My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for LeBron James! Picture this: standing at 206 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Akainu. The man is a military leader. Yes, you heard that right. A military leader. On a basketball court. With battle standard in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Akainu had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
114-103 (W)
Cade Cunningham lets fly into position! This player making noise not wasting any time!
This next-level player Anthony Edwards punishes the defense with a free throw from mid-range!
Cade Cunningham rotates perfectly for the drawn charge! Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
Anthony Edwards whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This mammoth seeing everything!
Cade Cunningham penetrates into the right spacing! Nerves of steel and elite court awareness!
Into the tunnel. Cade Cunningham grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Cade Cunningham once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
What a play by Anthony Edwards! A fadeaway jumper at the buzzer! This hooper's hooper is cooking!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James gets the crowd into it! Wild stands at fever pitch!
Ted Bundy cheers the loudest! Happy as a serial killer clocking out on a Friday!
This next-level player Anthony Edwards refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
This next-level player Anthony Edwards seals the deal! Victory with that dawg mentality!
Cade Cunningham improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Anthony Edwards plays the imaginary violin. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
118-94 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Cade Cunningham, this league veteran, operates back to the basket with a buzzer beater! Clinic!
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, shuts down the play facing the rim! Lockdown defender!
Anthony Edwards with the alley-oop pass! This colossus throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Ted Bundy, this undersized dog, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Break. Cade Cunningham asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know Cade Cunningham keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
This solid pro Anthony Edwards with a beautiful bank shot at the buzzer! Poetry in motion!
Anthony Edwards dribbles and the noise is deafening! A boiling cauldron! Wow!
Cade Cunningham sacrifices the body taking the charge! This next-level player ultimate teammate!
Cade Cunningham, this tower, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Anthony Edwards, this titan, takes the final bow! A chest bump! Dominant display!
Ted Bundy and Anthony Edwards cradle the game ball like a baby. LeBron James takes a photo. I learned that Ted Bundy's father was a serial killer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
99-107 (L)
Anthony Edwards, this towering presence, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
Air ball from Akainu! Being a military leader doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Cade Cunningham, this mountain of a man, gets stripped from the left corner! Heavy feet exposed!
Cade Cunningham gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Cade Cunningham with the highlight-reel thunderous slam! This guy with a proven track record owning the moment!
Time to breathe. LeBron James has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. The staff told me LeBron James sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Anthony Edwards fires away and kicks the stanchion! This seasoned vet losing composure!
Akainu, this potential breakout star, pulls the trigger on the low block but no luck!
This generational talent LeBron James switches defensive assignments on the fly! Freakish explosiveness!
LeBron James short-arms the shot from fatigue! This undisputed superstar has nothing left!
Cade Cunningham, this established player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Ted Bundy slams his fist on the bench. Anthony Edwards places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I got a text from Ted Bundy after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
114-104 (W)
This player on the come-up Anthony Edwards means business! Fast start in transition!
LeBron James with the smooth bank shot! This once-in-a-lifetime player making it look easy!
Ted Bundy with the strip! Snatched the leather clean, that's a serial killer with quick hands!
Cade Cunningham crosses over and creates! Another assist from mid-range! Quarterback!
This seasoned vet Cade Cunningham recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Break. Anthony Edwards collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little secret: Anthony Edwards has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
A step-back three from Anthony Edwards! That's unreal swagger at the highest level!
A Playoff atmosphere fills the arena! This living legend Ted Bundy feeds off the energy!
LeBron James explodes the rock into the right hands! This franchise cornerstone quarterback!
The military leader identity fuels Akainu. The battle standard taught them everything about pressure!
Final buzzer! LeBron James is the hero! This all-time great with a game for the ages!
LeBron James drops to his knees and kisses the court. Ted Bundy pretends to gag. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
116-93 (W)
And we're underway! Anthony Edwards touches the leather first! This well-respected player looks eager!
Akainu with a floater in the paint! Rallying the war front in tight spaces!
Cade Cunningham with the huge iron-wall defense driving to the hoop! This established player says no!
Cade Cunningham, this dude putting the league on notice, surveys and delivers! Nerves of steel in the playmaking!
Akainu, this swiss-army-knife type, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Break. Cade Cunningham asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know? Cade Cunningham tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Akainu drains an alley-oop from along the baseline! Textbook eyes in the back of the head!
This living legend LeBron James silences the hostile crowd! A hostile crowd shifts!
Ted Bundy barks out defensive calls! The voice of their chilling method echoes across the floor!
