My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | My Team | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for LeBron James! Picture this: standing at 206 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Scott Pendlebury. An australian rules football player in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles sherrin ball better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Scott Pendlebury has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat open oval and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-124 (L)
Stephen Curry, this multi-time All-Star, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Mason Cox fires a free throw at the top of the key but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!
Scott Pendlebury coughs up the ball! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again at the top of the key!
Kevin Durant, this mountain of a man, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
Break. Scott Pendlebury collapses next to the vending machine. Locker room intel: Scott Pendlebury has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Kevin Durant takes off and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
LeBron James misses from fatigue! This all-time great can't get the elevation from way beyond the arc!
Mason Cox spins the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this total unknown!
Stephen Curry drops the head after another miss! Heavy feet sapping the confidence!
Mason Cox lets fly to the tunnel in disappointment. This hungry young player will learn from this.
Mason Cox hurls his water bottle at the wall. Kevin Durant flinches but doesn't react. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
114-94 (W)
Stephen Curry opens with a pull-up jumper! This elite player making an early statement!
Scott Pendlebury hits from downtown! Precision worthy of the sherrin ball from under the basket!
Scott Pendlebury, this smooth operator, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
This generational talent LeBron James with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, orchestrates the delay game! Nerves of steel in action!
Cut! Halftime. Kevin Durant's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Small detail: Kevin Durant wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, reads the play perfectly and delivers a tear drop!
The arena trembles! Stephen Curry with the play and a roaring arena follows!
Mason Cox explodes the damn ball into the right hands! This unknown gem quarterback!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, makes a statement! This absolute legend is here to stay!
Kevin Durant sits on the bench with a smile! This top-tier talent job well done!
Mason Cox rips the net off the rim. Scott Pendlebury wraps it around his neck like a scarf. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
123-93 (W)
Game time! Mason Cox and this newcomer ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
A reverse layup from Kevin Durant! This jersey-selling name is putting on a show tonight!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by pure God-given talent!
LeBron James with the incredible court vision! This hall-of-fame lock sees passes nobody else does!
Stephen Curry makes the hockey pass! Insane court vision finding the extra pass!
Halftime whistle! Mason Cox slides down against the hallway wall. Word is Mason Cox sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Mason Cox explodes the Wilson with an off-the-charts basketball IQ. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
This world-class player Kevin Durant acknowledges the fans! A roaring arena of mutual respect!
Scott Pendlebury boxes out for the teammate! Making room like an australian rules football player with the open oval!
LeBron James dishes with elegance and power! This franchise cornerstone is the complete package!
Scott Pendlebury, this combo guard, salutes the faithful! A bench mob celebration! What a night!
Kevin Durant and Mason Cox play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Kevin Durant loses. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
107-105 (W)
Mason Cox blows past into position! This potential breakout star not wasting any time!
Kevin Durant slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Ridiculous creativity in every step!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James throws up a prayer on the low block! Not answered!
LeBron James knocks down a pull-up jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Well-deserved break. Stephen Curry looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know? Stephen Curry tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Mason Cox, this guy nobody was talking about, draws the foul on the inbound pass! Free throws coming!
Scott Pendlebury swats it away! A charge taken with that australian rules football player strength!
The crowd is on its feet! A standing ovation as Stephen Curry takes the court!
Stephen Curry with the gutsy bucket at the top of the key! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Scott Pendlebury hugs the coach! The warmth of an australian rules football player who just nailed it!
Stephen Curry and LeBron James share a 30-second hug. Scott Pendlebury wants in. Gets pushed away. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
120-104 (W)
Scott Pendlebury, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! A killer instinct from the jump!
Scott Pendlebury dribbles with the precision of an australian rules football player at work. And it's a fadeaway jumper!
LeBron James forces the shot-clock violation! Insane court vision on full display!
Mason Cox with the lob pass at the top of the key! This rising star to the teammate! Boom!
Kevin Durant reads the defense perfectly! Eyes in the back of the head and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Time to breathe. Scott Pendlebury has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Staff confession: Scott Pendlebury is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
A step-back three from LeBron James! This guy with rings on every finger just keeps delivering!
Kevin Durant, this absolute unit, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Stephen Curry sprints back on defense! This elite player leading by example!
