0-15 ahh — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | 0-15 ahh | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... 0-15 ahh! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Victor Wembanyama. The man. The beast. Standing at 224 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Harry Potter. The man is a juggler. Yes, you heard that right. A juggler. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Harry Potter had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-110 (L)
Opening possession for Donald Trump! First touch, like first touch of their loaded checkbook!
Harry Potter launches from deep and misses! A juggler's range doesn't apply here!
Damian Lillard coughs up the Spalding! Injury-prone body strikes again at half court!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama can't recover! Scored on from way beyond the arc! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Harry Potter finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a juggler who's running late!
Both teams head in. Damian Lillard has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Anecdote: Damian Lillard tried to impress the Detroit Engine-Roar players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Donald Trump can't hide the frustration! Their loaded checkbook frustration meets the rock frustration!
This first-ballot legend Donald Trump muscles up a floater but can't get it to fall!
Harry Potter outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a juggler with their bare hands!
This All-Star caliber talent Dennis Rodman is a warrior but the body says no! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of war!
Harry Potter had the chances but couldn't convert. This absolute legend left wanting.
Dennis Rodman closes his eyes walking out. Damian Lillard keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-91 (W)
The game begins and Dennis Rodman is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
The crowd erupts as Donald Trump nails a layup! A film producer on fire at the palace of hoops!
Damian Lillard pressures the inbound! This solid pro with relentless silky smooth technique!
Donald Trump goes to work and creates! Another assist along the baseline! Quarterback!
Damian Lillard, this all-around player, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Halftime whistle. Victor Wembanyama high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This established player Victor Wembanyama punishes the defense with a fadeaway jumper from mid-range!
Dennis Rodman, this absolute unit, basks in a boiling cauldron! This is home!
Victor Wembanyama finds the open teammate! This respected competitor making everyone better!
This will be talked about for years! Damian Lillard with a two-handed slam! Iconic!
Harry Potter dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a juggler's the game chart!
Damian Lillard moonwalks across the hardwood. Harry Potter attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I learned that Damian Lillard's father was a film producer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
124-91 (W)
Victor Wembanyama launches with energy from the opening whistle! This league veteran locked in!
Donald Trump scores again! When you're a film producer by trade, the Spalding is child's play!
This global icon Harry Potter zips the pass through! Another dime from this combo guard!
Harry Potter, this combo guard, overpowers for a half-court heave! Size matters!
This bonafide star Dennis Rodman reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Rest. Dennis Rodman buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Exclusive: Dennis Rodman was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This seasoned vet Damian Lillard is automatic at the buzzer! A two-handed slam drops again!
Donald Trump, this combo guard, caps off a dominant performance! A killer instinct from start to finish!
Harry Potter asked if lengths ahead can be converted to the game credits! No!
Damian Lillard pumps the fist! This league veteran feeling it from mid-range! A bench mob celebration!
Dennis Rodman fades away in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Dennis Rodman and Damian Lillard swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
104-105 (L)
Harry Potter gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a juggler on day one!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, exploits the mismatch for a floater! Too easy!
Damian Lillard, this combo guard, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Damian Lillard explodes the rock into nothing! Occasional mental lapses on full display tonight!
This generational talent Donald Trump with back-to-back buckets! The lead is crumbling!
Rest. Victor Wembanyama buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little scoop: Victor Wembanyama logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Damian Lillard dribbles into a dead end! Tendency to force bad shots in late-game situations!
Victor Wembanyama slams the pill in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
A standing ovation for Donald Trump! The film producer who conquered the court with their loaded checkbook!
Damian Lillard, this tweener, rattles out the free throw! Tendency to force bad shots getting the best of this established player!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, takes the loss hard. Shaky emotions under pressure at the wrong moments.
Dennis Rodman whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Donald Trump nods without conviction. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
113-94 (W)
Damian Lillard, this swiss-army-knife type, is introduced and the arena explodes! This up-and-coming baller is in the building!
Dennis Rodman converts from way beyond the arc! A bank shot with trademark a gym-rat work ethic!
Harry Potter holds the line in the perimeter! The discipline of a juggler with their bare hands!
Victor Wembanyama, this seasoned vet, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a devastating dunk!
Harry Potter, this all-time great, manages the clock beautifully in the final quarter!
Both teams head to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little scoop: Victor Wembanyama tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Damian Lillard scores with night-in night-out consistency. A buzzer-beater at the top of the key! Too smooth!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Finals-like atmosphere as Donald Trump steps up!
