My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | My Team | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. LeBron James. The man. The beast. Standing at 206 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Jeffrey Epstein. The man is a philanthropist. A freaking philanthropist. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-134 (L)
Tip-off! Sean Combs gets us started! Let's go!
Brick! Pablo Escobar misfires driving to the hoop! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jeffrey Epstein gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
This certified GOAT candidate Pablo Escobar slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Adolf Hitler asks for an ice pack. Did you know Adolf Hitler knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Detroit Engine-Roar's colors. By accident, obviously. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Pablo Escobar, this solid build, gets the separation but can't finish! Sometimes predictable game!
Pablo Escobar asks for ice! Cooling down, even a drug lord's engine needs a rest!
Jeffrey Epstein turns it over in the three-point line! Butterfingers from this philanthropist!
LeBron James gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
Sean Combs sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a philanthropist after their bare hands broke!
Sean Combs hurls his mouthguard into the trash. LeBron James keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I learned backstage that LeBron James also does soldier on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
111-105 (W)
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This potential GOAT LeBron James with a vintage reverse layup! The old magic is still there!
Pablo Escobar a rebound in traffic with authority! This tweener protecting the paint!
Jeffrey Epstein finds the rolling big! Rolling with the momentum of a philanthropist on fire!
Sean Combs reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this philanthropist!
Cut! Halftime. Sean Combs's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know? Sean Combs once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
LeBron James strings together an and-one at half court. An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
Pablo Escobar gets wild stands every time they step on the palace of hoops! The drug lord aura!
Jeffrey Epstein finds the open teammate! This hall-of-fame lock making everyone better!
Sean Combs plays like they have something to prove to every philanthropist watching!
Jeffrey Epstein pulls up into the tunnel with the W! This hall-of-fame lock all smiles!
Sean Combs and Adolf Hitler lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
120-104 (W)
Pablo Escobar comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the drug lord means business!
LeBron James, this colossus, posts up and delivers a pull-up jumper! Textbook!
Sean Combs blankets the shooter! Covering them with their bare hands thoroughness!
Pablo Escobar, this do-it-all player, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Sean Combs positions perfectly in the high post! Placement of their bare hands on the game!
Halftime. Sean Combs is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Locker room intel: Sean Combs has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Adolf Hitler scores again! When you're a soldier by trade, the basketball is child's play!
Jeffrey Epstein bows to the fans! A philanthropist bowing after the game masterpiece!
Sean Combs fades away the pill into the right hands! This guy everybody knows quarterback!
Jeffrey Epstein is the people's champion! A philanthropist for the people, the game for all!
Adolf Hitler tosses the Wilson in the air! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This basketball god mission accomplished!
LeBron James launches his shoe into the air. Adolf Hitler catches it. Standing ovation. Tonight I had a revelation: Adolf Hitler runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-113 (L)
And we're underway! Adolf Hitler touches the Spalding first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
Jeffrey Epstein, this once-in-a-lifetime player, comes up empty! A double-clutch layup off target along the baseline!
LeBron James pulls up the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hall-of-fame lock!
Pablo Escobar loses the battle in the paint! Being a drug lord doesn't help you here!
Pablo Escobar with that dawg mentality finds the angle for a catch-and-shoot triple!
Back to the locker room. Sean Combs's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know Sean Combs keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
This living legend Adolf Hitler stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Sean Combs takes a tough two-handed slam and it doesn't go! Lack of consistency in shot selection!
This hall-of-fame lock Jeffrey Epstein runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, looks exhausted off the pick and roll! The legs are gone!
Sean Combs had the chances but couldn't convert. This jersey-selling name left wanting.
Adolf Hitler shakes LeBron James's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
100-97 (W)
Sean Combs opens with a two-handed slam! This bonafide star making an early statement!
Sean Combs contests the shot! Reaching like a philanthropist reaching for the game!
This certified GOAT candidate Jeffrey Epstein whiffs on a bucket! The crowd groans!
Pablo Escobar finishes with style! Years of competing the game built those hands!
Pablo Escobar schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true drug lord!
That's a wrap for now. LeBron James dives into the tunnel. They say LeBron James has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Jeffrey Epstein rises up for the game-winner! A bank shot! This absolute legend is the moment!
LeBron James reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Jeffrey Epstein, this solid build, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Jeffrey Epstein wants the ball and delivers! A hook shot in the third quarter! Clutch gene!
