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MVPbasketball_team 🇺🇸

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Season Journal

Standings

#TeamWLPts
1Detroit Engine-Roar14128
2Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest14128
3San Antonio Skyscrapers12324
4Boston Ring-Chasers11422
5New York Over-Timers10520
6Cleveland Twin-Towers10520
7Denver Horse-Track9618
8Houston Blast-Off8716
9Minnesota Ice-Wall6912
10MVP51010
11Toronto Border-Patrol51010
12Orlando Magic-Beans4118
13Los Angeles Nursing-Home4118
14Philadelphia Injury-Report3126
15Phoenix No-Defense3126
16Miami Heart-Attack2134

Pre-season

Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... MVP! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Nikola Jokić. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 208 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Zeus. An amateur. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: an amateur, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Zeus has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.

Matchday 1vs Detroit Engine-Roar

83-111 (L)

This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this first-ballot legend brings!

Zeus, this dark horse, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!

Zeus, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!

Zeus gets crossed over! This dark horse left frozen from mid-range!

Kobe Bryant converts on the low block! A deep three with trademark an off-the-charts basketball IQ!

Off to the locker room. Caitlin Clark has already drained two water bottles. Little secret: Caitlin Clark has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.

This seasoned vet Caitlin Clark throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!

Nikola Jokić with a rough buzzer-beater from way beyond the arc! Limited stamina at the worst time!

Zeus dishes to the right spot! Pure God-given talent off-ball movement!

Kobe Bryant misses from fatigue! This potential GOAT can't get the elevation in transition!

Kobe Bryant, this long boy, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.

Kobe Bryant sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Zeus winces. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'

Matchday 2vs Miami Heart-Attack

118-85 (W)

Michael Jordan steps back with energy from the opening whistle! This first-ballot legend locked in!

This franchise guy Nikola Jokić with a picture-perfect catch-and-shoot triple! The crowd goes wild!

Caitlin Clark fades away and creates! Another assist in transition! Quarterback!

Michael Jordan with pure God-given talent finds the angle for a deep three!

Caitlin Clark forces the step-out-of-bounds! This seasoned vet hawking the ball!

The players file out. Michael Jordan exchanges a tense look with the coach. Bus driver's confession: Michael Jordan raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.

Kobe Bryant, this tree of a man, takes over from way beyond the arc. A two-handed slam! That's elite!

This player making noise Caitlin Clark finishes with a statement game! Scary good handles throughout!

This established star Nikola Jokić accidentally dunks on the wrong basket! Confusion!

Michael Jordan high-fives everyone on the bench! A hug with the coach! The energy is contagious!

This guy everybody knows Nikola Jokić wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!

Nikola Jokić and Caitlin Clark slap each other's butts. Michael Jordan declines the invitation. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.

Matchday 3vs Orlando Magic-Beans

104-100 (W)

Michael Jordan opens with a double-clutch layup! This absolute legend making an early statement!

Kobe Bryant with the huge sky-high block at the top of the key! This hall-of-fame lock says no!

Caitlin Clark fires away but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!

Kobe Bryant with the tough bank shot through contact! This absolute legend won't be denied!

Kobe Bryant, this franchise cornerstone, orchestrates the delay game! Next-level basketball IQ in action!

Break. Caitlin Clark collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Did you know Caitlin Clark keeps a photo of her dog in her right shoe? It's a Bichon. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

Zeus crosses over past the defender! A thunderous slam in the clutch! Incredible!

Nikola Jokić, this titan, swats it into the third row! A flawless defensive rotation!

The crowd is on its feet! Immense pressure as Nikola Jokić takes the court!

This hooper's hooper Caitlin Clark steals it in the first quarter! Turns defense into points!

Michael Jordan can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!

Kobe Bryant slides across the court in his socks while Caitlin Clark splashes water on everyone. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'

Matchday 4vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

117-107 (W)

Caitlin Clark, this player on the come-up, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!

Michael Jordan strings together a bank shot in transition. Eyes in the back of the head on full display!

Michael Jordan blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!

This league veteran Caitlin Clark orchestrates the offense from the left corner! Maestro!

This name that's buzzing Caitlin Clark recognizes the over-help and punishes it!

The players head to the locker room. Zeus is sweating like a racehorse. Exclusive: Zeus was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.

Zeus spins and fires a reverse layup! This tweener lighting it up!

This potential GOAT Kobe Bryant turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!

This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!

Kobe Bryant is writing the story tonight! This generational talent with a bucket under the basket!

That's the game! Michael Jordan finishes with a monster performance! This undisputed superstar victorious!

Kobe Bryant does a backflip. Well, he tries. Michael Jordan applauds the effort. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.

Matchday 5vs Phoenix No-Defense

101-112 (L)

Michael Jordan takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!

A buzzer beater from Kobe Bryant sails wide! This guy with rings on every finger needs to regroup!

Nikola Jokić, this oversized freak, gets the ball poked away! Hot head when protecting the Wilson!

Caitlin Clark gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!

Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, operates under the basket with a finger roll! Clinic!

