My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Shaquille O'Neal. The man. The beast. Standing at 216 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Barack Obama. A community organizer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their bullhorn better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Barack Obama has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the neighborhood and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
103-106 (L)
Batman steps onto the gym! From competing the game to this, game time!
Batman, this hall-of-fame lock, exploits the mismatch for a bank shot! Too easy!
Barack Obama can't stay in front! Rallying the neighborhood doesn't build lateral quickness!
Batman can't finish! The superhero who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Barack Obama turns the tide! Turning the game around with their bullhorn finesse!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Barack Obama asks for an ice pack. Staff confession: Barack Obama is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Batman with the ill-advised pass in the second quarter! Intercepted!
Batman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the frustrated foul! Injury-prone body in tough moments!
This absolute legend LeBron James silences the noise! Natural-born leadership locked in! Nothing else matters!
Barack Obama bricks it when it matters! Their bullhorn accuracy went home early!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this generational talent wanted.
Barack Obama hurls his mouthguard into the trash. LeBron James keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
131-85 (W)
Barry Allen starts in the playmaker! Playing the playmaker way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
A pull-up jumper from Barry Allen! This seasoned vet reminding everyone why they're on top!
Barack Obama lobs it perfectly! Arcing it with precision worthy of their bullhorn!
Batman explodes the orange with flair and hits a bucket! Sensational!
Shaquille O'Neal with the suffocating defense! This all-time great is a wall out there!
The locker room fills up. Barack Obama has already eaten three oranges. The staff told me Barack Obama sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Barry Allen penetrates to the rack for an off-balance shot! Can't contain this tweener!
LeBron James rises up and it's too easy! The lead is ballooning! Mercy rule!
Barry Allen tried to invoice the other team for that foul! Classic superhero move!
Barry Allen, this established player, with the too-small gesture! A hug with the coach! Mismatch!
LeBron James dribbles into the tunnel with the W! This global icon all smiles!
Shaquille O'Neal and Batman swing LeBron James around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. I got a text from Shaquille O'Neal after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
129-84 (W)
LeBron James dribbles with energy from the opening whistle! This generational talent locked in!
Barry Allen with the smooth hook shot! This player making noise making it look easy!
Batman with the bounce pass! The damn ball bouncing with precision worthy of their bare hands!
Batman, this combo guard, uses strength and skill for a step-back three! Complete player!
LeBron James deflects the pass and starts the break! This generational talent defense to offense!
Halftime. The doctor examines Shaquille O'Neal's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Little secret: Shaquille O'Neal has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, knifes through for a two-handed slam from the right corner! Wow!
Barry Allen makes it a laugher! Laughing like a superhero laughing at easy the game!
Barry Allen tried to pass the damn ball with their bare hands! Innovation or insanity?
This first-ballot legend Barack Obama holds the follow-through! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench after a sky hook!
This potential GOAT Batman led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Barack Obama and Batman carry Barry Allen like a trophy across the entire court. Behind the scenes, I learned Barry Allen was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-90 (W)
Barack Obama stretches center court! Loosening up, the community organizer is getting ready!
The technical flair of Barry Allen recalls their superhero days. A thunderous slam! Sublime!
Barack Obama swats it away! A left-handed block with that community organizer strength!
This household name Batman exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for an alley-oop!
Barry Allen, this established player, manages the clock beautifully in overtime!
The players leave the court. Shaquille O'Neal clings to the tunnel railing. Confession: Shaquille O'Neal tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Barack Obama dribbles and delivers a fadeaway jumper! Their bullhorn by day, buckets by night!
The crowd is on its feet! A roaring arena as Shaquille O'Neal takes the court!
Batman, this franchise cornerstone, picks up the fallen teammate! An unmatched feel for the game beyond the stats!
LeBron James is the protagonist tonight! This first-ballot legend authoring a masterpiece!
LeBron James, this basketball god, high-fives the bench! A raised fist! Team effort!
Barack Obama and Barry Allen swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Barack Obama's name. Forgive me. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
116-89 (W)
LeBron James pulls up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this absolute legend!
A pull-up jumper by Barry Allen at the top of the key! Iron discipline in every fiber!
Barry Allen recovers and blocks! That's the hustle of someone who works for a living!
Batman picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with superhero precision!
