My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. LeBron James. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 206 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. The chef's surprise of the evening is Stephen Hawking. A university professor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the young scholars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
109-97 (W)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the ball first! This hall-of-fame lock looks eager!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan converts from the left corner! A step-back three right on cue!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a brilliant anticipation!
This headliner Stephen Curry leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Stephen Hawking calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's university professor mentality!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, LeBron James picks up the pace. Little scoop: LeBron James collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
This global icon Michael Jordan goes to work from way beyond the arc! A tear drop drops beautifully!
Opposing fans respect Stephen Hawking! Even rivals admire a university professor's hustle!
Michael Jordan takes the blame for the mistake! This global icon protecting teammates!
The stadium knows it! LeBron James is special! This global icon writing legacy!
Final buzzer! Michael Jordan is the hero! This guy with rings on every finger with a game for the ages!
Stephen Hawking does a backflip. Well, he tries. Michael Jordan applauds the effort. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
100-99 (W)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this certified bucket ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
LeBron James a monster swat and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
This global icon Stephen Hawking misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
LeBron James with the and-one euro-step! A gym-rat work ethic through the whistle!
This potential GOAT LeBron James recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Halftime. The physio pounces on LeBron James to massage his thighs. Did you know LeBron James keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Hawking answers back! Response time of a university professor responding to the young scholars!
Stephen Hawking, this basketball god, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Post-game fireworks for Stephen Hawking! Brighter than their lecture notes on a perfect day!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, orchestrates the last possession! An alley-oop! Perfection!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, acknowledges the fans! An incredible energy! A victory dance!
Lord Voldemort runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-105 (W)
This world-class player Lord Voldemort comes out firing! An off-balance shot in the first minute!
Stephen Hawking puts it through! The reliability of a university professor with the young scholars!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Stephen Curry threads the needle! Beautiful assist along the baseline! Unreal court vision!
Stephen Hawking, this potential GOAT, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
End of the first half. Lord Voldemort is beet red but still standing. Anecdote: Lord Voldemort once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
LeBron James, this beanpole, uses every inch to deliver a catch-and-shoot triple!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan brings a crowd fully behind them to a new level! Incredible scene!
Lord Voldemort boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a fictional tyrant with the game!
LeBron James is the protagonist tonight! This certified GOAT candidate authoring a masterpiece!
That's the game! Stephen Hawking finishes with a monster performance! This all-time great victorious!
Stephen Curry grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts LeBron James's name. The announcer chases him. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
106-87 (W)
Stephen Curry opens with a two-handed slam! This multi-time All-Star making an early statement!
LeBron James buries a tear drop on the low block! This franchise cornerstone is on fire tonight!
LeBron James pressures the inbound! This living legend with relentless scary good handles!
Lord Voldemort dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this fictional tyrant!
This all-time great Stephen Hawking recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Finally a breather. Michael Jordan has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Staff confession: Michael Jordan is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This big-name player Stephen Curry does it again! A fadeaway jumper with effortless precision!
The arena is electric! This living legend LeBron James thriving in immense pressure!
Stephen Hawking draws the attention! Magnetic presence, the university professor aura is undeniable!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, answers every challenge! Insane court vision never fading!
Stephen Hawking tosses the basketball in the air! A primal scream! This living legend mission accomplished!
Stephen Hawking and Lord Voldemort carry Michael Jordan like a trophy across the entire court. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
96-100 (L)
This hall-of-fame lock Stephen Hawking opens the scoring! An and-one! Early advantage!
LeBron James answers back with a buzzer-beater! Night-in night-out consistency under pressure!
Michael Jordan overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
Brick! LeBron James misfires from way beyond the arc! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Stephen Hawking won't go down without a fight! A university professor defending the young scholars to the end!
Both teams head to the locker room. Lord Voldemort wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Lord Voldemort has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Stephen Hawking misses the game-tying shot! Even a university professor couldn't save that one!
This world-class player Lord Voldemort fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Stephen Curry is writing the story tonight! This guy everybody knows with a double-clutch layup in transition!
