My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Homer Simpson. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Adolf Hitler. The man. Is. A soldier. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A soldier. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their service rifle and apparently, the technical motion of a soldier and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
81-125 (L)
Bart Simpson huddles with the team! Huddling up, the student strategizes!
Marge Simpson misses at the buzzer! A police officer who missed the deadline!
This all-time great Homer Simpson with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Adolf Hitler gets caught flat-footed! This potential GOAT beaten to the spot!
Bart Simpson, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated from downtown!
Break. Bart Simpson collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Bart Simpson was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Bart Simpson misses! Even a student can't fix that shot!
Bart Simpson crosses over but can't sustain the effort! Injury-prone body emptying the tank!
Adolf Hitler coughs up the orange! Ego the size of Texas strikes again at the top of the key!
Bart Simpson looks to the heavens! A student praying for their bare hands to work!
Homer Simpson takes the loss hard! Hard as the stubborn soil on a bad farmer day!
Homer Simpson stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Bart Simpson exhales. Again. And again. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
98-100 (L)
Bart Simpson steps back into position! This guy everybody knows not wasting any time!
Homer Simpson finishes with flair! Showmanship of a farmer presenting the stubborn soil!
Lisa Simpson beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a president!
Bart Simpson launches and misses! The leather isn't the game, and it shows!
Marge Simpson catches fire in the extra period! Burning hotter than their patrol cruiser!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Bart Simpson asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: Bart Simpson lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Marge Simpson misses in the clutch! An alley-oop off the mark in crunch time!
This franchise cornerstone Adolf Hitler shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Homer Simpson, this once-in-a-lifetime player, delivers a live masterclass! Wisdom and poise!
Marge Simpson, this combo guard, chokes on the big stage! After a timeout miss!
Bart Simpson walks off in defeat! Even a student's skills couldn't save tonight!
Lisa Simpson walks toward the tunnel without a word. Bart Simpson stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
84-120 (L)
Marge Simpson looks dialed in from the start! Scary good handles preparation showing!
Adolf Hitler shanks it from the paint! Defending the front line uses different muscles!
Homer Simpson throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure from mid-range!
Bart Simpson gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a student's worst day on the job!
Bart Simpson, this world-class player, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to rush in tough moments!
Break! Bart Simpson grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Anecdote: Bart Simpson lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Bart Simpson, this all-around player, wastes a golden chance with a wild two-handed slam!
Lisa Simpson, this max-contract guy, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Marge Simpson with the careless pass! Enforcing the broken law with more care, please!
Marge Simpson pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The police officer in them is showing!
Marge Simpson tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we enforces better, like the broken law!'
Bart Simpson shakes Homer Simpson's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
78-115 (L)
Homer Simpson explodes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Marge Simpson misses the bunny! A police officer dropping the broken law from point-blank!
Lisa Simpson loses the damn ball in traffic! This franchise guy can't afford that!
Marge Simpson gives up the back door! Hot head when overplaying!
Lisa Simpson storms to the bench! Heated! This president doesn't handle losing well!
Finally a breather. Bart Simpson has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Intel: Bart Simpson asked Philadelphia Injury-Report for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Adolf Hitler with the contested sky hook under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Lisa Simpson grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a president finishing the game!
Adolf Hitler loses possession! The front line never leaves a soldier's hands like that!
Marge Simpson, this top-tier talent, refuses to high-five! Ego the size of Texas hurting the chemistry!
Bart Simpson, this combo guard, trudges off the venue. Lessons to take from this one.
Marge Simpson claps her hands in frustration. Lisa Simpson clenches her jaw so hard you can hear it from here. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
92-105 (L)
Adolf Hitler, this first-ballot legend, draws first blood! An off-balance shot to start!
Adolf Hitler, this low-to-the-ground speedster, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
This All-Star caliber talent Marge Simpson forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Lisa Simpson loses the battle in the paint! Being a president doesn't help you here!
Homer Simpson with the crafty bank shot! That dawg mentality on display!
Halftime whistle. Bart Simpson flops into the first available chair. Did you know Bart Simpson keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Lisa Simpson drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a president's spirit has limits!
Bart Simpson misses the open look! A student never misses the game... But misses the Spalding!
This potential GOAT Adolf Hitler recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This undisputed superstar Homer Simpson can barely jump! The springs are gone from the left corner!
Homer Simpson fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the farmer gave everything!
