My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · by Levi Hassan · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Denver Horse-Track | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Robert Wadlow. A circus performer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Robert Wadlow has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-117 (L)
Usain Bolt comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the athlete means business!
Jesus Christ shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a messiah would cringe!
Usain Bolt gets picked! An athlete getting the personal records stolen in broad daylight!
Jesus Christ beaten to the spot! Slower than a messiah on a Monday morning!
Jesus Christ throws their hands up! Like a messiah when their bare hands breaks!
Halftime whistle! Robert Wadlow slides down against the hallway wall. Confession: Robert Wadlow tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Robert Wadlow launches a step-back three and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
Harry Potter is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Harry Potter loses the rock! A juggler would never be this careless!
Harry Potter argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Shaquille O'Neal takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Usain Bolt doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-108 (W)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
Harry Potter denies the pass! Their bare hands interception skills on full display!
A finger roll by Usain Bolt along the baseline is way off! Tough night for this all-time great!
Harry Potter hits nothing but net! Pure as a juggler's work with their bare hands!
Usain Bolt reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this athlete!
Halftime! Jesus Christ checks his stats on the board and winces. Little secret: Jesus Christ listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Harry Potter, this solid build, hits the big shot! Coming out of the locker room! That's a closer!
Robert Wadlow with the huge ball recovery at the buzzer! This multi-time All-Star says no!
The press box buzzes about Harry Potter! A juggler with their bare hands making headlines!
Robert Wadlow, this tower, battles through contact for a bucket! Will not be denied!
Final buzzer! Usain Bolt is the hero! This undisputed superstar with a game for the ages!
Robert Wadlow grabs Harry Potter and hoists him onto his shoulders. Shaquille O'Neal tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
103-88 (W)
Harry Potter checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal capitalizes under the basket! A deep three with ridiculous creativity!
This reliable star Robert Wadlow with the weak-side drawn charge! Incredible help!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow finds the open man! Assist and a devastating dunk!
Usain Bolt, this absolute legend, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Eyes in the back of the head!
That's a wrap for now. Robert Wadlow dives into the tunnel. I've been told Robert Wadlow always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Robert Wadlow attacks back to the basket and finishes with a catch-and-shoot triple! Too good!
You can cut the tension with a knife! An incredible energy as Harry Potter steps up!
Shaquille O'Neal brings energy off the bench! This franchise cornerstone infectious enthusiasm!
The legend of Shaquille O'Neal grows! This household name adding another chapter from way beyond the arc!
It's over! Shaquille O'Neal delivers the goods! This household name walks off a winner!
Jesus Christ takes a bow for the crowd. Harry Potter bows to Jesus Christ. The nobility of basketball. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
96-111 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Harry Potter posts up but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ with turnover number points! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Robert Wadlow bites on the pump fake! This bonafide star sent flying at the buzzer!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ does it again! A bucket with effortless precision!
Halftime! Harry Potter checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Harry Potter has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Jesus Christ glares at the rock! Like it personally betrayed this messiah!
Jesus Christ, this global icon, fumbles the finish on the low block! Back to the drawing board!
Jesus Christ sets the screen at the perfect angle! This franchise cornerstone cerebral play!
Robert Wadlow is running on pure willpower! This elite player refusing to quit!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Shaquille O'Neal mutters 'damn' under his breath. Robert Wadlow says 'yeah' in the same tone. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
96-122 (L)
This potential GOAT Harry Potter gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Shaquille O'Neal, this oversized freak, gets the look from mid-range but the lid's on the rim!
Shaquille O'Neal dishes into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
Jesus Christ falls asleep on the weak side! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Harry Potter, this solid build, uses every inch to deliver a catch-and-shoot triple!
Cut! Halftime. Harry Potter's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Harry Potter tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Jesus Christ slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messiah hits the workbench!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, wastes a golden chance with a wild pull-up jumper!
Robert Wadlow reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Jesus Christ gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a messiah begging the game for mercy!
Harry Potter attacks past the media. This global icon not in the mood to talk.
Robert Wadlow kicks his towel across the floor. Usain Bolt has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
127-90 (W)
Jesus Christ lands the first floater! First blood! The messiah strikes first!
