My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | My Team | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Elon Musk. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Amand Neut. The man is a politician. Yes, you heard that right. A politician. On a basketball court. With their campaign podium in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Amand Neut had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-130 (L)
Amand Neut announces themselves! The politician has arrived and the building knows it!
Michelangelo sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this architect!
Michelangelo fires away into a dead end from the right corner! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas!
This dude out of nowhere Amand Neut misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Elon Musk throws their hands up! Like an engineer when their slide rule breaks!
The locker room fills up. Light Yagami has already eaten three oranges. Rumor has it Light Yagami tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Elizabeth II muscles up a pull-up jumper but can't get it to fall!
Light Yagami calls for the sub! Even a detective's stamina with their magnifying glass has limits!
Elizabeth II with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Elizabeth II pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The monarch in them is showing!
Elizabeth II walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to monarch life tomorrow!
Light Yagami shakes Elizabeth II's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-108 (L)
Game time! Amand Neut and this dark horse ready to put on a show at the temple of basketball!
Elizabeth II goes to work but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Michelangelo with the backcourt violation! An architect going backwards with the bold facade!
Elizabeth II, this undersized spark plug, fouls unnecessarily from way beyond the arc! Tendency to rush!
A buzzer-beater from Amand Neut! Another dagger! This unknown gem closing the door!
Halftime whistle! Elon Musk slides down against the hallway wall. Little scoop: Elon Musk tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
This undisputed superstar Elizabeth II stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Amand Neut, this newcomer, comes up empty! An alley-oop off target at the top of the key!
Michelangelo fires away with purpose every possession! This first-ballot legend chess master!
Light Yagami is gassed! More tired than after a full day of cracking the unsolved case!
Amand Neut wipes a tear! A politician who poured everything into the effort!
Light Yagami lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Michelangelo decides not to comment. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
103-91 (W)
Elon Musk stretches center court! Loosening up, the engineer is getting ready!
Light Yagami posts up with the precision of a detective at work. And it's a fadeaway jumper!
Light Yagami picks their pocket! A detective with quick hands knows how to handle thieves!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Elizabeth II orchestrates the offense from mid-range! Maestro!
Light Yagami outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a detective with their magnifying glass!
Finally a breather. Michelangelo has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Anecdote: Michelangelo fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
A pull-up jumper by Amand Neut! The building is rocking! This raw talent takeover!
You can cut the tension with a knife! Palpable tension as Amand Neut steps up!
Michelangelo takes the blame for the mistake! This absolute legend protecting teammates!
The announcers share Light Yagami's detective story,cracking the unsolved case since age 16!
Light Yagami reflects on the game! The thoughtful reflection of a detective after a big day!
Light Yagami and Elon Musk swing Elizabeth II around by her arms like a carousel. She looks sick. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
121-98 (W)
Elon Musk starts in the sixth man! Playing the sixth man the way an engineer plays with their slide rule!
Michelangelo puts it through! The reliability of an architect with the bold facade!
Elizabeth II, this all-time great, pokes the pill free! Scramble in transition!
Elizabeth II finds the cutter! Eyes everywhere, classic monarch awareness!
Light Yagami makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a detective behind the unsolved case!
Halftime. Amand Neut throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Amand Neut got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Amand Neut turns the free-throw line into a workshop. An alley-oop crafted with their campaign podium!
Fans hold up the public policy signs for Amand Neut! What a scene!
Michelangelo fights through the screen for the team! That architect toughness right there!
Elon Musk, this all-time great, delivers a signature move! Wisdom and poise!
Elon Musk with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, engineer style!
Light Yagami and Elizabeth II carry Michelangelo like a trophy across the entire court. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
109-110 (L)
Michelangelo gets the starting nod! An architect starting with their drafting compass confidence!
Light Yagami with a finger-roll devastating dunk! Dexterity you only get from years as a detective!
Michelangelo can't stay in front! Designing the bold facade doesn't build lateral quickness!
Elon Musk misses! Even an engineer can't fix that shot!
Light Yagami finds another gear! Switching modes like a detective grabbing their magnifying glass!
Rest. Elizabeth II buries her head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know Elizabeth II started basketball because she was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This who-is-this-guy player Amand Neut can't deliver when it matters! Tendency to rush under pressure!
Amand Neut kicks the air! The frustration of a politician who knows they can do better!
Amand Neut, this rising star, has been building to this all game! During crunch time!
This global icon Michelangelo with the clutch-time breakdown! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Amand Neut had the chances but couldn't convert. This dark horse left wanting.
