My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Victor Wembanyama is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 224 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Iron Man. The man. Is. A superhero. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhero. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhero and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-117 (L)
This respected competitor Josh Allen gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Yao Ming lets fly the basketball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Victor Wembanyama drives into a trap! Lack of consistency when reading the defense!
Yao Ming gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Yao Ming drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
End of the second quarter. Goofy is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know Goofy started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Victor Wembanyama fires a finger roll off the pick and roll but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Josh Allen, this mountain of a man, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Josh Allen charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to rush when controlling pace!
Josh Allen mutters to himself walking back! This solid pro fighting inner demons!
Josh Allen walks off in silence. This player on the come-up gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Victor Wembanyama shakes Iron Man's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-112 (W)
Josh Allen takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Goofy a surgical steal at the critical moment! A gym-rat work ethic right on cue!
Josh Allen gets a clean look but defense that's basically a suggestion costs the bucket!
Victor Wembanyama, this player on the come-up, with the exclamation-point tear drop! Game changer!
Iron Man makes the hockey pass! An unmatched feel for the game finding the extra pass!
Break time. Goofy bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Fun fact: Goofy is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Victor Wembanyama shoots past everyone in the second quarter! An off-balance shot! Legendary!
Yao Ming a flawless defensive rotation and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
This franchise guy Goofy turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Goofy with the biggest play of the game! A two-handed slam at the top of the key!
This franchise guy Goofy seals the deal! Victory with scary good handles!
Iron Man and Yao Ming stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
93-100 (L)
Iron Man steps onto the gym! From competing the game to this, game time!
This established player Victor Wembanyama misses the mark! A finger roll goes begging from mid-range!
This global icon Iron Man gets pickpocketed in the paint! Sloppy handling!
Yao Ming lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this top-tier talent fooled!
Josh Allen converts a tough finger roll from downtown! Skill level: elite!
Both teams head to the locker room. Yao Ming wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little scoop: Yao Ming tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Iron Man glares at the scoreboard! This generational talent not happy with the situation!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama with a rare miss driving to the hoop! Even the best stumble!
Josh Allen, this guy with a proven track record, manages the clock beautifully in overtime!
This jersey-selling name Goofy stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 48 regulation minutes!
Goofy sits alone on the bench. This top-tier talent processing the defeat.
Goofy sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Iron Man winces. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
87-108 (L)
Yao Ming crosses over with energy from the opening whistle! This multi-time All-Star locked in!
Yao Ming spins but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
This jersey-selling name Goofy with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This player on the come-up Josh Allen gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to rush when boxing out!
The technical flair of Iron Man recalls their superhero days. A floater! Sublime!
Halftime. The doctor examines Goofy's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Little scoop: Goofy tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Goofy, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Iron Man misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
This bonafide star Yao Ming with the savvy veteran play! Iron discipline experience showing!
Iron Man struggles in the first half! The superhero hitting the wall with the game!
Goofy, this world-class player, takes the loss hard. Heavy feet at the wrong moments.
Victor Wembanyama's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Josh Allen breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-103 (W)
Yao Ming, this big-name player, draws first blood! A buzzer beater to start!
A fadeaway jumper! Victor Wembanyama cannot be stopped tonight! This seasoned vet is locked in!
Josh Allen, this beanpole, blankets the shooter driving to the hoop! No daylight!
Iron Man threads the needle! Precision of their bare hands through the game!
Josh Allen, this league veteran, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
The players head in. Josh Allen slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know? Josh Allen launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Yao Ming rises up and it's an and-one! This headliner proving the doubters wrong!
This established player Josh Allen has the arena rocking! A standing ovation off the charts!
Iron Man unites the squad with a suffocating man-to-man defense! The unifier, the superhero of the game!
Victor Wembanyama is writing the story tonight! This league veteran with a two-handed slam from way beyond the arc!
It's over! Goofy delivers the goods! This headliner walks off a winner!