Stephen Curry throws it away with the game on the line! Occasional mental lapses!
Michael Jordan, this tower, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Stephen Hawking walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Michael Jordan drags one foot after the other. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
122-77 (W)
Stephen Hawking bounces the orange pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
A free throw by Stephen Curry at the buzzer! Ridiculous creativity in every fiber!
Stephen Hawking generates another look! Creative vision worthy of a university professor!
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Hawking from way beyond the arc! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Stephen Hawking steals the ball! Quick hands from challenging the young scholars all day!
Halftime! LeBron James checks his stats on the board and winces. Little scoop: LeBron James logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Michael Jordan dishes the leather into a half-court heave! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, is toying with the opposition back to the basket! Dominant!
Michael Jordan takes off and pulls up at half court! Time? There's a full quarter left!
LeBron James points to the sky after a scoop layup! This generational talent in the zone!
Stephen Curry sits on the bench with a smile! This guy everybody knows job well done!
Michael Jordan and Lord Voldemort freestyle a victory rap. Stephen Hawking does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
114-100 (W)
LeBron James looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
Lord Voldemort hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands at the buzzer!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, with the pocket pass! Ridiculous creativity in tight spaces!
Stephen Hawking baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
Into the tunnel. LeBron James grabs a banana on the way and devours it. They say LeBron James has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
A bank shot from Michael Jordan! This franchise cornerstone just keeps delivering!
Stephen Curry posts up in front of the home faithful! A Playoff atmosphere! Beautiful!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, anchors the second unit! This guy everybody knows versatile contributor!
Lord Voldemort, this solid build, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this headliner right now!
Stephen Hawking pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This guy with rings on every finger savors the win!
Stephen Hawking rips the net off the rim. Lord Voldemort wraps it around his neck like a scarf. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
114-105 (W)
LeBron James, this oversized freak, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Lord Voldemort turns the elbow into a workshop. A bank shot crafted with their bare hands!
LeBron James, this titan, contests everything facing the rim! Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Stephen Hawking schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true university professor!
Halftime! Lord Voldemort checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Lord Voldemort does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Lord Voldemort sinks it facing the rim. A fictional tyrant never misses the game, and never misses the hoop!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A cathedral silence as LeBron James steps up!
LeBron James goes to work the pill with patience! This all-time great trusting the system!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Stephen Curry attacks in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Michael Jordan gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. LeBron James gives his shoes. Stephen Curry gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
103-111 (L)
Lord Voldemort steps onto the arena! From competing the game to this, game time!
A fadeaway jumper attempt by Stephen Curry falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Stephen Hawking gets picked! A university professor getting the young scholars stolen in broad daylight!
Lord Voldemort gets posterized! A fictional tyrant framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Stephen Hawking with an incredible fadeaway jumper off the pick and roll! Standing ovation!
Heading in. LeBron James's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Rumor has it LeBron James talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Michael Jordan pulls up away from the huddle! This undisputed superstar in a dark place mentally!
LeBron James, this colossus, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Lord Voldemort, this combo guard, looks exhausted driving to the hoop! The legs are gone!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Michael Jordan lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Stephen Curry holds his in. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
116-105 (W)
This guy everybody knows Lord Voldemort in the starting lineup! Let's see what this guy everybody knows brings!
LeBron James explodes through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Stephen Curry, this headliner, switches seamlessly and locks up! An off-the-charts basketball IQ shining through!
Stephen Curry with the lob pass on the low block! This jersey-selling name to the teammate! Boom!
Stephen Curry makes the hockey pass! An unmatched feel for the game finding the extra pass!
Break. Lord Voldemort asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Lord Voldemort blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Michael Jordan attacks off the pick and roll and finishes with a deep three! Too good!
The energy in this building is unreal! Stephen Curry channeling a sold-out gym on fire!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, holds the team together with night-in night-out consistency! Captain!
LeBron James goes to work with purpose! A killer instinct driving this team forward!
Lord Voldemort has the last say! Final word from a fictional tyrant about the game!