Sean Combs grabs the game ball! This max-contract guy earned it tonight!
Pablo Escobar makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. LeBron James makes a bigger heart. Adolf Hitler makes a massive heart. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
84-121 (L)
Jeffrey Epstein takes the court to a hostile crowd! The philanthropist with their bare hands is here!
Adolf Hitler bricks another one! Building something awful with their service rifle tonight!
Sean Combs gets picked! A philanthropist getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Jeffrey Epstein bites on the pump fake! This absolute legend sent flying under the basket!
Sean Combs tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the philanthropist will bounce back!
Halftime whistle. Adolf Hitler spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Staff confession: Adolf Hitler is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Air ball from Sean Combs! Being a philanthropist doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Sean Combs drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Pablo Escobar with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Adolf Hitler kicks the air! The frustration of a soldier who knows they can do better!
Adolf Hitler lets fly past the media. This household name not in the mood to talk.
Pablo Escobar stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Sean Combs comes back to get him. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
80-119 (L)
The temple of basketball welcomes Jeffrey Epstein! The philanthropist with the game has arrived!
Pablo Escobar fires and misses from the right corner. Should have stuck with the game!
LeBron James loses the orange in traffic! This absolute legend can't afford that!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James bites on the fake! Beaten at the buzzer!
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This basketball god fighting inner demons!
The locker room fills up. Adolf Hitler has already eaten three oranges. Intel: Adolf Hitler refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Pablo Escobar fires a brick from back to the basket! Way off, even for a drug lord!
Pablo Escobar stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a drug lord over the game!
Pablo Escobar with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Jeffrey Epstein walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Jeffrey Epstein walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jeffrey Epstein chews his nails on the bench. Adolf Hitler stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
106-102 (W)
Adolf Hitler fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This undisputed superstar locked in!
Jeffrey Epstein walls up in the top of the key! Immovable as their bare hands bolted down!
Jeffrey Epstein posts up but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Sean Combs dribbles and delivers an alley-oop! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
LeBron James spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Players head to the locker room. Adolf Hitler has tape on three fingers. Anecdote of the day: Adolf Hitler forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Jeffrey Epstein rises for the clutch rebound! Rising to the occasion, classic philanthropist!
Sean Combs pressures the inbound! This reliable star with relentless that dawg mentality!
The arena trembles! LeBron James with the play and a boiling cauldron follows!
Jeffrey Epstein takes the tough shot and makes it! Tough as competing the game!
Pablo Escobar, this do-it-all player, acknowledges the fans! A roaring arena! A salute to the fans!
Adolf Hitler grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Pablo Escobar's name. The announcer chases him. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
97-125 (L)
This household name LeBron James gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Pablo Escobar misses at the buzzer! A drug lord who missed the deadline!
Stolen from Sean Combs! A philanthropist who let it slip through their fingers!
Sean Combs turns the head and loses the man! This multi-time All-Star napping defensively!
Pablo Escobar hits on a strategic timeout! Clutch like a drug lord meeting a deadline!
The players disappear into the tunnel. LeBron James asks for an ice pack. Locker room anecdote: LeBron James talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Adolf Hitler can't mask the disappointment! This once-in-a-lifetime player wearing it on the sleeve!
Adolf Hitler misses the open look! This all-time great can't believe it! Limited stamina!
Jeffrey Epstein counters the press! Problem solved, philanthropist style!
Sean Combs is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Pablo Escobar takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad drug lord day!
LeBron James sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Adolf Hitler winces. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-119 (L)
LeBron James, this tree of a man, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
A pull-up jumper from Jeffrey Epstein hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
Turnover by Sean Combs! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
LeBron James gets burned on the drive! Ego the size of Texas in lateral movement!
Adolf Hitler lets fly away from the huddle! This living legend in a dark place mentally!
Halftime! Adolf Hitler walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. True story: Adolf Hitler walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Denver Horse-Track. Awkward. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Sean Combs launches but it's well off! Hot head under fatigue!
Sean Combs bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a philanthropist after their bare hands overtime!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James commits the offensive foul! Turnover from mid-range!
Adolf Hitler throws their hands up! Like a soldier when their service rifle breaks!
Pablo Escobar shakes hands through the pain! A drug lord who respects their bare hands and the game!
LeBron James refuses the coach's embrace. Adolf Hitler accepts it but his body is stiff. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-125 (L)
The game begins and Pablo Escobar is ready! You can see a killer instinct written all over his face!
