My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed William Shakespeare. The man is a playwright. A freaking playwright. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their fountain pen and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-130 (L)
Kobe Bryant opens with a devastating dunk! This generational talent making an early statement!
LeBron James spins the Wilson awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this global icon!
This player on the come-up Rob Gronkowski loses concentration and the basketball with it!
Rob Gronkowski scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to rush!
William Shakespeare can't mask the disappointment! This global icon wearing it on the sleeve!
Time to breathe. Rob Gronkowski has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Did you know Rob Gronkowski entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
A thunderous slam from LeBron James sails wide! This guy with rings on every finger needs to regroup!
Rob Gronkowski is running on pure willpower! This name that's buzzing refusing to quit!
Rob Gronkowski, this beanpole, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from downtown!
This player making noise Rob Gronkowski can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
LeBron James fades away to the tunnel in disappointment. This potential GOAT will learn from this.
Kobe Bryant's gaze is cold, distant. LeBron James's gaze is hot, angry. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-105 (W)
LeBron James fires up the crowd to open the game! This living legend starting strong!
A thunderous slam from Stephen Curry! This reliable star is putting on a show tonight!
William Shakespeare boxes out! Making space, that's the playwright work ethic!
William Shakespeare orchestrates the play! Conducting the offense like a veteran playwright!
Kobe Bryant, this guy with rings on every finger, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a free throw!
Halftime! Kobe Bryant is limping slightly heading off the court. Did you know? Kobe Bryant once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, unleashes a finger roll on the low block! Bang!
Kobe Bryant dribbles and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This living legend LeBron James runs the Spalding patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, has the intangibles! A killer instinct beyond the stats!
That's the game! Stephen Curry finishes with a monster performance! This certified bucket victorious!
William Shakespeare and Kobe Bryant lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
119-93 (W)
Rob Gronkowski, this up-and-coming baller, embraces the boiling cauldron! Game on!
This absolute legend Kobe Bryant does it again! A reverse layup with effortless precision!
LeBron James, this long boy, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry creates for others! Unselfish play with that dawg mentality!
Kobe Bryant spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Break. Stephen Curry's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Locker room intel: Stephen Curry has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
A sky hook from William Shakespeare under the basket! That's a certified bucket-getter!
William Shakespeare salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the playwright signs off in style!
LeBron James makes the extra pass! This potential GOAT hockey assist for a euro-step!
This is the Kobe Bryant game! This all-time great taking over in the second quarter!
William Shakespeare signs off with a reverse layup! The playwright's final the gripping act of the night!
Rob Gronkowski hits a dab in 2026. William Shakespeare does an ironic dab. LeBron James has no idea what that is. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than William Shakespeare. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
91-118 (L)
William Shakespeare stretches center court! Loosening up, the playwright is getting ready!
A layup attempt by William Shakespeare falls short! Hot head in the legs!
LeBron James fires away carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry can't recover! Scored on driving to the hoop! Occasional mental lapses!
William Shakespeare punishes the defense! A playwright punishing the gripping act with precision!
Break! Rob Gronkowski rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Fun fact: Rob Gronkowski was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
William Shakespeare picks up the second technical! This household name ejected! Hot head!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild deep three!
This solid pro Rob Gronkowski adjusts the angle mid-drive! Nerves of steel body control!
William Shakespeare, this versatile guy, looks exhausted facing the rim! The legs are gone!
William Shakespeare consoles teammates! The heart of a playwright in that moment!
William Shakespeare refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Kobe Bryant watches it and immediately regrets it. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
89-102 (L)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, with a contested two-handed slam that misses from the right corner!
This big-name player Stephen Curry dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Rob Gronkowski, this walking skyscraper, fouls unnecessarily in the paint! Hot head!
A buzzer beater from downtown by LeBron James! This colossus with the long range!
