My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Yao Ming is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 229 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Millie Bobby Brown, her brother-in-law and a film producer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their loaded checkbook and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Millie Bobby Brown can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for the risky picture to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
110-98 (W)
And we're underway! Derrick Henry touches the rock first! This unknown gem looks eager!
Kevin Garnett with an off-the-charts basketball IQ finds the angle for a bucket!
Derrick Henry rotates perfectly for the brilliant anticipation! Ridiculous creativity on full display!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Derrick Henry, this potential breakout star, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
The players file out. Millie Bobby Brown exchanges a tense look with the coach. Anecdote: Millie Bobby Brown once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Millie Bobby Brown finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a film producer who's running late!
The crowd is on its feet! A crowd fully behind them as Millie Bobby Brown takes the court!
Kevin Garnett, this tree of a man, repositions on defense! Silky smooth technique collective effort!
Kevin Garnett, this absolute unit, evolves before our eyes! A world-class move!
Millie Bobby Brown puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a film producer wrapping up the job!
Millie Bobby Brown rips the net off the rim. Stephen Curry wraps it around his neck like a scarf. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
129-91 (W)
Derrick Henry, this hidden prospect, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A bank shot by Derrick Henry along the baseline! An off-the-charts basketball IQ in every fiber!
Kevin Garnett, this big fella, runs the offense with natural-born leadership! Beautiful passing!
What a play by Millie Bobby Brown! A catch-and-shoot triple in transition! This big-name player is cooking!
Stephen Curry digs in defensively! Next-level basketball IQ when the team needs stops!
Intermission. Derrick Henry dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Derrick Henry entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Yao Ming scores with that dawg mentality. An and-one on the low block! Too smooth!
This top-tier talent Kevin Garnett adds another! This is a demolition job!
Millie Bobby Brown set a screen that felt like their loaded checkbook! The opponent is still recovering!
Derrick Henry pumps the fist! This hungry young player feeling it on the low block! A slide across the hardwood!
Derrick Henry can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Stephen Curry and Derrick Henry play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Stephen Curry loses. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
129-96 (W)
Millie Bobby Brown starts in the center! Playing the center way a film producer plays with their loaded checkbook!
A sky hook from Kevin Garnett! This bonafide star reminding everyone why they're on top!
Stephen Curry rejects the layup! A drawn charge by this solid build! Get that out!
This elite player Yao Ming with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Derrick Henry reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
That's a cut. Yao Ming stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Yao Ming fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Millie Bobby Brown with the tough deep three through contact! This elite player won't be denied!
The building is buzzing! Stephen Curry and an incredible energy creating magic!
Millie Bobby Brown lets fly the damn ball with patience! This franchise guy trusting the system!
Kevin Garnett overcomes the early struggles! This guy everybody knows rising like a phoenix!
Kevin Garnett, this certified bucket, points to the crowd! A team high-five! This was for the fans!
Yao Ming climbs onto the scorer's table. Derrick Henry joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. I learned tonight that Yao Ming used to be a film producer. That explains the unique running style. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
99-102 (L)
Game time! Millie Bobby Brown and this jersey-selling name ready to put on a show at the venue!
Stephen Curry fires away to the rack for a deep three! Can't contain this tweener!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Derrick Henry misses the open look! This newcomer can't believe it! Heavy feet!
Kevin Garnett attacks with desperation and skill! This top-tier talent not done yet!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Kevin Garnett asks for an ice pack. Rumor has it Kevin Garnett has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Millie Bobby Brown fouls at the worst time! A film producer tripping over the risky picture!
Stephen Curry drives and kicks the stanchion! This franchise guy losing composure!
The narrative shifts! Yao Ming takes control with silky smooth technique!
This surprise package Derrick Henry misses the free throws! Tendency to rush at the line!
This established star Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this established star.
Millie Bobby Brown refuses Philadelphia Injury-Report's handshake. Derrick Henry offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
111-90 (W)
Millie Bobby Brown, this multi-time All-Star, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Kevin Garnett, this elite player, drops a bucket from downtown! Pure artistry!
Yao Ming with the chase-down flawless defensive rotation! What athleticism!
This who-is-this-guy player Derrick Henry creates for others! Unselfish play with an unmatched feel for the game!
Derrick Henry makes the hockey pass! That dawg mentality finding the extra pass!
Halftime. Millie Bobby Brown is holding her ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Millie Bobby Brown threw up before her first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Millie Bobby Brown hits nothing but net! Pure as a film producer's work with their loaded checkbook!
Deafening noise! Yao Ming takes off and the building shakes!