Adolf Hitler, this small but mighty player, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Sometimes predictable game!
Sean Combs trips up in the perimeter! A philanthropist never trips at work... Right?
Adolf Hitler caught flat-footed! Standing still, the soldier reflexes took a nap!
Adolf Hitler vents at their teammates! The soldier who vents about the front line!
Halftime. Jeffrey Epstein wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Bus driver's confession: Jeffrey Epstein raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
LeBron James with a wild attempt! This once-in-a-lifetime player not finding the range tonight!
Pablo Escobar grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their bare hands in the workshop!
This absolute legend Pablo Escobar commits the 5-second violation! Clock management shaky emotions under pressure!
Jeffrey Epstein, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Jeffrey Epstein walks off in defeat! Even a philanthropist's skills couldn't save tonight!
Adolf Hitler slams his fist on the bench. Sean Combs places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-104 (L)
LeBron James posts up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise cornerstone!
Adolf Hitler launches and misses! The Spalding isn't the front line, and it shows!
LeBron James throws it into the stands! What was that from this franchise cornerstone!
Jeffrey Epstein beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a philanthropist!
Adolf Hitler scores in transition! Fast as a soldier grabbing their service rifle!
Break time. LeBron James bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Anecdote: LeBron James slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Pablo Escobar slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a drug lord hits the workbench!
Pablo Escobar, this do-it-all player, wastes a golden chance with a wild fadeaway jumper!
Adolf Hitler plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a soldier on their best day!
LeBron James dishes but can't sustain the effort! Ego the size of Texas emptying the tank!
This potential GOAT LeBron James leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
LeBron James's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Adolf Hitler hides his eyes under a towel. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
83-118 (L)
Jeffrey Epstein announces themselves! The philanthropist has arrived and the building knows it!
A double-clutch layup from LeBron James catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Sloppy handling by Adolf Hitler! Defending the front line is done with more finesse!
Pablo Escobar, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Heavy feet exposed!
Pablo Escobar mouths off and picks up a T! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Halftime. Adolf Hitler is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Adolf Hitler tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Sean Combs sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Pablo Escobar looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a drug lord relieved of their bare hands!
Adolf Hitler with the backcourt violation! A soldier going backwards with the front line!
Sean Combs fades away angrily after the turnover! This franchise guy spiraling!
Jeffrey Epstein leaves the temple of basketball quietly! Quiet as a philanthropist after the game setback!
LeBron James mutters 'damn' under his breath. Adolf Hitler says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-134 (L)
Adolf Hitler huddles with the team! Huddling up, the soldier strategizes!
This established star Sean Combs misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging from the right corner!
Sean Combs, this versatile guy, fumbles the entry pass driving to the hoop!
This global icon LeBron James can't recover! Scored on from way beyond the arc! Sometimes predictable game!
LeBron James launches the towel! This guy with rings on every finger showing limited stamina!
The players file out. Sean Combs exchanges a tense look with the coach. They say Sean Combs eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This jersey-selling name Sean Combs rattles it out! So close yet so far in the paint!
Pablo Escobar, this absolute legend, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at the top of the key!
Pablo Escobar pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The drug lord in them is showing!
Despite the loss, Sean Combs held their own with the game! The philanthropist fought!
Jeffrey Epstein walks head down toward the tunnel. Sean Combs drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-133 (L)
Pablo Escobar, this absolute legend, draws first blood! A tear drop to start!
LeBron James, this living legend, pulls the trigger off the pick and roll but no luck!
Adolf Hitler gets the ball stripped! The front line would have stayed in a soldier's grip!
Sean Combs reacts too late to rotate! Shaky emotions under pressure on the help side!
Pablo Escobar mouths off on a clutch free throw! A drug lord venting about the game!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Adolf Hitler to massage his thighs. Locker room intel: Adolf Hitler has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Adolf Hitler goes 0 for the quarter! A soldier having a rough shift with their service rifle!
Adolf Hitler crosses over sluggishly! Limited stamina catching up with this household name!
Jeffrey Epstein with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
This undisputed superstar Adolf Hitler throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Jeffrey Epstein reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Pablo Escobar bites the inside of his cheek. Sean Combs pinches the bridge of his nose. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
My Team finishes #14 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. LeBron James. The man. The beast. Standing at 206 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Jeffrey Epstein. The man is a philanthropist. A freaking philanthropist. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
My Team finishes #14 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
