My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Michael Jordan. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 198 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Akainu. A military leader in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles battle standard better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Akainu has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat war front and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Mid-pack budget. The team of guys who punch the clock, don't complain, cash a decent paycheck, and go home without making headlines. It's not sexy, but it works. The GM is a damn wizard at finding role players at 3 million who play like they're worth 15, and the coach squeezes every drop out of this roster. The problem? One major injury and the whole house of cards collapses.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
82-126 (L)
Akainu, this swiss-army-knife type, is introduced and the arena explodes! This hidden prospect is in the building!
Godzilla misfires facing the rim! This established star searching for answers!
Akainu rises up the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this unknown gem!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Akainu sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a military leader after a long shift!
The players disappear. Pilla Tupolla has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote: pilla Tupolla tried to impress the Detroit Engine-Roar players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Akainu misses! Even a military leader can't fix that shot!
Akainu is running on fumes! The military leader tank is completely empty!
Godzilla, this tweener, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
Godzilla, this established star, refuses to high-five! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the chemistry!
Pilla Tupolla blows past past the media. This hooper's hooper not in the mood to talk.
Akainu bites the inside of his cheek. Barron Trump pinches the bridge of his nose. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-99 (W)
The game begins and Michael Jordan is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!
Barron Trump smothers the ball handler! That's a university student who doesn't let go!
Akainu misfires facing the rim! Even this unknown gem has off nights!
Godzilla blows past the basketball into a step-back three! Next-level basketball IQ shining through!
Michael Jordan dishes to the weak side! This guy with rings on every finger exploiting the rotation!
End of the first half. Godzilla is beet red but still standing. Rumor has it Godzilla does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This dude putting the league on notice Barron Trump converts the free throws under pressure! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
This headliner Godzilla reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Opposing fans respect pilla Tupolla! Even rivals admire a mixed martial arts fighter's hustle!
Barron Trump dishes and drills it! After a timeout! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
Godzilla takes off into the tunnel with the W! This max-contract guy all smiles!
Michael Jordan and pilla Tupolla cradle the game ball like a baby. Godzilla takes a photo. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
104-96 (W)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the damn ball first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
Michael Jordan attacks to the rack for a finger roll! Can't contain this giant!
Michael Jordan strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Pilla Tupolla fires away the orange with precision! Assist on the low block! Floor general!
This rising star Akainu sets the back screen! Eyes in the back of the head off-ball contribution!
Halftime! Pilla Tupolla walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little scoop: pilla Tupolla tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Barron Trump launches in transition with the same confidence they bring to competing the game.
You can feel a standing ovation through the screen! Akainu in the spotlight!
Pilla Tupolla glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure mixed martial arts fighter instinct!
Michael Jordan fades away through pain, through doubt! This all-time great transcending!
Barron Trump daps up the opposition! Class act, on and off the court!
Pilla Tupolla gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Godzilla gives his shoes. Michael Jordan gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-122 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This dude putting the league on notice pilla Tupolla misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!
Pilla Tupolla double-dribbles! Dismantling the opponent's guard doesn't have that rule!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, lets the shooter get free back to the basket! Costly lapse!
Akainu, this dark horse, threads the needle for a floater under the basket!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, pilla Tupolla picks up the pace. True story: pilla Tupolla walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Philadelphia Injury-Report. Awkward. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Godzilla mutters to himself walking back! This reliable star fighting inner demons!
Akainu attacks the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this surprise package!
Pilla Tupolla runs the offense! Running it like a mixed martial arts fighter runs the show!
Barron Trump is spent! Used up like the game after a university student's long day!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This first-ballot legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Pilla Tupolla's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Michael Jordan hides his eyes under a towel. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-87 (W)
Barron Trump announces themselves! The university student has arrived and the building knows it!
Michael Jordan buries a euro-step at the buzzer! This hall-of-fame lock is on fire tonight!
Barron Trump reads the play perfectly! That university student brain working overtime!
Barron Trump, this mountain of a man, finds the rolling big man! A half-court heave off the assist!
Pilla Tupolla draws the double team! Attracting attention, the mixed martial arts fighter is a magnet out there!
Back in the locker room, Godzilla sits down and stares at the ceiling. Locker room intel: Godzilla has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Akainu answers back with an alley-oop! That dawg mentality under pressure!
This player on the come-up pilla Tupolla turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Pilla Tupolla brings energy off the bench! This well-respected player infectious enthusiasm!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this hall-of-fame lock right now!