Shaquille O'Neal launches with purpose every possession! This household name chess master!
The players disappear. Barry Allen has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Little scoop: Barry Allen logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up the pill with that dawg mentality. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Barry Allen soaks in a standing ovation! A superhero savoring life beyond their bare hands!
Batman puts ego aside! The team comes first for this generational talent!
Barack Obama, this swiss-army-knife type, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Shaquille O'Neal drives the trophy! This potential GOAT adds to the collection! A victory dance!
LeBron James does a belly slide on the court. Shaquille O'Neal does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
112-106 (W)
Barry Allen locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up and drills a finger roll! Can't teach that!
Batman drops into help defense! Always there when you need a superhero!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James uses the floater over this tower coverage! Smart!
Halftime! Barry Allen has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Did you know Barry Allen plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
LeBron James, this beanpole, uses every inch to deliver a two-handed slam!
This living legend LeBron James has the arena rocking! Palpable tension off the charts!
This undisputed superstar Barack Obama tips it to the teammate! Unreal swagger on full display!
Barack Obama, the community organizer from the day shift, is writing their story on the hardwood tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Barry Allen runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Shaquille O'Neal follows doing the wave alone. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
120-87 (W)
Barry Allen huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
This basketball god Shaquille O'Neal finishes with authority! A devastating dunk in the paint!
This basketball god Barack Obama creates for others! Unselfish play with pure God-given talent!
Batman cuts and scores! Sharp as their bare hands, this superhero!
This certified GOAT candidate Batman anchors the defense at the buzzer! Nothing gets through!
Halftime whistle! Barry Allen slides down against the hallway wall. Confession: Barry Allen tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, drops a free throw back to the basket! Pure artistry!
Barack Obama piles it on! A pull-up jumper extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Barack Obama tried to fix the scoreboard with their bullhorn! Helpful but unnecessary!
Batman dishes and celebrates! A fist pump toward the bench driving to the hoop! The crowd erupts!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, salutes the faithful! A bench mob celebration! What a night!
Batman and Barry Allen leap onto each other like kids. Barack Obama comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
101-107 (L)
And we're underway! Barry Allen touches the pill first! This player making noise looks eager!
This global icon Shaquille O'Neal misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!
LeBron James with a wild pass that sails out! This franchise cornerstone giving it away!
LeBron James loses the screen battle! Defense that's basically a suggestion around the picks!
Barack Obama with a buzzer beater to seal the deal! A community organizer who always closes!
The players leave the court. Shaquille O'Neal clings to the tunnel railing. They say Shaquille O'Neal eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Barack Obama throws their hands up! Like a community organizer when their bullhorn breaks!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up the ball right into the defender's hands! Sometimes predictable game!
Shaquille O'Neal dribbles the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
Barack Obama powers through! The community organizer in them won't quit on the neighborhood!
Barry Allen hangs their head! A superhero who gave everything they had!
Barack Obama claps his hands in frustration. Shaquille O'Neal clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
133-88 (W)
LeBron James opens with a layup! This all-time great making an early statement!
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, with the exclamation-point layup! Game changer!
LeBron James, this towering presence, finds the trailer! A buzzer beater off the assist, easy money!
This potential GOAT LeBron James with a picture-perfect two-handed slam! The crowd goes wild!
LeBron James a defensive rebound at the critical moment! Iron discipline right on cue!
Time to breathe. Batman has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Intel: Batman once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
LeBron James goes to work past the defense for a deep three! Size advantage from this this colossus!
This household name LeBron James puts the exclamation point! A pull-up jumper facing the rim!
LeBron James, this giant, tries the spin move and gets dizzy! This absolute legend wobbling!
This potential GOAT LeBron James stares down the bench! A hug with the coach after the big play!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Batman runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Barack Obama follows doing the wave alone. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
126-83 (W)
Barack Obama begins their shift on the den! A community organizer starting the their bullhorn shift!
Batman scores with iron discipline. An alley-oop driving to the hoop! Too smooth!
Barry Allen orchestrates the play! Conducting the offense like a veteran superhero!
Barack Obama drains it! Emptying the tank like a community organizer on double shift!
This household name Barack Obama with a flawless defensive rotation on the low block! Intimidating!
Break. Barack Obama collapses next to the vending machine. Little scoop: Barack Obama logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, showcases unreal swagger with a gorgeous two-handed slam!
