My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Saitama. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Saitama had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-122 (L)
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
LeBron James crosses over the damn ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
This surprise package Saitama with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
LeBron James scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
LeBron James drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
The players head to the locker room. LeBron James is sweating like a racehorse. Word is LeBron James sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Saitama, this dark horse, comes up empty! A half-court heave off target off the pick and roll!
Lionel Messi asks for ice! Cooling down, even an association football player's engine needs a rest!
Intercepted! Jesus Christ's pass snatched right out of the air! A messiah would never be that careless!
Lionel Messi argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to scoring the winning goal!
Saitama sits alone on the bench. This surprise package processing the defeat.
Toji Fushiguro takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. LeBron James follows the same path. Behind the scenes, I learned LeBron James was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-111 (L)
Saitama locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
Saitama forces up a floater over the defense! Tendency to rush! Bad decision!
Lionel Messi tries to be too fancy and loses the Spalding! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
This potential GOAT LeBron James bites on the fake! Beaten from mid-range!
Lionel Messi, this low-to-the-ground speedster, overpowers for a buzzer beater! Size matters!
Halftime! Toji Fushiguro walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Confession: Toji Fushiguro calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Toji Fushiguro fades away the towel! This newcomer showing tendency to force bad shots!
An and-one attempt by LeBron James falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Lionel Messi exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their football boots acumen!
Lionel Messi stumbles on the play! Stumbling like an association football player over the winning goal!
Jesus Christ wipes a tear! A messiah who poured everything into the effort!
Jesus Christ sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. LeBron James winces. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
105-96 (W)
Lionel Messi, this little firecracker, announced to huge cheers! Wild stands!
LeBron James with an incredible buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Standing ovation!
Jesus Christ denies the entry pass! No the game gets past this messiah!
Jesus Christ directs the offense! Directing traffic with messiah command!
Jesus Christ makes the hockey pass! Silky smooth technique finding the extra pass!
Halftime. Lionel Messi throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Lionel Messi got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ pulls off a devastating dunk out of nowhere! Was that basketball or messiah magic? Unbelievable!
LeBron James soaks in an incredible energy! This undisputed superstar living for these moments!
This living legend Lionel Messi claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this living legend!
This generational talent Lionel Messi has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Unreal swagger!
LeBron James, this household name, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Jesus Christ mimes popping a champagne bottle. LeBron James mimes chugging straight from it. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
123-102 (W)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
A bucket from Lionel Messi! That's a killer instinct at the highest level!
Lionel Messi shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like an association football player closing the winning goal!
This player nobody saw coming Toji Fushiguro creates for others! Unselfish play with unreal swagger!
Toji Fushiguro, this smooth operator, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Iron discipline!
Rest. Toji Fushiguro buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Bus driver's confession: Toji Fushiguro raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Jesus Christ goes to work the damn ball with flair and hits a euro-step! Sensational!
Kids in the stands mimic Jesus Christ's competing celebration! Adorable!
Jesus Christ does the dirty work! Hands dirty like a messiah at the end of the day!
This potential breakout star Saitama flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
LeBron James grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Saitama applauds. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
90-111 (L)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the leather first! This all-time great looks eager!
LeBron James, this giant, gets the look in the paint but the lid's on the rim!
LeBron James loses the damn ball in traffic! This global icon can't afford that!
This basketball god LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Lionel Messi blows past on the low block with the same confidence they bring to scoring the winning goal.
Break! LeBron James takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Little secret: LeBron James listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This basketball god Jesus Christ stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Saitama, this total unknown, with a contested buzzer-beater that misses from way beyond the arc!
Saitama counters the press! Problem solved, superhero style!
Lionel Messi, this pocket rocket, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Lionel Messi shakes hands through the pain! An association football player who respects their football boots and the game!
Toji Fushiguro kicks his towel across the floor. Jesus Christ has already left for the locker room, alone. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-102 (L)
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, embraces the boiling cauldron! Game on!
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ muscles up a reverse layup but can't get it to fall!
Lionel Messi throws it away! Hot head under pressure facing the rim!
Lionel Messi watches them score! Just watching, like watching their football boots gather dust!
A sky hook by Toji Fushiguro in the paint! Next-level basketball IQ in every fiber!
The locker room fills up. LeBron James has already eaten three oranges. Fun fact: LeBron James was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
LeBron James mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Jesus Christ sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Jesus Christ uses the hesitation dribble! Unreal swagger creating separation!
This certified GOAT candidate Jesus Christ calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking its toll!
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, takes the loss hard. Heavy feet at the wrong moments.
Lionel Messi takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. LeBron James doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-109 (L)
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! A buzzer beater to start!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, can't finish from mid-range! That one stings!
This surprise package Saitama dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jesus Christ gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Toji Fushiguro, this guy nobody was talking about, drops a thunderous slam from mid-range! Pure artistry!
Halftime. LeBron James glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Little scoop: LeBron James tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Saitama stares in disbelief! The look of a superhero who just lost everything!
An off-balance shot from Jesus Christ catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Saitama sets the screen with precision worthy of their bare hands! Tactical genius!
Saitama takes the rest play! Even a superhero needs a breather!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This certified GOAT candidate gave it all but it wasn't enough.
LeBron James closes his eyes walking out. Lionel Messi keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-121 (L)
Saitama fires up the crowd to open the game! This potential breakout star starting strong!
Lionel Messi whiffs on the jumper! An association football player off their game with their football boots!
Lionel Messi loses the basketball! An association football player would never be this careless!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James picks up the cheap foul! Lack of consistency showing!
Jesus Christ kicks the air! The frustration of a messiah who knows they can do better!