Halftime whistle. Kobe Bryant flops into the first available chair. Did you know? Kobe Bryant launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.

Nikola Jokić mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!

Caitlin Clark, this all-around player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this player on the come-up!

This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!

Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, laboring up and down! Sometimes predictable game draining the energy!

Michael Jordan, this household name, takes the loss hard. Injury-prone body at the wrong moments.

Caitlin Clark pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Nikola Jokić takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.

Matchday 6vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

109-99 (W)

This surprise package Zeus gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!

A pull-up jumper from Caitlin Clark! Another dagger! This seasoned vet closing the door!

Caitlin Clark slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Iron discipline in every step!

Michael Jordan, this mammoth, hits the cutter perfectly! A killer instinct right on time!

Nikola Jokić sets the screen at the perfect angle! This jersey-selling name cerebral play!

Halftime. Michael Jordan throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Michael Jordan has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.

Caitlin Clark pulls up and drills a pull-up jumper! Can't teach that!

A Playoff atmosphere fills the arena! This world-class player Nikola Jokić feeds off the energy!

Caitlin Clark celebrates the team's success! This player on the come-up knows together is better!

Nikola Jokić, this mammoth, stands tall when the team needs this bonafide star most!

Zeus, this dude out of nowhere, high-fives the bench! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Team effort!

Michael Jordan moonwalks across the hardwood. Nikola Jokić attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.

Matchday 7vs Toronto Border-Patrol

129-90 (W)

Game time! Caitlin Clark and this established player ready to put on a show at the floor!

What a play by Kobe Bryant! A bucket at the top of the key! This potential GOAT is cooking!

Michael Jordan with the bounce pass! This certified GOAT candidate threading it perfectly!

A catch-and-shoot triple from Zeus! This hungry young player just keeps delivering!

Caitlin Clark times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A charge taken in transition!

Back to the locker room. Kobe Bryant's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Kobe Bryant logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.

A floater from Kobe Bryant from way beyond the arc! That's a statement right there!

Zeus, this potential breakout star, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!

This player making noise Caitlin Clark runs the wrong play again! Coach is beside themselves!

Caitlin Clark silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a salute to the fans! Love it!

This potential GOAT Michael Jordan led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!

Kobe Bryant and Zeus act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'

Matchday 8vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

98-121 (L)

Caitlin Clark, this all-around player, takes the court! The packed arena is electric!

This elite player Nikola Jokić short-arms a layup from mid-range! Not enough lift!

Nikola Jokić charges right into the defender! Turnover! Limited stamina when controlling pace!

Zeus, this combo guard, fouls unnecessarily from way beyond the arc! Heavy feet!

A floater! Nikola Jokić cannot be stopped tonight! This established star is locked in!

Off to the locker room. Nikola Jokić has already drained two water bottles. Juicy anecdote: Nikola Jokić was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.

This potential GOAT Michael Jordan hangs the head after the miss! Deflated at the top of the key!

Michael Jordan fires away the ball right into the defender's hands! Ego the size of Texas!

Kobe Bryant slows the pace when the team needs it! This living legend tempo control!

Michael Jordan is running on pure willpower! This absolute legend refusing to quit!

This living legend Kobe Bryant shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.

Kobe Bryant's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Michael Jordan breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 9vs Houston Blast-Off

82-121 (L)

Caitlin Clark, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This player making noise is in the building!

This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan shanks a two-handed slam from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!

This raw talent Zeus with turnover number buckets! Heavy feet is piling up!

Nikola Jokić, this long boy, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!

Zeus slams the orange in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!

Halftime whistle. Kobe Bryant has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little secret: Kobe Bryant listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.

Caitlin Clark fires a half-court heave in the paint but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!

Michael Jordan bends over during the dead ball! This guy with rings on every finger gathering what's left!

This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!

Nikola Jokić lets fly away from the huddle! This reliable star in a dark place mentally!

Nikola Jokić reflects on what could have been. Injury-prone body the difference tonight.

Kobe Bryant's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Michael Jordan hides his eyes under a towel. Tonight I learned Kobe Bryant used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.

Matchday 10vs Denver Horse-Track

95-112 (L)

Tip-off! Caitlin Clark gets us started! Let's go!

Kobe Bryant, this colossus, loses the handle and the opportunity! Occasional mental lapses!

This league veteran Caitlin Clark loses concentration and the pill with it!

Zeus gambles for the steal and pays the price! Defense that's basically a suggestion!

A fadeaway jumper by Zeus! The building is rocking! This guy nobody was talking about takeover!

The players disappear. Kobe Bryant has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back in action! The coach got the message across.

Michael Jordan storms to the bench! This potential GOAT is visibly upset!

Kobe Bryant shoots the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this hall-of-fame lock!

Zeus reads the defense perfectly! An unmatched feel for the game and a sky-high basketball IQ!

This dark horse Zeus is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!

Zeus, this solid build, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an unmatched feel for the game effort.

Michael Jordan bites the inside of his cheek. Zeus pinches the bridge of his nose. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.

Matchday 11vs New York Over-Timers

88-113 (L)

Zeus, this guy nobody was talking about, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!

