My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | My Team | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Superman. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Mr. Incredible. A claims adjuster. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a claims adjuster, with their claims file, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Mr. Incredible has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the insurance claim with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
73-117 (L)
Mr. Incredible, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Next-level basketball IQ from the jump!
Mr. Incredible, this do-it-all player, gets the look but can't convert at the top of the key!
Barry Allen loses the damn ball! A superhero would never be this careless!
Mr. Incredible gets posterized! A claims adjuster framed by their claims file in the worst way!
Mr. Incredible looks to the heavens! A claims adjuster praying for their claims file to work!
Break. Barry Allen's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Barry Allen blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Superman goes to work the basketball right into the defender's hands! Lack of consistency!
Superman calls for the sub! Even a superhero's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Mr. Incredible with a wild pass that sails out! This dark horse giving it away!
Jesus Christ can't mask the disappointment! This generational talent wearing it on the sleeve!
King Kong had the chances but couldn't convert. This multi-time All-Star left wanting.
Mr. Incredible bites his lip, fists clenched. Barry Allen shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-96 (W)
Barry Allen comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the superhero means business!
Mr. Incredible slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Silky smooth technique in every step!
Jesus Christ misses! Even a messiah can't fix that shot!
Mr. Incredible muscles through for a step-back three! The strength of a claims adjuster moving the insurance claim!
Barry Allen executes a fast-break offense perfectly! Precision learned as a superhero!
First half is done. Barry Allen is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Physio's confession: Barry Allen purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Jesus Christ makes the crucial stop! Plugging the leak, that's what a messiah does!
Jesus Christ covers acres of the temple of basketball! The endurance of a messiah on a double shift!
Barry Allen feeds off an electric crowd! The energy of a superhero fueled by the game!
Jesus Christ, this living legend, with the cold-blooded sky hook in transition!
Mr. Incredible closes the show! Curtain call for the claims adjuster with the insurance claim!
King Kong and Superman carry Barry Allen like a trophy across the entire court. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
93-106 (L)
Barry Allen steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
The rim rejects Mr. Incredible! The rim says no! Even a claims adjuster gets rejected sometimes!
Mr. Incredible throws it away! A pass worse than a claims adjuster tossing the insurance claim!
Jesus Christ scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with their bare hands at work!
Off to the locker room. Jesus Christ has already drained two water bottles. Fun fact: Jesus Christ got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Mr. Incredible slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a claims adjuster hits the workbench!
This dark horse Mr. Incredible misfires again! Tendency to force bad shots could cost the team!
This household name Superman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Superman is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the superhero is spent!
Superman reflects on what could have been. Shaky emotions under pressure the difference tonight.
King Kong snaps at the bench on his way out. Barry Allen says nothing, but his look says everything. Evening confession: I'm wearing King Kong's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
105-106 (L)
Superman gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a superhero on day one!
Mr. Incredible, this hidden prospect, reads the play perfectly and delivers a pull-up jumper!
Superman beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superhero!
Jesus Christ with the ugly miss! The messiah touch is absent tonight!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ hits the big three! The deficit down to single digits!
Back to the locker room. King Kong's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Intel: King Kong refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Barry Allen gets called for the foul! Clumsy as a superhero with the game at closing time!
Barry Allen, this dude putting the league on notice, refuses to high-five! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the chemistry!
The commentators can't stop talking about Barry Allen's superhero background and their bare hands!
Superman can't deliver! Even a superhero can't help in this the first quarter!
Barry Allen walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Barry Allen kicks his towel across the floor. Jesus Christ has already left for the locker room, alone. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
126-97 (W)
Tip-off! King Kong gets us started! Let's go!
Mr. Incredible gets the friendly bounce! Even the pill respects a claims adjuster!
Superman denies the pass! Their bare hands interception skills on full display!
This name that's buzzing Barry Allen turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
Mr. Incredible manages the clock! Time management of a claims adjuster who never misses a deadline!
Halftime. King Kong wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Little scoop: King Kong logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
King Kong, this All-Star caliber talent, operates driving to the hoop with a layup! Clinic!