Light Yagami walks head down toward the tunnel. Elizabeth II drags her feet behind, shoulders slumped. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
103-121 (L)
This hidden prospect Amand Neut gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michelangelo denied by the basket! Even an architect can't pry it open!
Amand Neut dribbles it off their foot! Their campaign podium would never betray a politician like that!
Elizabeth II gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a monarch's worst day on the job!
Amand Neut pulls off a reverse layup out of nowhere! Was that basketball or politician magic? Unbelievable!
Halftime whistle. Elizabeth II flops into the first available chair. Locker room intel: Elizabeth II has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on her butt. That's commitment. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Elon Musk argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to building the impossible structure!
Michelangelo clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their drafting compass hitting the bold facade!
Elon Musk draws the double team! Attracting attention, the engineer is a magnet out there!
This generational talent Elon Musk can't close out! The legs are shot on the low block!
This player nobody saw coming Amand Neut shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Light Yagami looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Michelangelo looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
92-112 (L)
Light Yagami, this undersized dog, is introduced and the arena explodes! This solid pro is in the building!
Amand Neut launches but overcooks it! Heavy feet showing up again!
Michelangelo trips up in the right wing! An architect never trips at work... Right?
Amand Neut left in the dust! Even a politician moves faster than that!
Michelangelo with an incredible pull-up jumper at half court! Standing ovation!
Finally a breather. Amand Neut has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Bus driver's confession: Amand Neut raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Michelangelo slams the Wilson in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Elizabeth II can't finish! The monarch who finishes the realm's fate can't finish the play!
Michelangelo pins the defender! Pinning them down with architect authority!
Amand Neut labors up the court! Trudging like a politician dragging the public policy!
Michelangelo walks off in defeat! Even an architect's skills couldn't save tonight!
Elon Musk closes his eyes walking out. Amand Neut keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
102-120 (L)
Michelangelo wins the opening tip! Tipping off with architect energy!
Amand Neut misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the public policy!
Elon Musk, this smooth operator, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
Elon Musk gives up the easy bucket! Easier than building the impossible structure!
Light Yagami hits the triple! Three lengths ahead, three cheers for this detective turned baller!
Halftime! Elon Musk checks his stats on the board and winces. Little secret: Elon Musk has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Elon Musk, this basketball god, with the frustrated foul! Occasional mental lapses in tough moments!
Elizabeth II fires and misses off the pick and roll. Should have stuck with the realm's fate!
This player on the come-up Light Yagami recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Elizabeth II misses from fatigue! This once-in-a-lifetime player can't get the elevation from the left corner!
Elon Musk looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for an engineer!
Amand Neut whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Michelangelo nods without conviction. Tonight I learned Amand Neut used to be a detective before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
101-106 (L)
This absolute legend Elon Musk means business! Fast start from downtown!
Light Yagami catches fire! And it's a tear drop! Natural-born leadership taking over!
Michelangelo reacts too late to rotate! Occasional mental lapses on the help side!
An and-one from Elizabeth II hits the iron! Heavy feet under the spotlight!
Elon Musk with the steal that changes everything! Their slide rule reflexes!
Halftime. Elizabeth II throws her towel on the floor walking in. Juicy intel: Elizabeth II turned down an endorsement deal because she'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Elon Musk called for the travel at the buzzer! Walking away from the impossible structure shame!
Elizabeth II can't mask the disappointment! This potential GOAT wearing it on the sleeve!
Elon Musk's engineer background shines through every play with the impossible structure!
Light Yagami airballs the potential winner! Cracking the unsolved case is easier than this!
Light Yagami fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the detective gave everything!
Elizabeth II stares at the floor while Elon Musk mutters something inaudible under his breath. Tonight I learned Elizabeth II used to be a detective before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
91-126 (L)
Elizabeth II, this elusive guard, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Elizabeth II, this generational talent, pulls the trigger along the baseline but no luck!
This seasoned vet Light Yagami with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Elizabeth II gets crossed over! This certified GOAT candidate left frozen at half court!
Michelangelo can't hide the frustration! Their drafting compass frustration meets the damn ball frustration!
Into the tunnel. Elon Musk grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Confession: Elon Musk believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Amand Neut can't convert! The politician's touch with the public policy deserted them!
Light Yagami gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a detective begging the unsolved case for mercy!
Light Yagami turns it over in beyond the arc! Butterfingers from this detective!
Elizabeth II tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the monarch will bounce back!
Elon Musk absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, an engineer knows tough days!
Elizabeth II walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Light Yagami speeds up. Wants it to be over. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
84-109 (L)
Amand Neut penetrates with energy from the opening whistle! This dude out of nowhere locked in!
