My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | My Team | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Jesus Christ. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Jesus Christ. The man. Is. A messiah. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A messiah. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a messiah and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-121 (L)
Tip-off! Godzilla gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ with a wild attempt! This household name not finding the range tonight!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ with turnover number buckets! Injury-prone body is piling up!
Jesus Christ beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a messiah!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
The players head in. Jesus Christ slips on the wet tunnel floor. The staff told me Jesus Christ sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Godzilla misfires facing the rim! This established star searching for answers!
Godzilla bends over during the dead ball! This guy everybody knows gathering what's left!
Jesus Christ with the backcourt violation! This guy with rings on every finger under too much pressure!
Godzilla drops the head after another miss! Injury-prone body sapping the confidence!
This absolute legend Jesus Christ tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jesus Christ hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Jesus Christ keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
95-114 (L)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Jesus Christ launches an off-balance shot and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Jesus Christ turns it over in the top of the key! Butterfingers from this messiah!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Godzilla with an incredible tear drop from mid-range! Standing ovation!
Break. Jesus Christ's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Juicy intel: Jesus Christ turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Jesus Christ stares in disbelief! The look of a messiah who just lost everything!
This generational talent Jesus Christ whiffs on an off-balance shot! The crowd groans!
Jesus Christ with the perfect cut! Precision of a messiah with their bare hands!
Godzilla, this tweener, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
Jesus Christ, this franchise cornerstone, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. Jesus Christ stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
118-107 (W)
Jesus Christ steps onto the field house! From competing the game to this, game time!
Jesus Christ with a devastating dunk on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Jesus Christ alters the shot! Bending the play to their will, pure messiah power!
Jesus Christ dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this messiah!
Jesus Christ finds the angle! The angle messiah uses for the game!
End of the first half. Godzilla is beet red but still standing. Little secret: Godzilla watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jesus Christ finishes with style! Years of competing the game built those hands!
Listen to that roar! Jesus Christ shoots and the place explodes!
Jesus Christ communicates on the switch! Clear as a messiah's directions!
Jesus Christ's arc from the game to an alley-oop is the stuff of movies!
Godzilla drives the trophy! This jersey-selling name adds to the collection! A raised fist!
Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ share a 30-second hug. Jesus Christ wants in. Gets pushed away. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
100-95 (W)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
Godzilla with the tough bank shot through contact! This big-name player won't be denied!
Jesus Christ with the defensive rebound! Secured like only a messiah can!
Jesus Christ, this first-ballot legend, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a pull-up jumper!
Jesus Christ shoots into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!
Halftime. Jesus Christ's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Exclusive info: Jesus Christ is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Jesus Christ attacks back to the basket and finishes with a floater! Too good!
This elite player Godzilla has the arena rocking! A packed arena off the charts!
This household name Jesus Christ defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Jesus Christ fades away into the record books! This global icon making memories!
Jesus Christ, this first-ballot legend, with the post-game interview smile! Night-in night-out consistency all night!
Jesus Christ mimes popping a champagne bottle. Jesus Christ mimes chugging straight from it. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
120-97 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a messiah on day one!
Jesus Christ buries a layup from mid-range! This all-time great is on fire tonight!
This generational talent Jesus Christ comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Jesus Christ takes off into the lane and kicks out! Pure God-given talent and great decision-making!
Jesus Christ schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true messiah!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ high-fives his teammates on the way out. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ attacks and scores! Those messiah hands work wonders with the orange!
The arena trembles! Jesus Christ with the play and wild stands follows!
Jesus Christ dives for the loose ball! Full send from this messiah!
Jesus Christ bridges two worlds: the game and a deep three, bound by passion!
Godzilla, this smooth operator, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Jesus Christ does a belly slide on the court. Jesus Christ does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
90-108 (L)
Jesus Christ announces themselves! The messiah has arrived and the building knows it!
Jesus Christ misses the open look! A messiah never misses the game... But misses the rock!
Godzilla crosses over the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this elite player!
Jesus Christ reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
Jesus Christ pulls off a double-clutch layup out of nowhere! Was that basketball or messiah magic? Unbelievable!
Break. Jesus Christ's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. True story: Jesus Christ walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Jesus Christ, this tweener, pounds the scorer's table! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, can't finish under the basket! That one stings!
Jesus Christ makes the hockey pass! An unmatched feel for the game finding the extra pass!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Despite the loss, Jesus Christ held their own with the game! The messiah fought!
Jesus Christ turns back to look at the court one last time. Jesus Christ doesn't turn around. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-110 (L)
This absolute legend Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this absolute legend brings!
Jesus Christ bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, gets stripped on the low block! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over occasional mental lapses!
Jesus Christ knocks down a tear drop in transition! Ice in the veins!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ flops into the first available chair. Did you know Jesus Christ once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Jesus Christ shakes their head! A messiah who can't believe that just happened!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla muscles up a bank shot but can't get it to fall!
Jesus Christ counters the press! Problem solved, messiah style!
Godzilla dribbles sluggishly! Occasional mental lapses catching up with this guy everybody knows!
Jesus Christ hangs their head! A messiah who gave everything they had!
Jesus Christ takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Jesus Christ doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
108-93 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the starting nod! A messiah starting with their bare hands confidence!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, glides at half court for a silky half-court heave!
Godzilla a drawn charge and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Jesus Christ drops the dime! A messiah with court vision like that? Unreal!
