diddys — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | diddys | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Diddys! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even her own teammates sometimes. That's Bonnie Blue. Standing at 163 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because she was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. What kills you about this girl is that she makes basketball look easy. You watch her and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of her is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and she just dropped a step-back in her face like she was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Bonnie Blue, her brother-in-law and a tv host by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Bonnie Blue can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-120 (L)
George Floyd lets fly onto the floor! The crowd roars for this bonafide star!
George Floyd, this tweener, gets stuffed trying a bucket! Denied!
Johnny Sins tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Tendency to rush in the decision-making!
Bonnie Blue beaten to the spot! Slower than a tv host on a Monday morning!
Johnny Sins shakes their head! A tv host who can't believe that just happened!
End of the first half. George Floyd is beet red but still standing. Fun fact: George Floyd was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Osama bin Laden clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the theodolite hitting the river gorge!
George Floyd drives sluggishly! Sometimes predictable game catching up with this world-class player!
Adolf Hitler, this compact dynamo, gets called for the carry! Heavy feet in ball-handling!
George Floyd glares at the scoreboard! This established star not happy with the situation!
Osama bin Laden packs up and heads out! Packing the theodolite, unpacking emotions!
Osama bin Laden unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Bonnie Blue runs a hand down her face. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
122-94 (W)
Osama bin Laden takes the court to a boiling cauldron! The civil engineer with the theodolite is here!
Johnny Sins strings together a pull-up jumper on the low block. Iron discipline on full display!
This hall-of-fame lock Adolf Hitler anchors the defense from way beyond the arc! Nothing gets through!
Bonnie Blue goes to work and finds the trailer for a half-court heave! Great awareness!
Johnny Sins sets the screen at the perfect angle! This guy with a proven track record cerebral play!
Halftime! Adolf Hitler walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Adolf Hitler keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Bonnie Blue with the step-back scoop layup! Creating space like a tv host with their bare hands!
Fans hold up the game signs for Bonnie Blue! What a scene!
Bonnie Blue rebounds and outlets! From board to bucket, this tv host does it all!
What a journey for Adolf Hitler! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Johnny Sins crosses over into the tunnel with the W! This established player all smiles!
Osama bin Laden jumps into Johnny Sins's arms without warning. They both go down. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
89-107 (L)
Opening possession for Bonnie Blue! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Adolf Hitler misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the front line!
This rising star Bonnie Blue forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Osama bin Laden, this absolute unit, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
Osama bin Laden knocks down a finger roll under the basket! Ice in the veins!
The players file out. Johnny Sins exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little scoop: Johnny Sins collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Osama bin Laden buries their face! Hidden from view, the civil engineer can't watch!
George Floyd forces up a hook shot over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Johnny Sins positions perfectly in the top of the key! Placement of their bare hands on the game!
This dark horse Bonnie Blue can barely jump! The springs are gone under the basket!
Adolf Hitler fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the soldier gave everything!
Osama bin Laden takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Bonnie Blue follows the same path. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
89-111 (L)
Bonnie Blue announces themselves! The tv host has arrived and the building knows it!
Adolf Hitler, this miniature missile, gets the look but can't convert under the basket!
This certified bucket George Floyd dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Adolf Hitler gets posted up and scored on! This certified GOAT candidate overpowered!
George Floyd pulls up the basketball into a layup! A gym-rat work ethic shining through!
The locker room. Johnny Sins sprawls out full-length on the bench. True story: Johnny Sins had his parking spot stolen by Philadelphia Injury-Report's mascot. Still talks about it. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Adolf Hitler tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the soldier will bounce back!
Johnny Sins fires away but overcooks it! Tendency to rush showing up again!
Bonnie Blue attacks the ball out of the trap! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
This franchise guy George Floyd is a warrior but the body says no! This ball game of war!
Adolf Hitler walks off in defeat! Even a soldier's skills couldn't save tonight!
Adolf Hitler hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Osama bin Laden keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
84-121 (L)
Johnny Sins takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Bonnie Blue, this short king, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to force bad shots!
Osama bin Laden double-dribbles! Bridging the river gorge doesn't have that rule!
Johnny Sins gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Johnny Sins storms to the bench! Heated! This tv host doesn't handle losing well!
Well-deserved break. George Floyd looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little scoop: George Floyd tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Adolf Hitler, this hall-of-fame lock, sends the orange wide! The touch is off tonight!
Bonnie Blue plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
Stolen from Johnny Sins! A tv host who let it slip through their fingers!
Adolf Hitler vents at their teammates! The soldier who vents about the front line!
This franchise cornerstone Osama bin Laden shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Osama bin Laden looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Adolf Hitler looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-104 (L)
This first-ballot legend Osama bin Laden catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Bonnie Blue throws up a clunker! Their bare hands would weep at that trajectory!
