\ — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | \ | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... \! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Martin Luther King Jr.. The man. Is. A religious leader. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A religious leader. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a religious leader and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-105 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Opens with a deep three! This generational talent making an early statement!
Pikachu, this solid build, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Heavy feet!
Pikachu turns it over in the paint! Butterfingers from this electrician!
Martin Luther King Jr. Lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this undisputed superstar fooled!
Stephen Hawking with a catch-and-shoot triple in the paint! Discoverring the hidden truth in tight spaces!
Well-deserved break. Victor Wembanyama looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
A pull-up jumper by Victor Wembanyama in transition is way off! Tough night for this player on the come-up!
Martin Luther King Jr. Penetrates the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
Victor Wembanyama grabs the shorts! This guy with a proven track record is running on fumes!
Stephen Hawking leaves the gym quietly! Quiet as a scientist after the hidden truth setback!
Pikachu kicks his towel across the floor. LeBron James has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
103-97 (W)
Stephen Hawking, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Martin Luther King Jr. Buries a free throw in the paint! This first-ballot legend is on fire tonight!
Stephen Hawking, this hall-of-fame lock, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Stephen Hawking, this once-in-a-lifetime player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Martin Luther King Jr. Executes a full-court press perfectly! Precision learned as a religious leader!
Break! Martin Luther King Jr. Grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Anecdote of the day: Martin Luther King Jr. Forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Martin Luther King Jr. Muscles through for a step-back three! The strength of a religious leader moving the game!
Stephen Hawking, this absolute legend, waves the crowd up! A cathedral silence rising!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
The legend of Pikachu grows! This rising star adding another chapter from mid-range!
Pikachu can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Martin Luther King Jr. Cries tears of joy in Pikachu's arms. Victor Wembanyama is also crying but nobody knows why. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
101-106 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Steps onto the den! From competing the game to this, game time!
Martin Luther King Jr. Applies the same technique to the Wilson as to the game. A tear drop at half court!
This household name LeBron James gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Stephen Hawking rushes an off-balance shot driving to the hoop! Defense that's basically a suggestion creeping in!
LeBron James sparks the comeback! A tear drop at the top of the key! This global icon leads the charge!
End of the second quarter. Martin Luther King Jr. Is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Martin Luther King Jr. Once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Martin Luther King Jr. Coughs it up with the game on the line! The game slipping away!
Stephen Hawking, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Stephen Hawking airballs the potential winner! Discoverring the hidden truth is easier than this!
Martin Luther King Jr. Fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the religious leader gave everything!
Stephen Hawking turns back to look at the court one last time. Martin Luther King Jr. Doesn't turn around. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
122-94 (W)
This basketball god Martin Luther King Jr. Gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Martin Luther King Jr. Finishes with flair! Showmanship of a religious leader presenting the game!
LeBron James, this titan, blankets the shooter under the basket! No daylight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James orchestrates the offense along the baseline! Maestro!
Martin Luther King Jr. Pins the defender! Pinning them down with religious leader authority!
Halftime. Martin Luther King Jr. Throws his towel on the floor walking in. Intel: Martin Luther King Jr. Asked Philadelphia Injury-Report for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
LeBron James strings together a sky hook under the basket. That dawg mentality on full display!
Wild stands as Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Victor Wembanyama finds the open teammate! This hooper's hooper making everyone better!
Martin Luther King Jr. Plays like they have something to prove to every religious leader watching!
Martin Luther King Jr. Tips their hat! The religious leader salute! Pure class!
Pikachu improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Stephen Hawking plays the imaginary violin. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
119-88 (W)
Pikachu gets the starting nod! An electrician starting with their wire strippers confidence!
This hidden prospect Pikachu capitalizes at the buzzer! A bank shot with scary good handles!
Pikachu forces the bad shot! Their wire strippers intimidation factor!
Stephen Hawking with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Martin Luther King Jr. Controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Back in the locker room, LeBron James sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know LeBron James plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Martin Luther King Jr. With another catch-and-shoot triple! You can't stop this man!
An incredible energy as Martin Luther King Jr. Warms up with some religious leader moves!
This undisputed superstar Martin Luther King Jr. Celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Victor Wembanyama, this established player, has been building to this all game! With seconds left on the clock!
Martin Luther King Jr. Talks to reporters! Explaining the rock like explaining the game!
Martin Luther King Jr. Runs the full court high-fiving everyone. LeBron James follows doing the wave alone. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
105-93 (W)
Martin Luther King Jr. Announces themselves! The religious leader has arrived and the building knows it!
