The dunkers — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | The dunkers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... The dunkers! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Spider-Man. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 178 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Wario is on this team. Wario, who is an explorer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with worn compass under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
78-123 (L)
Doctor Doom lands the first buzzer-beater! First blood! The adventurer strikes first!
Wario can't buy a bucket! Maybe the uncharted wild would be easier to aim!
Doctor Doom with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Wario loses their assignment! Like losing the worn compass in the workshop!
Doctor Doom vents at their teammates! The adventurer who vents about the game!
Both teams head to the locker room. Spider-Man wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little scoop: Spider-Man logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Spider-Man, this undisputed superstar, with the shot-clock heave! No good in transition!
Wario digs deep! Deep as an explorer digs into the uncharted wild!
Doctor Doom throws it into the stands! What was that from this respected competitor!
Napoleon tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the military leader will bounce back!
Kylian Mbappé tips the cap to the winners! The association football player's grace with the winning goal!
Doctor Doom is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Kylian Mbappé waits at the tunnel entrance. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
106-90 (W)
Wario, this combo guard, is introduced and the arena explodes! This guy with a proven track record is in the building!
Napoleon, this basketball god, exploits the mismatch for a devastating dunk! Too easy!
Doctor Doom blocks the layup attempt! A commanding rebound with their bare hands authority!
Doctor Doom, this up-and-coming baller, sets the table at the top of the key! Assist master!
Doctor Doom positions perfectly in the top of the key! Placement of their bare hands on the game!
Halftime! Doctor Doom walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. They say Doctor Doom eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Doctor Doom drills it from along the baseline! That adventurer precision with their bare hands pays off!
Spider-Man signs a kid's the game! The superhero meets the next generation!
This seasoned vet Doctor Doom celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
The emotion is real as Napoleon the military leader delivers their best with the battle standard!
This living legend Spider-Man raises the arms! The win is in the books! A hug with the coach!
Napoleon runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Kylian Mbappé follows doing the wave alone. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
96-111 (L)
Game time! Wario and this hooper's hooper ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Kylian Mbappé misses the open look! An association football player never misses the winning goal... But misses the damn ball!
Kylian Mbappé dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the association football player's finest moment!
Wario beaten to the spot! Slower than an explorer on a Monday morning!
Spider-Man pulls up and drills a tear drop! Can't teach that!
Rest. Spider-Man buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know? Spider-Man once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Kylian Mbappé waves off the play! The authority of an association football player in that gesture!
This potential GOAT Napoleon muscles up a tear drop but can't get it to fall!
Wario counters the press! Problem solved, explorer style!
Kylian Mbappé, this absolute legend, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Wario, this smooth operator, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Kylian Mbappé punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Doctor Doom slides down the wall to the floor. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
123-98 (W)
Doctor Doom, this seasoned vet, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
The technical flair of Spider-Man recalls their superhero days. A buzzer beater! Sublime!
Doctor Doom with the defensive rebound! Secured like only an adventurer can!
This legit talent Wario connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a bank shot!
Doctor Doom uses their size out there! The adventurer has a built-in advantage!
Halftime whistle! Napoleon slides down against the hallway wall. Did you know Napoleon plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
This seasoned vet Doctor Doom with a cold-blooded buzzer beater! No conscience!
The crowd chants Wario's name! A roaring arena for the explorer with the worn compass!
Napoleon rallies everyone! The rally of a military leader rallying around the war front!
Wario brings the uncharted wild wisdom to the floor tactics!
Spider-Man walks off the field house victorious! This guy with rings on every finger owns this moment!
Spider-Man does a handstand. Kylian Mbappé holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
108-97 (W)
This player on the come-up Wario opens the scoring! An alley-oop! Early advantage!
Kylian Mbappé scores at will! A catch-and-shoot triple back to the basket! This basketball god domination!
Spider-Man rotates perfectly for the double team! Nerves of steel on full display!
Spider-Man directs the offense! Directing traffic with superhero command!
This up-and-coming baller Doctor Doom attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Into the tunnel. Kylian Mbappé grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know Kylian Mbappé entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
A half-court heave by Doctor Doom! The crowd erupts! Freakish explosiveness personified!
Spider-Man throws the tall socks to the crowd! Better than throwing the game!
Doctor Doom takes off the ball with patience! This solid pro trusting the system!
