My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. The chef's surprise of the evening is Jason Saab. A rugby league player by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the defensive line with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-123 (L)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, can't finish from downtown! That one stings!
This potential breakout star Jason Saab commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, gets exploited in the switch! Heavy feet exposed in the mismatch!
Kobe Bryant slams the damn ball in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Back to the locker room. LeBron James's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know LeBron James knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Detroit Engine-Roar's colors. By accident, obviously. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This household name LeBron James shanks a double-clutch layup under the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
This all-time great Michael Jordan signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Injury-prone body!
This generational talent Michael Jordan gets pickpocketed from the right corner! Sloppy handling!
Jason Saab kicks the air! The frustration of a rugby league player who knows they can do better!
Kobe Bryant sits alone on the bench. This living legend processing the defeat.
Kobe Bryant stares at the floor while Jason Saab mutters something inaudible under his breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-86 (W)
LeBron James takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Kobe Bryant converts a tough sky hook back to the basket! Skill level: elite!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant finds the open man! Assist and a scoop layup!
Tom Trbojevic knocks down a reverse layup at half court! Ice in the veins!
Jason Saab, this dude out of nowhere, switches seamlessly and locks up! Next-level basketball IQ shining through!
Back to the locker room. Michael Jordan punches his locker. Rumor has it Michael Jordan tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
A tear drop from Kobe Bryant! This all-time great reminding everyone why they're on top!
LeBron James even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
Kobe Bryant, this once-in-a-lifetime player, sneezes mid-free throw! Bless you and miss!
Tom Trbojevic, this potential breakout star, with the too-small gesture! A slide across the hardwood! Mismatch!
Michael Jordan, this giant, acknowledges the fans! An incredible energy! A team high-five!
Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-85 (W)
Jason Saab gets the starting nod! A rugby league player starting with their league jersey confidence!
Michael Jordan goes coast to coast for a reverse layup! This undisputed superstar is relentless!
Kobe Bryant with the full-court pressure! This first-ballot legend making them uncomfortable!
Kobe Bryant, this titan, with the pocket pass! Pure God-given talent in tight spaces!
Tom Trbojevic communicates the switch! Clear as a rugby league player's instructions!
Halftime whistle. Tom Trbojevic flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Tom Trbojevic blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Tom Trbojevic spins and fires a half-court heave! This tweener lighting it up!
A packed arena fills the arena! This raw talent Tom Trbojevic feeds off the energy!
Kobe Bryant penetrates the damn ball into the right hands! This guy with rings on every finger quarterback!
This dark horse Jason Saab refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Kobe Bryant goes to work off the court victorious! This certified GOAT candidate leaves it all out there!
Kobe Bryant and Tom Trbojevic act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
134-88 (W)
Jason Saab begins their shift on the arena! A rugby league player starting the their league jersey shift!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, uses every inch to deliver a devastating dunk!
LeBron James, this all-time great, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for an and-one!
Kobe Bryant buries a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! This generational talent is on fire tonight!
Michael Jordan reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Back to the locker room. Michael Jordan punches his locker. Small detail: Michael Jordan wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Kobe Bryant, this colossus, with a silky pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Smooth operator!
Jason Saab coasts to victory! Easy work for this rugby league player tonight!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, gets tangled in the net! This generational talent stuck!
Jason Saab roars at the hardwood! The roar of a rugby league player conquering the defensive line!
LeBron James, this towering presence, salutes the faithful! A fist pump toward the bench! What a night!
Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-79 (W)
Jason Saab, this diamond in the rough, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Tom Trbojevic finishes with style! Years of charging the defensive line built those hands!
LeBron James with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Natural-born leadership on that one!
LeBron James dishes past the defense for a hook shot! Size advantage from this this tower!
Jason Saab makes the stop! Stopping power of a rugby league player in full force!
Halftime. LeBron James wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Anecdote: LeBron James tried to impress the Phoenix No-Defense players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Jason Saab, this player nobody saw coming, reads the play perfectly and delivers a two-handed slam!
Tom Trbojevic, this swiss-army-knife type, caps off a dominant performance! Natural-born leadership from start to finish!
LeBron James does the victory dance at halftime! This household name getting ahead of themselves!
Jason Saab waves to the crowd! The wave of a rugby league player finishing the defensive line!
