My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Sean Combs. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Mr. Bean. The man. Is. An amateur. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An amateur. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of an amateur and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
90-134 (L)
Dwayne Johnson, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This guy with rings on every finger is in the building!
Dwayne Johnson misfires from the left corner! This potential GOAT searching for answers!
King Von loses the damn ball! A rapper would never be this careless!
King Von, this short king, gets dunked on from the left corner! Poster material!
Dwayne Johnson, this global icon, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
The players disappear. Mr. Bean has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Little secret: Mr. Bean has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Dwayne Johnson clanks another one off the rim! This basketball god needs to find rhythm!
This seasoned vet Mr. Bean has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Mr. Bean coughs up the pill! Hot head strikes again at the top of the key!
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Dwayne Johnson walks off in silence. This generational talent gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Kerser unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. King Von runs a hand down his face. I learned that Kerser's father was a philanthropist. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
94-127 (L)
Sean Combs steps onto the gym! From competing the game to this, game time!
Kerser forces a reverse layup on the low block! This who-is-this-guy player trying too hard!
Mr. Bean, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the ball! Mental lapse!
Sean Combs gets screened out of the play! This bonafide star lost in traffic!
A step-back three by Mr. Bean! The crowd erupts! Next-level basketball IQ personified!
Halftime. King Von's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Word is King Von sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Sean Combs, this certified bucket, comes up empty! An off-balance shot off target along the baseline!
Dwayne Johnson reads the defense perfectly! That dawg mentality and a sky-high basketball IQ!
King Von is clearly fatigued! This ball game of this plus this ball game of spitting the fiery bars!
Kerser attacks past the media. This guy nobody was talking about not in the mood to talk.
Sean Combs walks toward the tunnel without a word. Mr. Bean stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Behind the scenes, I learned Mr. Bean was also a philanthropist in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
106-110 (L)
Kerser starts in the playmaker! Playing the playmaker way a rapper plays with their hot mic!
King Von with an incredible layup at the buzzer! Standing ovation!
Sean Combs left in the dust! Even a philanthropist moves faster than that!
This basketball god Dwayne Johnson throws up a prayer in transition! Not answered!
Kerser inspires with defense! Defensive inspiration from spitting the fiery bars!
Break! Dwayne Johnson takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know Dwayne Johnson entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Sean Combs fouls at the worst time! A philanthropist tripping over the game!
Kerser vents at their teammates! The rapper who vents about the fiery bars!
This is the Dwayne Johnson game! This hall-of-fame lock taking over in crunch time!
Mr. Bean gets stripped on the decisive possession! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Kerser looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a rapper!
Kerser stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Sean Combs exhales. Again. And again. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
90-108 (L)
Kerser gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a rapper on day one!
Mr. Bean, this solid pro, fumbles the finish under the basket! Back to the drawing board!
Kerser throws it out of bounds! Like launching their hot mic into the void!
Kerser gives up the easy bucket! Easier than spitting the fiery bars!
King Von treats the orange like the fiery bars and sinks it. Easy as pie for a rapper!
Break! Dwayne Johnson grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Dwayne Johnson started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
King Von stares in disbelief! The look of a rapper who just lost everything!
This name that's buzzing Mr. Bean rattles it out! So close yet so far from mid-range!
Sean Combs, this combo guard, sets a brick-wall screen! Unreal swagger on full display!
Mr. Bean, this guy with a proven track record, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Kerser explodes to the tunnel in disappointment. This dark horse will learn from this.
Sean Combs turns back to look at the court one last time. Mr. Bean doesn't turn around. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
90-131 (L)
King Von checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
King Von fires and misses at half court. Should have stuck with the fiery bars!
Mr. Bean with the backcourt violation! This legit talent under too much pressure!
Sean Combs reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
Sean Combs pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The philanthropist in them is showing!
The locker room fills up. King Von has already eaten three oranges. Word is King Von sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
King Von gets blocked! Rejected harder than a rapper's worst day on the job!
This max-contract guy Sean Combs calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Tendency to rush taking its toll!