Stephen Hawking and Lord Voldemort swing Michael Jordan around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-105 (L)
Michael Jordan takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Lord Voldemort shoots the damn ball right into the defender's hands! Sometimes predictable game!
Lord Voldemort, this do-it-all player, gets called for the carry! Lack of consistency in ball-handling!
LeBron James, this beanpole, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over injury-prone body!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, operates at the buzzer with a bank shot! Clinic!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Stephen Curry to massage his thighs. Physio's confession: Stephen Curry purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Stephen Hawking, this tweener, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Stephen Curry misfires in the paint! Even this reliable star has off nights!
This guy everybody knows Lord Voldemort adjusts the angle mid-drive! Silky smooth technique body control!
Stephen Hawking looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a university professor relieved of their lecture notes!
This certified GOAT candidate Stephen Hawking shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
Michael Jordan refuses the coach's embrace. LeBron James accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
118-103 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan, this tower, showcases nerves of steel with a gorgeous half-court heave!
LeBron James draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Stephen Hawking uses a relentless run and gun brilliantly! Strategy from challenging the young scholars!
Halftime! Michael Jordan walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Michael Jordan started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We're back! The players look fired up.
Stephen Curry with another tear drop! You can't stop this man!
The crowd waves their lecture notes replicas! Stephen Hawking has started a movement!
This household name Stephen Hawking runs the basketball patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
This living legend Stephen Hawking flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
Stephen Curry dribbles to the crowd! A raised fist! This jersey-selling name gave everything!
Michael Jordan pretends to faint from happiness. LeBron James pretends to call 911. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
87-129 (L)
Stephen Hawking, this once-in-a-lifetime player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, bobbles the basketball and the chance evaporates along the baseline!
This global icon Stephen Hawking with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Lord Voldemort can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Lord Voldemort can't mask the disappointment! This big-name player wearing it on the sleeve!
Break. LeBron James's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. The staff told me LeBron James sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Lord Voldemort can't buy a bucket! Another miss along the baseline! Frustrating!
Stephen Hawking bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a university professor after their lecture notes overtime!
Stephen Hawking with the backcourt violation! A university professor going backwards with the young scholars!
Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, refuses to high-five! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the chemistry!
LeBron James shoots past the media. This first-ballot legend not in the mood to talk.
Stephen Hawking's complexion is grey. LeBron James's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
105-117 (L)
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
A double-clutch layup from LeBron James catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This household name Stephen Hawking commits the offensive foul! Turnover from downtown!
Stephen Hawking gets screened out! Stuck behind their lecture notes like it's a wall!
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Curry! This world-class player reminding everyone why they're on top!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Stephen Hawking asks for an ice pack. Intel: Stephen Hawking refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Lord Voldemort stares in disbelief! The look of a fictional tyrant who just lost everything!
Stephen Hawking goes 0 for the quarter! A university professor having a rough shift with their lecture notes!
Michael Jordan spins to the weak side! This hall-of-fame lock exploiting the rotation!
Stephen Hawking grabs the shorts! This once-in-a-lifetime player is running on fumes!
LeBron James had the chances but couldn't convert. This once-in-a-lifetime player left wanting.
Stephen Hawking clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Stephen Curry fidgets with his wristband nervously. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
101-110 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, wastes a golden chance with a wild buzzer-beater!
Stolen from Lord Voldemort! A fictional tyrant who let it slip through their fingers!
Stephen Curry gives up the back door! Tendency to rush when overplaying!
Michael Jordan pulls up past everyone for an and-one! This oversized freak on a mission!
Well-deserved break. Lord Voldemort looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Intel: Lord Voldemort refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Heavy feet written all over his face!
This all-time great Michael Jordan whiffs on a devastating dunk! The crowd groans!
LeBron James fades away into the right spacing! Night-in night-out consistency and elite court awareness!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, sucking wind after that sprint! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of battle!
Lord Voldemort sits alone on the bench. This max-contract guy processing the defeat.
Lord Voldemort sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Michael Jordan puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. LeBron James. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 206 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Stephen Hawking. A university professor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the young scholars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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