Anthony Edwards is the protagonist tonight! This league veteran authoring a masterpiece!
Cade Cunningham penetrates in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Anthony Edwards jumps into Cade Cunningham's arms without warning. They both go down. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
122-97 (W)
Akainu lands the first buzzer-beater! First blood! The military leader strikes first!
Cade Cunningham goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This player on the come-up is relentless!
Cade Cunningham, this mountain of a man, swats it into the third row! A double team!
This guy with a proven track record Cade Cunningham with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Anthony Edwards pushes the pace in transition! An unmatched feel for the game showing in every play!
Both teams head in. LeBron James has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Did you know LeBron James started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Akainu, this dark horse, reads the play perfectly and delivers a layup!
The crowd does the wave for Ted Bundy! Serial killer pride!
LeBron James, this long boy, boxes out for the teammate! This undisputed superstar doing the dirty work!
The transformation of LeBron James is complete! This hall-of-fame lock has arrived!
Final buzzer! Akainu's military leader shift on the floor ends in triumph!
Cade Cunningham jumps into Anthony Edwards's arms without warning. They both go down. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
110-84 (W)
The field house welcomes Akainu! The military leader with the war front has arrived!
LeBron James spins the ball beautifully for a scoop layup! What touch!
LeBron James, this big fella, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Anthony Edwards, this towering presence, finds the trailer! An and-one off the assist, easy money!
This potential GOAT LeBron James runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Back to the locker room. Anthony Edwards punches his locker. I've been told Anthony Edwards always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Ted Bundy finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their chilling method!
The arena trembles! Anthony Edwards with the play and palpable tension follows!
Cade Cunningham, this player on the come-up, rotates on defense! Ridiculous creativity team commitment!
Cade Cunningham, this giant, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this dude putting the league on notice right now!
Ted Bundy shakes hands! The handshake of a serial killer who respects the unsuspecting prey!
Anthony Edwards does the floss while Cade Cunningham spins like a top. Ted Bundy just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-106 (L)
Akainu bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Anthony Edwards, this absolute unit, gets the look off the pick and roll but the lid's on the rim!
Anthony Edwards coughs up the ball! Heavy feet strikes again from way beyond the arc!
Ted Bundy gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the unsuspecting prey on a rough day!
A step-back three by Anthony Edwards! The building is rocking! This guy with a proven track record takeover!
The locker room. Anthony Edwards sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Anthony Edwards was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Ted Bundy argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to stalking the unsuspecting prey!
That one wasn't even close, Ted Bundy! Stick to stalking the unsuspecting prey!
Ted Bundy communicates the switch! Clear as a serial killer's instructions!
Akainu is running on fumes! The military leader tank is completely empty!
This next-level player Anthony Edwards leaves the den with head held high. Fought to the end.
Akainu hurls his water bottle at the wall. Ted Bundy flinches but doesn't react. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
130-94 (W)
The game begins and LeBron James is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
LeBron James, this living legend, drops a bucket along the baseline! Pure artistry!
Ted Bundy with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Silky smooth technique on that one!
Cade Cunningham with the and-one catch-and-shoot triple! Ridiculous creativity through the whistle!
Akainu wins the rebound battle! Snatched it like a military leader on the clock!
Halftime. LeBron James wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: LeBron James blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
What a shot from Akainu! A military leader bringing the battle standard energy to the court!
Cade Cunningham even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
Ted Bundy mistakes the basketball for the unsuspecting prey and starts stalking it! Not today!
Cade Cunningham high-fives everyone on the bench! A victory dance! The energy is contagious!
This potential GOAT LeBron James wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Akainu takes a bow for the crowd. Ted Bundy bows to Akainu. The nobility of basketball. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
96-99 (L)
LeBron James, this basketball god, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!
Cade Cunningham catches fire! And it's a two-handed slam! Scary good handles taking over!
This unknown gem Akainu fouls reaching in! Sometimes predictable game on defense!
This well-respected player Anthony Edwards short-arms an off-balance shot from the left corner! Not enough lift!
Ted Bundy, this miniature missile, with the crucial double team! Comeback building!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Akainu asks for an ice pack. They say Akainu eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This established player Anthony Edwards gets the look but can't convert! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!
Akainu sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a military leader after a long shift!
This well-respected player Anthony Edwards turns adversity into fuel! An All-Star Game worthy play energy!
Akainu gets stripped at with seconds left on the clock! Stripped of the ball like a military leader stripped of the battle standard!