Dwayne Johnson attacks the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this undisputed superstar!
Sean Combs mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Mr. Bean sits alone on the bench. This league veteran processing the defeat.
Sean Combs takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. King Von follows the same path. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
79-121 (L)
King Von sets the tone early! The rapper came to play tonight!
A pull-up jumper from Kerser goes in and out! Heartbreaking from mid-range!
Kerser turns it over at the last second! A rapper dropping their hot mic at the worst time!
Dwayne Johnson, this all-around player, lets the shooter get free on the low block! Costly lapse!
Kerser storms to the bench! This potential breakout star is visibly upset!
Halftime. The doctor examines King Von's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Confession: King Von calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Mr. Bean, this legit talent, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Mr. Bean, this seasoned vet, sucking wind after that sprint! This ball game of battle!
This established player Mr. Bean commits the offensive foul! Turnover at half court!
This next-level player King Von throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Mr. Bean reflects on what could have been. Injury-prone body the difference tonight.
Mr. Bean and Dwayne Johnson share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-105 (L)
Sean Combs, this world-class player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Dwayne Johnson, this versatile guy, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates at the top of the key!
Sean Combs, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Shaky emotions under pressure in the footwork!
Kerser, this do-it-all player, fouls unnecessarily from downtown! Lack of consistency!
Kerser hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their hot mic from the right corner!
Break time. King Von bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Fun fact: King Von blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Kerser slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a rapper hits the workbench!
Mr. Bean fires a thunderous slam from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
This established star Sean Combs calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
This who-is-this-guy player Kerser signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Shaky emotions under pressure!
King Von walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to rapper life tomorrow!
Dwayne Johnson has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. King Von has aged ten years in forty minutes. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
94-105 (L)
Dwayne Johnson opens with a thunderous slam! This household name making an early statement!
Mr. Bean goes to work but overcooks it! Shaky emotions under pressure showing up again!
This global icon Dwayne Johnson forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Sean Combs gambles for the steal and pays the price! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, rises above and hammers a bucket!
Halftime. Kerser's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Intel: Kerser refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
King Von, this compact dynamo, pounds the scorer's table! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
This seasoned vet Mr. Bean whiffs on a tear drop! The crowd groans!
Mr. Bean penetrates into the right spacing! Natural-born leadership and elite court awareness!
Kerser needs oxygen! More winded than a rapper after overtime!
Sean Combs tips the cap to the winners! The philanthropist's grace with the game!
Kerser's gaze is cold, distant. Mr. Bean's gaze is hot, angry. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
86-131 (L)
King Von bounces the leather pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
A double-clutch layup from Mr. Bean sails wide! This respected competitor needs to regroup!
Kerser trips up in the left wing! A rapper never trips at work... Right?
King Von watches helplessly! A rapper watching the fiery bars fall off the shelf!
Kerser, this unknown gem, refuses to high-five! Limited stamina hurting the chemistry!
End of the second quarter. Kerser is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Kerser once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
This undisputed superstar Dwayne Johnson muscles up a buzzer beater but can't get it to fall!
Mr. Bean, this all-around player, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
This raw talent Kerser dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Sean Combs looks to the heavens! A philanthropist praying for their bare hands to work!
King Von takes the loss hard! Hard as the fiery bars on a bad rapper day!
Sean Combs hurls his water bottle at the wall. Kerser flinches but doesn't react. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-133 (L)
King Von wins the opening tip! Tipping off with rapper energy!
Sean Combs takes off and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
This potential GOAT Dwayne Johnson gets pickpocketed along the baseline! Sloppy handling!
This league veteran King Von picks up the cheap foul! Lack of consistency showing!
Sean Combs argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Halftime whistle. Mr. Bean spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Fun fact: Mr. Bean got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Kerser rattles it out! Shaking the temple of basketball with their hot mic intensity!
Sean Combs labors up the court! Trudging like a philanthropist dragging the game!
Sean Combs commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Sean Combs mouths off at the last second! A philanthropist venting about the game!