Superman, this franchise cornerstone, feeds off every decibel! Wild stands is fuel!
This big-name player King Kong swings the damn ball around! Freakish explosiveness ball movement!
This newcomer Mr. Incredible is the heartbeat of this team! A highlight-reel play leadership!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, high-fives the bench! A slide across the hardwood! Team effort!
Barry Allen and Superman leap onto each other like kids. King Kong comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
86-120 (L)
Barry Allen drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy with a proven track record!
King Kong attacks the leather into the front rim! That's frustrating for this guy everybody knows!
Superman commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Mr. Incredible gets blown by! Even a claims adjuster couldn't stop that!
This name that's buzzing Barry Allen stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime. Superman's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know Superman knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Los Angeles Nursing-Home's colors. By accident, obviously. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Mr. Incredible fades away the Spalding into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
King Kong is gassed! This bonafide star bent over at half court! Hot head catching up!
Intercepted! Barry Allen's pass snatched right out of the air! A superhero would never be that careless!
Mr. Incredible vents at their teammates! The claims adjuster who vents about the insurance claim!
Mr. Incredible drives past the media. This total unknown not in the mood to talk.
Superman and Barry Allen walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Evening confession: I'm wearing Superman's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
103-120 (L)
The game begins and King Kong is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
Air ball from Jesus Christ! Being a messiah doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Jesus Christ botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Jesus Christ gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
This guy everybody knows King Kong punishes the defense with a sky hook along the baseline!
The players head in. Barry Allen slips on the wet tunnel floor. I've been told Barry Allen once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Jesus Christ argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Barry Allen misses the open look! This player making noise can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Barry Allen reads the defense perfectly! Pure God-given talent and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Barry Allen, this dude putting the league on notice, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Barry Allen wipes a tear! A superhero who poured everything into the effort!
Barry Allen shakes Superman's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Tonight I had a revelation: Superman runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-121 (L)
Barry Allen stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Jesus Christ gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the messiah touch can't save that one!
Jesus Christ with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Superman overcommits! Going all-in like a superhero on the game, but wrong!
Jesus Christ picks up the second technical! This franchise cornerstone ejected! Injury-prone body!
Halftime! Jesus Christ walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Confession: Jesus Christ calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
King Kong, this All-Star caliber talent, pulls the trigger along the baseline but no luck!
This next-level player Barry Allen can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Turnover by Barry Allen! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
This established player Barry Allen slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Barry Allen hangs their head! A superhero who gave everything they had!
Superman collapses into the first available chair. Barry Allen stays standing, eyes glazed over. Did you know that Barry Allen practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-126 (L)
Mr. Incredible launches into position! This dude out of nowhere not wasting any time!
This hall-of-fame lock Superman whiffs on a step-back three! The crowd groans!
Mr. Incredible with the careless pass! Settling the insurance claim with more care, please!
Jesus Christ reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
Superman mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Intermission. Jesus Christ dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Jesus Christ can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Mr. Incredible can barely run! The 4 periods of 12 minutes harder than the 4 periods of 12 minutes of settling the insurance claim!
Barry Allen, this smooth operator, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
Mr. Incredible drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a claims adjuster's spirit has limits!
This who-is-this-guy player Mr. Incredible leaves the temple of basketball with head held high. Fought to the end.
Jesus Christ's complexion is grey. Mr. Incredible's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
89-111 (L)
Superman crosses over with energy from the opening whistle! This global icon locked in!
Jesus Christ misses at the buzzer! A messiah who missed the deadline!
Jesus Christ passes to nobody! This certified GOAT candidate with a head-scratching decision!
Jesus Christ gets screened out of the play! This franchise cornerstone lost in traffic!
King Kong rises up and converts! A catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim! Money!
Rest time. Barry Allen isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Barry Allen keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Mr. Incredible gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
This undisputed superstar Superman shanks a euro-step along the baseline! That's uncharacteristic!
Superman exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
Barry Allen is clearly fatigued! The four quarters of this plus the four quarters of competing the game!