Donald Trump rotates on defense! Rotating with their loaded checkbook efficiency!
Victor Wembanyama is inevitable tonight! This solid pro can't be stopped!
This guy with a proven track record Damian Lillard seals the deal! Victory with nerves of steel!
Victor Wembanyama runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Harry Potter follows doing the wave alone. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Harry Potter. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-98 (W)
This dude putting the league on notice Damian Lillard opens the scoring! A double-clutch layup! Early advantage!
The technical flair of Harry Potter recalls their juggler days. A pull-up jumper! Sublime!
This legit talent Damian Lillard with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Halftime! Damian Lillard walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Damian Lillard once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Dennis Rodman hits a thunderous slam! That dawg mentality proving to be the difference tonight!
Donald Trump penetrates and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This living legend Donald Trump runs the rock patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
Harry Potter's juggler background shines through every play with the game!
Victor Wembanyama dishes the trophy! This seasoned vet adds to the collection! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Donald Trump and Damian Lillard act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Did you know that Damian Lillard practices film producer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
112-99 (W)
Damian Lillard opens with a step-back three! This league veteran making an early statement!
Harry Potter hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from the right corner!
Victor Wembanyama an iron-wall defense with authority! This mountain of a man protecting the paint!
Damian Lillard with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open step-back three!
Dennis Rodman reads the defense perfectly! A killer instinct and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Into the tunnel. Damian Lillard grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Damian Lillard tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
A free throw from Victor Wembanyama! This solid pro is putting on a show tonight!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Damian Lillard, this established player, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A Playoff atmosphere!
It's over! Harry Potter delivers the goods! This hall-of-fame lock walks off a winner!
Victor Wembanyama runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Did you know that Harry Potter practices film producer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
99-97 (W)
Donald Trump, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! Wild stands!
Harry Potter with the chase-down surgical steal! What athleticism!
Damian Lillard misfires from the right corner! Even this league veteran has off nights!
A two-handed slam from Dennis Rodman driving to the hoop! That's a statement right there!
Damian Lillard sets the screen at the perfect angle! This player on the come-up cerebral play!
End of the second quarter. Dennis Rodman is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Small detail: Dennis Rodman whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Victor Wembanyama with the late steal and score! This solid pro taking matters into own hands!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama acknowledges the fans! An electric crowd of mutual respect!
This respected competitor Damian Lillard converts the free throws under pressure! Scary good handles under pressure!
Donald Trump is named player of the game! The film producer is also the star!
Harry Potter and Donald Trump stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. Evening confession: I'm wearing Harry Potter's jersey under my shirt. For morale. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-110 (L)
Dennis Rodman, this established star, embraces the sold-out gym on fire! Game on!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, gets the look but can't convert facing the rim!
Turnover by Harry Potter! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Dennis Rodman gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
Donald Trump gets the friendly bounce! Even the damn ball respects a film producer!
Break! Damian Lillard has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. They say Damian Lillard eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Victor Wembanyama, this player on the come-up, refuses to high-five! Hot head hurting the chemistry!
Donald Trump sends it wide! Their loaded checkbook wouldn't forgive that either!
Donald Trump adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a film producer with the risky picture!
Harry Potter tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a juggler's energy for the game!
This player on the come-up Damian Lillard congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this player on the come-up.
Donald Trump bites his lip, fists clenched. Harry Potter shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
78-113 (L)
This big-name player Dennis Rodman comes out firing! A devastating dunk in the first minute!
This legit talent Damian Lillard shanks an and-one from the right corner! That's uncharacteristic!
This legit talent Damian Lillard with turnover number lengths ahead! Limited stamina is piling up!
Damian Lillard gets crossed over! This next-level player left frozen driving to the hoop!
This headliner Dennis Rodman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Both teams head to the locker room. Harry Potter wipes his forehead with his jersey. Rumor has it Harry Potter talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Dennis Rodman misfires at the top of the key! This All-Star caliber talent searching for answers!
Damian Lillard bends over during the dead ball! This well-respected player gathering what's left!
Damian Lillard tries to be too fancy and loses the basketball! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
Damian Lillard mutters to himself walking back! This seasoned vet fighting inner demons!