Godzilla reads the defense perfectly! Silky smooth technique and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime! Godzilla is limping slightly heading off the court. Small detail: Godzilla wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ with the step-back bucket! Creating space like a messiah with their bare hands!
The crowd is on its feet! A boiling cauldron as Jesus Christ takes the court!
Jesus Christ boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a messiah with the game!
The stadium knows it! Jesus Christ is special! This first-ballot legend writing legacy!
Final buzzer! Jesus Christ's messiah shift on the floor ends in triumph!
Jesus Christ runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
82-110 (L)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
A half-court heave from Jesus Christ hits the iron! Shaky emotions under pressure under the spotlight!
Jesus Christ loses the ball! A messiah would never be this careless!
Jesus Christ beaten to the spot! Slower than a messiah on a Monday morning!
Godzilla, this solid build, carves up the defense for a two-handed slam! Beautiful!
Break. Jesus Christ's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Word is Jesus Christ sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Jesus Christ drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a messiah's spirit has limits!
A two-handed slam attempt by Jesus Christ falls short! Shaky emotions under pressure in the legs!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Jesus Christ, this household name, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Godzilla sits alone on the bench. This reliable star processing the defeat.
Jesus Christ punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jesus Christ slides down the wall to the floor. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
83-124 (L)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Jesus Christ can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the damn ball differently than the game!
Jesus Christ gets picked! A messiah getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Jesus Christ gambles for the steal and pays the price! Lack of consistency!
Jesus Christ gets a technical for complaining! Limited stamina on full display!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ high-fives his teammates on the way out. Did you know? Jesus Christ launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This generational talent Jesus Christ rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Jesus Christ bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a messiah after their bare hands overtime!
This reliable star Godzilla commits the offensive foul! Turnover back to the basket!
Jesus Christ tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the messiah will bounce back!
Jesus Christ wipes a tear! A messiah who poured everything into the effort!
Godzilla lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Jesus Christ decides not to comment. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
103-110 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Jesus Christ puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their bare hands can save that!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Jesus Christ gets posterized! A messiah framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Jesus Christ, this guy with rings on every finger, threads the needle for a buzzer-beater in transition!
Break. Godzilla asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Quick anecdote about Godzilla: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Godzilla mutters to himself walking back! This All-Star caliber talent fighting inner demons!
Godzilla, this top-tier talent, with the shot-clock heave! No good driving to the hoop!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, exploits the mismatch from downtown! Smart play!
Godzilla is cramping up! This elite player trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Jesus Christ packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jesus Christ walks toward the tunnel without a word. Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
85-114 (L)
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
This established star Godzilla puts up a buzzer beater but it won't fall! Off night!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Godzilla, this tweener, gets dunked on from the right corner! Poster material!
Godzilla dunks the Wilson beautifully for a half-court heave! What touch!
Back to the locker room. Godzilla's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know Godzilla once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Jesus Christ throws their hands up! Like a messiah when their bare hands breaks!
Jesus Christ, this global icon, sends the Spalding wide! The touch is off tonight!
Jesus Christ reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this messiah!
Jesus Christ drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Jesus Christ sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a messiah after their bare hands broke!
Jesus Christ walks toward the tunnel without a word. Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Jesus Christ. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-130 (L)
Jesus Christ, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
A sky hook from Jesus Christ sails wide! This hall-of-fame lock needs to regroup!
Jesus Christ with the backcourt violation! A messiah going backwards with the game!
Jesus Christ gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Jesus Christ can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the leather frustration!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Confession: Jesus Christ tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Jesus Christ spins but the shot rims out! Sometimes predictable game rears its ugly head!
Jesus Christ penetrates but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to force bad shots when protecting the rock!
Jesus Christ waves off the play! The authority of a messiah in that gesture!
Jesus Christ leaves the court with dignity! The dignity of a messiah with their bare hands!
Godzilla lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Jesus Christ holds his in. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
104-117 (L)
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Godzilla air-mails a catch-and-shoot triple under the basket! Way off for this multi-time All-Star!
Jesus Christ with the errant pass! This potential GOAT needs to settle down!
Godzilla scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Godzilla, this world-class player, unleashes an alley-oop off the pick and roll! Bang!
Halftime. Jesus Christ's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Jesus Christ threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
This household name Jesus Christ shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Jesus Christ dunks the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this certified GOAT candidate!
Jesus Christ zones up! Defensive zone like a messiah's the game zone!
Jesus Christ is running on fumes! The messiah tank is completely empty!
Jesus Christ walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to messiah life tomorrow!
Jesus Christ sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jesus Christ puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
92-114 (L)
Jesus Christ crosses over onto the floor! The crowd roars for this global icon!
Jesus Christ rises up but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
Jesus Christ botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Jesus Christ gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
What a shot from Jesus Christ! A messiah bringing their bare hands energy to the gym!
Back in the locker room, Jesus Christ sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Jesus Christ blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Jesus Christ slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messiah hits the workbench!
Jesus Christ whiffs on the jumper! A messiah off their game with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with messiah urgency!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ can't close out! The legs are shot at the top of the key!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
Jesus Christ refuses the coach's embrace. Jesus Christ accepts it but his body is stiff. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Jesus Christ's name. Forgive me. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
My Team finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Jesus Christ. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Jesus Christ. The man. Is. A messiah. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A messiah. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a messiah and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
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