the goats — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | the goats | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | New York Over-Timers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... The goats! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Shaquille O'Neal is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 216 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Hulk. Profession? Scientist. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their lab notebook, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the hidden truth could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-102 (L)
Superman locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, drops a pull-up jumper under the basket! Pure artistry!
Hulk gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the hidden truth on a rough day!
Superman misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan slides down against the hallway wall. Rumor has it Michael Jordan tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Break's over, the players take their positions.
Jesus Christ can't deliver! Even a messiah can't help in this the extra period!
Jesus Christ mutters to himself walking back! This absolute legend fighting inner demons!
Remember this moment! Shaquille O'Neal is making history with a scoop layup!
Superman gets stripped on the decisive possession! Stripped of the Wilson like a superhero stripped of their bare hands!
Superman packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jesus Christ clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Superman fidgets with his wristband nervously. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
126-81 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Hulk knocks it down! Solid as a scientist with their lab notebook in hand!
Superman delivers the entry pass! Right on the money from this superhero!
Jesus Christ takes off through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Shaquille O'Neal anticipates the cut and deflects the leather! This franchise cornerstone reading minds!
Both teams head in. Hulk has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Locker room intel: Hulk has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Hulk pops the jumper! Clean as their lab notebook after a polish!
Hulk adds insult to injury! Salt on the hidden truth wounds from a scientist!
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, sneezes mid-free throw! Bless you and miss!
Hulk taps the logo on the jersey! A victory dance! That's pride right there!
Superman finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a superhero would be proud of!
Hulk rips the net off the rim. Michael Jordan wraps it around his neck like a scarf. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
124-82 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper at half court!
Shaquille O'Neal spins the Wilson with purpose! A hook shot! This franchise cornerstone means business!
Jesus Christ with the no-look pass! Competing the game blindfolded!
Hulk with an off-balance shot in the paint! Discoverring the hidden truth in tight spaces!
Michael Jordan with the full-court pressure! This franchise cornerstone making them uncomfortable!
Heading in. Shaquille O'Neal's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Did you know? Shaquille O'Neal tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Jesus Christ hooks it in! The arc of a messiah swinging their bare hands!
Shaquille O'Neal, this guy with rings on every finger, wraps it up with a flourish! Total destruction!
Michael Jordan crosses over and the shoe flies off! This undisputed superstar playing barefoot briefly!
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, with the signature fist pump toward the bench! The fans love it!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ walks off to a standing ovation! A packed arena! Incredible!
Shaquille O'Neal and Michael Jordan leap onto each other like kids. Superman comes sprinting in and crushes them both. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
122-96 (W)
Superman, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Next-level basketball IQ from the jump!
Michael Jordan drains a buzzer beater at the buzzer! Textbook unreal swagger!
Shaquille O'Neal plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this guy with rings on every finger!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal finds the open man! Assist and a finger roll!
This first-ballot legend Hulk recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Break! Michael Jordan rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Quick anecdote about Michael Jordan: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Hulk strings together a half-court heave at the buzzer. Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
The crowd is on its feet! Palpable tension as Superman takes the court!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
The commentators can't stop talking about Superman's superhero background and their bare hands!
Jesus Christ pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This undisputed superstar savors the win!
Jesus Christ, Superman, and Michael Jordan pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
127-85 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this basketball god!
A pull-up jumper by Superman! The crowd erupts! Iron discipline personified!
Jesus Christ quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a two-handed slam! What a pass!
Michael Jordan pulls up and drills a deep three! Can't teach that!
Shaquille O'Neal slides to the passing lane and steals it! That dawg mentality!
Back to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know Shaquille O'Neal knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Phoenix No-Defense's colors. By accident, obviously. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesus Christ rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
Superman fires away with confidence! The game is well in hand for this all-time great!
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, accidentally chest-bumps the ref! Excuse me sir!
Michael Jordan lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A slide across the hardwood!
Superman celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Michael Jordan hits a dab in 2026. Jesus Christ does an ironic dab. Shaquille O'Neal has no idea what that is. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-105 (L)
Michael Jordan, this global icon, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ punishes the defense with a scoop layup in the paint!
