My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Miles Morales. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Miles Morales had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-122 (L)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the damn ball first! This generational talent looks eager!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
LeBron James dishes the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this all-time great!
Miles Morales loses the screen battle! Occasional mental lapses around the picks!
Miles Morales vents at their teammates! The superhero who vents about the game!
Into the tunnel. LeBron James grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: LeBron James was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Monkey D. Luffy, this player on the come-up, comes up empty! An and-one off target at the buzzer!
Monkey D. Luffy steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
This absolute legend LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, throws the hands up! Exasperated at half court!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This certified bucket gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Monkey D. Luffy pulls his cap down over his eyes. LeBron James doesn't have a cap, and it shows. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
104-91 (W)
Miles Morales sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
This established player Monkey D. Luffy erupts for a thunderous slam! The floodgates are open!
This world-class player Stephen Curry takes the charge driving to the hoop! Gutsy play!
Miles Morales, this undersized dog, runs the offense with scary good handles! Beautiful passing!
This up-and-coming baller Monkey D. Luffy attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Break. Miles Morales collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Fun fact: Miles Morales tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Shaquille O'Neal with the and-one double-clutch layup! Nerves of steel through the whistle!
You can feel a packed arena through the screen! Miles Morales in the spotlight!
Miles Morales sprints back on defense! This league veteran leading by example!
Win or lose, Stephen Curry has earned respect tonight! This reliable star warrior spirit!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, high-fives the bench! A chest bump! Team effort!
Stephen Curry does a handstand. Miles Morales holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
129-91 (W)
Monkey D. Luffy dunks with energy from the opening whistle! This well-respected player locked in!
Monkey D. Luffy goes coast to coast for a pull-up jumper! This hooper's hooper is relentless!
LeBron James, this long boy, drops the dime! An off-the-charts basketball IQ passing on display!
Shaquille O'Neal attacks in the paint and finishes with a bucket! Too good!
Monkey D. Luffy strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Rumor has it LeBron James talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
This headliner Stephen Curry does it again! A devastating dunk with effortless precision!
Monkey D. Luffy, this legit talent, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, flexes on the crowd! A bench mob celebration after a bucket!
LeBron James drives in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
102-105 (L)
The game begins and LeBron James is ready! You can see natural-born leadership written all over his face!
Miles Morales scores again! When you're a superhero by trade, the pill is child's play!
Stephen Curry gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
Shaquille O'Neal misfires from way beyond the arc! Even this potential GOAT has off nights!
LeBron James, this global icon, wills the team back! Natural-born leadership driving the comeback!
Heading in. Stephen Curry's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote: Stephen Curry threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
This guy with a proven track record Monkey D. Luffy misses the free throws! Injury-prone body at the line!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Stephen Curry attacks with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal gets called for the charge with seconds left on the clock! Brutal!
This seasoned vet Monkey D. Luffy congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this seasoned vet.
Monkey D. Luffy clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Stephen Curry fidgets with his wristband nervously. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
123-100 (W)
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry means business! Fast start in the paint!
Monkey D. Luffy with another deep three! You can't stop this man!
Monkey D. Luffy digs in defensively! Silky smooth technique when the team needs stops!
Miles Morales creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
This league veteran Monkey D. Luffy runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Heading in. LeBron James's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Exclusive: LeBron James was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James with a cold-blooded bank shot! No conscience!
LeBron James dribbles and the noise is deafening! A crowd fully behind them! Wow!
This respected competitor Monkey D. Luffy claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this respected competitor!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Nerves of steel!
Monkey D. Luffy sits on the bench with a smile! This up-and-coming baller job well done!
LeBron James grabs Shaquille O'Neal and hoists him onto his shoulders. Stephen Curry tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-116 (L)
LeBron James, this global icon, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Brick! Monkey D. Luffy misfires in transition! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry loses concentration and the leather with it!
Shaquille O'Neal scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, drops a floater along the baseline! Pure artistry!
Halftime whistle. Shaquille O'Neal has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know Shaquille O'Neal started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, refuses to high-five! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the chemistry!
Monkey D. Luffy, this smooth operator, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this next-level player!
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, orchestrates the delay game! Silky smooth technique in action!
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, laboring up and down! Sometimes predictable game draining the energy!
Monkey D. Luffy penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This respected competitor will learn from this.
Stephen Curry avoids the cameras like the plague. Shaquille O'Neal gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
111-97 (W)
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal comes out aggressive! Opens with an and-one in transition!
LeBron James scores at will! A free throw from mid-range! This all-time great domination!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, alters the shot! Insane court vision at the rim!
Monkey D. Luffy with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open floater!
Monkey D. Luffy reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Coach calls everyone back. Monkey D. Luffy drags his feet toward the tunnel. Exclusive info: Monkey D. Luffy is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
This living legend LeBron James is automatic under the basket! A two-handed slam drops again!
The energy in this building is unreal! Shaquille O'Neal channeling an electric crowd!
Stephen Curry brings energy off the bench! This headliner infectious enthusiasm!
This generational talent LeBron James refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Shaquille O'Neal tosses the ball in the air! A primal scream! This potential GOAT mission accomplished!
LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal do celebratory push-ups. Stephen Curry counts out loud. Definitely cheating. I got a text from LeBron James after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
108-110 (L)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, reads the play perfectly and delivers a euro-step!
Monkey D. Luffy lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this guy with a proven track record fooled!
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, sends the ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Miles Morales wills the team forward! The will of a superhero with the game!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Miles Morales asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: Miles Morales got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Monkey D. Luffy misses in the clutch! A catch-and-shoot triple off the mark in the closing moments!
Shaquille O'Neal mutters to himself walking back! This first-ballot legend fighting inner demons!