Martin Luther King Jr., this once-in-a-lifetime player, drops a bucket from mid-range! Pure artistry!
Victor Wembanyama reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a reverse layup!
This generational talent LeBron James attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime. The doctor examines LeBron James's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Quick anecdote about LeBron James: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
An alley-oop from Stephen Hawking! This absolute legend reminding everyone why they're on top!
The crowd collectively holds its breath for Martin Luther King Jr.'s shot! You could hear a pin drop!
Pikachu lets fly the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Scouts overlooked an electrician. They won't overlook Pikachu after tonight's their wire strippers show!
Pikachu, this solid build, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Pikachu jumps into LeBron James's arms without warning. They both go down. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
127-92 (W)
Victor Wembanyama rises up with energy from the opening whistle! This name that's buzzing locked in!
Pikachu scores at half court! A bank shot with a gym-rat work ethic! Brilliant!
Pikachu, this all-around player, runs the offense with natural-born leadership! Beautiful passing!
Pikachu crosses over and scores! Those electrician hands work wonders with the ball!
This household name Martin Luther King Jr. With a critical stop! A crucial offensive board when it counts!
Halftime whistle. Pikachu high-fives his teammates on the way out. True story: Pikachu had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Stephen Hawking catches and shoots,a floater! Quick hands from discoverring the hidden truth!
Stephen Hawking dominates wire to wire! Dominant as a scientist over the hidden truth!
This player on the come-up Victor Wembanyama gets photobombed on the jumbotron! A salute to the fans interrupted!
LeBron James blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a victory dance!
Stephen Hawking, this global icon, with the post-game interview smile! Insane court vision all night!
Martin Luther King Jr. Performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. LeBron James imitates it. It's worse. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
99-97 (W)
Stephen Hawking wins the opening tip! Tipping off with scientist energy!
Stephen Hawking boxes out! Making space, that's the scientist work ethic!
Stephen Hawking misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their lab notebook at the hidden truth!
A buzzer beater! Pikachu cannot be stopped tonight! This dude out of nowhere is locked in!
Martin Luther King Jr. Takes off into the right spacing! A killer instinct and elite court awareness!
Halftime whistle! Pikachu slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Pikachu lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This absolute legend LeBron James silences the crowd! A buzzer beater from mid-range! Stone cold!
Victor Wembanyama with the chase-down rebound in traffic! What athleticism!
A boiling cauldron reaches fever pitch as Pikachu takes the arena!
Pikachu, this combo guard, scores the go-ahead! A buzzer-beater! Heart of a champion!
It's over! Victor Wembanyama delivers the goods! This name that's buzzing walks off a winner!
Martin Luther King Jr. Dumps his Gatorade on Victor Wembanyama who screams because it was cold. Stephen Hawking piles on. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
101-117 (L)
Pikachu checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, can't finish driving to the hoop! That one stings!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, gets stripped at the top of the key! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Martin Luther King Jr. Beaten to the spot! Slower than a religious leader on a Monday morning!
LeBron James blows past the leather with that dawg mentality. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
The players head to the locker room. Pikachu is sweating like a racehorse. Little secret: Pikachu has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Victor Wembanyama can't mask the disappointment! This guy with a proven track record wearing it on the sleeve!
Victor Wembanyama with the off-balance free throw! This player on the come-up couldn't set the feet!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama uses the floater over this towering presence coverage! Smart!
Pikachu calls for the sub! Even an electrician's stamina with their wire strippers has limits!
Martin Luther King Jr. Walks off in defeat! Even a religious leader's skills couldn't save tonight!
Martin Luther King Jr. Chews his nails on the bench. LeBron James stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
114-109 (W)
LeBron James takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Victor Wembanyama with a wild attempt! This legit talent not finding the range tonight!
Victor Wembanyama attacks and fires a fadeaway jumper! This oversized freak lighting it up!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama sets the back screen! Silky smooth technique off-ball contribution!
Players head to the locker room. Stephen Hawking has tape on three fingers. Did you know Stephen Hawking entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Martin Luther King Jr. Fades away and finishes through contact! And-one in the dying seconds!
Martin Luther King Jr. Locks down their opponent! Tight as a religious leader gripping their bare hands!
This hidden prospect Pikachu silences the hostile crowd! A standing ovation shifts!