This well-respected player Johnny Sins with turnover number lengths ahead! Tendency to force bad shots is piling up!
Bonnie Blue gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Johnny Sins with the fadeaway euro-step! Smooth as their bare hands in action!
Break time. Osama bin Laden bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. The staff told me Osama bin Laden sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
George Floyd, this smooth operator, waves off the play call! Tendency to rush hurting the team!
Osama bin Laden fires away but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Osama bin Laden goes small-ball! Adapting like a civil engineer who reads the room!
Johnny Sins dunks but can't sustain the effort! Lack of consistency emptying the tank!
Adolf Hitler dishes past the media. This once-in-a-lifetime player not in the mood to talk.
Osama bin Laden punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Adolf Hitler slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-112 (L)
This hall-of-fame lock Adolf Hitler in the starting lineup! Let's see what this hall-of-fame lock brings!
Osama bin Laden misses the layup! Even the river gorge would have gone in easier!
Adolf Hitler throws it out of bounds! Like launching their service rifle into the void!
Osama bin Laden loses their assignment! Like losing the theodolite in the workshop!
Adolf Hitler makes it look easy! As easy as a soldier defending the front line!
Halftime. Adolf Hitler wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Rumor has it Adolf Hitler tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This established star George Floyd hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in transition!
Adolf Hitler misses the open look! A soldier never misses the front line... But misses the Wilson!
This guy nobody was talking about Bonnie Blue sets the back screen! An off-the-charts basketball IQ off-ball contribution!
Johnny Sins pulls up a step slower than usual! Lack of consistency in the tank!
Bonnie Blue reflects on what could have been. Lack of consistency the difference tonight.
Johnny Sins walks head down toward the tunnel. Adolf Hitler drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-114 (L)
Game time! George Floyd and this franchise guy ready to put on a show at the gym!
George Floyd forces a scoop layup at half court! This elite player trying too hard!
Johnny Sins coughs up the ball! Occasional mental lapses strikes again in transition!
This household name Adolf Hitler commits the and-one foul! Tendency to force bad shots in positioning!
A thunderous slam by Johnny Sins! The crowd erupts! Insane court vision personified!
Halftime whistle. George Floyd high-fives his teammates on the way out. Exclusive: George Floyd was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
This all-time great Osama bin Laden shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Osama bin Laden sends it wide! The theodolite wouldn't forgive that either!
Bonnie Blue finds the angle! The angle tv host uses for the game!
Johnny Sins, this elusive guard, looks exhausted at half court! The legs are gone!
Osama bin Laden refuses to make excuses! A civil engineer owns the river gorge failures too!
Adolf Hitler's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Johnny Sins hides his eyes under a towel. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
91-111 (L)
Adolf Hitler sets the tone early! The soldier came to play tonight!
Bonnie Blue rushes an alley-oop back to the basket! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
Bonnie Blue, this little firecracker, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the left corner!
Johnny Sins overcommits and gets beat! Lack of consistency when reading the play!
Adolf Hitler attacks to the rack for a floater! Can't contain this elusive guard!
Break. Bonnie Blue collapses next to the vending machine. Anecdote: Bonnie Blue once wore her jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We're back! The players look fired up.
Bonnie Blue drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a tv host's spirit has limits!
Adolf Hitler fires away and fires but misses everything! Tendency to rush tonight!
Osama bin Laden makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true civil engineer!
Johnny Sins gulps water! As thirsty as a tv host reaching for the game!
Adolf Hitler consoles teammates! The heart of a soldier in that moment!
Osama bin Laden presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Bonnie Blue walks right past without noticing. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
96-120 (L)
Osama bin Laden checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This multi-time All-Star George Floyd short-arms a buzzer beater from the right corner! Not enough lift!
Bonnie Blue turns it over at the last second! A tv host dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Osama bin Laden gets blown by! Even a civil engineer couldn't stop that!
This up-and-coming baller Johnny Sins with a cold-blooded fadeaway jumper! No conscience!
Break. Adolf Hitler asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Anecdote: Adolf Hitler fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Johnny Sins throws their hands up! Like a tv host when their bare hands breaks!
Osama bin Laden bricks it! Not the same accuracy as bridging the river gorge!
Adolf Hitler identifies the soft spot in the zone! This basketball god surgical precision!
Bonnie Blue is cramping up! This hungry young player trying to shake it off! Sometimes predictable game!
Bonnie Blue, this short king, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Osama bin Laden lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Bonnie Blue holds her in. I learned backstage that Bonnie Blue also does soldier on weekends. That explains those reflexes. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-125 (L)
Osama bin Laden looks dialed in from the start! Pure God-given talent preparation showing!
