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toonsbasketball_team 🇺🇸

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Season Journal

Standings

#TeamWLPts
1Detroit Engine-Roar13226
2San Antonio Skyscrapers12324
3Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest12324
4Boston Ring-Chasers11422
5Houston Blast-Off11422
6New York Over-Timers11422
7Cleveland Twin-Towers10520
8toons9618
9Denver Horse-Track7814
10Minnesota Ice-Wall51010
11Los Angeles Nursing-Home4118
12Orlando Magic-Beans3126
13Toronto Border-Patrol3126
14Phoenix No-Defense3126
15Philadelphia Injury-Report3126
16Miami Heart-Attack3126

Pre-season

Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. Ladies and gentlemen... Toons! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Iron Man. Standing at 6 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Iron Man. A superhero in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Iron Man has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.

Matchday 1vs Detroit Engine-Roar

91-126 (L)

This up-and-coming baller Saruman gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!

Saruman pulls up the rock into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!

This player on the come-up Saruman dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!

This who-is-this-guy player Grogu bites on the fake! Beaten at half court!

Grogu tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the warrior monk will bounce back!

Halftime. Beerus is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Word is Beerus sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

Saruman misses! Even a military leader can't fix that shot!

Iron Man is spent! Used up like the game after a superhero's long day!

Beerus dunks into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!

Spider-Man, this scrappy guard, shows negative body language! Lack of consistency creeping in!

Spider-Man consoles teammates! The heart of a chemist in that moment!

Beerus taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Spider-Man walks through the door without pushing it. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'

Matchday 2vs Miami Heart-Attack

106-97 (W)

Iron Man gets the starting nod! A superhero starting with their bare hands confidence!

Spider-Man knocks down a pull-up jumper from downtown! Ice in the veins!

Beerus times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A sky-high block off the pick and roll!

This guy with rings on every finger Spider-Man creates for others! Unselfish play with that dawg mentality!

Grogu baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!

The players leave the court. Saruman clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Saruman knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Miami Heart-Attack's colors. By accident, obviously. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.

Beerus tallies another one! This military leader keeps racking them up!

A boiling cauldron as Saruman warms up with some military leader moves!

Grogu takes the blame for the mistake! This unknown gem protecting teammates!

Saruman treats every possession like rallying the war front, with care and precision!

Grogu soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a warrior monk savoring glory!

Beerus pretends to plant a flag at center court. Spider-Man stands at attention. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.

Matchday 3vs Orlando Magic-Beans

118-89 (W)

Game time! Spider-Man and this first-ballot legend ready to put on a show at the court!

Spider-Man, this elusive guard, overpowers for a devastating dunk! Size matters!

Beerus with a commanding rebound! The reflexes of a military leader catching the war front!

Iron Man quarterbacks the offense! Commanding the floor like a superhero on the clock!

Iron Man, this franchise cornerstone, manages the clock beautifully in the closing moments!

First half is done. Beerus is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Confession: Beerus calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Beerus powers through for a layup! The brute force of rallying the war front!

Chants of 'superhero! Superhero!' fill the den for Iron Man!

Spider-Man, this all-time great, communicates the switch! Next-level basketball IQ and vocal leadership!

Tonight, Saruman isn't just a military leader, they're a phenomenon with the battle standard!

Saruman can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!

Iron Man and Grogu do celebratory push-ups. Beerus counts out loud. Definitely cheating. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.

Matchday 4vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

115-88 (W)

Beerus huddles with the team! Huddling up, the military leader strategizes!

Beerus takes off and scores! Those military leader hands work wonders with the ball!

Iron Man draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!

Saruman, this player on the come-up, sets the table driving to the hoop! Assist master!

This established player Saruman recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!

Coach calls everyone back. Beerus drags his feet toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Beerus blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Beerus with unreal swagger finds the angle for a pull-up jumper!

Opposing fans respect Iron Man! Even rivals admire a superhero's hustle!

Grogu cheers the loudest! Happy as a warrior monk clocking out on a Friday!

The legend of Grogu grows! This unknown gem adding another chapter driving to the hoop!

Spider-Man closes the show! Curtain call for the chemist with the new compound!

Beerus and Iron Man carry Saruman like a trophy across the entire court. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.

Matchday 5vs Phoenix No-Defense

113-107 (W)

Grogu locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a warrior monk who means business!

Grogu pops the jumper! Clean as their blessed blade after a polish!

Beerus switches seamlessly! Versatile as a military leader switching between the battle standard and the war front!

Spider-Man leads the break! Leading the charge like a chemist who runs the show!

Spider-Man adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the chemist approach!

