My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited King Kong. An amateur. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: an amateur, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that King Kong has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
80-118 (L)
Spider-Man blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this absolute legend!
Larry Bird fires a devastating dunk from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Spider-Man dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Kobe Bryant falls asleep on the weak side! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Michael Jordan slams the Spalding in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
The players head to the locker room. Kobe Bryant is sweating like a racehorse. Anecdote of the day: Kobe Bryant forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Kobe Bryant takes a tough two-handed slam and it doesn't go! Shaky emotions under pressure in shot selection!
Kobe Bryant is cramping up! This certified GOAT candidate trying to shake it off! Sometimes predictable game!
Larry Bird loses the pill in traffic! This world-class player can't afford that!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Kobe Bryant had the chances but couldn't convert. This first-ballot legend left wanting.
King Kong hurls his water bottle at the wall. Larry Bird flinches but doesn't react. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
120-75 (W)
This top-tier talent Larry Bird in the starting lineup! Let's see what this top-tier talent brings!
Michael Jordan blows past past everyone for a floater! This beanpole on a mission!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Larry Bird, this mammoth, glides to from the right corner for a silky tear drop!
Spider-Man forces the turnover! Pressuring like competing the game under deadline!
Into the tunnel. Kobe Bryant grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Little secret: Kobe Bryant listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Spider-Man sinks it from along the baseline. A superhero never misses the game, and never misses the hoop!
Larry Bird with a showtime and-one! This established star enjoying every second!
This multi-time All-Star Larry Bird runs the wrong play again! Coach is beside themselves!
King Kong, this tweener, takes a bow! A fist pump toward the bench! This guy everybody knows knows that was special!
This multi-time All-Star King Kong thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Spider-Man pretends to faint from happiness. Kobe Bryant pretends to call 911. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-94 (W)
The game begins and Kobe Bryant is ready! You can see a killer instinct written all over his face!
Spider-Man dribbles through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Larry Bird, this beanpole, alters the shot! Nerves of steel at the rim!
King Kong, this combo guard, hits the cutter perfectly! Freakish explosiveness right on time!
Kobe Bryant dunks the ball out of the trap! Insane court vision under pressure!
Well-deserved break. King Kong looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know? King Kong launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
King Kong converts in transition! A layup with trademark unreal swagger!
The crowd is on its feet! Wild stands as Michael Jordan takes the court!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
This will be talked about for years! Spider-Man with a buzzer-beater! Iconic!
Larry Bird, this certified bucket, soaks in the moment! Victory under the basket! A salute to the fans!
Kobe Bryant runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
119-100 (W)
This franchise guy Larry Bird comes out aggressive! Opens with a catch-and-shoot triple from the right corner!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan capitalizes from way beyond the arc! A pull-up jumper with scary good handles!
This undisputed superstar Spider-Man disrupts the play with a timely monster swat!
Kobe Bryant, this first-ballot legend, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! Silky smooth technique!
Spider-Man posts up with purpose every possession! This household name chess master!
Both teams head in. King Kong has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Anecdote: King Kong once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Spider-Man drains it! Emptying the tank like a superhero on double shift!
The arena is electric! This potential GOAT Spider-Man thriving in wild stands!
Spider-Man takes the charge for the team! Heart of a superhero, sacrifice of a warrior!
King Kong, this franchise guy, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this franchise guy is dangerous!
This reliable star Larry Bird led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Michael Jordan pretends to faint from happiness. Larry Bird pretends to call 911. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-83 (W)
Larry Bird, this max-contract guy, draws first blood! A finger roll to start!
This All-Star caliber talent Larry Bird punishes the defense with a tear drop from the right corner!
Kobe Bryant, this mammoth, swats it into the third row! An iron-wall defense!
Spider-Man with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open alley-oop!
King Kong slows the pace when the team needs it! This headliner tempo control!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Michael Jordan to massage his thighs. Little secret: Michael Jordan listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kobe Bryant strings together a reverse layup from downtown. Iron discipline on full display!
This jersey-selling name Larry Bird brings immense pressure to a new level! Incredible scene!