Players head to the locker room. LeBron James has tape on three fingers. Rumor has it LeBron James tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
This player making noise Rob Gronkowski misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
This established player Rob Gronkowski uses the floater over this absolute unit coverage! Smart!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Rob Gronkowski, this respected competitor, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Stephen Curry mutters 'damn' under his breath. Kobe Bryant says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-122 (L)
This well-respected player Rob Gronkowski opens the scoring! A bank shot! Early advantage!
William Shakespeare gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the playwright touch can't save that one!
LeBron James throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure in the paint!
LeBron James gets crossed over! This franchise cornerstone left frozen along the baseline!
What a play by Kobe Bryant! A sky hook along the baseline! This hall-of-fame lock is cooking!
Coach calls everyone back. William Shakespeare drags his feet toward the tunnel. Anecdote: William Shakespeare threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Kobe Bryant drives the towel! This all-time great showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
LeBron James with the off-balance catch-and-shoot triple! This household name couldn't set the feet!
William Shakespeare uses a full-court press to get open! Open space created with their fountain pen smarts!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, with tired legs from mid-range! Injury-prone body slowing this bonafide star down!
LeBron James, this tower, trudges off the gym. Lessons to take from this one.
LeBron James chews his nails on the bench. Stephen Curry stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-106 (L)
This league veteran Rob Gronkowski means business! Fast start off the pick and roll!
A layup by Rob Gronkowski off the pick and roll is way off! Tough night for this up-and-coming baller!
Kobe Bryant posts up into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
William Shakespeare gives up the easy bucket! Easier than crafting the gripping act!
This absolute legend William Shakespeare with a beautiful pull-up jumper in transition! Poetry in motion!
Break. Kobe Bryant asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Small detail: Kobe Bryant whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This first-ballot legend fighting inner demons!
Kobe Bryant can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this absolute legend!
Kobe Bryant, this basketball god, orchestrates the delay game! An off-the-charts basketball IQ in action!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Limited stamina taking its toll!
This generational talent Kobe Bryant tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Stephen Curry hurls his water bottle at the wall. Rob Gronkowski flinches but doesn't react. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
90-109 (L)
Kobe Bryant, this oversized freak, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Stephen Curry posts up the rock right into the defender's hands! Limited stamina!
This world-class player Stephen Curry forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Rob Gronkowski, this tower, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, posts up and delivers an alley-oop! Textbook!
That's a wrap for now. Stephen Curry dives into the tunnel. Anecdote: Stephen Curry once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Rob Gronkowski mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Rob Gronkowski clanks another one off the rim! This legit talent needs to find rhythm!
William Shakespeare executes a fast-break offense perfectly! Precision learned as a playwright!
LeBron James is gassed! This potential GOAT bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Stephen Curry had the chances but couldn't convert. This established star left wanting.
Kobe Bryant's gaze is cold, distant. Stephen Curry's gaze is hot, angry. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-91 (W)
William Shakespeare shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this absolute legend!
Rob Gronkowski with another scoop layup! You can't stop this man!
Stephen Curry slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Eyes in the back of the head in every step!
This living legend LeBron James with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
William Shakespeare sets the screen with precision worthy of their fountain pen! Tactical genius!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Stephen Curry tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This well-respected player Rob Gronkowski with a vintage devastating dunk! The old magic is still there!
LeBron James rises up in front of the home faithful! A packed arena! Beautiful!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this once-in-a-lifetime player!
This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant is living their best moment right now off the pick and roll!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
William Shakespeare moonwalks across the hardwood. Stephen Curry attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I got a text from William Shakespeare after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-107 (L)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
William Shakespeare sends it wide! Their fountain pen wouldn't forgive that either!
William Shakespeare, this solid build, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
William Shakespeare loses the battle in the paint! Being a playwright doesn't help you here!
A thunderous slam by Stephen Curry at the buzzer! Nerves of steel in every fiber!
Halftime. The physio pounces on LeBron James to massage his thighs. Did you know? LeBron James once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This living legend William Shakespeare slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, gets stuffed trying a scoop layup! Denied!
Stephen Curry reads the defense perfectly! Next-level basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Kobe Bryant, this household name, sucking wind after that sprint! The allotted time of battle!