Homer Simpson isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Bart Simpson tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
95-116 (L)
Bart Simpson announces themselves! The student has arrived and the building knows it!
Lisa Simpson goes 0 for the quarter! A president having a rough shift with their bare hands!
Lisa Simpson, this tweener, gets the ball poked away! Lack of consistency when protecting the Spalding!
Bart Simpson gets posterized! A student framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Marge Simpson banks a devastating dunk off the glass! Geometry learned from the police officer life!
Halftime. Adolf Hitler glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Adolf Hitler once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Lisa Simpson, this All-Star caliber talent, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Bart Simpson whiffs on the jumper! A student off their game with their bare hands!
Marge Simpson spaces the floor! Making room out there like a police officer clears the workspace!
Marge Simpson, this combo guard, looks exhausted from the right corner! The legs are gone!
Homer Simpson shakes hands through the pain! A farmer who respects the seed dibber and the game!
Marge Simpson collapses into the first available chair. Lisa Simpson stays standing, eyes glazed over. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
107-100 (W)
Homer Simpson steps onto the temple of basketball! From cultivating the stubborn soil to this, game time!
Adolf Hitler with the reverse layup! Creative as a soldier with the front line!
This elite player Lisa Simpson with the no-foul contest on the low block! Clean as a whistle!
Marge Simpson with the touch pass! This established star barely had the pill and found the man!
Homer Simpson calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's farmer mentality!
Break! Bart Simpson has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Bart Simpson tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Adolf Hitler converts driving to the hoop! A half-court heave with trademark freakish explosiveness!
Adolf Hitler signs a kid's the front line! The soldier meets the next generation!
Lisa Simpson rotates on defense! Rotating with their bare hands efficiency!
Lisa Simpson dedicates this game to the game and every president who believed!
Bart Simpson wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their bare hands and the basketball!
Homer Simpson rips the net off the rim. Adolf Hitler wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Behind the scenes, I learned Adolf Hitler was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
86-127 (L)
Adolf Hitler checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This jersey-selling name Marge Simpson muscles up an and-one but can't get it to fall!
Lisa Simpson coughs it up! A president's grip doesn't work on the ball!
Homer Simpson scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Homer Simpson vents at their teammates! The farmer who vents about the stubborn soil!
Halftime! Adolf Hitler is limping slightly heading off the court. Did you know? Adolf Hitler once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Homer Simpson fires and misses at half court. Should have stuck with the stubborn soil!
Lisa Simpson calls for the sub! Even a president's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Bart Simpson, this versatile guy, gets stripped from way beyond the arc! Tendency to rush exposed!
Bart Simpson mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Homer Simpson sits alone on the bench. This living legend processing the defeat.
Marge Simpson punches her locker when she gets to the locker room. Lisa Simpson slides down the wall to the floor. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
76-120 (L)
This living legend Homer Simpson comes out firing! A buzzer beater in the first minute!
Adolf Hitler can't convert! The soldier's touch with the front line deserted them!
Homer Simpson throws it away! A pass worse than a farmer tossing the stubborn soil!
Marge Simpson watches them score! Just watching, like watching their patrol cruiser gather dust!
Marge Simpson fires away the towel! This jersey-selling name showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
The players file out. Marge Simpson exchanges a tense look with the coach. They say Marge Simpson eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
This undisputed superstar Homer Simpson rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Lisa Simpson cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the Spalding double duty!
This bonafide star Lisa Simpson gets pickpocketed driving to the hoop! Sloppy handling!
Lisa Simpson, this tweener, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Marge Simpson refuses to make excuses! A police officer owns the broken law failures too!
Adolf Hitler's eyes are glassy. Homer Simpson mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Did you know that Homer Simpson practices farmer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-113 (L)
Adolf Hitler opens with a layup! This certified GOAT candidate making an early statement!
Air ball from Marge Simpson! Being a police officer doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Stolen from Lisa Simpson! A president who let it slip through their fingers!
Adolf Hitler overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
Lisa Simpson with the step-back scoop layup! Creating space like a president with their bare hands!
Into the tunnel. Marge Simpson grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Marge Simpson tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Marge Simpson kicks the air! The frustration of a police officer who knows they can do better!
Marge Simpson rattles it out! Shaking the arena with their patrol cruiser intensity!
Adolf Hitler, this hall-of-fame lock, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a sky hook!
This global icon Adolf Hitler has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This top-tier talent Lisa Simpson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this top-tier talent wanted.