Goofy and Iron Man run circles around Josh Allen who doesn't move. Zen. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Iron Man. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
121-102 (W)
This top-tier talent Goofy catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Yao Ming, this world-class player, drops a layup at the top of the key! Pure artistry!
Yao Ming with the huge charge taken from downtown! This top-tier talent says no!
Goofy threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
This legit talent Josh Allen sets the back screen! An unmatched feel for the game off-ball contribution!
Break! Victor Wembanyama heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Yao Ming dishes past the defense for a bucket! Size advantage from this this giant!
This All-Star caliber talent Goofy gets the crowd into it! A Finals-like atmosphere at fever pitch!
Josh Allen blows past the basketball with patience! This player on the come-up trusting the system!
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A Finals-like atmosphere!
This guy with a proven track record Josh Allen led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Victor Wembanyama and Iron Man freestyle a victory rap. Goofy does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-100 (W)
Goofy, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Freakish explosiveness from the jump!
A deep three from Josh Allen from the left corner! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Iron Man, this undersized dog, contests everything in the paint! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
This player on the come-up Josh Allen zips the pass through! Another dime from this towering presence!
Iron Man slows the pace when the team needs it! This living legend tempo control!
Back in the locker room, Iron Man sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Iron Man lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Josh Allen, this absolute unit, takes over in the paint. A two-handed slam! That's elite!
Listen to that roar! Josh Allen dunks and the place explodes!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, anchors the second unit! This player making noise versatile contributor!
Goofy, this headliner, answers every challenge! An unmatched feel for the game never fading!
Iron Man can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Iron Man and Goofy fake a wrestling match. Yao Ming plays the referee and calls a timeout. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-112 (L)
Josh Allen looks dialed in from the start! Freakish explosiveness preparation showing!
Victor Wembanyama, this respected competitor, with the shot-clock heave! No good along the baseline!
Josh Allen coughs up the damn ball! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again under the basket!
Victor Wembanyama gets screened out of the play! This player making noise lost in traffic!
Josh Allen takes off past everyone for a buzzer beater! This mountain of a man on a mission!
Rest time. Josh Allen isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it Josh Allen has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Victor Wembanyama gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Iron Man misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Goofy, this all-around player, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
This headliner Goofy is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
Iron Man walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Goofy punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Iron Man slides down the wall to the floor. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
97-110 (L)
Iron Man starts in the sixth man! Playing the sixth man the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Brick! Josh Allen misfires in the paint! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
This bonafide star Goofy dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Iron Man can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Lack of consistency!
This certified GOAT candidate Iron Man with a beautiful finger roll from the left corner! Poetry in motion!
Back to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama punches his locker. Small detail: Victor Wembanyama wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Josh Allen slams the rock in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Yao Ming, this reliable star, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Goofy, this smooth operator, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Next-level basketball IQ!
Iron Man, this once-in-a-lifetime player, is dragging! The 48 regulation minutes minutes taking their toll!
This established player Josh Allen stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this established player wanted.
Goofy avoids the cameras like the plague. Iron Man gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
116-105 (W)
And we're underway! Iron Man touches the pill first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
This established player Josh Allen with a cold-blooded scoop layup! No conscience!
Josh Allen, this well-respected player, clamps down on the star player! Pure God-given talent on the assignment!
Victor Wembanyama quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a pull-up jumper! What a pass!
Iron Man, this global icon, orchestrates the delay game! Freakish explosiveness in action!
Cut! Halftime. Iron Man's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Iron Man entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back! The players look fired up.
This world-class player Goofy punishes the defense with a layup facing the rim!
The crowd is on its feet! A standing ovation as Yao Ming takes the court!
Iron Man syncs with the lineup! In sync like their bare hands and the game!
Iron Man, this compact dynamo, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this certified GOAT candidate right now!
This reliable star Yao Ming secures the win with a gym-rat work ethic! Another one in the bag!
Goofy and Josh Allen carry Yao Ming like a trophy across the entire court. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
118-91 (W)
The game begins and Josh Allen is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
This established player Victor Wembanyama with a picture-perfect devastating dunk! The crowd goes wild!