Harry Potter with the step-back off-balance shot! Creating space like a juggler with their bare hands!
Robert Wadlow picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a two-handed slam!
Robert Wadlow goes to work through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Usain Bolt, this beanpole, contests everything at the top of the key! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
The players leave the court. Harry Potter clings to the tunnel railing. Little scoop: Harry Potter logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Harry Potter with a finger-roll double-clutch layup! Dexterity you only get from years as a juggler!
Usain Bolt, this oversized freak, caps off a dominant performance! Silky smooth technique from start to finish!
Usain Bolt treats the restricted area like their personal records station! Don't touch their spot!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, flexes on the crowd! A slide across the hardwood after a catch-and-shoot triple!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
Usain Bolt and Shaquille O'Neal slap each other's butts. Jesus Christ declines the invitation. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
95-104 (L)
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal whiffs on a sky hook! The crowd groans!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Harry Potter dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jesus Christ watches helplessly! A messiah watching the game fall off the shelf!
An and-one by Robert Wadlow! The crowd erupts! Iron discipline personified!
Coach calls everyone back. Harry Potter drags his feet toward the tunnel. True story: Harry Potter had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, sits down hard on the bench! Shaky emotions under pressure written all over his face!
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Usain Bolt uses their size out there! The athlete has a built-in advantage!
Robert Wadlow is cramping up! This certified bucket trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Jesus Christ wipes a tear! A messiah who poured everything into the effort!
Shaquille O'Neal stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Harry Potter comes back to get him. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
101-98 (W)
Usain Bolt, this tree of a man, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Usain Bolt, this absolute legend, clamps down on the star player! Freakish explosiveness on the assignment!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Harry Potter misses the mark! A scoop layup goes begging at half court!
Harry Potter with another catch-and-shoot triple! You can't stop this man!
Jesus Christ iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with messiah focus!
Break! Robert Wadlow takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Robert Wadlow threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Usain Bolt drains the clutch free throw! Steady as an athlete steadying the starting blocks!
Jesus Christ takes the ball right out of their hands! Grip of a messiah!
Jesus Christ feeds off a packed arena! The energy of a messiah fueled by the game!
Usain Bolt, this absolute unit, with the clutch deep three! The building erupts!
Usain Bolt, this 7-footer, takes the final bow! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Dominant display!
Jesus Christ grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Harry Potter applauds. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-97 (L)
Usain Bolt explodes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this first-ballot legend!
Usain Bolt, this mammoth, uses strength and skill for a thunderous slam! Complete player!
Shaquille O'Neal gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, with a contested free throw that misses off the pick and roll!
Usain Bolt, this potential GOAT, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
The players head in. Harry Potter slips on the wet tunnel floor. Juicy intel: Harry Potter turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Shaquille O'Neal misses in the clutch! A tear drop off the mark in crunch time!
Robert Wadlow glares at the scoreboard! This jersey-selling name not happy with the situation!
The resilience of Harry Potter! A juggler who never gives up, on or off the court!
Robert Wadlow, this world-class player, commits the late turnover! Tendency to force bad shots with the ball!
Harry Potter walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Shaquille O'Neal's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Usain Bolt breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-93 (W)
Jesus Christ bounces the leather pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ with a beautiful half-court heave under the basket! Poetry in motion!
Jesus Christ with the help-side surgical steal! This franchise cornerstone always in position!
Shaquille O'Neal with the no-look pass! This hall-of-fame lock has eyes in the back of the head!
Shaquille O'Neal goes to work with purpose every possession! This hall-of-fame lock chess master!
Off to the locker room. Harry Potter has already drained two water bottles. Juicy anecdote: Harry Potter was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
A free throw from Shaquille O'Neal from downtown! That's a certified bucket-getter!
The arena chants for Jesus Christ during every stoppage! Messiah pride echoes!
Harry Potter sets the perfect screen! Built like a juggler who doesn't skip leg day!
Usain Bolt carries the weight of the starting blocks and the damn ball with equal grace!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, acknowledges the fans! Wild stands! A bench mob celebration!
Usain Bolt does the robot at center court while Shaquille O'Neal pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
101-93 (W)
Harry Potter announces themselves! The juggler has arrived and the building knows it!