Hulk gets posterized! A scientist framed by their lab notebook in the worst way!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, pulls the trigger driving to the hoop but no luck!
Hulk leads the charge back! Charging forward with scientist tenacity!
The players leave the court. Michael Jordan clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Michael Jordan plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ picks up the foul with seconds left on the clock! Terrible timing!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
Superman, this tweener, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this generational talent right now!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, forces a bad shot in the third quarter! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Shaquille O'Neal attacks to the tunnel in disappointment. This living legend will learn from this.
Shaquille O'Neal leaves the court at a jog. Superman stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
118-81 (W)
This living legend Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this living legend brings!
This generational talent Michael Jordan converts in transition! A bucket right on cue!
Hulk picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a reverse layup!
A step-back three from Shaquille O'Neal at half court! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Jesus Christ guards the perimeter! Patrolling with messiah vigilance!
Halftime whistle. Shaquille O'Neal spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. They say Shaquille O'Neal eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, absolutely nails a deep three from way beyond the arc! Take a bow!
This basketball god Hulk breaks the record margin! Historic blowout!
Did Hulk just start discoverring the basketball? That's the hidden truth, not the damn ball!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, does the shimmy! A salute to the fans! The arena goes crazy!
Jesus Christ salutes the fans! A messiah's farewell until the next game!
Jesus Christ grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Superman's name. The announcer chases him. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
106-109 (L)
Jesus Christ comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the messiah means business!
Superman scores a layup in an incredible energy! Their bare hands vibes radiating across the temple of basketball!
Michael Jordan falls asleep on the weak side! Hot head exposed!
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target from the left corner!
Hulk finds another gear! Switching modes like a scientist grabbing their lab notebook!
Players head to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal has tape on three fingers. Locker room anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Hulk misses both free throws! A scientist failing the hidden truth inspection, twice!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Superman bridges two worlds: the game and an alley-oop, bound by passion!
This certified GOAT candidate Superman with the clutch-time breakdown! Limited stamina on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Michael Jordan snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. I learned tonight that Michael Jordan used to be a messiah. That explains the unique running style. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
104-96 (W)
Game time! Shaquille O'Neal and this all-time great ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Michael Jordan catches fire! And it's a buzzer-beater! Pure God-given talent taking over!
Hulk reads the play perfectly! That scientist brain working overtime!
Shaquille O'Neal reads the defense like a book! Assist at the buzzer! Pure God-given talent!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
The players head to the locker room. Jesus Christ is sweating like a racehorse. They say Jesus Christ eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Shaquille O'Neal dishes the Wilson into a scoop layup! A killer instinct shining through!
Superman feeds off a crowd fully behind them! The energy of a superhero fueled by the game!
Hulk barks out defensive calls! The voice of their lab notebook echoes across the palace of hoops!
Jesus Christ embodies the spirit of every messiah who ever dreamed of a catch-and-shoot triple!
Hulk owns the night! Owner of the temple of basketball and the hidden truth alike!
Jesus Christ jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
121-91 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
A fadeaway jumper from Superman back to the basket! That's a statement right there!
Superman with a defensive rebound! The reflexes of a superhero catching the game!
This living legend Michael Jordan creates for others! Unselfish play with scary good handles!
Superman, this tweener, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Nerves of steel!
Halftime! Superman checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Superman talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Michael Jordan with another step-back three! You can't stop this man!
Shaquille O'Neal in a crowd fully behind them! This certified GOAT candidate has been waiting for this stage!
Michael Jordan sprints back on defense! This first-ballot legend leading by example!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, delivers a show of force! Wisdom and poise!
Hulk hangs up the captain armband! Calling it a night, the scientist is done!
Hulk gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Michael Jordan gives his shoes. Superman gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Evening confession: I'm wearing Hulk's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
94-97 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal means business! Fast start at the buzzer!
Superman, this do-it-all player, rises above and hammers a layup!
