Ggg — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Ggg | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... Ggg! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Abraham Lincoln. The man. Is. A farmer. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A farmer. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got seed dibber and apparently, the technical motion of a farmer and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
94-106 (L)
The den welcomes Abraham Lincoln! The farmer with the stubborn soil has arrived!
Superman misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
This all-time great Superman with turnover number points! Lack of consistency is piling up!
This generational talent Superman picks up the cheap foul! Hot head showing!
Barry Allen answers back with a catch-and-shoot triple! That dawg mentality under pressure!
The players leave the court. Superman clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Superman plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This household name Abraham Lincoln can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Superman clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
This established player Barry Allen attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Superman drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Abraham Lincoln consoles teammates! The heart of a farmer in that moment!
Stephen Curry's gaze is cold, distant. Superman's gaze is hot, angry. I learned that Stephen Curry's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
132-90 (W)
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
A catch-and-shoot triple by Superman! The crowd erupts! Silky smooth technique personified!
Shaquille O'Neal rises up and finds the trailer for a catch-and-shoot triple! Great awareness!
Abraham Lincoln goes baseline and scores! The stubborn soil prepared them for this moment!
Barry Allen locks down their opponent! Tight as a superhero gripping their bare hands!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, showcases eyes in the back of the head with a gorgeous bucket!
Abraham Lincoln adds another half-court heave to the demolition! The seed dibber destruction!
Barry Allen, this respected competitor, slips on a wet spot! Ice skating from downtown!
Barry Allen points to the sky after a floater! This next-level player in the zone!
That's the game! Shaquille O'Neal finishes with a monster performance! This household name victorious!
Barry Allen rips the net off the rim. Superman wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
115-76 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Superman spins in the paint with the same confidence they bring to competing the game.
Abraham Lincoln orchestrates the play! Conducting the offense like a veteran farmer!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Shaquille O'Neal from mid-range! That's a certified bucket-getter!
This all-time great Abraham Lincoln with the volleyball spike a defensive stop! Emphatic!
That's a wrap for now. Superman dives into the tunnel. They say Superman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Barry Allen attacks in the paint and finishes with a sky hook! Too good!
Superman dominates wire to wire! Dominant as a superhero over the game!
Superman just organized the bench! Can't take the superhero out of them!
Abraham Lincoln, this solid build, does the shimmy! A salute to the fans! The arena goes crazy!
Stephen Curry, this multi-time All-Star, points to the crowd! A raised fist! This was for the fans!
Barry Allen and Abraham Lincoln slap each other's butts. Superman declines the invitation. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
131-90 (W)
This household name Shaquille O'Neal in the starting lineup! Let's see what this household name brings!
Barry Allen explodes to the rack for an and-one! Can't contain this tweener!
Barry Allen picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with superhero precision!
Superman with a fadeaway jumper on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Superman springs the trap! The superhero instinct is real!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Abraham Lincoln to massage his thighs. Did you know? Abraham Lincoln has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Shaquille O'Neal scores with freakish explosiveness. A floater along the baseline! Too smooth!
Shaquille O'Neal piles it on! A bank shot extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Abraham Lincoln just analyzed the play using farmer terminology! Makes sense actually!
Superman mimics using their bare hands as a microphone! The superhero is the star tonight!
It's over! Barry Allen delivers the goods! This player on the come-up walks off a winner!
Shaquille O'Neal pretends to plant a flag at center court. Barry Allen stands at attention. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
125-80 (W)
Stephen Curry, this solid build, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Superman with a double-clutch layup to seal the deal! A superhero who always closes!
This certified GOAT candidate Abraham Lincoln zips the pass through! Another dime from this solid build!
What a play by Shaquille O'Neal! A pull-up jumper at the top of the key! This household name is cooking!
Superman hounds the ball handler! Tenacious as a superhero with their bare hands!
Halftime whistle. Shaquille O'Neal has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Locker room anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Barry Allen hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands at the buzzer!
Abraham Lincoln makes it a laugher! Laughing like a farmer laughing at easy the stubborn soil!
Shaquille O'Neal shoots the free throw and hits the top of the backboard! Yikes!
This legit talent Barry Allen holds the follow-through! A chest bump after a catch-and-shoot triple!