Nikola Jokić forces a two-handed slam back to the basket! This All-Star caliber talent trying too hard!

Caitlin Clark penetrates the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this established player!

This certified bucket Nikola Jokić commits the and-one foul! Hot head in positioning!

Zeus blows past past the defense for a bank shot! Size advantage from this this smooth operator!

Halftime! Caitlin Clark looks in the mirror and shakes her head. Anecdote: Caitlin Clark fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.

Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, pounds the scorer's table! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!

Kobe Bryant, this colossus, can't finish at the top of the key! That one stings!

Caitlin Clark, this legit talent, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!

This big-name player Nikola Jokić calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Lack of consistency taking its toll!

Kobe Bryant walks off in silence. This undisputed superstar gave it all but it wasn't enough.

Nikola Jokić mutters 'damn' under his breath. Kobe Bryant says 'yeah' in the same tone. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.

Matchday 12vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

95-96 (L)

This max-contract guy Nikola Jokić opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!

This generational talent Michael Jordan finishes with authority! A pull-up jumper on the low block!

Caitlin Clark, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Lack of consistency exposed!

An off-balance shot by Michael Jordan at half court is way off! Tough night for this once-in-a-lifetime player!

This All-Star caliber talent Nikola Jokić ties the game! What a comeback! Unreal swagger at its peak!

Both teams head in. Caitlin Clark has a red mark on her cheek from an elbow. Anecdote: Caitlin Clark threw up before her first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.

Zeus drives into a dead end! Hot head in late-game situations!

Nikola Jokić gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!

Zeus dunks into the record books! This raw talent making memories!

This headliner Nikola Jokić dribbles out the clock! Limited stamina costing precious seconds!

Nikola Jokić goes to work past the media. This world-class player not in the mood to talk.

Kobe Bryant's eyes are red, jaw tight. Michael Jordan apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.

Matchday 13vs Boston Ring-Chasers

91-101 (L)

This dark horse Zeus means business! Fast start driving to the hoop!

This guy nobody was talking about Zeus whiffs on a scoop layup! The crowd groans!

Michael Jordan, this long boy, fumbles the entry pass at half court!

This total unknown Zeus bites on the fake! Beaten under the basket!

Zeus scores with an unmatched feel for the game. A reverse layup along the baseline! Too smooth!

Break. Zeus collapses next to the vending machine. They say Zeus eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!

Nikola Jokić drives and kicks the stanchion! This top-tier talent losing composure!

Kobe Bryant launches a double-clutch layup and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!

Kobe Bryant explodes into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!

Nikola Jokić, this towering presence, looks exhausted on the low block! The legs are gone!

Caitlin Clark had the chances but couldn't convert. This hooper's hooper left wanting.

Nikola Jokić clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Kobe Bryant fidgets with his wristband nervously. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 14vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

86-106 (L)

Caitlin Clark penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this established player!

Caitlin Clark, this up-and-coming baller, with the shot-clock heave! No good off the pick and roll!

Michael Jordan coughs up the ball! Limited stamina strikes again along the baseline!

This guy everybody knows Nikola Jokić fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!

Caitlin Clark buries a euro-step from way beyond the arc! This name that's buzzing is on fire tonight!

Halftime! Caitlin Clark is limping slightly heading off the court. I've been told Caitlin Clark always puts her left shoe on first. The one day she switched, gave up 40 points. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.

This world-class player Nikola Jokić shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!

A step-back three from Michael Jordan hits the iron! Lack of consistency under the spotlight!

Nikola Jokić, this giant, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Pure God-given talent!

This hooper's hooper Caitlin Clark can barely jump! The springs are gone driving to the hoop!

This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.

Michael Jordan avoids the cameras like the plague. Kobe Bryant gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 15vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

85-129 (L)

Kobe Bryant, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! A boiling cauldron!

Michael Jordan, this big fella, can't get a devastating dunk to drop! Cold as ice tonight!

Nikola Jokić with a wild pass that sails out! This big-name player giving it away!

Nikola Jokić gives up the back door! Occasional mental lapses when overplaying!

This household name Michael Jordan can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!

The players disappear into the tunnel. Kobe Bryant asks for an ice pack. Staff confession: Kobe Bryant is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.

Brick! Nikola Jokić misfires in the paint! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!

Nikola Jokić, this bonafide star, sucking wind after that sprint! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of battle!

Michael Jordan with the errant pass! This hall-of-fame lock needs to settle down!

Caitlin Clark mutters to herself walking back! This player making noise fighting inner demons!

This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.

Caitlin Clark walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Nikola Jokić drags one foot after the other. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.

MVP ends the season #10 with a 5W-10L record. Season MVP: Nikola Jokić.

🏀
#10
Rank
5W-10L
Record
-122
+/-
333
Team Score
137.9M$
Salary
Nikola Jokić
MVP

Season Journal

Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... MVP!

Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Nikola Jokić. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 208 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.

I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.

And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Zeus. An amateur. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: an amateur, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Zeus has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.

Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.

🏆

MVP ends the season #10 with a 5W-10L record. Season MVP: Nikola Jokić.

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