Scott Pendlebury, the australian rules football player from the day shift, is writing their story on the court tonight!
Kevin Durant, this oversized freak, acknowledges the fans! A roaring arena! A raised fist!
Stephen Curry and Scott Pendlebury chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
90-105 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Kevin Durant clanks another one off the rim! This max-contract guy needs to find rhythm!
Scott Pendlebury goes to work into a dead end from the right corner! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses!
LeBron James, this long boy, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over shaky emotions under pressure!
LeBron James, this all-time great, operates from way beyond the arc with a double-clutch layup! Clinic!
Break. Stephen Curry collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little scoop: Stephen Curry collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
LeBron James, this living legend, refuses to high-five! Heavy feet hurting the chemistry!
Mason Cox, this versatile guy, gets stuffed trying a two-handed slam! Denied!
Kevin Durant, this towering presence, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Kevin Durant steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
This established star Kevin Durant leaves the field house with head held high. Fought to the end.
Stephen Curry's complexion is grey. Scott Pendlebury's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I learned tonight that Stephen Curry used to be an australian rules football player. That explains the unique running style. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
85-110 (L)
LeBron James, this titan, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Kevin Durant, this long boy, gets the separation but can't finish! Hot head!
Kevin Durant, this 7-footer, gets stripped at half court! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
This multi-time All-Star Kevin Durant misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Kevin Durant, this mountain of a man, rises above and hammers a layup!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Scott Pendlebury picks up the pace. True story: Scott Pendlebury walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Toronto Border-Patrol. Awkward. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Kevin Durant dishes the towel! This elite player showing lack of consistency!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James short-arms a devastating dunk at the top of the key! Not enough lift!
Stephen Curry drives into the right spacing! Ridiculous creativity and elite court awareness!
Mason Cox blows past sluggishly! Tendency to force bad shots catching up with this dark horse!
Scott Pendlebury had the chances but couldn't convert. This who-is-this-guy player left wanting.
Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
91-116 (L)
Mason Cox fires up the crowd to open the game! This rising star starting strong!
Brick! LeBron James misfires in the paint! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted under the basket!
Scott Pendlebury, this solid build, gets exploited in the switch! Injury-prone body exposed in the mismatch!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, unleashes a devastating dunk from way beyond the arc! Bang!
Halftime whistle! Mason Cox grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Did you know? Mason Cox has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This absolute legend LeBron James fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Kevin Durant, this beanpole, loses the handle and the opportunity! Occasional mental lapses!
Scott Pendlebury pushes the pace in transition! That dawg mentality showing in every play!
Scott Pendlebury is spent! Used up like the open oval after an australian rules football player's long day!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
Stephen Curry pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Kevin Durant takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I learned that Stephen Curry's father was an australian rules football player. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
97-117 (L)
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This certified bucket is in the building!
LeBron James can't buy a bucket! Another miss from the right corner! Frustrating!
This hungry young player Mason Cox dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, fouls unnecessarily in transition! Hot head!
This potential GOAT LeBron James with a cold-blooded and-one! No conscience!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Stephen Curry tried to impress the Houston Blast-Off players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, barks at the teammate! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Kevin Durant, this All-Star caliber talent, with a contested bank shot that misses facing the rim!
Scott Pendlebury blows past with purpose every possession! This who-is-this-guy player chess master!
Kevin Durant, this elite player, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This certified bucket Kevin Durant tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kevin Durant bites his lip, fists clenched. Scott Pendlebury shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
84-110 (L)
Kevin Durant looks dialed in from the start! Ridiculous creativity preparation showing!
Scott Pendlebury can't hit from the left wing! That zone is cursed for this australian rules football player!
LeBron James, this mammoth, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
Kevin Durant gets crossed over! This franchise guy left frozen in transition!
LeBron James penetrates and converts! A layup at half court! Money!
Halftime whistle. Scott Pendlebury spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Juicy anecdote: Scott Pendlebury was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Mason Cox glares at the scoreboard! This dude out of nowhere not happy with the situation!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, gets the look but can't convert under the basket!
Scott Pendlebury slows the pace when the team needs it! This potential breakout star tempo control!
Stephen Curry is cramping up! This reliable star trying to shake it off! Tendency to rush!
