My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Captain America. A military personnel by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the frontline with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-116 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent James Harden comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Allen Iverson explodes the basketball into nothing! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display tonight!
Captain America dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the military personnel's finest moment!
Captain America overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
Kobe Bryant dishes the basketball with that dawg mentality. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Rest time. Captain America isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Captain America started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This basketball god Michael Jordan throws an elbow in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Captain America launches from deep and misses! A military personnel's range doesn't apply here!
Captain America goes to the post! That military personnel strength is showing!
Michael Jordan, this household name, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Michael Jordan sits alone on the bench. This once-in-a-lifetime player processing the defeat.
Allen Iverson shakes Captain America's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
126-86 (W)
This reliable star James Harden means business! Fast start in the paint!
Kobe Bryant converts from way beyond the arc! A scoop layup with trademark freakish explosiveness!
Kobe Bryant explodes the damn ball through traffic! What a pass by this guy with rings on every finger!
Captain America finishes with style! Years of defending the frontline built those hands!
James Harden, this oversized freak, locks down the attacker! Night-in night-out consistency on the defensive end!
The players disappear into the tunnel. James Harden asks for an ice pack. True story: James Harden had his parking spot stolen by Miami Heart-Attack's mascot. Still talks about it. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Kobe Bryant, this once-in-a-lifetime player, reads the play perfectly and delivers a free throw!
Michael Jordan piles it on! A floater extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan forgets the play call! Looking at the bench confused!
Michael Jordan slides across the floor! A primal scream off the pick and roll! Entertainment!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Allen Iverson slides across the court in his socks while Michael Jordan splashes water on everyone. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-81 (W)
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, sets the tone immediately! An off-the-charts basketball IQ from the jump!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan erupts for an off-balance shot! The floodgates are open!
Kobe Bryant plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this undisputed superstar!
Allen Iverson picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a two-handed slam!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime! Allen Iverson checks his stats on the board and winces. Juicy anecdote: Allen Iverson was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Michael Jordan crosses over past the defense for a free throw! Size advantage from this this beanpole!
Deafening noise! Allen Iverson crosses over and the building shakes!
This multi-time All-Star James Harden claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this multi-time All-Star!
The stadium knows it! Allen Iverson is special! This certified bucket writing legacy!
This elite player Allen Iverson secures the win with a gym-rat work ethic! Another one in the bag!
Michael Jordan gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Allen Iverson gives his shoes. Kobe Bryant gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
120-74 (W)
James Harden looks dialed in from the start! An unmatched feel for the game preparation showing!
Captain America converts from the low block! A military personnel converting the frontline into gold!
Kobe Bryant with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Unreal swagger on that one!
Captain America with a free throw! The finesse of their service rifle right there on the temple of basketball!
This household name Kobe Bryant with the weak-side left-handed block! Incredible help!
That's a cut. Kobe Bryant stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Allen Iverson with another half-court heave! You can't stop this man!
Captain America extends the lead! The military personnel is pulling away from the pack!
Kobe Bryant, this household name, tries to block the shot and fouls the backboard!
Captain America pulls up and celebrates! A raised fist along the baseline! The crowd erupts!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, celebrates the win! A fist pump toward the bench! What a game!
Captain America launches his shoe into the air. Allen Iverson catches it. Standing ovation. Tonight I learned Captain America used to be a military personnel before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
127-82 (W)
The game begins and James Harden is ready! You can see insane court vision written all over his face!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, drops a sky hook on the low block! Pure artistry!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Kobe Bryant with the decisive tear drop! Insane court vision when it matters most!
James Harden forces the step-out-of-bounds! This certified bucket hawking the ball!
Break. James Harden collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Fun fact: James Harden was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This world-class player Captain America does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
This established star James Harden puts the exclamation point! A pull-up jumper off the pick and roll!
This headliner James Harden trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, with the signature chest bump! The fans love it!
Captain America salutes the fans! A military personnel's farewell until the next frontline!
James Harden rips the net off the rim. Captain America wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
107-97 (W)
This top-tier talent James Harden comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper at the buzzer!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, overpowers for an and-one! Size matters!
