My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Son Goku. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Son Goku, his brother-in-law and a bushi by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their katana blade and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Son Goku can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the feudal lord to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-122 (L)
The game begins and Monkey D. Luffy is ready! You can see an off-the-charts basketball IQ written all over his face!
Son Goku misses the open look! A bushi never misses the feudal lord... But misses the orange!
Drake Maye, this do-it-all player, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Halftime whistle. Drake Maye high-fives his teammates on the way out. Confession: Drake Maye calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Drake Maye, this do-it-all player, wastes a golden chance with a wild tear drop!
Roronoa Zoro is visibly tired! This raw talent needs a timeout badly!
Roronoa Zoro spins the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hidden prospect!
This hungry young player Roronoa Zoro stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Roronoa Zoro walks off in silence. This who-is-this-guy player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Son Goku pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Jesus Christ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
81-125 (L)
This living legend Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this living legend brings!
Roronoa Zoro gets a clean look but injury-prone body costs the bucket!
This diamond in the rough Roronoa Zoro loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
Drake Maye gets crossed over! This surprise package left frozen along the baseline!
Roronoa Zoro mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Halftime. Drake Maye glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Drake Maye once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This unknown gem Roronoa Zoro shanks a euro-step on the low block! That's uncharacteristic!
Drake Maye, this player nobody saw coming, sucking wind after that sprint! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of battle!
Monkey D. Luffy loses the pill in traffic! This player on the come-up can't afford that!
Son Goku steps back and kicks the stanchion! This rising star losing composure!
This dude putting the league on notice Monkey D. Luffy stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this dude putting the league on notice wanted.
Drake Maye unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Monkey D. Luffy runs a hand down his face. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
85-129 (L)
This newcomer Drake Maye gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
A half-court heave from Jesus Christ hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
Son Goku passes to nobody! This raw talent with a head-scratching decision!
Drake Maye scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Heavy feet!
Son Goku throws their hands up! Like a bushi when their katana blade breaks!
Both teams head to the locker room. Son Goku wipes his forehead with his jersey. Staff confession: Son Goku is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Roronoa Zoro, this do-it-all player, loses the handle and the opportunity! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Roronoa Zoro is gassed! This newcomer bent over at half court! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Drake Maye charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ stares in disbelief! The look of a messiah who just lost everything!
Roronoa Zoro sits alone on the bench. This diamond in the rough processing the defeat.
Jesus Christ refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Drake Maye watches it and immediately regrets it. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
75-116 (L)
Drake Maye, this total unknown, embraces the boiling cauldron! Game on!
Jesus Christ whiffs on the jumper! A messiah off their game with their bare hands!
Drake Maye coughs up the basketball! Injury-prone body strikes again along the baseline!
Monkey D. Luffy gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Jesus Christ glares at the rock! Like it personally betrayed this messiah!
Back to the locker room. Monkey D. Luffy punches his locker. Intel: Monkey D. Luffy refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Jesus Christ attacks the orange into nothing! Limited stamina on full display tonight!
Monkey D. Luffy, this swiss-army-knife type, laboring up and down! Injury-prone body draining the energy!
Son Goku trips up in the perimeter! A bushi never trips at work... Right?
Monkey D. Luffy, this legit talent, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Jesus Christ looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a messiah!
Drake Maye presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Monkey D. Luffy walks right past without noticing. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
90-135 (L)
Son Goku stretches center court! Loosening up, the bushi is getting ready!
Monkey D. Luffy forces a bank shot facing the rim! This well-respected player trying too hard!
Roronoa Zoro, this solid build, gets the ball poked away! Occasional mental lapses when protecting the Wilson!
This guy nobody was talking about Drake Maye bites on the fake! Beaten at half court!
Jesus Christ slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messiah hits the workbench!
The players head to the locker room. Drake Maye is sweating like a racehorse. I've been told Drake Maye always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Monkey D. Luffy shoots but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
This all-time great Jesus Christ can't close out! The legs are shot from way beyond the arc!
Monkey D. Luffy throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Drake Maye, this versatile guy, throws the hands up! Exasperated from downtown!
This dark horse Drake Maye shakes hands and moves on. In the end, sometimes predictable game proved costly.