Abraham Lincoln, this swiss-army-knife type, celebrates the win! A raised fist! What a game!
Stephen Curry dumps his Gatorade on Superman who screams because it was cold. Shaquille O'Neal piles on. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-88 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal steps back into position! This basketball god not wasting any time!
This solid pro Barry Allen does it again! An alley-oop with effortless precision!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, pokes the Wilson free! Scramble driving to the hoop!
Barry Allen with the touch pass! This next-level player barely had the leather and found the man!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a pull-up jumper!
Halftime! Superman is limping slightly heading off the court. Word is Superman sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Superman, this living legend, operates on the low block with a bank shot! Clinic!
Shaquille O'Neal, this potential GOAT, feeds off every decibel! A roaring arena is fuel!
Superman adjusts on the fly! Quick thinking from this superhero!
Abraham Lincoln's hands tell two stories,the seed dibber by day, the pill by night!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, takes the final bow! A salute to the fans! Dominant display!
Superman and Barry Allen fake a wrestling match. Shaquille O'Neal plays the referee and calls a timeout. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
130-85 (W)
Superman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Superman carves through and scores! That's what a superhero does best!
Superman drives the pill with precision! Assist on the low block! Floor general!
Barry Allen buries a scoop layup on the low block! This respected competitor is on fire tonight!
Stephen Curry times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A ball recovery along the baseline!
Into the tunnel. Shaquille O'Neal grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Physio's confession: Shaquille O'Neal purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Barry Allen finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
This solid pro Barry Allen and the team deliver a masterpiece! A floater! Perfection!
Superman just tried to use their bare hands on the orange! Wrong equipment, right energy!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal stares down the bench! A fist pump toward the bench after the big play!
Stephen Curry can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Barry Allen and Superman swing Stephen Curry around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
110-91 (W)
Superman steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
Stephen Curry penetrates the leather with purpose! A half-court heave! This jersey-selling name means business!
Barry Allen cuts off the drive! Precision of competing the game!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Abraham Lincoln calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's farmer mentality!
The players head to the locker room. Barry Allen is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know? Barry Allen has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Stephen Curry pulls up and drills a pull-up jumper! Can't teach that!
Listen to that roar! Shaquille O'Neal rises up and the place explodes!
Abraham Lincoln finds the open teammate! This once-in-a-lifetime player making everyone better!
Win or lose, Abraham Lincoln has earned respect tonight! This all-time great warrior spirit!
Shaquille O'Neal tosses the ball in the air! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This basketball god mission accomplished!
Shaquille O'Neal pretends to faint from happiness. Stephen Curry pretends to call 911. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-100 (W)
Barry Allen starts in the center! Playing the center way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Stephen Curry converts from the right corner! A finger roll with trademark freakish explosiveness!
Shaquille O'Neal with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
Abraham Lincoln dishes the ball through traffic! What a pass by this absolute legend!
Shaquille O'Neal uses the hesitation dribble! Scary good handles creating separation!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Barry Allen explodes and fires a devastating dunk! This tweener lighting it up!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This established star Stephen Curry dives for the loose ball! A gym-rat work ethic on every play!
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, answers every challenge! Natural-born leadership never fading!
Stephen Curry goes to work in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Abraham Lincoln takes Shaquille O'Neal by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
111-92 (W)
Superman looks dialed in from the start! Ridiculous creativity preparation showing!
Abraham Lincoln hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a farmer lifting the seed dibber!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal anchors the defense at the buzzer! Nothing gets through!
Barry Allen with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Ridiculous creativity on that one!
This certified GOAT candidate Superman switches defensive assignments on the fly! Scary good handles!
Back to the locker room. Barry Allen punches his locker. Exclusive: Barry Allen was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, threads the needle for a bucket from mid-range!
The entire arena rises for Barry Allen! A superhero lifted by their bare hands and love!
Barry Allen boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a superhero with the game!
Abraham Lincoln is writing the story tonight! This hall-of-fame lock with a finger roll in the paint!
This franchise cornerstone Abraham Lincoln seals the deal! Victory with nerves of steel!
Barry Allen makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Superman makes the 'call us' gesture. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
102-89 (W)
Barry Allen, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Nerves of steel from the jump!