Jason Saab dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a rugby league player's the defensive line chart!
Michael Jordan hugs the mascot. Kobe Bryant hugs the referee. Awkward. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-102 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Tom Trbojevic nails a floater with the ease of a rugby league player who charges the defensive line. Natural!
Kobe Bryant gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
Kobe Bryant with a rough alley-oop in the paint! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan ties the game! What a comeback! Unreal swagger at its peak!
Players head to the locker room. Kobe Bryant has tape on three fingers. Confession: Kobe Bryant believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Jason Saab dribbles into trouble! Lost out there like a rugby league player on the wrong floor!
Kobe Bryant takes off the towel! This first-ballot legend showing limited stamina!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James proves the critics wrong! A dramatic twist vindication!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, commits the late turnover! Ego the size of Texas with the ball!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Jason Saab takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Tom Trbojevic doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
110-86 (W)
Michael Jordan launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this undisputed superstar!
Jason Saab with another finger roll! You can't stop this man!
Kobe Bryant with the huge defensive stop in transition! This undisputed superstar says no!
Jason Saab with the give-and-go! Teamwork from charging the defensive line together!
Kobe Bryant shoots into the right spacing! That dawg mentality and elite court awareness!
Halftime. Jason Saab is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Jason Saab got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Tom Trbojevic floats one in from downtown! Delicate as a rugby league player with their league jersey!
A cathedral silence as LeBron James, this colossus, is introduced! Goosebumps!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, picks up the fallen teammate! Pure God-given talent beyond the stats!
Michael Jordan, this titan, sets the tone with silky smooth technique! Leader!
This global icon Michael Jordan wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Tom Trbojevic grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Michael Jordan's name. The announcer chases him. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
107-110 (L)
LeBron James looks dialed in from the start! An off-the-charts basketball IQ preparation showing!
Michael Jordan pulls up and drills a hook shot! Can't teach that!
Jason Saab reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Kobe Bryant dribbles the leather into the front rim! That's frustrating for this first-ballot legend!
Michael Jordan pulls up and scores! The comeback is on! This generational talent believing!
Break. Tom Trbojevic's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. The staff told me Tom Trbojevic sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Tom Trbojevic fails to box out! Lost the position, back to rugby league player school!
This diamond in the rough Jason Saab fouls hard out of frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Michael Jordan, this household name, answers every challenge! Pure God-given talent never fading!
Tom Trbojevic fumbles the inbound! Monday morning vibes from this rugby league player!
Tom Trbojevic had the chances but couldn't convert. This guy nobody was talking about left wanting.
Jason Saab walks toward the tunnel without a word. Tom Trbojevic stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
101-90 (W)
This undisputed superstar LeBron James in the starting lineup! Let's see what this undisputed superstar brings!
Jason Saab, this potential breakout star, absolutely nails an off-balance shot from the left corner! Take a bow!
Michael Jordan plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this basketball god!
LeBron James with the no-look pass! This franchise cornerstone has eyes in the back of the head!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Intermission. Tom Trbojevic dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Exclusive: Tom Trbojevic was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
LeBron James fades away and it's a free throw! This household name proving the doubters wrong!
The arena is electric! This global icon Kobe Bryant thriving in a standing ovation!
Jason Saab runs the play to perfection! Perfection of charging the defensive line!
From their league jersey shifts to the four quarters on the palace of hoops,Tom Trbojevic does it all!
Jason Saab takes the applause! Deserved, for a rugby league player with their league jersey!
LeBron James drops to his knees and kisses the court. Tom Trbojevic pretends to gag. Evening confession: I'm wearing LeBron James's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
107-83 (W)
This generational talent LeBron James comes out firing! A fadeaway jumper in the first minute!
Tom Trbojevic with pure God-given talent finds the angle for an and-one!
This player nobody saw coming Jason Saab with an iron-wall defense back to the basket! Intimidating!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, finds the trailer! An and-one off the assist, easy money!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Break! Kobe Bryant heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Kobe Bryant with the crafty sky hook! Iron discipline on display!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan unites the locker room! Silky smooth technique captain's mentality!
This is the Michael Jordan game! This hall-of-fame lock taking over in the first half!