Jesus Christ pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Monkey D. Luffy takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
89-134 (L)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Jesus Christ denied by the basket! Even a messiah can't pry it open!
Monkey D. Luffy, this tweener, gets stripped driving to the hoop! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
This who-is-this-guy player Drake Maye caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This dude putting the league on notice Monkey D. Luffy shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Halftime. Monkey D. Luffy glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Monkey D. Luffy once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Jesus Christ fires a double-clutch layup driving to the hoop but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Son Goku goes to work but the legs won't cooperate! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
Monkey D. Luffy, this versatile guy, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
Roronoa Zoro can't mask the disappointment! This total unknown wearing it on the sleeve!
Roronoa Zoro penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This hungry young player will learn from this.
Son Goku has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Jesus Christ has aged ten years in forty minutes. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
80-120 (L)
Jesus Christ bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Jesus Christ forces a bad hook shot! This first-ballot legend needs to trust teammates!
Drake Maye, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
Son Goku gets blown by! Even a bushi couldn't stop that!
Drake Maye, this raw talent, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Time to breathe. Drake Maye has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Little scoop: Drake Maye collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Monkey D. Luffy can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this hooper's hooper!
This hungry young player Roronoa Zoro stumbles! The fatigue is real after the contest!
This who-is-this-guy player Roronoa Zoro with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This player on the come-up Monkey D. Luffy fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to rush showing!
Jesus Christ walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to messiah life tomorrow!
Monkey D. Luffy refuses Toronto Border-Patrol's handshake. Jesus Christ offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
87-132 (L)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Brick! Monkey D. Luffy misfires at the top of the key! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Son Goku loses the ball! A bushi would never be this careless!
Son Goku beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the feudal lord slipping from a bushi!
Son Goku tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the bushi will bounce back!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Drake Maye to massage his thighs. Staff confession: Drake Maye is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Son Goku, this solid build, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Heavy feet!
Son Goku soldiers on! The soldier who defends the feudal lord with their katana blade!
This league veteran Monkey D. Luffy commits the offensive foul! Turnover at the top of the key!
Monkey D. Luffy drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite that dawg mentality effort.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. Drake Maye stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. I learned tonight that Jesus Christ used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
83-127 (L)
Monkey D. Luffy dunks onto the floor! The crowd roars for this well-respected player!
Drake Maye, this tweener, gets the look but can't convert in transition!
Drake Maye shoots into a trap! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the defense!
Drake Maye gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
Son Goku looks to the heavens! A bushi praying for their katana blade to work!
Well-deserved break. Roronoa Zoro looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Staff confession: Roronoa Zoro is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Roronoa Zoro, this smooth operator, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this hidden prospect!
Drake Maye, this swiss-army-knife type, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This dude out of nowhere Roronoa Zoro forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Monkey D. Luffy gets a technical for complaining! Hot head on full display!
Son Goku sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a bushi after their katana blade broke!
Monkey D. Luffy taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Jesus Christ walks through the door without pushing it. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-118 (L)
This surprise package Roronoa Zoro catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Monkey D. Luffy takes a tough two-handed slam and it doesn't go! Injury-prone body in shot selection!
Son Goku dribbles it off their foot! Their katana blade would never betray a bushi like that!
Monkey D. Luffy gets posted up and scored on! This legit talent overpowered!
This player on the come-up Monkey D. Luffy hangs the head after the miss! Deflated off the pick and roll!
Halftime. Drake Maye glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. True story: Drake Maye had his parking spot stolen by Denver Horse-Track's mascot. Still talks about it. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Monkey D. Luffy dishes the Wilson awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this player on the come-up!
This hungry young player Son Goku has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Jesus Christ with the lazy pass! Shaky emotions under pressure leading to easy points!
Jesus Christ launches away from the huddle! This global icon in a dark place mentally!
This unknown gem Drake Maye congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this unknown gem.
Drake Maye slams his fist on the bench. Jesus Christ places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
82-127 (L)
Jesus Christ explodes into position! This undisputed superstar not wasting any time!
Drake Maye clanks another one off the rim! This total unknown needs to find rhythm!
Jesus Christ botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Drake Maye loses the screen battle! Heavy feet around the picks!