Mason Cox, this surprise package, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Scott Pendlebury sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Stephen Curry puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
84-128 (L)
LeBron James lets fly with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise cornerstone locked in!
This dark horse Mason Cox misses the mark! A catch-and-shoot triple goes begging in the paint!
Intercepted! Scott Pendlebury's pass snatched right out of the air! An australian rules football player would never be that careless!
Stephen Curry loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Stephen Curry attacks away from the huddle! This world-class player in a dark place mentally!
Halftime. The doctor examines Scott Pendlebury's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Confession: Scott Pendlebury calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Mason Cox, this versatile guy, can't finish in transition! That one stings!
This guy everybody knows Kevin Durant can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Stephen Curry with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to rush in tough moments!
LeBron James reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
Mason Cox's complexion is grey. Stephen Curry's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
96-110 (L)
This big-name player Kevin Durant gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Mason Cox shoots but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Stephen Curry attacks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Scott Pendlebury left in the dust! Even an australian rules football player moves faster than that!
A finger roll from Kevin Durant! This franchise guy reminding everyone why they're on top!
Both teams head to the locker room. Kevin Durant wipes his forehead with his jersey. Anecdote of the day: Kevin Durant forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kevin Durant can't mask the disappointment! This franchise guy wearing it on the sleeve!
LeBron James lets fly the Spalding awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this living legend!
Mason Cox spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Scott Pendlebury, this combo guard, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Scott Pendlebury sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an australian rules football player after the sherrin ball broke!
Kevin Durant clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. LeBron James fidgets with his wristband nervously. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-110 (L)
This unknown gem Mason Cox comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam at half court!
Mason Cox, this who-is-this-guy player, with the shot-clock heave! No good from downtown!
This guy everybody knows Kevin Durant loses concentration and the ball with it!
Mason Cox, this tweener, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
This multi-time All-Star Kevin Durant with a picture-perfect buzzer beater! The crowd goes wild!
Time to breathe. Mason Cox has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Exclusive: Mason Cox was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
LeBron James lets fly and kicks the stanchion! This potential GOAT losing composure!
Mason Cox, this guy nobody was talking about, fumbles the finish from downtown! Back to the drawing board!
This certified bucket Kevin Durant with the savvy veteran play! Natural-born leadership experience showing!
Kevin Durant, this 7-footer, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Kevin Durant walks off in silence. This top-tier talent gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Mason Cox taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Kevin Durant walks through the door without pushing it. Tonight I learned Mason Cox used to be an australian rules football player before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-112 (L)
This reliable star Stephen Curry opens the scoring! A floater! Early advantage!
Stephen Curry with a rough devastating dunk facing the rim! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!
LeBron James throws it into the stands! What was that from this certified GOAT candidate!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, drops a layup in the paint! Pure artistry!
Halftime whistle. Scott Pendlebury has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Locker room intel: Scott Pendlebury has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Stephen Curry slams the rock in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
This world-class player Stephen Curry muscles up a buzzer-beater but can't get it to fall!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This total unknown Mason Cox stumbles! The fatigue is real after the allotted time!
Mason Cox, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite eyes in the back of the head effort.
Scott Pendlebury avoids the cameras like the plague. Stephen Curry gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Evening confession: I'm wearing Scott Pendlebury's jersey under my shirt. For morale. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
99-117 (L)
This dark horse Mason Cox in the starting lineup! Let's see what this dark horse brings!
Mason Cox, this versatile guy, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates under the basket!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James with turnover number points! Occasional mental lapses is piling up!
Scott Pendlebury loses their assignment! Like losing the sherrin ball in the workshop!
Kevin Durant explodes the damn ball beautifully for a double-clutch layup! What touch!
Well-deserved break. LeBron James looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know LeBron James started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This established star Stephen Curry hangs the head after the miss! Deflated driving to the hoop!
Kevin Durant forces a catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim! This bonafide star trying too hard!
This surprise package Mason Cox recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Stephen Curry is gassed! This top-tier talent bent over at half court! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Stephen Curry drives past the media. This elite player not in the mood to talk.
Kevin Durant's gaze is cold, distant. Scott Pendlebury's gaze is hot, angry. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
My Team finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
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Season journal
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