My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got André the Giant on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Martin Luther King Jr.. The man is a civil rights activist. A freaking civil rights activist. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-122 (L)
Stephen Hawking opens with a reverse layup! This undisputed superstar making an early statement!
The rim rejects Stephen Hawking! The rim says no! Even a university professor gets rejected sometimes!
Barney dribbles the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy nobody was talking about!
Josh Allen, this colossus, gets exploited in the switch! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed in the mismatch!
Stephen Hawking mouths off at the jump ball! A university professor venting about the young scholars!
That's a cut. Barney stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Rumor has it Barney talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Martin Luther King Jr. Shoots and fires but misses everything! Injury-prone body tonight!
Josh Allen, this hooper's hooper, sucking wind after that sprint! The contest of battle!
Stephen Hawking commits the live-ball turnover! Their lecture notes would be ashamed!
Martin Luther King Jr. Tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the civil rights activist will bounce back!
This potential GOAT Stephen Hawking tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Stephen Hawking scratches the back of his neck nervously. Martin Luther King Jr. Has the look of someone who has seen things. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
84-107 (L)
This name that's buzzing André the Giant gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Barney misfires at the top of the key! Even this potential breakout star has off nights!
Josh Allen, this big fella, fumbles the entry pass from the left corner!
This legit talent Josh Allen can't recover! Scored on from the left corner! Hot head!
André the Giant penetrates the leather with flair and hits an off-balance shot! Sensational!
Back to the locker room. André the Giant punches his locker. Little scoop: André the Giant tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Barney, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Barney, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
André the Giant runs the offense! Running it like a wrestler runs the show!
This respected competitor Josh Allen can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
André the Giant packs up and heads out! Packing the rosin bag, unpacking emotions!
Stephen Hawking is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Josh Allen waits at the tunnel entrance. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Stephen Hawking's name. Forgive me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-124 (L)
Stephen Hawking checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This potential breakout star Barney shanks a half-court heave in the paint! That's uncharacteristic!
André the Giant dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the wrestler's finest moment!
This up-and-coming baller André the Giant fouls reaching in! Lack of consistency on defense!
Barney with natural-born leadership finds the angle for a two-handed slam!
Halftime whistle. Martin Luther King Jr. Has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Fun fact: Martin Luther King Jr. Was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
André the Giant kicks the air! The frustration of a wrestler who knows they can do better!
Martin Luther King Jr. Misses at coming out of the locker room! A civil rights activist dropping the game at the worst time!
Josh Allen, this towering presence, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This living legend Martin Luther King Jr. Has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This global icon Stephen Hawking stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this global icon wanted.
Barney rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Stephen Hawking picks up his own and folds it carefully. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
101-124 (L)
Barney, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Barney blows past the leather but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
This player making noise Josh Allen commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Josh Allen gets crossed over! This next-level player left frozen in the paint!
Martin Luther King Jr. With another buzzer beater! You can't stop this man!
Players head to the locker room. Barney has tape on three fingers. Confession: Barney tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
This hooper's hooper Josh Allen throws an elbow in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Martin Luther King Jr. Can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the pill differently than the game!
Stephen Hawking traps with the double! Trapping them, the university professor knows how to corner prey!
Stephen Hawking stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a university professor over the young scholars!
André the Giant crosses over to the tunnel in disappointment. This established player will learn from this.
Martin Luther King Jr. Has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Barney has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
87-112 (L)
Stephen Hawking fires up the crowd to open the game! This undisputed superstar starting strong!
Barney, this combo guard, gets the look but can't convert facing the rim!
Turnover by Martin Luther King Jr.! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
This dude putting the league on notice Josh Allen commits the and-one foul! Lack of consistency in positioning!
Stephen Hawking fires away with the precision of a university professor at work. And it's a buzzer beater!
Halftime. Martin Luther King Jr. Glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Physio's confession: Martin Luther King Jr. Purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Barney, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Tendency to rush on full display!
Martin Luther King Jr. Clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
This hungry young player Barney adjusts the angle mid-drive! Unreal swagger body control!
Martin Luther King Jr. Powers through! The civil rights activist in them won't quit on the game!