King Kong walks off in silence. This big-name player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Superman scratches the back of his neck nervously. Mr. Incredible has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
101-104 (L)
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ means business! Fast start from the right corner!
Mr. Incredible hits the mid-range! The sweet spot, just like their claims file placement!
Mr. Incredible gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the insurance claim on a rough day!
Mr. Incredible, this total unknown, comes up empty! A finger roll off target off the pick and roll!
Barry Allen closes the gap! Same focus as when they're working with their bare hands!
The players leave the court. Superman clings to the tunnel railing. Anecdote: Superman tried to impress the New York Over-Timers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Jesus Christ can't hit the open look in crunch time! Their bare hands vision failing!
King Kong glares at the scoreboard! This headliner not happy with the situation!
Win or lose, Mr. Incredible has earned respect tonight! This unknown gem warrior spirit!
King Kong, this all-around player, forces a bad shot in the first half! Limited stamina!
Barry Allen sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Mr. Incredible refuses New York Over-Timers's handshake. Superman offers a limp one with just his fingertips. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-123 (L)
Superman, this franchise cornerstone, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
Jesus Christ sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Mr. Incredible coughs up the basketball! Tendency to rush strikes again on the low block!
Mr. Incredible gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the insurance claim behind their claims file!
Mr. Incredible adds to the total! A claims adjuster who always exceeds expectations!
The players file out. King Kong exchanges a tense look with the coach. Quick anecdote about King Kong: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
This who-is-this-guy player Mr. Incredible fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Brick! Jesus Christ misfires in transition! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
This established star King Kong attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Jesus Christ gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a messiah begging the game for mercy!
Jesus Christ walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to messiah life tomorrow!
Barry Allen bites the inside of his cheek. Superman pinches the bridge of his nose. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-110 (L)
Jesus Christ takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
King Kong fades away but it's well off! Tendency to force bad shots under fatigue!
Superman gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a superhero's grip!
Jesus Christ watches helplessly! A messiah watching the game fall off the shelf!
King Kong, this versatile guy, elevates for a monster bank shot!
Halftime whistle. King Kong high-fives his teammates on the way out. True story: King Kong walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Boston Ring-Chasers. Awkward. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
King Kong storms to the bench! This bonafide star is visibly upset!
Jesus Christ, this global icon, fumbles the finish in the paint! Back to the drawing board!
King Kong, this all-around player, exploits the mismatch from the left corner! Smart play!
Mr. Incredible grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their claims file in the workshop!
This living legend Superman tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
King Kong's gaze is cold, distant. Mr. Incredible's gaze is hot, angry. I got a text from King Kong after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-116 (L)
This reliable star King Kong comes out firing! A pull-up jumper in the first minute!
King Kong fires a layup from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Barry Allen with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, fouls unnecessarily at half court! Tendency to force bad shots!
Barry Allen attacks the rock with flair and hits a free throw! Sensational!
Break time. Barry Allen bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Barry Allen entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Superman mouths off on the inbound pass! A superhero venting about the game!
Jesus Christ, this all-time great, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Jesus Christ schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true messiah!
Mr. Incredible finds a second wind! The claims adjuster engine roars back to life!
Barry Allen looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a superhero!
King Kong kicks his towel across the floor. Mr. Incredible has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-107 (L)
This reliable star King Kong opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Superman misfires from the right corner! Even this global icon has off nights!
Superman with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost superhero!
King Kong, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over sometimes predictable game!
King Kong drains a finger roll from mid-range! Textbook freakish explosiveness!
Break time. Superman bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Juicy intel: Superman turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Barry Allen drops the head after another miss! Hot head sapping the confidence!
Superman throws up a clunker! Their bare hands would weep at that trajectory!
Superman counters the press! Problem solved, superhero style!
Mr. Incredible is running on fumes! The claims adjuster tank is completely empty!
Jesus Christ fades away to the tunnel in disappointment. This once-in-a-lifetime player will learn from this.
Superman's eyes are glassy. Barry Allen mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
My Team finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Superman. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Mr. Incredible. A claims adjuster. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a claims adjuster, with their claims file, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Mr. Incredible has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the insurance claim with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
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