Kevin Garnett makes the extra pass! This All-Star caliber talent hockey assist for a finger roll!
Remember this moment! Kevin Garnett is making history with a scoop layup!
Millie Bobby Brown grabs the game ball! This world-class player earned it tonight!
Derrick Henry does a cartwheel at center court. Yao Ming tries one too and eats it. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
110-100 (W)
Tip-off! Derrick Henry gets us started! Let's go!
Derrick Henry fires away past the defense for a pull-up jumper! Size advantage from this this solid build!
This hidden prospect Derrick Henry holds ground facing the rim! Immovable object!
Stephen Curry quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a bank shot! What a pass!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, exploits the mismatch in transition! Smart play!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Intel: Stephen Curry asked Los Angeles Nursing-Home for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
A floater from Derrick Henry! Another dagger! This total unknown closing the door!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Derrick Henry gets hot!
Stephen Curry sacrifices the body taking the charge! This headliner ultimate teammate!
The legend of Stephen Curry grows! This franchise guy adding another chapter on the low block!
This rising star Derrick Henry thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Millie Bobby Brown rips the net off the rim. Derrick Henry wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
103-88 (W)
This big-name player Yao Ming comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam in the paint!
Derrick Henry, this tweener, dominates from way beyond the arc and puts up a bank shot! Unstoppable!
Millie Bobby Brown swats it away! A rebound in traffic with that film producer strength!
Kevin Garnett with the no-look pass! This certified bucket has eyes in the back of the head!
Stephen Curry dishes into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Derrick Henry walks head down toward the tunnel. Exclusive: Derrick Henry was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Stephen Curry posts up the rock with purpose! A bank shot! This elite player means business!
Yao Ming, this colossus, gets the standing ovation! A boiling cauldron!
Kevin Garnett, this tower, sets the perfect screen! Eyes in the back of the head for the team!
This diamond in the rough Derrick Henry has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Eyes in the back of the head!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry walks off to a standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them! Incredible!
Derrick Henry hugs the mascot. Millie Bobby Brown hugs the referee. Awkward. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
101-118 (L)
Opening possession for Millie Bobby Brown! First touch, like first touch of their loaded checkbook!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
Millie Bobby Brown shoots carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This world-class player Stephen Curry gives up the offensive rebound! Sometimes predictable game when boxing out!
Yao Ming attacks under the basket and finishes with a euro-step! Too good!
Halftime. The doctor examines Kevin Garnett's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Small detail: Kevin Garnett whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Millie Bobby Brown kicks the air! The frustration of a film producer who knows they can do better!
Millie Bobby Brown posts up but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
This All-Star caliber talent Kevin Garnett attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Derrick Henry, this hidden prospect, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Derrick Henry, this potential breakout star, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Millie Bobby Brown watches the crowd file out in silence. Stephen Curry prefers not to look. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
123-100 (W)
Derrick Henry looks dialed in from the start! Insane court vision preparation showing!
An off-balance shot from Stephen Curry! That's insane court vision at the highest level!
Derrick Henry, this combo guard, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Yao Ming reads the defense like a book! Assist driving to the hoop! Freakish explosiveness!
Stephen Curry pulls up to the right spot! Ridiculous creativity off-ball movement!
The players file out. Stephen Curry exchanges a tense look with the coach. Bus driver's confession: Stephen Curry raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Stephen Curry attacks the orange with a killer instinct. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
You can feel a crowd fully behind them through the screen! Yao Ming in the spotlight!
Yao Ming puts ego aside! The team comes first for this bonafide star!
The stadium knows it! Stephen Curry is special! This franchise guy writing legacy!
Derrick Henry, this swiss-army-knife type, takes the final bow! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Dominant display!
Millie Bobby Brown points both hands at the sky. Stephen Curry points at Millie Bobby Brown. Kevin Garnett points at the exit. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
108-102 (W)
The game begins and Derrick Henry is ready! You can see ridiculous creativity written all over his face!
This who-is-this-guy player Derrick Henry finishes with authority! An off-balance shot from the left corner!
Stephen Curry with the huge clutch steal at half court! This bonafide star says no!
This reliable star Yao Ming exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for an alley-oop!
This raw talent Derrick Henry recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Derrick Henry to massage his thighs. Little secret: Derrick Henry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Stephen Curry, this elite player, exploits the mismatch for a floater! Too easy!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Kevin Garnett, this top-tier talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
Kevin Garnett, this reliable star, has the intangibles! That dawg mentality beyond the stats!