Cut! Halftime. Grogu's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Grogu talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back in action! The coach got the message across.

An off-balance shot from downtown by Spider-Man! This miniature missile with the long range!

The PA announcer can't pronounce Spider-Man's their glass beaker! Comedy at the hardwood!

This guy with rings on every finger Iron Man unites the locker room! Scary good handles captain's mentality!

This respected competitor Beerus proves the critics wrong! A highlight-reel play vindication!

Iron Man celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!

Beerus performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Iron Man imitates it. It's worse. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.

Matchday 6vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

110-95 (W)

Saruman sets the tone early! The military leader came to play tonight!

This living legend Iron Man does it again! An and-one with effortless precision!

Iron Man rejects the layup! A commanding rebound by this short king! Get that out!

Grogu picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a double-clutch layup!

Spider-Man uses a suffocating man-to-man defense brilliantly! Strategy from synthesizing the new compound!

Cut! Halftime. Grogu's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Grogu tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!

Grogu goes coast to coast for a pull-up jumper! This player nobody saw coming is relentless!

The DJ plays Grogu's walkout music! Sounds like their blessed blade in rhythm!

Saruman provides the spark! Electric energy, the military leader is firing on all cylinders!

Spider-Man drives with purpose! Freakish explosiveness driving this team forward!

That's the game! Spider-Man finishes with a monster performance! This basketball god victorious!

Spider-Man and Iron Man swing Grogu around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 7vs Toronto Border-Patrol

107-116 (L)

Iron Man starts in the shooting guard! Playing the shooting guard the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!

Iron Man misses the layup! Even the game would have gone in easier!

Iron Man commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!

Saruman loses their assignment! Like losing the battle standard in the workshop!

Beerus, this versatile guy, elevates for a monster pull-up jumper!

Well-deserved break. Beerus looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Juicy anecdote: Beerus was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Saruman argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to rallying the war front!

A bucket from Saruman catches the back rim and pops out! So close!

Grogu sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a warrior monk at work!

Spider-Man drags their feet! Heavy as their glass beaker at the end of a shift!

This next-level player Saruman tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.

Iron Man chews his nails on the bench. Spider-Man stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'

Matchday 8vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

126-84 (W)

Beerus, this respected competitor, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!

Iron Man, this first-ballot legend, drops a pull-up jumper from mid-range! Pure artistry!

Iron Man directs the offense! Directing traffic with superhero command!

Iron Man hooks it in! The arc of a superhero swinging their bare hands!

Grogu, this versatile guy, alters the shot! Pure God-given talent at the rim!

Break time. Iron Man bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Iron Man collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

Beerus spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with the battle standard at work!

Iron Man empties the bench! Everyone gets a shift, the superhero way!

Spider-Man, this low-to-the-ground speedster, steps on the teammate's foot! Down goes this franchise cornerstone!

Iron Man blows a kiss to the court! Love from a superhero who loves the game!

Saruman finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a military leader would be proud of!

Iron Man improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Grogu plays the imaginary violin. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.

Matchday 9vs Houston Blast-Off

100-99 (W)

Iron Man, this undersized dog, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!

Beerus locks down their opponent! Tight as a military leader gripping the battle standard!

Beerus misfires from mid-range! The battle standard calibration needed!

Saruman attacks the Spalding with purpose! A finger roll! This next-level player means business!

Beerus exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with the battle standard acumen!

Halftime whistle! Beerus grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Beerus blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.

Spider-Man with ice in their veins! Cool as a chemist when everything's on the line!

Saruman stands firm! Not moving, this military leader is planted!

Standing room only! Palpable tension as Saruman takes over from the right corner!

Beerus with the dagger layup! This respected competitor buries the opposition!

Saruman is named player of the game! The military leader is also the star!

Grogu does the robot at center court while Spider-Man pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.

Matchday 10vs Denver Horse-Track

103-95 (W)

Spider-Man, this all-time great, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!

An and-one from Grogu along the baseline! That's a statement right there!

Spider-Man with the help-side ball recovery! This basketball god always in position!

Beerus with the no-look pass! Rallying the war front blindfolded!

Saruman reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!

Halftime. Iron Man's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Intel: Iron Man asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back in action! The coach got the message across.

Grogu dribbles and delivers a thunderous slam! Their blessed blade by day, buckets by night!

Spider-Man soaks in an electric crowd! A chemist savoring life beyond their glass beaker!

Iron Man, this pint-sized baller, sets the perfect screen! Insane court vision for the team!

Saruman, this well-respected player, has the intangibles! Nerves of steel beyond the stats!

Saruman, this all-around player, acknowledges the fans! A packed arena! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!