Stephen Curry with the tough euro-step through contact! This franchise guy won't be denied!
Abraham Lincoln forces the shot-clock violation! Patient as a farmer waiting for the stubborn soil!
Barry Allen finds the open teammate! Vision of a superhero spotting the game!
Shaquille O'Neal reads the defense perfectly! That dawg mentality and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Shaquille O'Neal is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Abraham Lincoln, this do-it-all player, dominates off the pick and roll and puts up a half-court heave! Unstoppable!
The PA announcer can't pronounce Barry Allen's their bare hands! Comedy at the field house!
Barry Allen, this legit talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
Abraham Lincoln channels their inner farmer,cultivating the stubborn soil made these hands!
Superman punches the air at game's end! Victory! The superhero did it!
Abraham Lincoln throws chalk powder like LeBron. Shaquille O'Neal coughs for two minutes straight. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
94-116 (L)
Superman stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Superman, this solid build, gets stuffed trying a fadeaway jumper! Denied!
Barry Allen trips up in the baseline! A superhero never trips at work... Right?
Stephen Curry loses the screen battle! Defense that's basically a suggestion around the picks!
Superman, this living legend, exploits the mismatch for a step-back three! Too easy!
Break. Superman asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Juicy anecdote: Superman was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal hangs the head after the miss! Deflated under the basket!
Abraham Lincoln whiffs on the jumper! A farmer off their game with the seed dibber!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Barry Allen wipes sweat with the kicks! Drenched, the superhero has been putting in work!
Stephen Curry reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Barry Allen's lip is trembling. Shaquille O'Neal dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
114-81 (W)
This guy with rings on every finger Abraham Lincoln gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Stephen Curry with another double-clutch layup! You can't stop this man!
Superman, this do-it-all player, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Abraham Lincoln posts up and converts! A deep three from the left corner! Money!
Superman, this tweener, contests everything from the right corner! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
The players head in. Stephen Curry slips on the wet tunnel floor. Intel: Stephen Curry refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Abraham Lincoln with the step-back pull-up jumper! Creating space like a farmer with the seed dibber!
Shaquille O'Neal with a showtime buzzer beater! This household name enjoying every second!
The announcer confused Barry Allen's stat line with a superhero's daily output! Easy mistake!
Abraham Lincoln silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a team high-five! Love it!
Superman pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This absolute legend savors the win!
Superman and Shaquille O'Neal freestyle a victory rap. Abraham Lincoln does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-109 (L)
Stephen Curry launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this All-Star caliber talent!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, can't finish under the basket! That one stings!
Stephen Curry with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
Shaquille O'Neal scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Heavy feet!
Abraham Lincoln, this solid build, rises above and hammers a euro-step!
That's a wrap for now. Abraham Lincoln dives into the tunnel. Little scoop: Abraham Lincoln tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This absolute legend Abraham Lincoln stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal short-arms an off-balance shot at half court! Not enough lift!
This next-level player Barry Allen uses the floater over this smooth operator coverage! Smart!
Barry Allen, this legit talent, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Stephen Curry whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Superman nods without conviction. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-116 (L)
Abraham Lincoln takes the court to wild stands! The farmer with the seed dibber is here!
Abraham Lincoln gets blocked! Rejected harder than a farmer's worst day on the job!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Abraham Lincoln lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this basketball god fooled!
Barry Allen with a devastating dunk off the screen! Read that play like a textbook!
Well-deserved break. Shaquille O'Neal looks like someone who just ran a marathon. I've been told Shaquille O'Neal once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Abraham Lincoln, this versatile guy, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Stephen Curry forces up a step-back three over the defense! Tendency to force bad shots! Bad decision!
Superman slows the pace when the team needs it! This certified GOAT candidate tempo control!
Abraham Lincoln looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a farmer relieved of the seed dibber!
This generational talent Superman stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this generational talent wanted.
Barry Allen closes his eyes walking out. Abraham Lincoln keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Ggg finishes #3, a fantastic season! 11W-4L. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... Ggg!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Abraham Lincoln. The man. Is. A farmer. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A farmer. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got seed dibber and apparently, the technical motion of a farmer and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Ggg finishes #3, a fantastic season! 11W-4L. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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