Kobe Bryant jumps into the passing lane! A monster swat! Huge play!
Captain America dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this military personnel!
Allen Iverson fires away into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!
Back in the locker room, Captain America sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Captain America tried to impress the Los Angeles Nursing-Home players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
James Harden, this 7-footer, elevates for a monster free throw!
The crowd is on its feet! An incredible energy as Allen Iverson takes the court!
James Harden finds the open teammate! This headliner making everyone better!
The legend of Kobe Bryant grows! This household name adding another chapter off the pick and roll!
Captain America leaves everything on the palace of hoops! Left it all out there tonight!
James Harden charges toward the crowd. Captain America catches him just before he dives into the stands. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
119-92 (W)
Michael Jordan dunks with energy from the opening whistle! This first-ballot legend locked in!
Kobe Bryant scores with freakish explosiveness. An alley-oop at the top of the key! Too smooth!
Captain America, this all-around player, contests everything facing the rim! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
James Harden with the alley-oop pass! This walking skyscraper throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Kobe Bryant, this basketball god, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! James Harden walks head down toward the tunnel. Did you know James Harden entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
A bucket from James Harden! Another dagger! This headliner closing the door!
Opposing fans respect Captain America! Even rivals admire a military personnel's hustle!
This generational talent Michael Jordan defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
The commentators can't stop talking about Captain America's military personnel background and their service rifle!
It's over! Allen Iverson delivers the goods! This reliable star walks off a winner!
James Harden and Allen Iverson do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
117-83 (W)
Game time! Captain America and this franchise guy ready to put on a show at the court!
An alley-oop from Allen Iverson from mid-range! That's a statement right there!
This franchise guy Allen Iverson connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for an alley-oop!
Captain America blows past and delivers a half-court heave! Their service rifle by day, buckets by night!
Kobe Bryant with the huge clutch steal off the pick and roll! This absolute legend says no!
Halftime! Allen Iverson walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Rumor has it Allen Iverson tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
This all-time great Michael Jordan converts facing the rim! An alley-oop right on cue!
This household name Michael Jordan takes a bow! A primal scream! This was clinical!
This elite player Allen Iverson sits on the Wilson during the timeout! Making themselves at home!
Kobe Bryant, this walking skyscraper, chest bumps the teammate! A team high-five! Pure joy!
This top-tier talent James Harden caps off a special night! A hug with the coach! Until next time!
Allen Iverson does a handstand. Michael Jordan holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
110-115 (L)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant capitalizes back to the basket! A bucket with silky smooth technique!
Kobe Bryant gets screened out of the play! This hall-of-fame lock lost in traffic!
James Harden can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this guy everybody knows!
Allen Iverson hits driving to the hoop! The crowd is back in it! Game on!
Finally a breather. Kobe Bryant has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know? Kobe Bryant has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This max-contract guy Allen Iverson fouls in the clutch! Ego the size of Texas showing late!
Allen Iverson steps back the towel! This multi-time All-Star showing limited stamina!
James Harden, this long boy, sets the tone with eyes in the back of the head! Leader!
Allen Iverson can't hit the go-ahead! Hot head when the lights are brightest!
Captain America packs up and heads out! Packing their service rifle, unpacking emotions!
Kobe Bryant sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Michael Jordan puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
115-102 (W)
Captain America blows past into position! This elite player not wasting any time!
James Harden with the smooth finger roll! This reliable star making it look easy!
Allen Iverson reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Allen Iverson, this versatile guy, finds the rolling big man! A two-handed slam off the assist!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant adjusts the angle mid-drive! An unmatched feel for the game body control!
Back to the locker room. Allen Iverson's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: Allen Iverson is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Kobe Bryant with the crafty off-balance shot! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on display!
The building is buzzing! Allen Iverson and wild stands creating magic!
Captain America picks up the assignment! Locked in, the military personnel accepts the mission!
Kobe Bryant, this hall-of-fame lock, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this hall-of-fame lock is dangerous!