Spider-Man charges toward the crowd. Saruman catches him just before he dives into the stands. Did you know that Saruman practices military leader on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.

Matchday 11vs New York Over-Timers

105-111 (L)

Iron Man takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!

Spider-Man takes off but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!

Iron Man, this scrappy guard, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted off the pick and roll!

This hall-of-fame lock Spider-Man misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!

Beerus adds to the total! A military leader who always exceeds expectations!

Break! Spider-Man takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Spider-Man is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.

Spider-Man, this global icon, yells at the coaching staff! Heavy feet causing friction!

Brick! Saruman misfires from the right corner! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!

Beerus reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this military leader!

Iron Man soldiers on! The soldier who competes the game with their bare hands!

Iron Man leaves the arena quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!

Grogu and Iron Man walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.

Matchday 12vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

98-108 (L)

Saruman, this hooper's hooper, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!

Beerus misfires at the buzzer! Even this up-and-coming baller has off nights!

Iron Man loses the ball! A superhero would never be this careless!

Grogu gets posterized! A warrior monk framed by their blessed blade in the worst way!

Iron Man rises up and it's an off-balance shot! This once-in-a-lifetime player proving the doubters wrong!

The players disappear. Grogu has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Fun fact: Grogu tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

Beerus dribbles the towel! This solid pro showing shaky emotions under pressure!

Grogu misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!

This potential GOAT Spider-Man switches defensive assignments on the fly! Night-in night-out consistency!

Iron Man gulps water! As thirsty as a superhero reaching for the game!

Iron Man gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!

Saruman sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Grogu puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.

Matchday 13vs Boston Ring-Chasers

96-101 (L)

The hardwood welcomes Grogu! The warrior monk with the sacred temple has arrived!

Spider-Man misses on the inbound pass! A chemist dropping the new compound at the worst time!

Iron Man coughs up the pill! Heavy feet strikes again from the left corner!

Saruman gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the war front behind the battle standard!

Spider-Man attacks through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!

The players disappear into the tunnel. Spider-Man asks for an ice pack. Exclusive info: Spider-Man is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.

This legit talent Beerus fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!

Spider-Man fires away the ball right into the defender's hands! Occasional mental lapses!

Saruman, this league veteran, orchestrates the delay game! Next-level basketball IQ in action!

Beerus bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a military leader after the battle standard overtime!

Spider-Man takes the loss hard! Hard as the new compound on a bad chemist day!

Saruman sits on the floor in the hallway. Beerus sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.

Matchday 14vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

110-90 (W)

Saruman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with military leader energy!

Iron Man scores on the putback! Recycling the game is second nature for a superhero!

Saruman, this league veteran, pokes the damn ball free! Scramble at the buzzer!

Beerus, this smooth operator, hits the cutter perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic right on time!

Beerus uses the hesitation dribble! Freakish explosiveness creating separation!

Rest time. Saruman isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Fun fact: Saruman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.

Saruman pulls up past everyone for a fadeaway jumper! This combo guard on a mission!

The arena chants for Saruman during every stoppage! Military leader pride echoes!

This hooper's hooper Saruman celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!

A narrative for the ages: Spider-Man, the chemist who mastered their glass beaker and the damn ball!

Beerus walks off the gym victorious! A military leader who conquered it all tonight!

Saruman climbs onto the scorer's table. Iron Man joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Saruman's name. Forgive me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.

Matchday 15vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

100-122 (L)

Grogu pulls up with energy from the opening whistle! This newcomer locked in!

Grogu misfires on the floater! Too much float, the warrior monk touch abandoned them!

Grogu throws it away! Lack of consistency under pressure driving to the hoop!

Grogu gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!

Beerus, this combo guard, dominates from downtown and puts up a deep three! Unstoppable!

Back in the locker room, Iron Man sits down and stares at the ceiling. Intel: Iron Man refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.

This respected competitor Beerus shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!

Saruman clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the battle standard hitting the war front!

Iron Man runs the offense! Running it like a superhero runs the show!

Saruman slows down visibly! Slower than the battle standard on low power!

Grogu reflects on what could have been. Defense that's basically a suggestion difference tonight.

Beerus hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Spider-Man keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Tonight I had a revelation: Spider-Man runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'

toons ends the season #8 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Iron Man.

🏀
#8
Rank
9W-6L
Record
+70
+/-
363
Team Score
2.5M$
Salary
Iron Man
MVP

Season Journal

Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. Ladies and gentlemen... Toons!

There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Iron Man. Standing at 6 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.

The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.

Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Iron Man. A superhero in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Iron Man has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.

Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.

🏆

toons ends the season #8 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Iron Man.

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