Stephen Curry, this elite player, takes the loss hard. Defense that's basically a suggestion at the wrong moments.
Kobe Bryant stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Rob Gronkowski comes back to get him. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
86-128 (L)
William Shakespeare, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
LeBron James blows past and fires but misses everything! Tendency to force bad shots tonight!
LeBron James with the errant pass! This basketball god needs to settle down!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, gets exploited in the switch! Injury-prone body exposed in the mismatch!
William Shakespeare, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Limited stamina creeping in!
End of the first act. Stephen Curry is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Physio's confession: Stephen Curry purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Stephen Curry pulls up the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this franchise guy!
LeBron James, this giant, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
LeBron James, this giant, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
LeBron James slams the rock in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant shakes hands and moves on. In the end, lack of consistency proved costly.
LeBron James's eyes are red, jaw tight. Stephen Curry apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-112 (L)
William Shakespeare, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
LeBron James fires a double-clutch layup at the buzzer but can't connect! Heavy feet showing!
LeBron James coughs up the Wilson! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again from the left corner!
Stephen Curry gambles for the steal and pays the price! Heavy feet!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, carves up the defense for a pull-up jumper! Beautiful!
End of the first act. LeBron James is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Fun fact: LeBron James failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're back! The players look fired up.
Rob Gronkowski, this solid pro, refuses to high-five! Occasional mental lapses hurting the chemistry!
This all-time great William Shakespeare throws up a prayer from way beyond the arc! Not answered!
LeBron James dribbles into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Rob Gronkowski hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Stephen Curry keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
99-105 (L)
William Shakespeare announces themselves! The playwright has arrived and the building knows it!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry muscles up a devastating dunk but can't get it to fall!
LeBron James, this titan, gets the ball poked away! Limited stamina when protecting the orange!
LeBron James gets posted up and scored on! This basketball god overpowered!
This hooper's hooper Rob Gronkowski finishes with authority! A devastating dunk driving to the hoop!
Both teams head in. Rob Gronkowski has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Fun fact: Rob Gronkowski was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Kobe Bryant, this mountain of a man, throws the hands up! Exasperated from way beyond the arc!
Stephen Curry crosses over but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
Kobe Bryant, this giant, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
William Shakespeare goes to work sluggishly! Sometimes predictable game catching up with this undisputed superstar!
William Shakespeare wipes a tear! A playwright who poured everything into the effort!
Stephen Curry mutters 'damn' under his breath. Kobe Bryant says 'yeah' in the same tone. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
84-123 (L)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this All-Star caliber talent ready to put on a show at the court!
William Shakespeare can't convert! The playwright's touch with the gripping act deserted them!
Stephen Curry throws it into the stands! What was that from this max-contract guy!
Kobe Bryant, this giant, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break! Stephen Curry rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Rumor has it Stephen Curry talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Brick! Kobe Bryant misfires in transition! Heavy feet at the worst time!
William Shakespeare drags their feet! Heavy as their fountain pen at the end of a shift!
Stephen Curry charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
This global icon LeBron James shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this max-contract guy.
LeBron James turns back to look at the court one last time. Kobe Bryant doesn't turn around. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-106 (L)
This absolute legend LeBron James catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
William Shakespeare clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their fountain pen hitting the gripping act!
Kobe Bryant launches the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this household name!
This undisputed superstar William Shakespeare picks up the cheap foul! Hot head showing!
Rob Gronkowski, this long boy, dominates from the right corner and puts up a sky hook! Unstoppable!
Rest. Stephen Curry buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know Stephen Curry plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
LeBron James glares at the scoreboard! This living legend not happy with the situation!
LeBron James, this tower, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates from mid-range!
LeBron James pushes the pace in transition! Unreal swagger showing in every play!
Rob Gronkowski fades away but the legs won't cooperate! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
This player making noise Rob Gronkowski stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this player making noise wanted.
Rob Gronkowski sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. William Shakespeare winces. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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