Spesh's special team — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Spesh's special team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... Spesh's special team! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed William Shakespeare. The man. Is. A playwright. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A playwright. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their fountain pen and apparently, the technical motion of a playwright and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-133 (L)
And we're underway! Shakira touches the rock first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
William Shakespeare can't convert! The playwright's touch with the gripping act deserted them!
This big-name player Kyrie Irving gets pickpocketed from mid-range! Sloppy handling!
William Shakespeare falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to rush exposed!
William Shakespeare mouths off at late in the quarter! A playwright venting about the gripping act!
Cut! Halftime. Shakira's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Anecdote: Shakira threw up before her first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We're back! The players look fired up.
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, with a contested floater that misses in the paint!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
William Shakespeare commits the live-ball turnover! Their fountain pen would be ashamed!
William Shakespeare looks to the heavens! A playwright praying for their fountain pen to work!
Shakira absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a philanthropist knows tough days!
LeBron James mutters 'damn' under his breath. Shakira says 'yeah' in the same tone. Evening confession: I'm wearing LeBron James's jersey under my shirt. For morale. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-79 (W)
This household name Shakira opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
Kyrie Irving dishes the Spalding with an unmatched feel for the game. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Shakira with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open scoop layup!
This basketball god Shakira with a cold-blooded pull-up jumper! No conscience!
LeBron James strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
The players leave the court. Shakira clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Shakira blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
A layup from Kyrie Irving! This certified bucket reminding everyone why they're on top!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, has the opposition calling for mercy driving to the hoop!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan sits on the basketball during the timeout! Making themselves at home!
Kyrie Irving lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A hug with the coach!
Kyrie Irving, this max-contract guy, points to the crowd! A chest bump! This was for the fans!
Kyrie Irving does the floss while Michael Jordan spins like a top. LeBron James just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-110 (L)
Shakira takes the court to a packed arena! The philanthropist with their bare hands is here!
This big-name player Kyrie Irving punishes the defense with a buzzer-beater along the baseline!
LeBron James gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!
A double-clutch layup from Kyrie Irving catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
William Shakespeare fires away and the deficit melts! He's on an unstoppable run!
Back to the locker room. Shakira punches her locker. Did you know? Shakira has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LeBron James throws it away with the game on the line! Injury-prone body!
LeBron James, this hall-of-fame lock, with the frustrated foul! Shaky emotions under pressure in tough moments!
This will be talked about for years! William Shakespeare with an off-balance shot! Iconic!
LeBron James can't convert in overtime! This potential GOAT shrinks in the moment!
Michael Jordan reflects on what could have been. Shaky emotions under pressure the difference tonight.
William Shakespeare isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Michael Jordan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-89 (W)
Shakira, this miniature missile, sets the tone immediately! Pure God-given talent from the jump!
Shakira with an incredible alley-oop in transition! Standing ovation!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, pokes the leather free! Scramble on the low block!
Michael Jordan with the alley-oop pass! This colossus throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Shakira makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a philanthropist behind the game!
Players head to the locker room. LeBron James has tape on three fingers. Did you know? LeBron James has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
William Shakespeare tallies another one! This playwright keeps racking them up!
Shakira salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the philanthropist signs off in style!
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, rotates on defense! Pure God-given talent team commitment!
The legend of William Shakespeare grows! This once-in-a-lifetime player adding another chapter at half court!
Kyrie Irving posts up to the crowd! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This max-contract guy gave everything!
William Shakespeare, LeBron James, and Kyrie Irving pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Did you know that LeBron James practices playwright on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-84 (W)
Kyrie Irving lets fly onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy everybody knows!
LeBron James, this household name, sinks a hook shot with surgical precision facing the rim!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James creates for others! Unselfish play with silky smooth technique!
Kyrie Irving lets fly and it's a finger roll! This reliable star proving the doubters wrong!
Kyrie Irving forces the step-out-of-bounds! This bonafide star hawking the ball!
Halftime! William Shakespeare walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote of the day: William Shakespeare forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Kyrie Irving with the highlight-reel layup! This top-tier talent owning the moment!
William Shakespeare with a showtime buzzer beater! This hall-of-fame lock enjoying every second!
This established star Kyrie Irving argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
Shakira, this franchise cornerstone, with the too-small gesture! A slide across the hardwood! Mismatch!