Mr. Bean, this solid build, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Kerser's eyes are glassy. Sean Combs mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-118 (L)
Dwayne Johnson looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
Kerser misses the free throw! Spitting the fiery bars under pressure is easier!
Dwayne Johnson with the errant pass! This franchise cornerstone needs to settle down!
Mr. Bean, this swiss-army-knife type, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
This next-level player Mr. Bean hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from mid-range!
Off to the locker room. King Von has already drained two water bottles. Juicy intel: King Von turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Kerser off the back iron! Hard miss, even a rapper cringes at that!
Sean Combs drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
This player making noise King Von with turnover number lengths ahead! Heavy feet is piling up!
Kerser drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a rapper's spirit has limits!
This first-ballot legend Dwayne Johnson leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Sean Combs kicks his towel across the floor. King Von has already left for the locker room, alone. I learned tonight that Sean Combs used to be a philanthropist. That explains the unique running style. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-125 (L)
Kerser fires up the crowd to open the game! This hungry young player starting strong!
King Von misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Mr. Bean loses the leather in traffic! This up-and-coming baller can't afford that!
Sean Combs gets blown by! Even a philanthropist couldn't stop that!
Dwayne Johnson, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Injury-prone body written all over his face!
Back to the locker room. Mr. Bean punches his locker. I've been told Mr. Bean once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
This seasoned vet Mr. Bean with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
Mr. Bean short-arms the shot from fatigue! This name that's buzzing has nothing left!
Turnover by King Von! Spitting the fiery bars requires less coordination, clearly!
Sean Combs walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
King Von packs up and heads out! Packing their hot mic, unpacking emotions!
Mr. Bean's gaze is cold, distant. Dwayne Johnson's gaze is hot, angry. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
80-125 (L)
Sean Combs comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the philanthropist means business!
King Von, this elusive guard, can't finish from mid-range! That one stings!
Sean Combs, this combo guard, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted driving to the hoop!
This bonafide star Sean Combs bites on the fake! Beaten facing the rim!
Sean Combs penetrates angrily after the turnover! This max-contract guy spiraling!
Intermission. Kerser dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Juicy anecdote: Kerser was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Kerser can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the ball differently than the fiery bars!
Dwayne Johnson is running on pure willpower! This first-ballot legend refusing to quit!
Mr. Bean attacks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
King Von glares at the scoreboard! This solid pro not happy with the situation!
King Von fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the rapper gave everything!
Kerser sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. King Von puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-130 (L)
The game begins and Kerser is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
Air ball from Sean Combs! Being a philanthropist doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Mr. Bean with a wild pass that sails out! This established player giving it away!
Dwayne Johnson scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Mr. Bean drops the head after another miss! Shaky emotions under pressure sapping the confidence!
Halftime. Mr. Bean throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Mr. Bean keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Dwayne Johnson with a rough two-handed slam in the paint! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
Dwayne Johnson dishes but can't sustain the effort! Sometimes predictable game emptying the tank!
King Von coughs it up! A rapper's grip doesn't work on the orange!
King Von waves off the play! The authority of a rapper in that gesture!
This unknown gem Kerser shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Kerser walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Dwayne Johnson drags one foot after the other. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
89-134 (L)
King Von penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this legit talent!
Dwayne Johnson, this all-around player, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
Kerser dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the rapper's finest moment!
Dwayne Johnson gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!
Kerser sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a rapper after a long shift!
Halftime whistle. Kerser flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Kerser tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Sean Combs denied by the basket! Even a philanthropist can't pry it open!
Sean Combs leans on their knees! Gassed, but the philanthropist keeps going!
Sean Combs with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Mr. Bean can't mask the disappointment! This solid pro wearing it on the sleeve!
This certified GOAT candidate Dwayne Johnson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified GOAT candidate wanted.
Kerser walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Mr. Bean drags one foot after the other. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Sean Combs.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Sean Combs. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Mr. Bean. The man. Is. An amateur. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An amateur. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of an amateur and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Sean Combs.
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