George Floyd steps back the basketball into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!
Adolf Hitler trips up in the top of the key! A soldier never trips at work... Right?
Adolf Hitler, this compact dynamo, can't keep up with the speed! Lack of consistency exposed!
Bonnie Blue kicks the air! The frustration of a tv host who knows they can do better!
Break! Osama bin Laden has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Exclusive info: Osama bin Laden is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Osama bin Laden can't find the range! The theodolite has better accuracy than that!
This reliable star George Floyd can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Bonnie Blue with the backcourt violation! A tv host going backwards with the game!
Adolf Hitler walks away muttering! Muttering about the front line under their breath!
Osama bin Laden leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a civil engineer after the river gorge setback!
Bonnie Blue rips off her headband and throws it on the ground. George Floyd picks up his own and folds it carefully. Tonight I had a revelation: George Floyd runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-125 (L)
Osama bin Laden, this hall-of-fame lock, embraces the crowd fully behind them! Game on!
Bonnie Blue misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
Johnny Sins, this low-to-the-ground speedster, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
Adolf Hitler gets posterized! A soldier framed by their service rifle in the worst way!
This hall-of-fame lock Osama bin Laden gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Coach calls everyone back. Adolf Hitler drags his feet toward the tunnel. Locker room intel: Adolf Hitler has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
George Floyd, this smooth operator, can't get a sky hook to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Adolf Hitler, this potential GOAT, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
George Floyd with the errant pass! This franchise guy needs to settle down!
Osama bin Laden, this living legend, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
Bonnie Blue takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad tv host day!
Adolf Hitler's eyes are glassy. George Floyd mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-126 (L)
Osama bin Laden lets fly with energy from the opening whistle! This potential GOAT locked in!
An off-balance shot from George Floyd hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
Osama bin Laden commits the live-ball turnover! The theodolite would be ashamed!
Osama bin Laden lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this hall-of-fame lock fooled!
George Floyd slams the ball in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Halftime. The doctor examines Adolf Hitler's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Word is Adolf Hitler sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
The rim rejects Osama bin Laden! The rim says no! Even a civil engineer gets rejected sometimes!
Bonnie Blue labors up the court! Trudging like a tv host dragging the game!
This household name Adolf Hitler commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
George Floyd drives and kicks the stanchion! This guy everybody knows losing composure!
This multi-time All-Star George Floyd congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this multi-time All-Star.
Johnny Sins mutters while walking out. Bonnie Blue watches from the corner of her eye, worried. Did you know that Bonnie Blue practices soldier on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
83-113 (L)
Adolf Hitler steps onto the palace of hoops! From defending the front line to this, game time!
Johnny Sins misses! Even a tv host can't fix that shot!
George Floyd with a wild pass that sails out! This jersey-selling name giving it away!
Johnny Sins gives up the back door! Heavy feet when overplaying!
Osama bin Laden argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to bridging the river gorge!
Halftime! Adolf Hitler walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Adolf Hitler knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Johnny Sins, this miniature missile, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to force bad shots!
Osama bin Laden struggles in the closing moments! The civil engineer hitting the wall with the river gorge!
Johnny Sins loses the Wilson! A tv host would never be this careless!
George Floyd, this big-name player, with the frustrated foul! Sometimes predictable game in tough moments!
Johnny Sins sits alone on the bench. This name that's buzzing processing the defeat.
Johnny Sins mutters 'damn' under his breath. George Floyd says 'yeah' in the same tone. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Johnny Sins's name. Forgive me. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-116 (L)
This elite player George Floyd opens the scoring! A half-court heave! Early advantage!
Osama bin Laden crosses over the leather but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
George Floyd, this solid build, gets stripped at the top of the key! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Johnny Sins overcommits! Going all-in like a tv host on the game, but wrong!
Johnny Sins, this well-respected player, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Halftime! Bonnie Blue is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: Bonnie Blue once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Osama bin Laden misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim the theodolite at the river gorge!
Bonnie Blue tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a tv host's energy for the game!
George Floyd, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the Spalding! Mental lapse!
This established star George Floyd throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
This seasoned vet Johnny Sins tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Johnny Sins stares at the floor while Osama bin Laden mutters something inaudible under his breath. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
diddys finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Bonnie Blue.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Diddys!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even her own teammates sometimes. That's Bonnie Blue. Standing at 163 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because she was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
What kills you about this girl is that she makes basketball look easy. You watch her and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of her is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and she just dropped a step-back in her face like she was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Bonnie Blue, her brother-in-law and a tv host by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Bonnie Blue can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
diddys finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Bonnie Blue.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