William Shakespeare has the last say! Final word from a playwright about the gripping act!
Kyrie Irving slides across the court in his socks while William Shakespeare splashes water on everyone. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
97-112 (L)
Michael Jordan, this household name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A layup by Shakira in the paint is way off! Tough night for this household name!
William Shakespeare loses the leather! A playwright would never be this careless!
Shakira gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Kyrie Irving goes to work and fires a fadeaway jumper! This all-around player lighting it up!
Halftime whistle. Shakira high-fives her teammates on the way out. I've been told Shakira once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Shakira slams the orange in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
LeBron James, this towering presence, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this all-time great!
William Shakespeare directs traffic on the floor! Traffic control by a playwright with the gripping act!
Kyrie Irving, this franchise guy, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
William Shakespeare sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a playwright after their fountain pen broke!
Kyrie Irving and Shakira walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-108 (W)
Shakira begins their shift on the arena! A philanthropist starting the their bare hands shift!
Shakira scores at will! A finger roll from the right corner! This once-in-a-lifetime player domination!
This elite player Kyrie Irving holds ground at the buzzer! Immovable object!
Kyrie Irving, this max-contract guy, sets the table at the top of the key! Assist master!
William Shakespeare identifies the soft spot in the zone! This absolute legend surgical precision!
Halftime. Kyrie Irving wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know? Kyrie Irving has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, operates from mid-range with a finger roll! Clinic!
This basketball god LeBron James brings a sold-out gym on fire to a new level! Incredible scene!
Kyrie Irving, this combo guard, anchors the second unit! This franchise guy versatile contributor!
William Shakespeare plays with the gripping act on their mind and the leather in their hands!
LeBron James dunks off the court victorious! This guy with rings on every finger leaves it all out there!
William Shakespeare and Shakira fake a wrestling match. LeBron James plays the referee and calls a timeout. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
102-94 (W)
William Shakespeare, this first-ballot legend, draws first blood! A thunderous slam to start!
This elite player Kyrie Irving with a picture-perfect two-handed slam! The crowd goes wild!
Shakira closes out perfectly! Precise as competing the game!
William Shakespeare, this once-in-a-lifetime player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Michael Jordan, this household name, manages the clock beautifully in the third quarter!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Anecdote: LeBron James once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
William Shakespeare with the reverse layup! Creative as a playwright with the gripping act!
Michael Jordan in a hostile crowd! This once-in-a-lifetime player has been waiting for this stage!
William Shakespeare provides the spark! Electric energy, the playwright is firing on all cylinders!
LeBron James, this all-time great, answers every challenge! An unmatched feel for the game never fading!
This certified GOAT candidate William Shakespeare seals the deal! Victory with scary good handles!
LeBron James improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Michael Jordan plays the imaginary violin. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
114-105 (W)
William Shakespeare locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a playwright who means business!
Michael Jordan, this tower, takes over from the left corner. A deep three! That's elite!
LeBron James with the suffocating defense! This absolute legend is a wall out there!
Michael Jordan with the no-look pass! This generational talent has eyes in the back of the head!
William Shakespeare, this combo guard, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Shakira to massage her thighs. Little scoop: Shakira tried to bribe the DJ to play her song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
A devastating dunk from LeBron James! This undisputed superstar just keeps delivering!
The arena buzzes for Shakira! A philanthropist who electrifies wherever they go!
Michael Jordan puts ego aside! The team comes first for this potential GOAT!
The stadium knows it! Michael Jordan is special! This potential GOAT writing legacy!
That's the game! LeBron James finishes with a monster performance! This global icon victorious!
Shakira and William Shakespeare pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-92 (W)
This reliable star Kyrie Irving gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan dribbles past everyone for a reverse layup! This 7-footer on a mission!
Michael Jordan, this tower, contests everything at the buzzer! Unreal swagger on full display!
LeBron James, this household name, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! That dawg mentality!
Shakira manages the clock! Time management of a philanthropist who never misses a deadline!
The players head in. LeBron James slips on the wet tunnel floor. Intel: LeBron James asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Kyrie Irving with the and-one buzzer beater! Insane court vision through the whistle!
You can feel a crowd fully behind them through the screen! Kyrie Irving in the spotlight!
William Shakespeare motivates from the floor! Motivation of a playwright who refuses to lose!
