tier talent, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Gru bricks another one! Building something awful with their rough justice tonight!
Robert Wadlow with the backcourt violation! This franchise guy under too much pressure!
This who-is-this-guy player Gru fouls reaching in! Shaky emotions under pressure on defense!
What a play by Jan Peters! A half-court heave off the pick and roll! This newcomer is cooking!
Break! Robert Wadlow grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. They say Robert Wadlow eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Jan Peters slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a miner hits the workbench!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow whiffs on a catch-and-shoot triple! The crowd groans!
Jan Peters, this potential breakout star, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Nerves of steel!
This rising star Jan Peters can't close out! The legs are shot under the basket!
FlightReacts leaves the venue with dignity! The dignity of a rapper with their hot mic!
Gru lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Jan Peters holds his in. I learned that Gru's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
86-128 (L)
Robert Wadlow, this absolute unit, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
FlightReacts goes 0 for the quarter! A rapper having a rough shift with their hot mic!
This big-name player Robert Wadlow with turnover number lengths ahead! Heavy feet is piling up!
Gru overcommits! Going all-in like a vigilante on the unpunished villain, but wrong!
Gru tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the vigilante will bounce back!
Back to the locker room. Robert Wadlow punches his locker. True story: Robert Wadlow had his parking spot stolen by Minnesota Ice-Wall's mascot. Still talks about it. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Jan Peters misses from the corner! From mid-range is no place for their pickaxe!
Jan Peters is gassed! More tired than after a full day of digging the deep mine!
Jan Peters throws it out of bounds! Like launching their pickaxe into the void!
Gru, this swiss-army-knife type, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
This total unknown FlightReacts leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Gru rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. FlightReacts picks up his own and folds it carefully. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
78-122 (L)
Robert Wadlow, this certified bucket, embraces the Playoff atmosphere! Game on!
A hook shot by Yao Ming driving to the hoop is way off! Tough night for this world-class player!
This world-class player Yao Ming commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow commits the and-one foul! Tendency to rush in positioning!
Jan Peters storms to the bench! Heated! This miner doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime! Jan Peters is limping slightly heading off the court. Fun fact: Jan Peters is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Air ball from Jan Peters! Being a miner doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Yao Ming misses from fatigue! This top-tier talent can't get the elevation from mid-range!
Robert Wadlow, this 7-footer, gets the ball poked away! Heavy feet when protecting the orange!
Jan Peters glares at the Wilson! Like it personally betrayed this miner!
Yao Ming had the chances but couldn't convert. This elite player left wanting.
FlightReacts sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Yao Ming winces. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-132 (L)
Game time! Yao Ming and this guy everybody knows ready to put on a show at the venue!
Gru spins the Spalding awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this unknown gem!
FlightReacts gets picked! A rapper getting the fiery bars stolen in broad daylight!
This max-contract guy Robert Wadlow bites on the fake! Beaten in the paint!
Jan Peters, this combo guard, shows negative body language! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
Halftime. Yao Ming's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Physio's confession: Yao Ming purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
FlightReacts, this combo guard, wastes a golden chance with a wild floater!
Jan Peters soldiers on! The soldier who digs the deep mine with their pickaxe!
FlightReacts with the backcourt violation! A rapper going backwards with the fiery bars!
Yao Ming slams the orange in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Gru leaves the palace of hoops quietly! Quiet as a vigilante after the unpunished villain setback!
Yao Ming walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Gru speeds up. Wants it to be over. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
82-126 (L)
Yao Ming dunks with energy from the opening whistle! This elite player locked in!
Robert Wadlow penetrates the rock right into the defender's hands! Tendency to rush!
Robert Wadlow charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Gru left in the dust! Even a vigilante moves faster than that!
Robert Wadlow, this towering presence, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Halftime whistle. Robert Wadlow flops into the first available chair. Small detail: Robert Wadlow wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Robert Wadlow fires a deep three in transition but can't connect! Heavy feet showing!
Gru, this newcomer, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Yao Ming, this 7-footer, fumbles the entry pass off the pick and roll!
FlightReacts buries their face! Hidden from view, the rapper can't watch!
Jan Peters hangs their head! A miner who gave everything they had!
Robert Wadlow refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Gru watches it and immediately regrets it. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
82-120 (L)
Yao Ming, this walking skyscraper, is introduced and the arena explodes! This established star is in the building!
Robert Wadlow gets a clean look but lack of consistency costs the bucket!
This potential breakout star Jan Peters with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
FlightReacts gets caught flat-footed! This dude out of nowhere beaten to the spot!
Jan Peters can't hide the frustration! Their pickaxe frustration meets the damn ball frustration!
End of the first act. Robert Wadlow is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Quick anecdote about Robert Wadlow: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Gru can't buy a bucket! Maybe the unpunished villain would be easier to aim!
This potential breakout star Gru signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
FlightReacts with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the fiery bars!
This world-class player Robert Wadlow can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Jan Peters absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a miner knows tough days!
Gru bites his lip, fists clenched. FlightReacts shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
74-118 (L)
This guy nobody was talking about FlightReacts in the starting lineup! Let's see what this guy nobody was talking about brings!
FlightReacts can't find the range! Their hot mic has better accuracy than that!
Jan Peters crosses over into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!
FlightReacts gets crossed over! This guy nobody was talking about left frozen from the right corner!
Gru mouths off at the last second! A vigilante venting about the unpunished villain!
Back in the locker room, Jan Peters sits down and stares at the ceiling. True story: Jan Peters walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Boston Ring-Chasers. Awkward. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
The rim rejects Gru! The rim says no! Even a vigilante gets rejected sometimes!
Jan Peters is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the miner is spent!
This raw talent Jan Peters gets pickpocketed driving to the hoop! Sloppy handling!
Gru drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
Gru dunks to the tunnel in disappointment. This total unknown will learn from this.
Jan Peters claps his hands in frustration. Robert Wadlow clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-123 (L)
The game begins and Yao Ming is ready! You can see an off-the-charts basketball IQ written all over his face!
FlightReacts misses the open look! A rapper never misses the fiery bars... But misses the rock!
Yao Ming, this tree of a man, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
Jan Peters watches them score! Just watching, like watching their pickaxe gather dust!
FlightReacts drives the Wilson with flair and hits a half-court heave! Sensational!
Into the tunnel. Gru grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Little secret: Gru watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Yao Ming mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
FlightReacts misses! Even a rapper can't fix that shot!
FlightReacts executes the delay! Patient as a rapper waiting for their hot mic results!
Gru is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure vigilante stubbornness!
Yao Ming, this top-tier talent, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Gru unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Robert Wadlow runs a hand down his face. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Robert Wadlow. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-132 (L)
Jan Peters sets the tone early! The miner came to play tonight!
This franchise guy Yao Ming rattles it out! So close yet so far from downtown!
Robert Wadlow loses the damn ball in traffic! This world-class player can't afford that!
Robert Wadlow scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Jan Peters waves off the play! The authority of a miner in that gesture!
Halftime whistle! Gru grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Little scoop: Gru logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
FlightReacts misfires off the pick and roll! Their hot mic calibration needed!
Robert Wadlow, this long boy, laboring up and down! Shaky emotions under pressure draining the energy!
Robert Wadlow takes off the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this world-class player!
Robert Wadlow, this max-contract guy, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Gru reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
FlightReacts's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Gru hides his eyes under a towel. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Yao Ming.
Season Journal
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Yao Ming! Picture this: standing at 229 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Robert Wadlow. The man is a circus performer. A freaking circus performer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Yao Ming.
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