Usain Bolt powers through for a hook shot! The brute force of shatterring the personal records!
Robert Wadlow slides to the passing lane and steals it! A killer instinct!
Jesus Christ times the pass perfectly! Timing of a messiah with their bare hands!
Usain Bolt drives to the right spot! Unreal swagger off-ball movement!
Rest. Jesus Christ buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little scoop: Jesus Christ tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Usain Bolt with a devastating dunk! The finesse of the starting blocks right there on the temple of basketball!
Robert Wadlow spins and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Jesus Christ makes the extra pass! This global icon hockey assist for a sky hook!
This bonafide star Robert Wadlow refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Harry Potter grabs the game ball! This once-in-a-lifetime player earned it tonight!
Robert Wadlow runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Usain Bolt follows doing the wave alone. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-105 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal crosses over into position! This living legend not wasting any time!
Harry Potter can't hit from the free-throw line! That zone is cursed for this juggler!
Robert Wadlow tries to be too fancy and loses the rock! Shaky emotions under pressure in the decision-making!
Robert Wadlow gets caught flat-footed! This reliable star beaten to the spot!
Harry Potter with the teardrop sky hook! Beautiful as a juggler's finest the game!
Break! Usain Bolt grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? Usain Bolt has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jesus Christ drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a messiah's spirit has limits!
Usain Bolt shoots the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this basketball god!
This household name Usain Bolt with the savvy veteran play! Next-level basketball IQ experience showing!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal can't close out! The legs are shot from the right corner!
Despite the loss, Harry Potter held their own with the game! The juggler fought!
Robert Wadlow chews his nails on the bench. Jesus Christ stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
83-116 (L)
Usain Bolt opens with a double-clutch layup! This first-ballot legend making an early statement!
Shaquille O'Neal can't buy a bucket! Another miss from way beyond the arc! Frustrating!
Turnover by Harry Potter! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
This all-time great Jesus Christ caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This first-ballot legend Harry Potter slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime. Harry Potter glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Little scoop: Harry Potter collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Jesus Christ rattles it out! Shaking the gym with their bare hands intensity!
Robert Wadlow rises up but can't sustain the effort! Occasional mental lapses emptying the tank!
Harry Potter throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure facing the rim!
Harry Potter, this certified GOAT candidate, with the frustrated foul! Injury-prone body in tough moments!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, takes the loss hard. Shaky emotions under pressure at the wrong moments.
Jesus Christ avoids the cameras like the plague. Harry Potter gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Harry Potter. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-132 (L)
Usain Bolt steps onto the palace of hoops! From shatterring the personal records to this, game time!
Jesus Christ can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the Wilson differently than the game!
This hall-of-fame lock Usain Bolt commits the offensive foul! Turnover under the basket!
Robert Wadlow, this mountain of a man, can't keep up with the speed! Injury-prone body exposed!
This guy with rings on every finger Usain Bolt shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Rest time. Harry Potter isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Fun fact: Harry Potter is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Brick! Robert Wadlow misfires from downtown! Hot head at the worst time!
Harry Potter is visibly tired! This hall-of-fame lock needs a timeout badly!
Jesus Christ with the backcourt violation! A messiah going backwards with the game!
Harry Potter looks to the heavens! A juggler praying for their bare hands to work!
This bonafide star Robert Wadlow tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Shaquille O'Neal refuses the coach's embrace. Usain Bolt accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-119 (L)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Harry Potter misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, gets blown by on the perimeter! Tendency to rush in the legs!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Shaquille O'Neal to massage his thighs. True story: Shaquille O'Neal had his parking spot stolen by Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's mascot. Still talks about it. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Robert Wadlow steps back but it's well off! Limited stamina under fatigue!
Robert Wadlow is gassed! This world-class player bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!
Robert Wadlow with the backcourt violation! This certified bucket under too much pressure!
This absolute legend Usain Bolt can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Harry Potter refuses to make excuses! A juggler owns the game failures too!
Harry Potter taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Shaquille O'Neal walks through the door without pushing it. Tonight I had a revelation: Shaquille O'Neal runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Robert Wadlow. A circus performer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Robert Wadlow has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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