This global icon Michael Jordan is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan fake a wrestling match. Tom Trbojevic plays the referee and calls a timeout. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
111-81 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this tower, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
A thunderous slam! Michael Jordan cannot be stopped tonight! This first-ballot legend is locked in!
This household name Michael Jordan with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Tom Trbojevic turns the restricted area into a workshop. An and-one crafted with their league jersey!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant with the no-foul contest at half court! Clean as a whistle!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Small detail: LeBron James wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Michael Jordan strings together a double-clutch layup on the low block. Nerves of steel on full display!
Kobe Bryant and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Jason Saab just organized the bench! Can't take the rugby league player out of them!
Tom Trbojevic pumps their fist! The fist that grips their league jersey all day!
This global icon LeBron James secures the win with a gym-rat work ethic! Another one in the bag!
Tom Trbojevic moonwalks across the hardwood. Michael Jordan attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-107 (L)
Tom Trbojevic, this hidden prospect, draws first blood! A deep three to start!
Off the mark for Jason Saab! Great rugby league player, not so great at basketball tonight!
LeBron James throws it into the stands! What was that from this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Michael Jordan overcommits and gets beat! Injury-prone body when reading the play!
Michael Jordan rises up the Spalding beautifully for a euro-step! What touch!
Halftime. Tom Trbojevic is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Tom Trbojevic failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Kobe Bryant blows past away from the huddle! This household name in a dark place mentally!
Tom Trbojevic shoots an air ball in a Playoff atmosphere! A rugby league player lost in the noise!
This global icon LeBron James attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
LeBron James is visibly tired! This undisputed superstar needs a timeout badly!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
LeBron James pulls his cap down over his eyes. Kobe Bryant doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-102 (L)
LeBron James, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! An off-the-charts basketball IQ from the jump!
A finger roll from Michael Jordan hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
Michael Jordan coughs up the leather! Tendency to rush strikes again along the baseline!
Michael Jordan gets caught flat-footed! This all-time great beaten to the spot!
This all-time great LeBron James erupts for a reverse layup! The floodgates are open!
Break! Kobe Bryant has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Little scoop: Kobe Bryant tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Tom Trbojevic misses! Even a rugby league player can't fix that shot!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Kobe Bryant is gassed! This living legend bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Jason Saab reflects on what could have been. Hot head the difference tonight.
Tom Trbojevic bites his lip, fists clenched. LeBron James shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
105-111 (L)
LeBron James crosses over with energy from the opening whistle! This first-ballot legend locked in!
Michael Jordan, this household name, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Jason Saab turns it over in the three-point line! Butterfingers from this rugby league player!
Jason Saab, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
Jason Saab muscles through for a reverse layup! The strength of a rugby league player moving the defensive line!
Break. Tom Trbojevic collapses next to the vending machine. Bus driver's confession: Tom Trbojevic raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, throws the hands up! Exasperated driving to the hoop!
Kobe Bryant misfires from the left corner! This certified GOAT candidate searching for answers!
This household name Michael Jordan uses the floater over this towering presence coverage! Smart!
Jason Saab is huffing and puffing! Winded, even a rugby league player would call it quits!
Michael Jordan crosses over to the tunnel in disappointment. This absolute legend will learn from this.
Jason Saab kicks his towel across the floor. Michael Jordan has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-104 (L)
The game begins and Kobe Bryant is ready! You can see natural-born leadership written all over his face!
Tom Trbojevic can't convert! The rugby league player's touch with the defensive line deserted them!
Tom Trbojevic gets the ball stripped! The defensive line would have stayed in a rugby league player's grip!
Tom Trbojevic watches helplessly! A rugby league player watching the defensive line fall off the shelf!
This living legend Michael Jordan converts in transition! A free throw right on cue!
End of the first act. LeBron James is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Bus driver's confession: LeBron James raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant throws an elbow in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Kobe Bryant forces up a free throw over the defense! Defense that's basically a suggestion! Bad decision!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant switches defensive assignments on the fly! A gym-rat work ethic!
Michael Jordan crosses over but can't sustain the effort! Occasional mental lapses emptying the tank!
Tom Trbojevic wipes a tear! A rugby league player who poured everything into the effort!
Tom Trbojevic pulls his cap down over his eyes. LeBron James doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Jason Saab. A rugby league player by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the defensive line with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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