Martin Luther King Jr., this generational talent, with the clutch brilliant anticipation! In the money time stop!
LeBron James sits on the bench with a smile! This household name job well done!
Stephen Hawking and Pikachu act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
89-112 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Huddles with the team! Huddling up, the religious leader strategizes!
Victor Wembanyama penetrates the basketball right into the defender's hands! Lack of consistency!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, fumbles the entry pass at half court!
Stephen Hawking gives up the easy bucket! Easier than discoverring the hidden truth!
Stephen Hawking nails a free throw at the last second! A scientist who delivers when it matters!
Halftime. Stephen Hawking wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know Stephen Hawking started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Pikachu argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to rewiring the fuse panel!
Pikachu bricks it! Not the same accuracy as rewiring the fuse panel!
Stephen Hawking uses the hesitation dribble! Ridiculous creativity creating separation!
Pikachu wipes sweat with the mouthguard! Drenched, the electrician has been putting in work!
Victor Wembanyama walks off in silence. This solid pro gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Pikachu's eyes are glassy. Victor Wembanyama mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-112 (L)
This first-ballot legend Martin Luther King Jr. Means business! Fast start in the paint!
Pikachu takes off the orange into nothing! Lack of consistency on full display tonight!
Pikachu with the errant pass! This rising star needs to settle down!
Victor Wembanyama scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Lack of consistency!
Stephen Hawking, this swiss-army-knife type, glides at the top of the key for a silky alley-oop!
Time to breathe. Stephen Hawking has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Confession: Stephen Hawking calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Stephen Hawking gets a technical for complaining! Limited stamina on full display!
This total unknown Pikachu misfires again! Lack of consistency could cost the team!
This hall-of-fame lock Stephen Hawking adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Lack of consistency!
Stephen Hawking wipes a tear! A scientist who poured everything into the effort!
Martin Luther King Jr.'s complexion is grey. Victor Wembanyama's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
112-91 (W)
Pikachu sets the tone early! The electrician came to play tonight!
Stephen Hawking, this household name, drills another deep three under the basket! Automatic!
Stephen Hawking covers acres of the gym! The endurance of a scientist on a double shift!
LeBron James, this generational talent, sets the table off the pick and roll! Assist master!
Stephen Hawking changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a scientist!
End of the second quarter. Martin Luther King Jr. Is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Martin Luther King Jr. Asked Boston Ring-Chasers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Stephen Hawking fades away and scores! A step-back three! This versatile guy is a problem!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, commands an electric crowd! The arena belongs to this all-time great!
Stephen Hawking, this combo guard, holds the team together with insane court vision! Captain!
Every time Stephen Hawking touches the ball, you see the discipline of their lab notebook!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, celebrates the win! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! What a game!
Pikachu and Martin Luther King Jr. Cradle the game ball like a baby. LeBron James takes a photo. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than LeBron James. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
97-125 (L)
This basketball god Stephen Hawking in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
LeBron James, this household name, with the shot-clock heave! No good from way beyond the arc!
Victor Wembanyama with the lazy pass! Injury-prone body leading to easy points!
Martin Luther King Jr. Loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Victor Wembanyama converts a tough hook shot in the paint! Skill level: elite!
Back in the locker room, Pikachu sits down and stares at the ceiling. They say Pikachu eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Martin Luther King Jr. Blows past the towel! This certified GOAT candidate showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Victor Wembanyama forces a bad two-handed slam! This next-level player needs to trust teammates!
Pikachu, this newcomer, manages the clock beautifully in overtime!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Stephen Hawking vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their lab notebook reinforced with the hidden truth!
Victor Wembanyama kicks his towel across the floor. Martin Luther King Jr. Has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-128 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Stretches center court! Loosening up, the religious leader is getting ready!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama muscles up a pull-up jumper but can't get it to fall!
Pikachu coughs it up! An electrician's grip doesn't work on the orange!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Pikachu slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an electrician hits the workbench!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Hawking is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Stephen Hawking asked Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Hawking hits the iron! Occasional mental lapses under the spotlight!
Martin Luther King Jr. Tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a religious leader's energy for the game!
Pikachu with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the fuse panel!
Victor Wembanyama, this titan, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the right corner!
This all-time great LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
LeBron James collapses into the first available chair. Martin Luther King Jr. Stays standing, eyes glazed over. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
\ ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... \!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Martin Luther King Jr.. The man. Is. A religious leader. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A religious leader. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a religious leader and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
\ ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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