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Harry Potter lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Dennis Rodman decides not to comment. I learned tonight that Harry Potter used to be a film producer. That explains the unique running style. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-101 (L)
Harry Potter, this household name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Damian Lillard can't buy a bucket! Another miss in transition! Frustrating!
Donald Trump with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the risky picture!
This guy everybody knows Dennis Rodman gives up the offensive rebound! Limited stamina when boxing out!
An and-one by Donald Trump from mid-range! Eyes in the back of the head in every fiber!
Halftime. Harry Potter's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Fun fact: Harry Potter was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Dennis Rodman storms to the bench! This elite player is visibly upset!
Harry Potter lets fly the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this global icon!
Harry Potter uses that juggler IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Dennis Rodman, this mammoth, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Harry Potter's gaze is cold, distant. Dennis Rodman's gaze is hot, angry. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-101 (L)
Tip-off! Dennis Rodman gets us started! Let's go!
Damian Lillard forces a bad off-balance shot! This established player needs to trust teammates!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Damian Lillard with the smooth thunderous slam! This seasoned vet making it look easy!
Halftime! Harry Potter has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Did you know Harry Potter once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Damian Lillard penetrates angrily after the turnover! This guy with a proven track record spiraling!
Harry Potter with the contested floater along the baseline! No good! Bad selection!
Donald Trump triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with film producer urgency!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, sucking wind after that sprint! This ball game of battle!
Victor Wembanyama sits alone on the bench. This guy with a proven track record processing the defeat.
Donald Trump walks head down toward the tunnel. Damian Lillard drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
110-106 (W)
Dennis Rodman, this jersey-selling name, draws first blood! An and-one to start!
Harry Potter, this combo guard, locks down the attacker! Freakish explosiveness on the defensive end!
Dennis Rodman, this multi-time All-Star, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
This dude putting the league on notice Damian Lillard goes to work off the pick and roll! A deep three drops beautifully!
This certified bucket Dennis Rodman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Finally a breather. Dennis Rodman has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Dennis Rodman is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Victor Wembanyama with the clutch rebound! This well-respected player fighting for every ball!
Victor Wembanyama with the suffocating defense! This dude putting the league on notice is a wall out there!
A boiling cauldron as Harry Potter nails a pull-up jumper! The juggler delivers!
Victor Wembanyama converts in traffic during the fourth quarter! A step-back three! Iron discipline!
Dennis Rodman can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Harry Potter points both hands at the sky. Damian Lillard points at Harry Potter. Donald Trump points at the exit. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-105 (L)
This bonafide star Dennis Rodman means business! Fast start in the paint!
Harry Potter scores driving to the hoop! A finger roll with unreal swagger! Brilliant!
Dennis Rodman, this tree of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to force bad shots!
Donald Trump clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their loaded checkbook hitting the risky picture!
Damian Lillard blows past and scores! The comeback is on! This player making noise believing!
Halftime whistle! Donald Trump slides down against the hallway wall. Rumor has it Donald Trump does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Dennis Rodman goes to work and bricks it! Tendency to rush in the third quarter!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Donald Trump has found another gear! This hall-of-fame lock shifting into overdrive!
This undisputed superstar Harry Potter gets called for the charge in coming out of the locker room! Brutal!
Harry Potter tips the cap to the winners! The juggler's grace with the game!
Dennis Rodman pulls his cap down over his eyes. Donald Trump doesn't have a cap, and it shows. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
122-101 (W)
Harry Potter steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
This franchise guy Dennis Rodman with a vintage bucket! The old magic is still there!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by ridiculous creativity!
This top-tier talent Dennis Rodman with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Donald Trump manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their loaded checkbook on the risky picture!
Break! Victor Wembanyama takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. They say Victor Wembanyama has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Donald Trump posts up with the precision of a film producer at work. And it's a catch-and-shoot triple!
This jersey-selling name Dennis Rodman has the arena rocking! A roaring arena off the charts!
Damian Lillard, this tweener, sets the perfect screen! Eyes in the back of the head for the team!
Donald Trump's arc from the risky picture to a buzzer beater is the stuff of movies!
Dennis Rodman, this walking skyscraper, acknowledges the fans! A hostile crowd! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Damian Lillard and Donald Trump act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
0-15 ahh ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... 0-15 ahh!
The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Victor Wembanyama. The man. The beast. Standing at 224 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Harry Potter. The man is a juggler. Yes, you heard that right. A juggler. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Harry Potter had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
0-15 ahh ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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