Barney, this raw talent, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Martin Luther King Jr. Sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Barney has his head in his hands. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
82-127 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
Martin Luther King Jr. Dribbles but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
André the Giant turns it over at late in the quarter! A wrestler dropping the rosin bag at the worst time!
Martin Luther King Jr. Overcommits! Going all-in like a civil rights activist on the game, but wrong!
André the Giant throws their hands up! Like a wrestler when the rosin bag breaks!
Halftime! Barney walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Exclusive info: Barney is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Josh Allen, this well-respected player, comes up empty! A layup off target under the basket!
Martin Luther King Jr. Digs deep! Deep as a civil rights activist digs into the game!
Josh Allen, this long boy, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
Josh Allen drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Stephen Hawking shakes hands through the pain! A university professor who respects their lecture notes and the game!
Barney bites the inside of his cheek. Martin Luther King Jr. Pinches the bridge of his nose. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-134 (L)
This rising star Barney in the starting lineup! Let's see what this rising star brings!
Josh Allen launches the rock into nothing! Limited stamina on full display tonight!
André the Giant dunks into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!
Barney, this combo guard, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over sometimes predictable game!
Barney attacks and kicks the stanchion! This raw talent losing composure!
Finally a breather. Josh Allen has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Locker room intel: Josh Allen has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
An and-one from Stephen Hawking goes in and out! Heartbreaking at the top of the key!
Barney, this versatile guy, with tired legs from the left corner! Limited stamina slowing this surprise package down!
Barney loses the leather in traffic! This player nobody saw coming can't afford that!
This living legend Martin Luther King Jr. Gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Stephen Hawking wipes a tear! A university professor who poured everything into the effort!
Martin Luther King Jr. Refuses the coach's embrace. Josh Allen accepts it but his body is stiff. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
90-128 (L)
This basketball god Stephen Hawking catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Barney misfires in transition! This dark horse searching for answers!
Barney steps back carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
André the Giant bites on the fake! Fooled like a wrestler by counterfeit the mat canvas!
Stephen Hawking, this global icon, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
Back to the locker room. Barney punches his locker. Fun fact: Barney is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Martin Luther King Jr., this potential GOAT, pulls the trigger under the basket but no luck!
André the Giant can't get lift! Legs heavy as the rosin bag after the contest!
This generational talent Martin Luther King Jr. Dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Stephen Hawking, this swiss-army-knife type, throws the hands up! Exasperated in transition!
Stephen Hawking vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their lecture notes reinforced with the young scholars!
Josh Allen walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Martin Luther King Jr. Drags one foot after the other. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
90-124 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Stretches center court! Loosening up, the civil rights activist is getting ready!
Josh Allen with a wild attempt! This dude putting the league on notice not finding the range tonight!
André the Giant coughs up the Spalding! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again at the top of the key!
Martin Luther King Jr. Caught flat-footed! Standing still, the civil rights activist reflexes took a nap!
This hooper's hooper Josh Allen slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Break! Barney heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: Barney is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This raw talent Barney rattles it out! So close yet so far back to the basket!
Martin Luther King Jr. Grabs the shorts! This household name is running on fumes!
Barney, this solid build, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Josh Allen takes off away from the huddle! This seasoned vet in a dark place mentally!
Josh Allen reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
Barney has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Stephen Hawking has aged ten years in forty minutes. Behind the scenes, I learned Stephen Hawking was also a university professor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-124 (L)
Josh Allen, this oversized freak, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Martin Luther King Jr. Misses the open look! A civil rights activist never misses the game... But misses the pill!
This generational talent Martin Luther King Jr. Loses concentration and the orange with it!
Martin Luther King Jr. Lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this basketball god fooled!
Stephen Hawking storms to the bench! This franchise cornerstone is visibly upset!
Heading in. André the Giant's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. They say André the Giant eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Stephen Hawking posts up but overcooks it! Sometimes predictable game showing up again!
Stephen Hawking calls for the sub! Even a university professor's stamina with their lecture notes has limits!
André the Giant turns it over in the free-throw line! Butterfingers from this wrestler!
Stephen Hawking walks away muttering! Muttering about the young scholars under their breath!
André the Giant looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a wrestler!
Josh Allen and Stephen Hawking walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
78-123 (L)
André the Giant wins the opening tip! Tipping off with wrestler energy!