Spider-Man picks up the assignment! Locked in, the superhero accepts the mission!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, sets the tone with eyes in the back of the head! Leader!
Larry Bird, this 7-footer, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Spider-Man takes a bow for the crowd. Kobe Bryant bows to Spider-Man. The nobility of basketball. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-86 (W)
This living legend Kobe Bryant opens the scoring! A thunderous slam! Early advantage!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, drops a buzzer beater off the pick and roll! Pure artistry!
Michael Jordan, this titan, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by eyes in the back of the head!
Spider-Man with the no-look pass! This absolute legend has eyes in the back of the head!
Spider-Man, this undersized dog, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
End of the second quarter. King Kong is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: King Kong tried to impress the Los Angeles Nursing-Home players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This top-tier talent Larry Bird finishes with authority! A hook shot from the left corner!
Michael Jordan explodes and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This elite player King Kong celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, makes a statement! This global icon is here to stay!
Michael Jordan launches in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Spider-Man climbs onto the scorer's table. Kobe Bryant joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Evening confession: I'm wearing Spider-Man's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-118 (L)
This potential GOAT Kobe Bryant gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan, this household name, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
This big-name player King Kong dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Larry Bird, this 7-footer, gets dunked on along the baseline! Poster material!
Spider-Man, this little guy, elevates for a monster bank shot!
Break time. Kobe Bryant bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Kobe Bryant once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Kobe Bryant picks up the second technical! This household name ejected! Hot head!
Kobe Bryant lets fly and fires but misses everything! Lack of consistency tonight!
This bonafide star Larry Bird recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This elite player Larry Bird can't close out! The legs are shot at the top of the key!
This All-Star caliber talent King Kong leaves the gymnasium with head held high. Fought to the end.
Larry Bird sits on the floor in the hallway. Michael Jordan sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Tonight I learned Larry Bird used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
114-100 (W)
And we're underway! Larry Bird touches the Wilson first! This jersey-selling name looks eager!
A catch-and-shoot triple from King Kong! This top-tier talent reminding everyone why they're on top!
This basketball god Kobe Bryant with a critical stop! A left-handed block when it counts!
Spider-Man creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Kobe Bryant, this generational talent, manages the clock beautifully in the fourth quarter!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Kobe Bryant asks for an ice pack. Intel: Kobe Bryant asked Minnesota Ice-Wall for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant goes to work at the top of the key! A devastating dunk drops beautifully!
Listen to that roar! Larry Bird dishes and the place explodes!
Kobe Bryant, this walking skyscraper, holds the team together with eyes in the back of the head! Captain!
Larry Bird goes to work with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
This absolute legend Spider-Man seals the deal! Victory with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Kobe Bryant makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Michael Jordan makes the 'call us' gesture. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-98 (W)
King Kong looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
Michael Jordan converts a tough catch-and-shoot triple in the paint! Skill level: elite!
Spider-Man contests the shot! Reaching like a superhero reaching for the game!
King Kong, this versatile guy, with the pocket pass! Scary good handles in tight spaces!
Spider-Man finds the angle! The angle superhero uses for the game!
Both teams head to the locker room. Michael Jordan wipes his forehead with his jersey. Exclusive: Michael Jordan was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
An and-one from Larry Bird! This jersey-selling name is putting on a show tonight!
Deafening noise! King Kong explodes and the building shakes!
Spider-Man, this absolute legend, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
This world-class player King Kong refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, celebrates the win! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! What a game!
Michael Jordan and Spider-Man cradle the game ball like a baby. Kobe Bryant takes a photo. Behind the scenes, I learned Kobe Bryant was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
107-87 (W)
This guy everybody knows King Kong means business! Fast start from way beyond the arc!
Larry Bird, this tree of a man, rises above and hammers an off-balance shot!
Michael Jordan forces the step-out-of-bounds! This hall-of-fame lock hawking the ball!
Larry Bird with the transition assist! This franchise guy pushing the pace with next-level basketball IQ!
Larry Bird reads the defense perfectly! Silky smooth technique and a sky-high basketball IQ!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Spider-Man asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: Spider-Man blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
The crowd erupts as Spider-Man nails a two-handed slam! A superhero on fire at the floor!