This game belongs to Wario! This established player stamping authority along the baseline!
Wario celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of the worn compass!
Kylian Mbappé, Napoleon, and Wario pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Kylian Mbappé's name. Forgive me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
112-98 (W)
Spider-Man steps onto the field house! From competing the game to this, game time!
Doctor Doom with a hook shot in the paint! Competing the game in tight spaces!
This legit talent Doctor Doom with the no-foul contest driving to the hoop! Clean as a whistle!
Doctor Doom creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Wario, this do-it-all player, exploits the mismatch facing the rim! Smart play!
Rest. Napoleon buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little secret: Napoleon has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Spider-Man with the crafty reverse layup! Ridiculous creativity on display!
Fans hold up the game signs for Doctor Doom! What a scene!
Spider-Man rotates on defense! Rotating with their bare hands efficiency!
Kylian Mbappé rises up with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Kylian Mbappé delivers in this rematch! The association football player shows up with their football boots!
Kylian Mbappé jumps into Spider-Man's arms without warning. They both go down. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-100 (W)
Napoleon, this undisputed superstar, draws first blood! A half-court heave to start!
Doctor Doom recovers and blocks! That's the hustle of someone who works for a living!
Napoleon can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the war front, a military leader always hits!
Kylian Mbappé, this first-ballot legend, drills another step-back three off the pick and roll! Automatic!
This potential GOAT Spider-Man recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Break! Doctor Doom rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. True story: Doctor Doom walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Toronto Border-Patrol. Awkward. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This generational talent Spider-Man silences the crowd! A devastating dunk at half court! Stone cold!
Kylian Mbappé shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like an association football player closing the winning goal!
Standing ovation for Napoleon! The gymnasium salutes the military leader and their battle standard!
Wario wants the ball and delivers! A double-clutch layup in the first half! Clutch gene!
Doctor Doom ends on a high note! An adventurer who finishes strong every time!
Kylian Mbappé and Napoleon chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
115-108 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Kylian Mbappé catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Spider-Man hits in the money time! Clutch like a superhero meeting a deadline!
Doctor Doom forces the turnover! Pressuring like competing the game under deadline!
Napoleon with the no-look pass! Rallying the war front blindfolded!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Spider-Man adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Break! Wario takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Wario forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
A sky hook from Wario! This next-level player is putting on a show tonight!
Camera pans to Doctor Doom's adventurer colleagues in the stands! Adventurer solidarity!
Napoleon holds the huddle together! That military leader leadership on full display!
Kylian Mbappé dedicates this game to the winning goal and every association football player who believed!
Spider-Man rises up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Doctor Doom climbs onto the scorer's table. Spider-Man joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
110-111 (L)
Wario opens with an alley-oop! This dude putting the league on notice making an early statement!
Wario scores on the putback! Recycling the uncharted wild is second nature for an explorer!
Doctor Doom gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Kylian Mbappé takes off but the shot rims out! Shaky emotions under pressure rears its ugly head!
Napoleon takes over! Takeover mode, a military leader seizing the battle standard!
Break! Kylian Mbappé grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? Kylian Mbappé launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This name that's buzzing Doctor Doom gets called for the charge at the jump ball! Brutal!
Kylian Mbappé, this absolute legend, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
The transformation of Kylian Mbappé is complete! This undisputed superstar has arrived!
Wario picks up the offensive foul! An explorer charging like they charge at the uncharted wild!
Napoleon walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to military leader life tomorrow!
Doctor Doom kicks his towel across the floor. Wario has already left for the locker room, alone. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-127 (L)
Wario comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the explorer means business!
Brick! Napoleon misfires back to the basket! Occasional mental lapses at the worst time!
This hall-of-fame lock Kylian Mbappé dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Doctor Doom overcommits! Going all-in like an adventurer on the game, but wrong!
Napoleon answers back with a catch-and-shoot triple! Silky smooth technique under pressure!
Halftime! Doctor Doom is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: Doctor Doom lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Kylian Mbappé shakes their head! An association football player who can't believe that just happened!
Spider-Man can't buy a bucket! Another miss at half court! Frustrating!
Kylian Mbappé sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like an association football player at work!
Napoleon waves for a timeout! The military leader needs the war front break!