That's the game! Michael Jordan finishes with a monster performance! This global icon victorious!
James Harden blows a kiss to the camera. Michael Jordan blows twelve. Allen Iverson blocks the lens. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-105 (L)
James Harden, this All-Star caliber talent, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!
Kobe Bryant with the tough buzzer beater through contact! This first-ballot legend won't be denied!
Michael Jordan gets crossed over! This living legend left frozen from way beyond the arc!
Captain America, this franchise guy, comes up empty! A thunderous slam off target in the paint!
Captain America single-handedly erases the deficit! One-person army with their service rifle!
Halftime! Kobe Bryant looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Allen Iverson misses in the clutch! An off-balance shot off the mark in the first quarter!
James Harden launches away from the huddle! This world-class player in a dark place mentally!
Captain America plays with the grit of someone who defends the frontline daily!
This world-class player James Harden gets the look but can't convert! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Kobe Bryant, this franchise cornerstone, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Michael Jordan collapses into the first available chair. Allen Iverson stays standing, eyes glazed over. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
97-102 (L)
This household name Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this household name brings!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, gets the look along the baseline but the lid's on the rim!
This guy everybody knows James Harden dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Allen Iverson gets caught flat-footed! This top-tier talent beaten to the spot!
A tear drop! Michael Jordan cannot be stopped tonight! This hall-of-fame lock is locked in!
Back in the locker room, James Harden sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: James Harden lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
This franchise guy James Harden stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Kobe Bryant, this certified GOAT candidate, pulls the trigger from way beyond the arc but no luck!
Captain America, this combo guard, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This jersey-selling name James Harden can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
James Harden goes to work to the tunnel in disappointment. This franchise guy will learn from this.
Captain America slams his fist on the bench. James Harden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I got a text from Captain America after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-107 (L)
James Harden, this big fella, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
Michael Jordan dribbles but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
Michael Jordan coughs up the rock! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again facing the rim!
James Harden loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
Allen Iverson dunks and fires a pull-up jumper! This tweener lighting it up!
The locker room fills up. Allen Iverson has already eaten three oranges. The staff told me Allen Iverson sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
James Harden slams the Spalding in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
James Harden misses the open look! This max-contract guy can't believe it! Limited stamina!
James Harden sets the screen at the perfect angle! This guy everybody knows cerebral play!
This multi-time All-Star Allen Iverson has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Allen Iverson reflects on what could have been. Tendency to rush the difference tonight.
Allen Iverson snaps at the bench on his way out. Michael Jordan says nothing, but his look says everything. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
104-117 (L)
Captain America takes the court to wild stands! The military personnel with their service rifle is here!
Captain America with the off-balance buzzer beater! This jersey-selling name couldn't set the feet!
Captain America throws it away! Tendency to force bad shots under pressure along the baseline!
Allen Iverson scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
Allen Iverson hits a bank shot! Night-in night-out consistency proving to be the difference tonight!
Rest time. Captain America isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Captain America slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Kobe Bryant, this titan, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
Captain America, this tweener, can't finish on the low block! That one stings!
Allen Iverson, this tweener, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Captain America, this smooth operator, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Allen Iverson, this reliable star, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Allen Iverson stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Michael Jordan exhales. Again. And again. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
116-91 (W)
James Harden takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Allen Iverson buries a half-court heave under the basket! This world-class player is on fire tonight!
Captain America, this guy everybody knows, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Allen Iverson with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Allen Iverson pushes the pace in transition! Nerves of steel showing in every play!
Break! Captain America takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Rumor has it Captain America talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Captain America knocks down a deep three driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
A cathedral silence fills the arena! This global icon Kobe Bryant feeds off the energy!
Captain America takes the charge for the team! Heart of a military personnel, sacrifice of a warrior!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan silences the noise! Insane court vision locked in! Nothing else matters!
This franchise guy Allen Iverson seals the deal! Victory with an unmatched feel for the game!
Allen Iverson and Michael Jordan fake a wrestling match. Kobe Bryant plays the referee and calls a timeout. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Captain America. A military personnel by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the frontline with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
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