Yao Ming penetrates in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Millie Bobby Brown and Derrick Henry attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Kevin Garnett films the whole thing. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
103-115 (L)
Kevin Garnett blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise guy!
Yao Ming with the off-balance fadeaway jumper! This guy everybody knows couldn't set the feet!
Kevin Garnett coughs up the pill! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again from downtown!
Stephen Curry scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Hot head!
Kevin Garnett, this multi-time All-Star, operates from the left corner with a euro-step! Clinic!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Little secret: Stephen Curry has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Kevin Garnett rises up angrily after the turnover! This jersey-selling name spiraling!
A pull-up jumper from Derrick Henry catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Derrick Henry, this hungry young player, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Stephen Curry bends over during the dead ball! This guy everybody knows gathering what's left!
Yao Ming walks off in silence. This jersey-selling name gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Derrick Henry takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Millie Bobby Brown follows the same path. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
118-102 (W)
This franchise guy Yao Ming means business! Fast start from the right corner!
Millie Bobby Brown strings together a buzzer beater facing the rim. Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
Millie Bobby Brown steals the ball! Quick hands from greenlighting the risky picture all day!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, with the pocket pass! An off-the-charts basketball IQ in tight spaces!
Yao Ming pushes the pace in transition! Iron discipline showing in every play!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Millie Bobby Brown spins and fires a thunderous slam! This undersized dog lighting it up!
Listen to that roar! Yao Ming goes to work and the place explodes!
This top-tier talent Kevin Garnett unites the locker room! Next-level basketball IQ captain's mentality!
Millie Bobby Brown, this little firecracker, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Stephen Curry pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This big-name player savors the win!
Yao Ming does a cartwheel at center court. Millie Bobby Brown tries one too and eats it. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
95-115 (L)
Derrick Henry lets fly into position! This dark horse not wasting any time!
A pull-up jumper by Kevin Garnett from downtown is way off! Tough night for this All-Star caliber talent!
Kevin Garnett, this tower, gets the ball poked away! Heavy feet when protecting the pill!
Millie Bobby Brown, this pocket rocket, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to force bad shots!
Millie Bobby Brown with the teardrop hook shot! Beautiful as a film producer's finest the risky picture!
Well-deserved break. Kevin Garnett looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Rumor has it Kevin Garnett has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Millie Bobby Brown shakes their head! A film producer who can't believe that just happened!
Millie Bobby Brown can't finish! The film producer who finishes the risky picture can't finish the play!
Derrick Henry, this do-it-all player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Stephen Curry asks for the ball to slow the pace! This reliable star needs air!
Derrick Henry, this dark horse, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Yao Ming kicks his towel across the floor. Derrick Henry has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight I had a revelation: Derrick Henry runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-107 (L)
Kevin Garnett dribbles with energy from the opening whistle! This bonafide star locked in!
Kevin Garnett, this absolute unit, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates off the pick and roll!
This who-is-this-guy player Derrick Henry with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Yao Ming gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to rush!
A buzzer beater from downtown by Yao Ming! This colossus with the long range!
Halftime. Kevin Garnett throws his towel on the floor walking in. Exclusive: Kevin Garnett was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Yao Ming storms to the bench! This multi-time All-Star is visibly upset!
Millie Bobby Brown can't buy a bucket! Maybe the risky picture would be easier to aim!
Millie Bobby Brown schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true film producer!
Derrick Henry, this all-around player, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
This certified bucket Kevin Garnett shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Millie Bobby Brown leaves the court at a jog. Stephen Curry stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
92-101 (L)
This established star Kevin Garnett opens the scoring! A step-back three! Early advantage!
Yao Ming blows past the rock awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this max-contract guy!
Derrick Henry with the errant pass! This dark horse needs to settle down!
Yao Ming, this mammoth, gets dunked on under the basket! Poster material!
This surprise package Derrick Henry goes to work on the low block! A bank shot drops beautifully!
Into the tunnel. Derrick Henry grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Rumor has it Derrick Henry has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This franchise guy Stephen Curry hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in the paint!
Stephen Curry penetrates the Wilson into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
This top-tier talent Millie Bobby Brown switches defensive assignments on the fly! Eyes in the back of the head!
Yao Ming dishes but the legs won't cooperate! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Stephen Curry had the chances but couldn't convert. This All-Star caliber talent left wanting.
Millie Bobby Brown's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Yao Ming breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Yao Ming.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Yao Ming is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 229 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Millie Bobby Brown, her brother-in-law and a film producer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their loaded checkbook and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Millie Bobby Brown can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for the risky picture to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Yao Ming.
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