My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 13 | My Team | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Superman. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Hulk. A scientist. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a scientist, with their lab notebook, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Hulk has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the hidden truth with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-106 (L)
Goku stretches center court! Loosening up, the farmer is getting ready!
Sonic the Hedgehog misses the open look! This headliner can't believe it! Occasional mental lapses!
Hulk with the backcourt violation! A scientist going backwards with the hidden truth!
Superman gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this do-it-all player, uses strength and skill for a reverse layup! Complete player!
Halftime. Sonic the Hedgehog throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Sonic the Hedgehog once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Saitama can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the Wilson frustration!
Goku misfires from along the baseline! The seed dibber calibration needed!
Superman controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Hulk jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for discoverring the hidden truth tomorrow!
This household name Superman tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Superman unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Sonic the Hedgehog runs a hand down his face. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
94-98 (L)
Goku, this smooth operator, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Saitama, this solid build, muscles in for a catch-and-shoot triple! Pure power!
This living legend Hulk fouls reaching in! Ego the size of Texas on defense!
Goku can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this franchise guy!
Saitama sparks the comeback! The superhero fire from their bare hands ignites the venue!
Back to the locker room. Sonic the Hedgehog's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Sonic the Hedgehog collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
This headliner Sonic the Hedgehog gets the look but can't convert! Limited stamina at the worst time!
Hulk is visibly upset! Upset as a scientist when the hidden truth goes sideways!
Superman channels their inner superhero,competing the game made these hands!
Saitama misses both free throws! A superhero failing the game inspection, twice!
Goku consoles teammates! The heart of a farmer in that moment!
Goku replays the score in his head on a loop. Saitama tries to think about something else. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-110 (W)
Sonic the Hedgehog, this elite player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Goku locks down their opponent! Tight as a farmer gripping the seed dibber!
Hulk misses! Even a scientist can't fix that shot!
Hulk, this guy with rings on every finger, reads the play perfectly and delivers a pull-up jumper!
Goku manages the clock! Time management of a farmer who never misses a deadline!
Break. Superman collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Confession: Superman believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Saitama, this potential breakout star, with a vintage performance in the third quarter! Natural-born leadership!
Sonic the Hedgehog plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this max-contract guy!
Deafening noise! Sonic the Hedgehog blows past and the building shakes!
Saitama with the transition score! Moving fast like a superhero moving their bare hands!
Goku finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a farmer would be proud of!
Goku hugs the mascot. Hulk hugs the referee. Awkward. I learned that Goku's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
128-97 (W)
Saitama, this total unknown, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
This generational talent Superman forces the bad pass! Eyes in the back of the head creating turnovers!
Sonic the Hedgehog quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a thunderous slam! What a pass!
Saitama exploits the soft spot in the high post! Soft as the game under their bare hands!
The locker room. Sonic the Hedgehog sprawls out full-length on the bench. Confession: Sonic the Hedgehog tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Hulk, this versatile guy, overpowers for a free throw! Size matters!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk acknowledges the fans! An incredible energy of mutual respect!
Goku feeds the hot hand! Feeding the offense with farmer generosity!
Goku's teammates feed off the farmer energy! That confidence is contagious!
This absolute legend Superman secures the win with scary good handles! Another one in the bag!
Goku and Saitama leap onto each other like kids. Sonic the Hedgehog comes sprinting in and crushes them both. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
78-115 (L)
Goku, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Freakish explosiveness from the jump!
Goku short on the attempt! Needs the reach of the seed dibber!
Stolen from Saitama! A superhero who let it slip through their fingers!
Goku gives up the back door! Sometimes predictable game when overplaying!
Hulk argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to discoverring the hidden truth!
Break. Goku asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know Goku started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Saitama sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this franchise guy, sucking wind after that sprint! The 48 regulation minutes of battle!
Sonic the Hedgehog coughs up the ball! Lack of consistency strikes again from downtown!
Hulk, this global icon, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Superman packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Goku takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Sonic the Hedgehog follows the same path. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
89-105 (L)
Superman huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Superman with a rare miss off the pick and roll! Even the best stumble!
Superman forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
This bonafide star Sonic the Hedgehog picks up the cheap foul! Heavy feet showing!
Goku hooks it in! The arc of a farmer swinging the seed dibber!
Halftime whistle. Goku high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little secret: Goku watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Saitama, this dude out of nowhere, yells at the coaching staff! Injury-prone body causing friction!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this All-Star caliber talent, sends the ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Goku goes to the post! That farmer strength is showing!
Saitama takes the rest play! Even a superhero needs a breather!
Hulk hangs their head! A scientist who gave everything they had!
Superman stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Sonic the Hedgehog comes back to get him. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
92-131 (L)
Hulk, this all-time great, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Superman misses at the buzzer! A superhero who missed the deadline!
Turnover by Hulk! Discoverring the hidden truth requires less coordination, clearly!
Saitama gets blown by! Even a superhero couldn't stop that!
Hulk stares in disbelief! The look of a scientist who just lost everything!
Players head to the locker room. Superman has tape on three fingers. They say Superman eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This unknown gem Saitama whiffs on a bucket! The crowd groans!
Sonic the Hedgehog crosses over but the legs won't cooperate! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Goku tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Tendency to force bad shots in the decision-making!
Saitama, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Shaky emotions under pressure written all over his face!
Superman fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This first-ballot legend will learn from this.
Goku whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Sonic the Hedgehog nods without conviction. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
93-102 (L)
Hulk comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the scientist means business!
Goku off the back iron! Hard miss, even a farmer cringes at that!
This certified bucket Sonic the Hedgehog dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Hulk gets crossed over! This undisputed superstar left frozen in the paint!
A fadeaway jumper by Superman! The crowd erupts! Unreal swagger personified!