Barron Trump ends on a high note! A university student who finishes strong every time!
Godzilla and pilla Tupolla stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-106 (W)
Barron Trump steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
Barron Trump forces the bad shot! Their bare hands intimidation factor!
Michael Jordan, this household name, sends the Spalding wide! The touch is off tonight!
Pilla Tupolla cuts and scores! Sharp as the mouth guard, this mixed martial arts fighter!
This household name Michael Jordan adjusts the angle mid-drive! A killer instinct body control!
The players head to the locker room. Akainu is sweating like a racehorse. Locker room intel: Akainu has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla answers back immediately! A fadeaway jumper from the right corner! Resilient!
Michael Jordan jumps into the passing lane! A crucial offensive board! Huge play!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A roaring arena as Godzilla steps up!
Akainu takes over in the second quarter! Dominating like a military leader who owns the room!
This all-time great Michael Jordan thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Pilla Tupolla pretends to plant a flag at center court. Godzilla stands at attention. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
96-119 (L)
Barron Trump lands the first free throw! First blood! The university student strikes first!
This living legend Michael Jordan shanks a bank shot back to the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
This dude putting the league on notice pilla Tupolla with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Barron Trump left in the dust! Even a university student moves faster than that!
Pilla Tupolla with the fadeaway layup! Smooth as the mouth guard in action!
The locker room fills up. Godzilla has already eaten three oranges. Intel: Godzilla once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
This world-class player Godzilla can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Akainu lets fly the leather awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this dark horse!
Barron Trump penetrates into the right spacing! A killer instinct and elite court awareness!
Pilla Tupolla cramps up! Muscles tight from the mouth guard and the basketball double duty!
Michael Jordan dunks to the tunnel in disappointment. This first-ballot legend will learn from this.
Barron Trump clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Pilla Tupolla fidgets with his wristband nervously. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
83-115 (L)
Game time! Barron Trump and this well-respected player ready to put on a show at the arena!
Michael Jordan fires a floater off the pick and roll but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
Barron Trump trips up in the left wing! A university student never trips at work... Right?
Pilla Tupolla, this pint-sized baller, gets dunked on from the left corner! Poster material!
This player on the come-up pilla Tupolla stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
The players file out. Pilla Tupolla exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little scoop: pilla Tupolla logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Barron Trump forces a bad free throw! This well-respected player needs to trust teammates!
This well-respected player pilla Tupolla can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, fumbles the entry pass from downtown!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Pilla Tupolla, this name that's buzzing, takes the loss hard. Injury-prone body at the wrong moments.
Pilla Tupolla taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Michael Jordan walks through the door without pushing it. Evening confession: I'm wearing pilla Tupolla's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
111-104 (W)
Pilla Tupolla, this league veteran, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
Michael Jordan with the highlight-reel deep three! This generational talent owning the moment!
Pilla Tupolla digs in defensively! A killer instinct when the team needs stops!
Godzilla, this max-contract guy, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a step-back three!
Godzilla makes the hockey pass! Natural-born leadership finding the extra pass!
Rest. Barron Trump buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Anecdote: Barron Trump fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Barron Trump drops a half-court heave from the corner! Range that would impress any university student!
An electric crowd as Michael Jordan, this giant, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Akainu draws the attention! Magnetic presence, the military leader aura is undeniable!
Godzilla has found another gear! This headliner shifting into overdrive!
Akainu pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This potential breakout star savors the win!
Godzilla blows a kiss to the camera. Pilla Tupolla blows twelve. Barron Trump blocks the lens. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-132 (L)
Barron Trump, this player on the come-up, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Barron Trump forces a bucket from the right corner! This legit talent trying too hard!
This well-respected player Barron Trump commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Godzilla gets screened out of the play! This world-class player lost in traffic!
Pilla Tupolla, this player making noise, with the frustrated foul! Sometimes predictable game in tough moments!
The players leave the court. Michael Jordan clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know? Michael Jordan launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Godzilla posts up the leather into nothing! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display tonight!
Michael Jordan is gassed! This certified GOAT candidate bent over at half court! Hot head catching up!
Akainu charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, throws the hands up! Exasperated from way beyond the arc!
Pilla Tupolla hangs their head! A mixed martial arts fighter who gave everything they had!
Pilla Tupolla kicks his towel across the floor. Akainu has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-125 (L)
Akainu attacks into position! This potential breakout star not wasting any time!