The rout is on! Batman's their bare hands dismantled the opposition like the game!
Shaquille O'Neal shoots a full-court shot and almost makes it! This hall-of-fame lock so close!
Batman salutes the bench! A superhero's salute to the their bare hands crew!
Barry Allen shakes hands! The handshake of a superhero who respects the game!
Barry Allen and Batman act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
102-93 (W)
Batman looks dialed in from the start! Freakish explosiveness preparation showing!
Barry Allen finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
Barry Allen with the chase-down flawless defensive rotation! What athleticism!
Shaquille O'Neal threads the needle! Beautiful assist driving to the hoop! Unreal court vision!
Barack Obama sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a community organizer at work!
Halftime! LeBron James walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know LeBron James once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, reads the play perfectly and delivers a finger roll!
Listen to that roar! Barack Obama dunks and the place explodes!
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, rotates on defense! Pure God-given talent team commitment!
LeBron James has found another gear! This guy with rings on every finger shifting into overdrive!
Barry Allen seals the win! Sealed tight, the superhero gets it done!
Barry Allen makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Barack Obama makes a bigger heart. LeBron James makes a massive heart. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
94-109 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Barry Allen misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Barry Allen with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
This household name LeBron James can't recover! Scored on driving to the hoop! Tendency to force bad shots!
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, operates along the baseline with a two-handed slam! Clinic!
Halftime! Shaquille O'Neal has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Confession: Shaquille O'Neal calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
LeBron James fades away away from the huddle! This hall-of-fame lock in a dark place mentally!
Barry Allen, this versatile guy, loses the handle and the opportunity! Lack of consistency!
Barry Allen draws the double team! Attracting attention, the superhero is a magnet out there!
Batman finds a second wind! The superhero engine roars back to life!
Batman absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a superhero knows tough days!
Barack Obama snaps at the bench on his way out. Batman says nothing, but his look says everything. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-118 (L)
Batman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Barack Obama can't convert! The community organizer's touch with the neighborhood deserted them!
LeBron James with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal picks up the cheap foul! Sometimes predictable game showing!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James with a cold-blooded and-one! No conscience!
Into the tunnel. LeBron James grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Bus driver's confession: LeBron James raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Batman looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal with a rare miss at half court! Even the best stumble!
LeBron James, this mammoth, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James can barely jump! The springs are gone from mid-range!
Barack Obama consoles teammates! The heart of a community organizer in that moment!
Batman lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. LeBron James decides not to comment. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-117 (L)
Tip-off! Barry Allen gets us started! Let's go!
Barry Allen, this seasoned vet, comes up empty! A two-handed slam off target driving to the hoop!
LeBron James shoots into a dead end on the low block! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Batman fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a superhero chasing the game!
Shaquille O'Neal scores at will! A pull-up jumper in the paint! This once-in-a-lifetime player domination!
That's a cut. Batman stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. True story: Batman had his parking spot stolen by San Antonio Skyscrapers's mascot. Still talks about it. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Batman gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal takes a tough alley-oop and it doesn't go! Tendency to force bad shots in shot selection!
This global icon Barack Obama recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Batman leans on their knees! Gassed, but the superhero keeps going!
Barry Allen refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Shaquille O'Neal collapses into the first available chair. LeBron James stays standing, eyes glazed over. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-117 (L)
Barry Allen, this combo guard, is introduced and the arena explodes! This seasoned vet is in the building!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal misses the mark! A bucket goes begging from the right corner!
Barack Obama throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bullhorn into the void!
Barack Obama left in the dust! Even a community organizer moves faster than that!
Barry Allen with the step-back finger roll! Creating space like a superhero with their bare hands!
Halftime whistle! Batman grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Rumor has it Batman has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Shaquille O'Neal slams the pill in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Barry Allen misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Barack Obama exploits the soft spot in the baseline! Soft as the neighborhood under their bullhorn!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, laboring up and down! Sometimes predictable game draining the energy!
This first-ballot legend Barack Obama tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Barry Allen lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Barack Obama decides not to comment. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Shaquille O'Neal. The man. The beast. Standing at 216 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Barack Obama. A community organizer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their bullhorn better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Barack Obama has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the neighborhood and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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