Akainu leaves the temple of basketball quietly! Quiet as a military leader after the war front setback!
Akainu scratches the back of his neck nervously. Cade Cunningham has the look of someone who has seen things. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-109 (L)
LeBron James opens with a hook shot! This household name making an early statement!
Ted Bundy misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the unsuspecting prey!
Akainu throws it into the stands! What was that from this total unknown!
Akainu gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the war front behind the battle standard!
Anthony Edwards, this giant, glides to from mid-range for a silky pull-up jumper!
Back to the locker room. Cade Cunningham punches his locker. Intel: Cade Cunningham refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
LeBron James drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Akainu bricks it! Not the same accuracy as rallying the war front!
Anthony Edwards reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Akainu labors up the court! Trudging like a military leader dragging the war front!
Cade Cunningham had the chances but couldn't convert. This player on the come-up left wanting.
Cade Cunningham bites his lip, fists clenched. Anthony Edwards shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
104-108 (L)
This seasoned vet Anthony Edwards comes out firing! A hook shot in the first minute!
Anthony Edwards scores in transition! A two-handed slam with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Brilliant!
This hooper's hooper Cade Cunningham caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Anthony Edwards, this solid pro, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James ties the game! What a comeback! Pure God-given talent at its peak!
Off to the locker room. Anthony Edwards has already drained two water bottles. Did you know? Anthony Edwards launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
LeBron James misses in the clutch! A finger roll off the mark in the third quarter!
Cade Cunningham attacks away from the huddle! This well-respected player in a dark place mentally!
Ted Bundy's serial killer colleagues watch from the stands, the unsuspecting prey banners held high!
Akainu sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the military leader touch is off tonight!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Cade Cunningham mutters while walking out. Akainu watches from the corner of his eye, worried. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-111 (L)
This dude putting the league on notice Cade Cunningham catches the Wilson early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Anthony Edwards with the off-balance off-balance shot! This player on the come-up couldn't set the feet!
Akainu dribbles it off their foot! The battle standard would never betray a military leader like that!
Cade Cunningham, this beanpole, gets dunked on from downtown! Poster material!
LeBron James, this titan, dominates from mid-range and puts up a free throw! Unstoppable!
Halftime whistle. Akainu high-fives his teammates on the way out. I've been told Akainu once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Anthony Edwards mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Akainu forces a bank shot at the top of the key! This who-is-this-guy player trying too hard!
This dude putting the league on notice Cade Cunningham adjusts the angle mid-drive! Ridiculous creativity body control!
Cade Cunningham lets fly sluggishly! Sometimes predictable game catching up with this solid pro!
Cade Cunningham rises up to the tunnel in disappointment. This player making noise will learn from this.
Ted Bundy's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Akainu breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-107 (L)
Anthony Edwards, this giant, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
Ted Bundy, this certified GOAT candidate, with the shot-clock heave! No good off the pick and roll!
This living legend LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Akainu watches helplessly! A military leader watching the war front fall off the shelf!
LeBron James scores at will! A hook shot along the baseline! This franchise cornerstone domination!
Players head to the locker room. Akainu has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Akainu launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Anthony Edwards storms to the bench! This player making noise is visibly upset!
Cade Cunningham, this giant, bobbles the basketball and the chance evaporates in the paint!
LeBron James shoots the ball out of the trap! Night-in night-out consistency under pressure!
Ted Bundy is clearly fatigued! The contest of this plus the contest of stalking the unsuspecting prey!
Ted Bundy spins past the media. This once-in-a-lifetime player not in the mood to talk.
Ted Bundy sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Anthony Edwards has his head in his hands. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-114 (L)
Akainu comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the military leader means business!
LeBron James drives but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
This legit talent Anthony Edwards with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This dude putting the league on notice Cade Cunningham can't recover! Scored on off the pick and roll! Lack of consistency!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, throws the hands up! Exasperated in transition!
Halftime whistle. Ted Bundy has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. I've been told Ted Bundy once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A pull-up jumper from Akainu catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Ted Bundy calls for the sub! Even a serial killer's stamina with their chilling method has limits!
Akainu loses possession! The war front never leaves a military leader's hands like that!
This raw talent Akainu can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Akainu leaves the field house with dignity! The dignity of a military leader with the battle standard!
Cade Cunningham isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Anthony Edwards tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for LeBron James! Picture this: standing at 206 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Akainu. The man is a military leader. Yes, you heard that right. A military leader. On a basketball court. With battle standard in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Akainu had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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