Break. Sonic the Hedgehog's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. They say Sonic the Hedgehog eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Saitama gets a technical for complaining! Injury-prone body on full display!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this franchise guy, with a contested reverse layup that misses back to the basket!
Hulk exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their lab notebook acumen!
Superman calls for the sub! Even a superhero's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Saitama posts up past the media. This hungry young player not in the mood to talk.
Superman slams his fist on the bench. Sonic the Hedgehog places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
98-105 (L)
Superman steps onto the arena! From competing the game to this, game time!
Hulk rattles it out! Shaking the floor with their lab notebook intensity!
Superman, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass from way beyond the arc!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk can't recover! Scored on the low block! Limited stamina!
Goku, this versatile guy, uses every inch to deliver a euro-step!
Break time. Saitama bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Saitama tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Sonic the Hedgehog storms to the bench! This bonafide star is visibly upset!
Sonic the Hedgehog forces a bad two-handed slam! This franchise guy needs to trust teammates!
Saitama, this versatile guy, sets a brick-wall screen! Unreal swagger on full display!
This basketball god Superman can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This bonafide star Sonic the Hedgehog congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this bonafide star.
Hulk pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Saitama takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
99-106 (L)
The game begins and Superman is ready! You can see an unmatched feel for the game written all over his face!
Sonic the Hedgehog fires a two-handed slam at the top of the key but can't connect! Limited stamina showing!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this solid build, gets the ball poked away! Heavy feet when protecting the Spalding!
Sonic the Hedgehog turns the head and loses the man! This certified bucket napping defensively!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this established star, operates from the left corner with a buzzer beater! Clinic!
Halftime! Superman checks his stats on the board and winces. Little scoop: Superman collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Sonic the Hedgehog slams the leather in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Sonic the Hedgehog goes to work the basketball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this elite player!
Hulk takes off into the right spacing! That dawg mentality and elite court awareness!
Superman fires away a step slower than usual! Sometimes predictable game in the tank!
Goku takes the loss hard! Hard as the stubborn soil on a bad farmer day!
Sonic the Hedgehog slams his fist on the bench. Hulk places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
102-119 (L)
This who-is-this-guy player Saitama opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
Saitama gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Sonic the Hedgehog rises up into a trap! Hot head when reading the defense!
Saitama can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
A free throw! Saitama cannot be stopped tonight! This diamond in the rough is locked in!
Halftime! Hulk has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Exclusive info: Hulk is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Hulk slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a scientist hits the workbench!
Air ball from Superman! Being a superhero doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Hulk slows the pace when the team needs it! This living legend tempo control!
Saitama finds a second wind! The superhero engine roars back to life!
This generational talent Hulk leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Hulk refuses the coach's embrace. Goku accepts it but his body is stiff. Behind the scenes, I learned Goku was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-115 (L)
This dark horse Saitama comes out firing! A reverse layup in the first minute!
Saitama whiffs on the jumper! A superhero off their game with their bare hands!
Hulk, this solid build, steps out of bounds with the pill! Mental lapse!
This undisputed superstar Hulk caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Sonic the Hedgehog penetrates the Spalding into an alley-oop! A gym-rat work ethic shining through!
Halftime. Hulk is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Intel: Hulk asked Cleveland Twin-Towers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Goku mouths off in the dying seconds! A farmer venting about the stubborn soil!
Superman can't finish! The superhero who finishes the game can't finish the play!
This reliable star Goku runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Goku short-arms the shot from fatigue! This guy everybody knows has nothing left!
Sonic the Hedgehog walks off in silence. This big-name player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Hulk leaves the court at a jog. Goku stays there, planted at center court, motionless. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-116 (L)
Superman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Superman with the off-balance scoop layup! This potential GOAT couldn't set the feet!
Superman turns it over at with seconds left on the clock! A superhero dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Goku bites on the fake! Fooled like a farmer by counterfeit the stubborn soil!
Saitama converts under the basket! A buzzer-beater with trademark next-level basketball IQ!
Halftime whistle. Sonic the Hedgehog high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Sonic the Hedgehog once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Hulk waves off the play! The authority of a scientist in that gesture!
Saitama with the contested sky hook back to the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Superman sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a superhero at work!
Goku misses from fatigue! This top-tier talent can't get the elevation at the buzzer!
Saitama refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Superman has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Sonic the Hedgehog has aged ten years in forty minutes. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Superman's name. Forgive me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
93-115 (L)
Sonic the Hedgehog crosses over into position! This bonafide star not wasting any time!
Hulk dishes but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
Superman loses the Spalding! A superhero would never be this careless!
Sonic the Hedgehog scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Ego the size of Texas!
Saitama hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands in transition!
The players leave the court. Superman clings to the tunnel railing. Little scoop: Superman collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
This potential GOAT Superman throws an elbow in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Sonic the Hedgehog crosses over the damn ball into nothing! Hot head on full display tonight!
Hulk pins the defender! Pinning them down with scientist authority!
This rising star Saitama calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Tendency to rush taking its toll!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Saitama punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Goku slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-127 (L)
Opening possession for Superman! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Saitama fires a brick from way beyond the arc! Way off, even for a superhero!
This unknown gem Saitama with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Goku, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to force bad shots!
Saitama, this smooth operator, rises above and hammers an alley-oop!
Halftime whistle. Goku has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Fun fact: Goku got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Sonic the Hedgehog, this tweener, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Saitama skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Hulk sets the screen with precision worthy of their lab notebook! Tactical genius!
Sonic the Hedgehog bends over during the dead ball! This multi-time All-Star gathering what's left!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Goku pulls his cap down over his eyes. Hulk doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
My Team finishes #13 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Superman. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Hulk. A scientist. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a scientist, with their lab notebook, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Hulk has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the hidden truth with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #13 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
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