Marge Simpson unclasps her chain and squeezes it in her fist. Homer Simpson runs a hand down his face. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-124 (L)
Adolf Hitler starts in the point guard! Playing the point guard the way a soldier plays with their service rifle!
Lisa Simpson can't score in the second half! This president is way off tonight!
Lisa Simpson trips up in the left wing! A president never trips at work... Right?
Lisa Simpson bites on the fake! Fooled like a president by counterfeit the game!
Marge Simpson stares in disbelief! The look of a police officer who just lost everything!
Rest. Bart Simpson buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. They say Bart Simpson has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Adolf Hitler misses the layup! Even the front line would have gone in easier!
Bart Simpson gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a student begging the game for mercy!
Bart Simpson charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Homer Simpson storms to the bench! This all-time great is visibly upset!
Bart Simpson gave it everything! Everything a student has, left on the court!
Marge Simpson mutters 'damn' under her breath. Bart Simpson says 'yeah' in the same tone. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
97-121 (L)
Bart Simpson, this versatile guy, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Homer Simpson puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even the seed dibber can save that!
Lisa Simpson dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a president like that!
Homer Simpson gets blown by! Even a farmer couldn't stop that!
Homer Simpson goes to work the pill beautifully for a double-clutch layup! What touch!
The locker room. Marge Simpson sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Marge Simpson has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
This established star Lisa Simpson fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Bart Simpson, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the handle and the opportunity! Tendency to force bad shots!
Marge Simpson pushes the pace in transition! Eyes in the back of the head showing in every play!
Adolf Hitler can barely run! The four quarters harder than the four quarters of defending the front line!
Marge Simpson looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a police officer!
Homer Simpson chews his nails on the bench. Bart Simpson stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-114 (L)
Lisa Simpson fires up the crowd to open the game! This jersey-selling name starting strong!
Lisa Simpson with a rough devastating dunk off the pick and roll! Limited stamina at the worst time!
Sloppy handling by Lisa Simpson! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
This established star Marge Simpson commits the and-one foul! Injury-prone body in positioning!
Marge Simpson drains a deep three in transition! Textbook unreal swagger!
Halftime. Adolf Hitler glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Fun fact: Adolf Hitler is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Marge Simpson can't mask the disappointment! This reliable star wearing it on the sleeve!
Homer Simpson spins but overcooks it! Sometimes predictable game showing up again!
Marge Simpson, this tweener, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
Homer Simpson takes the rest play! Even a farmer needs a breather!
Bart Simpson wipes a tear! A student who poured everything into the effort!
Marge Simpson watches the crowd file out in silence. Lisa Simpson prefers not to look. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-117 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes Lisa Simpson! The president with the game has arrived!
This reliable star Marge Simpson misses the mark! A bank shot goes begging off the pick and roll!
Turnover by Bart Simpson! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Bart Simpson gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Lisa Simpson walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
The players head in. Bart Simpson slips on the wet tunnel floor. Confession: Bart Simpson believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Adolf Hitler launches a thunderous slam and... Airball! Sometimes predictable game at its peak!
Marge Simpson goes to work a step slower than usual! Lack of consistency in the tank!
Homer Simpson forces the pass! Forcing the seed dibber where it doesn't fit!
Bart Simpson slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a student hits the workbench!
Adolf Hitler packs up and heads out! Packing their service rifle, unpacking emotions!
Homer Simpson takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Bart Simpson follows the same path. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
92-109 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Lisa Simpson catches the Wilson early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This certified GOAT candidate Adolf Hitler short-arms a sky hook facing the rim! Not enough lift!
Bart Simpson with the backcourt violation! A student going backwards with the game!
Adolf Hitler, this short king, gets exploited in the switch! Tendency to rush exposed in the mismatch!
Adolf Hitler shoots past everyone for a scoop layup! This undersized dog on a mission!
Halftime. Lisa Simpson's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Lisa Simpson once wore her jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We're back! The players look fired up.
This global icon Adolf Hitler stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Adolf Hitler gets a clean look but sometimes predictable game costs the bucket!
This world-class player Bart Simpson runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Bart Simpson jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for competing the game tomorrow!
Marge Simpson spins past the media. This jersey-selling name not in the mood to talk.
Marge Simpson turns back to look at the court one last time. Lisa Simpson doesn't turn around. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Homer Simpson.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Homer Simpson. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Adolf Hitler. The man. Is. A soldier. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A soldier. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their service rifle and apparently, the technical motion of a soldier and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Homer Simpson.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=400)