Shaquille O'Neal, this living legend, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Shaquille O'Neal throws it away with the game on the line! Tendency to rush!
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Stephen Curry pulls his cap down over his eyes. Miles Morales doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
105-86 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A buzzer-beater to start!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, threads the needle for a floater from way beyond the arc!
LeBron James blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Stephen Curry quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a bank shot! What a pass!
Monkey D. Luffy, this dude putting the league on notice, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Unreal swagger!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Monkey D. Luffy walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Monkey D. Luffy fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Stephen Curry rises up the rock beautifully for a half-court heave! What touch!
A roaring arena as Monkey D. Luffy, this solid build, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Miles Morales, this pint-sized baller, sets the perfect screen! Next-level basketball IQ for the team!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal is the heartbeat of this team! A career-defining moment leadership!
This player making noise Monkey D. Luffy led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
LeBron James charges toward the crowd. Monkey D. Luffy catches him just before he dives into the stands. I learned tonight that LeBron James used to be a superhero. That explains the unique running style. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
105-104 (W)
This potential GOAT LeBron James in the starting lineup! Let's see what this potential GOAT brings!
Miles Morales times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A drawn charge from mid-range!
Monkey D. Luffy can't buy a bucket! Another miss facing the rim! Frustrating!
Monkey D. Luffy, this well-respected player, operates back to the basket with a reverse layup! Clinic!
Stephen Curry slows the pace when the team needs it! This All-Star caliber talent tempo control!
Both teams head in. LeBron James has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Physio's confession: LeBron James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
LeBron James shoots past everyone in the first half! A buzzer beater! Legendary!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, locks down the attacker! Night-in night-out consistency on the defensive end!
LeBron James penetrates and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal steals it in the final quarter! Turns defense into points!
Monkey D. Luffy steps back the trophy! This next-level player adds to the collection! A slide across the hardwood!
Miles Morales and Monkey D. Luffy slap each other's butts. Stephen Curry declines the invitation. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-93 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, showcases scary good handles with a gorgeous thunderous slam!
LeBron James picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
LeBron James takes off and creates! Another assist from downtown! Quarterback!
Monkey D. Luffy pushes the pace in transition! Pure God-given talent showing in every play!
Halftime. LeBron James wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know LeBron James once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This player on the come-up Monkey D. Luffy converts along the baseline! A buzzer-beater right on cue!
The crowd is on its feet! A boiling cauldron as Stephen Curry takes the court!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal unites the locker room! Pure God-given talent captain's mentality!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James silences the noise! Silky smooth technique locked in! Nothing else matters!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Stephen Curry makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Miles Morales makes the 'call us' gesture. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-109 (L)
Stephen Curry looks dialed in from the start! An unmatched feel for the game preparation showing!
This league veteran Miles Morales shanks an alley-oop in the paint! That's uncharacteristic!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, can't keep up with the speed! Injury-prone body exposed!
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly the leather with natural-born leadership. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Stephen Curry slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Shaquille O'Neal picks up the second technical! This certified GOAT candidate ejected! Occasional mental lapses!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James throws up a prayer from way beyond the arc! Not answered!
This basketball god Shaquille O'Neal calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Monkey D. Luffy is cramping up! This dude putting the league on notice trying to shake it off! Tendency to force bad shots!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite unreal swagger effort.
Shaquille O'Neal pulls his cap down over his eyes. Monkey D. Luffy doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-130 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Stephen Curry forces up a fadeaway jumper over the defense! Injury-prone body! Bad decision!
Stephen Curry with a wild pass that sails out! This multi-time All-Star giving it away!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Shaquille O'Neal gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Break. Monkey D. Luffy collapses next to the vending machine. Little secret: Monkey D. Luffy has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LeBron James air-mails a scoop layup driving to the hoop! Way off for this franchise cornerstone!
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, looks exhausted at the buzzer! The legs are gone!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from mid-range!
LeBron James, this living legend, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
This headliner Stephen Curry tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Monkey D. Luffy's complexion is grey. Miles Morales's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-120 (L)
LeBron James lets fly into position! This hall-of-fame lock not wasting any time!
A half-court heave by Monkey D. Luffy back to the basket is way off! Tough night for this established player!
Stephen Curry with the lazy pass! Sometimes predictable game leading to easy points!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, gets blown by on the perimeter! Lack of consistency in the legs!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Shaquille O'Neal! This potential GOAT is putting on a show tonight!
Into the tunnel. Monkey D. Luffy grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Little scoop: Monkey D. Luffy logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Stephen Curry storms to the bench! This elite player is visibly upset!
Miles Morales sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Monkey D. Luffy, this swiss-army-knife type, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Monkey D. Luffy sits alone on the bench. This dude putting the league on notice processing the defeat.
Monkey D. Luffy mutters 'damn' under his breath. Stephen Curry says 'yeah' in the same tone. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
92-118 (L)
Miles Morales stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Monkey D. Luffy, this player on the come-up, with the shot-clock heave! No good at half court!
Shaquille O'Neal throws it away! Injury-prone body under pressure in transition!
Shaquille O'Neal gambles for the steal and pays the price! Limited stamina!
LeBron James catches fire! And it's a reverse layup! Eyes in the back of the head taking over!
Break. Miles Morales collapses next to the vending machine. Confession: Miles Morales believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This undisputed superstar LeBron James fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James short-arms a finger roll on the low block! Not enough lift!
This well-respected player Monkey D. Luffy sets the back screen! Next-level basketball IQ off-ball contribution!
Miles Morales is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
This all-time great LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to rush proved costly.
Miles Morales refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Stephen Curry watches it and immediately regrets it. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Miles Morales. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Miles Morales had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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