Martin Luther King Jr. Can't convert! The civil rights activist's touch with the game deserted them!
Josh Allen with a wild pass that sails out! This next-level player giving it away!
Stephen Hawking falls asleep on the weak side! Limited stamina exposed!
André the Giant glares at the damn ball! Like it personally betrayed this wrestler!
Halftime whistle. André the Giant spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. The staff told me André the Giant sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Stephen Hawking muscles up a half-court heave but can't get it to fall!
André the Giant is gassed! More tired than after a full day of slamming the mat canvas!
Josh Allen charges right into the defender! Turnover! Lack of consistency when controlling pace!
André the Giant storms to the bench! Heated! This wrestler doesn't handle losing well!
Josh Allen walks off in silence. This solid pro gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Hawking and Josh Allen share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
79-124 (L)
Stephen Hawking takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
A pull-up jumper attempt by André the Giant falls short! Heavy feet in the legs!
Stephen Hawking gets the ball stripped! The young scholars would have stayed in a university professor's grip!
Martin Luther King Jr. Gives up the back door! Lack of consistency when overplaying!
Stephen Hawking pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The university professor in them is showing!
Back to the locker room. Barney's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Confession: Barney believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Stephen Hawking misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the young scholars!
This first-ballot legend Martin Luther King Jr. Stumbles! The fatigue is real after this ball game!
André the Giant throws it out of bounds! Like launching the rosin bag into the void!
Josh Allen, this beanpole, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Josh Allen sits alone on the bench. This player making noise processing the defeat.
André the Giant replays the score in his head on a loop. Josh Allen tries to think about something else. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-128 (L)
Martin Luther King Jr. Locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a civil rights activist who means business!
André the Giant, this titan, can't finish driving to the hoop! That one stings!
Stephen Hawking loses the orange! A university professor would never be this careless!
André the Giant gets screened out! Stuck behind the rosin bag like it's a wall!
Barney, this guy nobody was talking about, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
End of the second quarter. André the Giant is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: André the Giant tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Josh Allen takes a tough double-clutch layup and it doesn't go! Heavy feet in shot selection!
Martin Luther King Jr. Leans on their knees! Gassed, but the civil rights activist keeps going!
Barney, this tweener, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!
This name that's buzzing Josh Allen can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
André the Giant takes the loss hard! Hard as the mat canvas on a bad wrestler day!
Martin Luther King Jr. Stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Josh Allen exhales. Again. And again. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-126 (L)
Tip-off! Josh Allen gets us started! Let's go!
André the Giant, this walking skyscraper, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this seasoned vet!
Martin Luther King Jr. Throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure facing the rim!
Martin Luther King Jr. Can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Josh Allen, this absolute unit, sits down hard on the bench! Occasional mental lapses written all over his face!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Hawking walks head down toward the tunnel. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Hawking talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Stephen Hawking whiffs on the jumper! A university professor off their game with their lecture notes!
André the Giant grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a wrestler finishing the mat canvas!
Josh Allen pulls up into a dead end driving to the hoop! Turnover! Sometimes predictable game!
Josh Allen, this player making noise, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Barney spins past the media. This guy nobody was talking about not in the mood to talk.
Barney hurls his water bottle at the wall. André the Giant flinches but doesn't react. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-121 (L)
Josh Allen, this up-and-coming baller, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
André the Giant forces a fadeaway jumper at half court! This dude putting the league on notice trying too hard!
This solid pro Josh Allen forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Martin Luther King Jr., this undersized dog, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
This solid pro André the Giant fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Back in the locker room, André the Giant sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little scoop: André the Giant collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Martin Luther King Jr. Can't score in the first half! This civil rights activist is way off tonight!
Barney, this all-around player, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This franchise cornerstone Stephen Hawking with turnover number points! Hot head is piling up!
André the Giant gets a technical for complaining! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Stephen Hawking leaves the field house with dignity! The dignity of a university professor with their lecture notes!
André the Giant refuses the coach's embrace. Barney accepts it but his body is stiff. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: André the Giant.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got André the Giant on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Martin Luther King Jr.. The man is a civil rights activist. A freaking civil rights activist. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: André the Giant.
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