Kobe Bryant explodes to an eruption! A crowd fully behind them! What a moment!
This max-contract guy Larry Bird dives for the loose ball! Scary good handles on every play!
This is the Michael Jordan game! This basketball god taking over in crunch time!
It's over! Larry Bird delivers the goods! This jersey-selling name walks off a winner!
Larry Bird and Spider-Man swing Michael Jordan around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-103 (L)
King Kong, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
King Kong, this versatile guy, bobbles the leather and the chance evaporates from downtown!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, gets stripped at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
King Kong gets caught flat-footed! This headliner beaten to the spot!
Spider-Man scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the superhero knows geometry!
Heading in. Larry Bird's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote: Larry Bird slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This generational talent Kobe Bryant stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Larry Bird rises up but overcooks it! Injury-prone body showing up again!
Kobe Bryant identifies the soft spot in the zone! This generational talent surgical precision!
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, sucking wind after that sprint! The allotted time of battle!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
Larry Bird takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Spider-Man follows the same path. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
117-105 (W)
This franchise guy Larry Bird comes out firing! A hook shot in the first minute!
Larry Bird, this tower, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan with the weak-side drawn charge! Incredible help!
Larry Bird with the alley-oop pass! This beanpole throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Spider-Man uses that superhero IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Halftime. Larry Bird is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Intel: Larry Bird once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Spider-Man buries a sky hook from downtown! This franchise cornerstone is on fire tonight!
Larry Bird, this colossus, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant swings the Wilson around! Next-level basketball IQ ball movement!
King Kong, this smooth operator, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
That's the game! King Kong finishes with a monster performance! This top-tier talent victorious!
Michael Jordan and Larry Bird carry Kobe Bryant like a trophy across the entire court. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-102 (L)
Larry Bird crosses over into position! This guy everybody knows not wasting any time!
Kobe Bryant with a wild attempt! This basketball god not finding the range tonight!
This undisputed superstar Spider-Man commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the right corner!
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, fouls unnecessarily in the paint! Tendency to rush!
Spider-Man, this miniature missile, muscles in for a thunderous slam! Pure power!
Break! Kobe Bryant takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Larry Bird pulls up and kicks the stanchion! This world-class player losing composure!
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
King Kong, this combo guard, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, with tired legs along the baseline! Sometimes predictable game slowing this guy with rings on every finger down!
Larry Bird rises up past the media. This guy everybody knows not in the mood to talk.
Kobe Bryant slams his fist on the bench. Spider-Man places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
98-110 (L)
Game time! Michael Jordan and this absolute legend ready to put on a show at the field house!
King Kong, this do-it-all player, gets the look along the baseline but the lid's on the rim!
Larry Bird throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure at half court!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, can't keep up with the speed! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Larry Bird with the highlight-reel buzzer-beater! This guy everybody knows owning the moment!
Players head to the locker room. Michael Jordan has tape on three fingers. Fun fact: Michael Jordan blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Spider-Man argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, comes up empty! A tear drop off target from way beyond the arc!
This bonafide star Larry Bird adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This multi-time All-Star King Kong signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Occasional mental lapses!
Spider-Man looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a superhero!
King Kong's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Michael Jordan hides his eyes under a towel. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-120 (L)
Spider-Man steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
A pull-up jumper from Larry Bird hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Michael Jordan shoots into a trap! Tendency to rush when reading the defense!
King Kong gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
Michael Jordan scores at will! A pull-up jumper facing the rim! This undisputed superstar domination!
The players leave the court. Kobe Bryant clings to the tunnel railing. They say Kobe Bryant has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
This max-contract guy Larry Bird shanks a reverse layup back to the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
Larry Bird, this big fella, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Pure God-given talent!
Larry Bird pulls up sluggishly! Limited stamina catching up with this jersey-selling name!
Larry Bird sits alone on the bench. This world-class player processing the defeat.
Spider-Man stares at the floor while Larry Bird mutters something inaudible under his breath. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited King Kong. An amateur. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: an amateur, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that King Kong has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
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