Akainu skips it off the rim! The war front has better hop than that!
This certified bucket Godzilla with turnover number lengths ahead! Lack of consistency is piling up!
This player on the come-up pilla Tupolla fouls reaching in! Limited stamina on defense!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan fouls hard out of frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Halftime! Pilla Tupolla checks his stats on the board and winces. Fun fact: pilla Tupolla tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Barron Trump misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Barron Trump, this guy with a proven track record, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
This legit talent pilla Tupolla loses concentration and the pill with it!
Barron Trump throws their hands up! Like a university student when their bare hands breaks!
Akainu takes the loss hard! Hard as the war front on a bad military leader day!
Akainu sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Pilla Tupolla puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
86-110 (L)
Akainu starts in the defensive anchor! Playing the defensive anchor the way a military leader plays with the battle standard!
Barron Trump shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a university student would cringe!
Barron Trump botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Pilla Tupolla gets screened out! Stuck behind the mouth guard like it's a wall!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, muscles in for a euro-step! Pure power!
Break. Akainu collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Rumor has it Akainu does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Barron Trump storms to the bench! Heated! This university student doesn't handle losing well!
Michael Jordan with the contested bucket from downtown! No good! Bad selection!
Michael Jordan slows the pace when the team needs it! This hall-of-fame lock tempo control!
Akainu needs oxygen! More winded than a military leader after overtime!
Despite the loss, pilla Tupolla held their own with the opponent's guard! The mixed martial arts fighter fought!
Pilla Tupolla's eyes are glassy. Michael Jordan mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-131 (L)
Akainu gets the starting nod! A military leader starting with the battle standard confidence!
Barron Trump misfires! The university student's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
Sloppy handling by Barron Trump! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan commits the and-one foul! Heavy feet in positioning!
Barron Trump, this tower, shows negative body language! Tendency to rush creeping in!
That's a cut. Akainu stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. True story: Akainu had his parking spot stolen by Boston Ring-Chasers's mascot. Still talks about it. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Godzilla rises up but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
Godzilla is cramping up! This jersey-selling name trying to shake it off! Injury-prone body!
Intercepted! Barron Trump's pass snatched right out of the air! A university student would never be that careless!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Michael Jordan sits alone on the bench. This undisputed superstar processing the defeat.
Pilla Tupolla slams his fist on the bench. Akainu places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Did you know that Akainu practices mixed martial arts fighter on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-120 (L)
Tip-off! Pilla Tupolla gets us started! Let's go!
Off the mark for Akainu! Great military leader, not so great at basketball tonight!
Akainu tries to be too fancy and loses the Wilson! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
This player making noise Barron Trump bites on the fake! Beaten under the basket!
Barron Trump shoots the towel! This up-and-coming baller showing injury-prone body!
Time to breathe. Pilla Tupolla has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: pilla Tupolla slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Godzilla shoots the Spalding but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Akainu misses from fatigue! Tired arms from rallying the war front all week!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from downtown!
Michael Jordan gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
Pilla Tupolla leaves the hardwood with dignity! The dignity of a mixed martial arts fighter with the mouth guard!
Akainu replays the score in his head on a loop. Barron Trump tries to think about something else. Tonight I had a revelation: Barron Trump runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-111 (L)
Michael Jordan, this big fella, takes the court! The palpable tension is electric!
Godzilla launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Akainu fires away carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Akainu gets crossed over! This hungry young player left frozen at half court!
Godzilla storms to the bench! This multi-time All-Star is visibly upset!
Halftime! Michael Jordan is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: Michael Jordan lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Godzilla gets a clean look but tendency to force bad shots costs the bucket!
Godzilla attacks sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this franchise guy!
This dark horse Akainu gets pickpocketed facing the rim! Sloppy handling!
Godzilla glares at the scoreboard! This All-Star caliber talent not happy with the situation!
Barron Trump absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a university student knows tough days!
Pilla Tupolla hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Michael Jordan keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
My Team finishes #13 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Michael Jordan. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 198 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Akainu. A military leader in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles battle standard better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Akainu has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat war front and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Mid-pack budget. The team of guys who punch the clock, don't complain, cash a decent paycheck, and go home without making headlines. It's not sexy, but it works. The GM is a damn wizard at finding role players at 3 million who play like they're worth 15, and the coach squeezes every drop out of this roster. The problem? One major injury and the whole house of cards collapses.
My Team finishes #13 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Michael Jordan.
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