This is the Shakira game! This basketball god taking over in the first half!
William Shakespeare caps a perfect night! Clean as a playwright on their best day!
Kyrie Irving and Michael Jordan do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
109-107 (W)
Shakira checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This household name Michael Jordan with a crucial offensive board facing the rim! Intimidating!
William Shakespeare gets a clean look but ego the size of Texas costs the bucket!
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, knifes through for a two-handed slam from downtown! Wow!
Kyrie Irving, this bonafide star, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a bucket!
Back in the locker room, Kyrie Irving sits down and stares at the ceiling. Locker room intel: Kyrie Irving has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
LeBron James fires away and finishes through contact! And-one with seconds left on the clock!
This basketball god Michael Jordan comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Listen to that roar! Michael Jordan blows past and the place explodes!
This global icon LeBron James demands the ball and delivers! During crunch time heroics!
Shakira wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their bare hands and the orange!
Shakira does the floss while William Shakespeare spins like a top. Michael Jordan just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
128-93 (W)
Shakira gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a philanthropist on day one!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, uses strength and skill for a sky hook! Complete player!
Shakira, this global icon, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a tear drop!
Shakira with a finger-roll sky hook! Dexterity you only get from years as a philanthropist!
Michael Jordan forces the shot-clock violation! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Cut! Halftime. Kyrie Irving's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Kyrie Irving knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Cleveland Twin-Towers's colors. By accident, obviously. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
A thunderous slam from William Shakespeare! That's iron discipline at the highest level!
LeBron James with the cherry on top! A free throw in a blowout! Good night!
This basketball god Shakira does the robot during the dead ball! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Kyrie Irving pulls up and celebrates! A fist pump toward the bench at the buzzer! The crowd erupts!
LeBron James tosses the damn ball in the air! A hug with the coach! This living legend mission accomplished!
Kyrie Irving and LeBron James pretend to fish Michael Jordan out of the crowd. They pull hard. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
102-103 (L)
This franchise cornerstone William Shakespeare comes out firing! A fadeaway jumper in the first minute!
Shakira hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands at the top of the key!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, can't keep up with the speed! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
LeBron James misses the open look! This living legend can't believe it! Occasional mental lapses!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Halftime! Kyrie Irving checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Kyrie Irving once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Shakira pulls up and bricks it! Sometimes predictable game in the third quarter!
Michael Jordan mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
William Shakespeare, this all-around player, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan picks up the foul in after a timeout! Terrible timing!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kyrie Irving has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. LeBron James has aged ten years in forty minutes. Did you know that LeBron James practices playwright on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
83-118 (L)
William Shakespeare takes off into position! This potential GOAT not wasting any time!
An and-one attempt by Michael Jordan falls short! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
Shakira gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a philanthropist's grip!
Michael Jordan gets posted up and scored on! This household name overpowered!
William Shakespeare steps back and kicks the stanchion! This basketball god losing composure!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, William Shakespeare picks up the pace. Did you know? William Shakespeare launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Kyrie Irving dunks but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
This basketball god Shakira has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
William Shakespeare with the careless pass! Crafting the gripping act with more care, please!
William Shakespeare sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a playwright after a long shift!
Shakira walks off in defeat! Even a philanthropist's skills couldn't save tonight!
Kyrie Irving watches the crowd file out in silence. Michael Jordan prefers not to look. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
102-110 (L)
Shakira lands the first layup! First blood! The philanthropist strikes first!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
LeBron James dishes carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Kyrie Irving, this versatile guy, gets dunked on under the basket! Poster material!
This headliner Kyrie Irving finishes with authority! A euro-step in the paint!
Coach calls everyone back. Michael Jordan drags his feet toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Michael Jordan tried to impress the Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
William Shakespeare slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a playwright hits the workbench!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan muscles up a scoop layup but can't get it to fall!
This certified bucket Kyrie Irving adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
William Shakespeare attacks but the legs won't cooperate! Lack of consistency catching up!
William Shakespeare shakes hands through the pain! A playwright who respects their fountain pen and the game!
William Shakespeare walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. LeBron James drags one foot after the other. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Spesh's special team ends the season #8 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... Spesh's special team!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed William Shakespeare. The man. Is. A playwright. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A playwright. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their fountain pen and apparently, the technical motion of a playwright and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Spesh's special team ends the season #8 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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