Michael Jordan bites on the pump fake! This hall-of-fame lock sent flying at half court!
Hulk, this do-it-all player, loses the handle and the opportunity! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan with back-to-back buckets! The lead is crumbling!
Coach calls everyone back. Superman drags his feet toward the tunnel. Small detail: Superman whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This absolute legend Jesus Christ misses the free throws! Injury-prone body at the line!
Shaquille O'Neal slams the basketball in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal turns adversity into fuel! An All-Star Game worthy play energy!
Superman throws it away with the game on the line! Tendency to rush!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an unmatched feel for the game effort.
Jesus Christ hurls his water bottle at the wall. Superman flinches but doesn't react. Evening confession: I'm wearing Jesus Christ's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
111-106 (W)
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Jesus Christ misses! Even a messiah can't fix that shot!
Michael Jordan knocks down a scoop layup from mid-range! Ice in the veins!
Jesus Christ overloads one side! Loading up with messiah strategy!
Rest time. Shaquille O'Neal isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan takes over in overtime! Night-in night-out consistency in crunch time!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal with a critical stop! A double team when it counts!
Deafening noise! Hulk dribbles and the building shakes!
Hulk sinks it when it counts! Money time for this scientist!
Superman has the last say! Final word from a superhero about the game!
Superman hugs the mascot. Shaquille O'Neal hugs the referee. Awkward. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
105-100 (W)
This all-time great Hulk catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Superman makes the stop! Stopping power of a superhero in full force!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal muscles up a reverse layup but can't get it to fall!
Shaquille O'Neal goes coast to coast for a devastating dunk! This franchise cornerstone is relentless!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
End of the first act. Shaquille O'Neal is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Small detail: Shaquille O'Neal wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Shaquille O'Neal comes alive in overtime! A two-handed slam facing the rim! Clutch!
Jesus Christ slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Eyes in the back of the head in every step!
Hulk, this household name, plays to the crowd! A packed arena is contagious!
Shaquille O'Neal hits nothing but net! An alley-oop in the first half! That dawg mentality!
It's over! Jesus Christ delivers the goods! This undisputed superstar walks off a winner!
Jesus Christ, Superman, and Hulk pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
108-101 (W)
Michael Jordan fires up the crowd to open the game! This global icon starting strong!
Superman banks it in from the left corner! A superhero's steady hand at work!
Jesus Christ channels all their messiah intensity into a defensive rebound!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Shaquille O'Neal, this potential GOAT, orchestrates the delay game! That dawg mentality in action!
First half is done. Michael Jordan is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Small detail: Michael Jordan wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Superman fires away past everyone for a double-clutch layup! This solid build on a mission!
Hulk pulls up in front of the home faithful! A Finals-like atmosphere! Beautiful!
Shaquille O'Neal takes the blame for the mistake! This living legend protecting teammates!
Superman is writing the story tonight! This undisputed superstar with an off-balance shot facing the rim!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off the den victorious! This first-ballot legend owns this moment!
Shaquille O'Neal and Superman carry Jesus Christ like a trophy across the entire court. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
103-106 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
Hulk, this solid build, uses strength and skill for a finger roll! Complete player!
Hulk caught flat-footed! Standing still, the scientist reflexes took a nap!
Michael Jordan fires a bank shot facing the rim but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Hulk fades away with desperation and skill! This household name not done yet!
Break. Shaquille O'Neal collapses next to the vending machine. True story: Shaquille O'Neal had his parking spot stolen by Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's mascot. Still talks about it. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This generational talent Jesus Christ gets called for the charge on the final possession! Brutal!
Michael Jordan mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Hulk dedicates this game to the hidden truth and every scientist who believed!
Michael Jordan with the ill-advised pass in the final quarter! Intercepted!
Hulk refuses to make excuses! A scientist owns the hidden truth failures too!
Hulk refuses the coach's embrace. Shaquille O'Neal accepts it but his body is stiff. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
the goats ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... The goats!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Shaquille O'Neal is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 216 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Hulk. Profession? Scientist. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their lab notebook, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the hidden truth could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
the goats ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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