Michelangelo gets blocked! Rejected harder than an architect's worst day on the job!
Amand Neut with a wild pass that sails out! This dude out of nowhere giving it away!
Elon Musk scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Ego the size of Texas!
Michelangelo buries an alley-oop in the paint! This undisputed superstar is on fire tonight!
Coach calls everyone back. Elizabeth II drags her feet toward the tunnel. I've been told Elizabeth II once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Michelangelo slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an architect hits the workbench!
Elizabeth II misses in the dying seconds! A monarch dropping the realm's fate at the worst time!
Light Yagami slows the pace when the team needs it! This respected competitor tempo control!
This absolute legend Elizabeth II has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Elizabeth II packs up and heads out! Packing the scepter, unpacking emotions!
Elon Musk taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Elizabeth II walks through the door without pushing it. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
96-116 (L)
Light Yagami steps onto the temple of basketball! From cracking the unsolved case to this, game time!
Michelangelo gets a clean look but defense that's basically a suggestion costs the bucket!
Light Yagami, this compact dynamo, gets called for the carry! Ego the size of Texas in ball-handling!
This guy nobody was talking about Amand Neut gives up the offensive rebound! Ego the size of Texas when boxing out!
Amand Neut, this swiss-army-knife type, uses every inch to deliver an alley-oop!
Players head to the locker room. Light Yagami has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: Light Yagami slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Elon Musk looks to the heavens! An engineer praying for their slide rule to work!
Michelangelo forces up a deep three over the defense! Injury-prone body! Bad decision!
Elizabeth II reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this monarch!
This rising star Amand Neut signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Tendency to force bad shots!
This rising star Amand Neut tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Elizabeth II slams her fist on the bench. Light Yagami places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
87-132 (L)
Michelangelo fires up the crowd to open the game! This household name starting strong!
Michelangelo misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Intercepted! Elizabeth II's pass snatched right out of the air! A monarch would never be that careless!
Michelangelo gets burned on the drive! Injury-prone body in lateral movement!
Amand Neut sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a politician after a long shift!
Break! Amand Neut takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know Amand Neut plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Brick! Light Yagami misfires from downtown! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Light Yagami stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a detective over the unsolved case!
Elizabeth II botches the handoff! Even the scepter exchanges go smoother!
Amand Neut picks up the second technical! This diamond in the rough ejected! Hot head!
Light Yagami, this little thunder, hangs the head. Tough loss despite natural-born leadership effort.
Amand Neut turns back to look at the court one last time. Elon Musk doesn't turn around. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-130 (L)
The gym welcomes Michelangelo! The architect with the bold facade has arrived!
Elon Musk misfires from the left corner! Even this household name has off nights!
Amand Neut with the careless pass! Shaping the public policy with more care, please!
Elon Musk, this do-it-all player, gets blown by on the perimeter! Heavy feet in the legs!
Light Yagami attacks away from the huddle! This league veteran in a dark place mentally!
Halftime. Elon Musk is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Bus driver's confession: Elon Musk raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
A finger roll attempt by Amand Neut falls short! Heavy feet in the legs!
This player on the come-up Light Yagami calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Heavy feet taking its toll!
Amand Neut with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost politician!
Elon Musk storms to the bench! This absolute legend is visibly upset!
Elon Musk leaves the arena quietly! Quiet as an engineer after the impossible structure setback!
Light Yagami presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Elizabeth II walks right past without noticing. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-114 (L)
And we're underway! Amand Neut touches the orange first! This raw talent looks eager!
Elon Musk misfires! The engineer's precision with the impossible structure is nowhere to be found!
Amand Neut throws it away! A pass worse than a politician tossing the public policy!
Elon Musk gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the impossible structure on a rough day!
Light Yagami scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a detective!
Halftime. Elizabeth II is holding her ribs walking toward the tunnel. Bus driver's confession: Elizabeth II raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Amand Neut, this all-around player, waves off the play call! Injury-prone body hurting the team!
Elizabeth II rattles in and out! The realm's fate never teases a monarch like that!
Light Yagami positions perfectly in the baseline! Placement of their magnifying glass on the unsolved case!
Light Yagami asks for the ball to slow the pace! This respected competitor needs air!
Elizabeth II takes the loss hard! Hard as the realm's fate on a bad monarch day!
Elon Musk's eyes are red, jaw tight. Michelangelo apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
My Team finishes #13 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Elon Musk.
Season Journal
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Elon Musk. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Amand Neut. The man is a politician. Yes, you heard that right. A politician. On a basketball court. With their campaign podium in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Amand Neut had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team finishes #13 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Elon Musk.
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