Son Goku shakes their head! A bushi who can't believe that just happened!
Heading in. Jesus Christ's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Little scoop: Jesus Christ tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Drake Maye, this surprise package, with the shot-clock heave! No good along the baseline!
Roronoa Zoro, this surprise package, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Turnover by Son Goku! Defending the feudal lord requires less coordination, clearly!
Son Goku, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
Son Goku absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a bushi knows tough days!
Jesus Christ's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Monkey D. Luffy breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Monkey D. Luffy. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
82-126 (L)
This hidden prospect Roronoa Zoro comes out firing! An and-one in the first minute!
Son Goku misses the layup! Even the feudal lord would have gone in easier!
Son Goku throws it away! A pass worse than a bushi tossing the feudal lord!
Roronoa Zoro overcommits and gets beat! Ego the size of Texas when reading the play!
Roronoa Zoro, this solid build, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!
Break. Monkey D. Luffy collapses next to the vending machine. Did you know Monkey D. Luffy once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Off the mark for Son Goku! Great bushi, not so great at basketball tonight!
Drake Maye dunks a step slower than usual! Sometimes predictable game in the tank!
Monkey D. Luffy, this swiss-army-knife type, gets called for the carry! Ego the size of Texas in ball-handling!
Roronoa Zoro, this potential breakout star, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Monkey D. Luffy had the chances but couldn't convert. This name that's buzzing left wanting.
Son Goku taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Roronoa Zoro walks through the door without pushing it. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
78-122 (L)
Jesus Christ steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
This respected competitor Monkey D. Luffy throws up a prayer at the buzzer! Not answered!
This total unknown Roronoa Zoro dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Son Goku gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a bushi's worst day on the job!
This player on the come-up Monkey D. Luffy can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Jesus Christ picks up the pace. Physio's confession: Jesus Christ purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
A half-court heave by Monkey D. Luffy off the pick and roll is way off! Tough night for this hooper's hooper!
Jesus Christ asks for the ball to slow the pace! This first-ballot legend needs air!
Drake Maye tries to be too fancy and loses the basketball! Lack of consistency in the decision-making!
Drake Maye storms to the bench! This surprise package is visibly upset!
Roronoa Zoro reflects on what could have been. Heavy feet the difference tonight.
Jesus Christ unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Drake Maye runs a hand down his face. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-134 (L)
Monkey D. Luffy, this solid build, takes the court! The palpable tension is electric!
Son Goku misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their katana blade at the feudal lord!
Son Goku coughs it up! A bushi's grip doesn't work on the rock!
Monkey D. Luffy, this tweener, gets exploited in the switch! Tendency to force bad shots exposed in the mismatch!
Son Goku storms to the bench! Heated! This bushi doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime. Monkey D. Luffy is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Word is Monkey D. Luffy sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Son Goku, this potential breakout star, fumbles the finish from the right corner! Back to the drawing board!
Monkey D. Luffy is cramping up! This well-respected player trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Roronoa Zoro penetrates carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Jesus Christ picks up the second technical! This all-time great ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Jesus Christ bites his lip, fists clenched. Monkey D. Luffy shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Monkey D. Luffy. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
75-119 (L)
Monkey D. Luffy looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
This player nobody saw coming Roronoa Zoro misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging from mid-range!
This raw talent Son Goku gets pickpocketed from the right corner! Sloppy handling!
Roronoa Zoro, this smooth operator, fouls unnecessarily from downtown! Tendency to force bad shots!
Jesus Christ waves off the play! The authority of a messiah in that gesture!
The players leave the court. Jesus Christ clings to the tunnel railing. Rumor has it Jesus Christ has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ gets blocked! Rejected harder than a messiah's worst day on the job!
Son Goku needs oxygen! More winded than a bushi after overtime!
Son Goku throws it out of bounds! Like launching their katana blade into the void!
Roronoa Zoro, this hungry young player, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Jesus Christ refuses to make excuses! A messiah owns the game failures too!
Roronoa Zoro isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Jesus Christ tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I got a text from Roronoa Zoro after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Son Goku.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Son Goku. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Son Goku, his brother-in-law and a bushi by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their katana blade and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Son Goku can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the feudal lord to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Son Goku.
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