Spider-Man consoles teammates! The heart of a superhero in that moment!
Wario refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Napoleon watches it and immediately regrets it. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
112-92 (W)
Napoleon wins the opening tip! Tipping off with military leader energy!
Doctor Doom scores with natural-born leadership. A double-clutch layup off the pick and roll! Too smooth!
Doctor Doom a clutch steal and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Napoleon picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with military leader precision!
Napoleon exploits the soft spot in beyond the arc! Soft as the war front under the battle standard!
Break time. Napoleon bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Napoleon collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
This league veteran Doctor Doom with a vintage two-handed slam! The old magic is still there!
A crowd fully behind them reaches fever pitch as Napoleon takes the den!
Doctor Doom does the dirty work! Hands dirty like an adventurer at the end of the day!
Wario is the protagonist tonight! This respected competitor authoring a masterpiece!
Napoleon heads to the locker room with a smile! Good day at the office for the military leader!
Kylian Mbappé and Wario swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Behind the scenes, I learned Wario was also an association football player in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-115 (L)
Doctor Doom, this smooth operator, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
Spider-Man bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Kylian Mbappé loses the rock in traffic! This undisputed superstar can't afford that!
This franchise cornerstone Spider-Man misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Napoleon posts up the ball with an unmatched feel for the game. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Break! Spider-Man has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Little scoop: Spider-Man logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Kylian Mbappé fires away away from the huddle! This franchise cornerstone in a dark place mentally!
Napoleon misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the war front!
This solid pro Doctor Doom recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Spider-Man drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Kylian Mbappé gave it everything! Everything an association football player has, left on the court!
Napoleon stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Doctor Doom exhales. Again. And again. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
108-114 (L)
This first-ballot legend Spider-Man comes out aggressive! Opens with a step-back three at the top of the key!
Spider-Man rattles in and out! The game never teases a superhero like that!
Wario double-dribbles! Breaching the uncharted wild doesn't have that rule!
Kylian Mbappé turns the head and loses the man! This basketball god napping defensively!
Spider-Man hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands at half court!
Rest. Doctor Doom buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Anecdote of the day: Doctor Doom forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Spider-Man looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
Wario fires and misses off the pick and roll. Should have stuck with the uncharted wild!
Napoleon calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's military leader mentality!
Doctor Doom is huffing and puffing! Winded, even an adventurer would call it quits!
Wario packs up and heads out! Packing the worn compass, unpacking emotions!
Kylian Mbappé's complexion is grey. Wario's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
79-123 (L)
Wario looks dialed in from the start! Night-in night-out consistency preparation showing!
Kylian Mbappé just barely misses! Close as an association football player getting the winning goal almost right!
Kylian Mbappé, this all-around player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
Napoleon watches them score! Just watching, like watching the battle standard gather dust!
This well-respected player Wario hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from downtown!
End of the second quarter. Napoleon is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Napoleon talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Doctor Doom takes a tough reverse layup and it doesn't go! Limited stamina in shot selection!
Doctor Doom jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for competing the game tomorrow!
Napoleon, this low-to-the-ground speedster, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
Spider-Man mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Wario tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we breaches better, like the uncharted wild!'
Doctor Doom bites his lip, fists clenched. Kylian Mbappé shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
100-123 (L)
This player on the come-up Doctor Doom comes out firing! A floater in the first minute!
Off the mark for Kylian Mbappé! Great association football player, not so great at basketball tonight!
Napoleon dribbles it off their foot! The battle standard would never betray a military leader like that!
Spider-Man gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
Spider-Man lays it in softly! Touch softer than a superhero's hands on the job!
Players head to the locker room. Kylian Mbappé has tape on three fingers. Locker room intel: Kylian Mbappé has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Doctor Doom, this solid pro, barks at the teammate! Hot head taking over!
Wario, this hooper's hooper, pulls the trigger back to the basket but no luck!
This up-and-coming baller Doctor Doom uses the floater over this tweener coverage! Smart!
Napoleon is gassed! This hall-of-fame lock bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
This established player Wario shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Napoleon walks head down toward the tunnel. Doctor Doom drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
The dunkers ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Spider-Man.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... The dunkers!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Spider-Man. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 178 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Wario is on this team. Wario, who is an explorer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with worn compass under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
The dunkers ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Spider-Man.
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