This elite player Goofy holds ground under the basket! Immovable object!
Goofy, this versatile guy, with the pocket pass! Unreal swagger in tight spaces!
Goofy spins to the right spot! That dawg mentality off-ball movement!
Halftime. Iron Man's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Iron Man once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Goofy, this world-class player, operates at the buzzer with a free throw! Clinic!
A crowd fully behind them as Iron Man warms up with some superhero moves!
Josh Allen penetrates the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Yao Ming rises up with conviction! This All-Star caliber talent believes tonight is the night!
This next-level player Josh Allen caps off a special night! A slide across the hardwood! Until next time!
Iron Man pretends to plant a flag at center court. Goofy stands at attention. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
106-113 (L)
Josh Allen, this league veteran, embraces the packed arena! Game on!
Victor Wembanyama forces a devastating dunk at the top of the key! This dude putting the league on notice trying too hard!
This undisputed superstar Iron Man with turnover number points! Occasional mental lapses is piling up!
Goofy, this smooth operator, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
Goofy takes off the damn ball beautifully for a tear drop! What touch!
Break! Victor Wembanyama heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Bus driver's confession: Victor Wembanyama raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, refuses to high-five! Ego the size of Texas hurting the chemistry!
Goofy posts up and fires but misses everything! Defense that's basically a suggestion tonight!
Iron Man runs the offense! Running it like a superhero runs the show!
Victor Wembanyama grabs the shorts! This league veteran is running on fumes!
Iron Man sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Victor Wembanyama unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Josh Allen runs a hand down his face. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
105-92 (W)
Tip-off! Yao Ming gets us started! Let's go!
Yao Ming catches fire! And it's a devastating dunk! Iron discipline taking over!
This guy everybody knows Yao Ming disrupts the play with a timely commanding rebound!
This certified bucket Yao Ming with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Yao Ming, this multi-time All-Star, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Silky smooth technique!
End of the first act. Victor Wembanyama is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Staff confession: Victor Wembanyama is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Yao Ming answers back with a euro-step! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
Goofy takes off to an eruption! An incredible energy! What a moment!
Yao Ming puts ego aside! The team comes first for this top-tier talent!
This will be talked about for years! Josh Allen with a scoop layup! Iconic!
Iron Man soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a superhero savoring glory!
Goofy does a backflip. Well, he tries. Victor Wembanyama applauds the effort. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-112 (L)
Goofy spins onto the floor! The crowd roars for this jersey-selling name!
Victor Wembanyama misses the open look! This respected competitor can't believe it! Injury-prone body!
Goofy, this tweener, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
Victor Wembanyama, this absolute unit, gets blown by on the perimeter! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama does it again! A bank shot with effortless precision!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Goofy picks up the pace. Fun fact: Goofy is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Yao Ming, this oversized freak, shows negative body language! Hot head creeping in!
Josh Allen, this next-level player, sends the ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
This elite player Yao Ming recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Heavy feet taking its toll!
Iron Man tips the cap to the winners! The superhero's grace with the game!
Yao Ming pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Goofy takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
102-108 (L)
Victor Wembanyama pulls up into position! This player on the come-up not wasting any time!
Iron Man off the back iron! Hard miss, even a superhero cringes at that!
Goofy throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure from mid-range!
Victor Wembanyama gets burned on the drive! Defense that's basically a suggestion in lateral movement!
Iron Man, this undersized dog, uses strength and skill for a bucket! Complete player!
Break. Iron Man collapses next to the vending machine. Staff confession: Iron Man is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Josh Allen, this league veteran, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Iron Man can't connect! Their bare hands in hand, sure. The orange through the hoop, nope!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Josh Allen is gassed! This solid pro bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
This guy with a proven track record Josh Allen shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Goofy watches the crowd file out in silence. Iron Man prefers not to look. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Victor Wembanyama is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 224 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Iron Man. The man. Is. A superhero. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhero. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhero and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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