Cut! Halftime. Jesus Christ's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Jesus Christ talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James short-arms a sky hook under the basket! Not enough lift!
Jesus Christ is cramping up! This potential GOAT trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Toji Fushiguro coughs up the ball! Ego the size of Texas strikes again under the basket!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Saitama packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jesus Christ stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Lionel Messi comes back to get him. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Jesus Christ's name. Forgive me. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-120 (L)
Tip-off! Toji Fushiguro gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ fires a buzzer-beater at the top of the key but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
LeBron James gets crossed over! This potential GOAT left frozen from downtown!
Toji Fushiguro scores at will! An alley-oop driving to the hoop! This raw talent domination!
End of the second quarter. Lionel Messi is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Lionel Messi refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Lionel Messi, this undersized dog, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Toji Fushiguro gets a clean look but heavy feet costs the bucket!
This certified GOAT candidate Lionel Messi sets the back screen! Insane court vision off-ball contribution!
Toji Fushiguro is gassed! This potential breakout star bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
This dark horse Toji Fushiguro tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jesus Christ's complexion is grey. Lionel Messi's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-93 (W)
LeBron James rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise cornerstone!
This generational talent Lionel Messi is automatic under the basket! A double-clutch layup drops again!
Jesus Christ forces the turnover! Pressuring like competing the game under deadline!
Saitama reads the defense like a book! Assist driving to the hoop! Night-in night-out consistency!
Toji Fushiguro, this versatile guy, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Into the tunnel. Toji Fushiguro grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Toji Fushiguro was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Lionel Messi knocks down an alley-oop at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
Saitama, this raw talent, waves the crowd up! Palpable tension rising!
Saitama dives for the loose ball! Full send from this superhero!
Saitama, this tweener, sets the tone with silky smooth technique! Leader!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James caps off a special night! A hug with the coach! Until next time!
Toji Fushiguro and LeBron James do celebratory push-ups. Jesus Christ counts out loud. Definitely cheating. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-130 (L)
Lionel Messi steps onto the den! From scoring the winning goal to this, game time!
Saitama can't convert the open shot! Competing the game is way easier!
Saitama throws it into the stands! What was that from this hidden prospect!
Saitama can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Saitama, this tweener, throws the hands up! Exasperated in transition!
Halftime. The doctor examines LeBron James's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Rumor has it LeBron James talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Toji Fushiguro can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this guy nobody was talking about!
Toji Fushiguro, this swiss-army-knife type, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
Lionel Messi with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the winning goal!
Jesus Christ walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this guy with rings on every finger wanted.
Lionel Messi's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Toji Fushiguro breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-106 (L)
Saitama checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Toji Fushiguro can't buy a bucket! Another miss at half court! Frustrating!
Saitama forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
This generational talent Jesus Christ gives up the offensive rebound! Shaky emotions under pressure when boxing out!
Saitama scores with nerves of steel. An alley-oop from way beyond the arc! Too smooth!
Both teams head to the locker room. Toji Fushiguro wipes his forehead with his jersey. The staff told me Toji Fushiguro sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Toji Fushiguro, this who-is-this-guy player, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Toji Fushiguro rushes a sky hook from downtown! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
Saitama uses that superhero IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Toji Fushiguro is visibly tired! This player nobody saw coming needs a timeout badly!
Toji Fushiguro, this do-it-all player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an off-the-charts basketball IQ effort.
Lionel Messi leaves the court at a jog. Jesus Christ stays there, planted at center court, motionless. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
84-120 (L)
Saitama looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Saitama, this combo guard, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Lionel Messi, this low-to-the-ground speedster, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from downtown!
Toji Fushiguro, this versatile guy, gets dunked on at the buzzer! Poster material!
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This global icon fighting inner demons!
That's a wrap for now. Jesus Christ dives into the tunnel. Fun fact: Jesus Christ tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Lionel Messi, this guy with rings on every finger, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
Toji Fushiguro grabs the shorts! This dude out of nowhere is running on fumes!
This total unknown Toji Fushiguro gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
Saitama slams the Spalding in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Toji Fushiguro crosses over to the tunnel in disappointment. This hidden prospect will learn from this.
Jesus Christ refuses the coach's embrace. LeBron James accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
88-132 (L)
Game time! Toji Fushiguro and this player nobody saw coming ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Saitama with the ugly miss! The superhero touch is absent tonight!
Toji Fushiguro fires away the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hidden prospect!
Lionel Messi, this undersized dog, lets the shooter get free at half court! Costly lapse!
Saitama shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
Off to the locker room. Jesus Christ has already drained two water bottles. They say Jesus Christ eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Toji Fushiguro, this newcomer, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Saitama gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from competing the game and hooping!
LeBron James, this beanpole, gets stripped at the buzzer! Injury-prone body exposed!
Lionel Messi slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an association football player hits the workbench!
This potential GOAT LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, injury-prone body proved costly.
LeBron James sits on the floor in the hallway. Lionel Messi sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
80-124 (L)
Saitama, this swiss-army-knife type, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Lionel Messi misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the right corner!
Toji Fushiguro gets posted up and scored on! This surprise package overpowered!
LeBron James storms to the bench! This household name is visibly upset!
Back in the locker room, Lionel Messi sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little scoop: Lionel Messi logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back! The players look fired up.
LeBron James, this giant, gets the look but can't convert on the low block!
Toji Fushiguro short-arms the shot from fatigue! This potential breakout star has nothing left!
Toji Fushiguro with the lazy pass! Injury-prone body leading to easy points!
Jesus Christ mouths off on the decisive possession! A messiah venting about the game!
This all-time great LeBron James leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
Toji Fushiguro mutters 'damn' under his breath. Lionel Messi says 'yeah' in the same tone. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Saitama. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Saitama had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
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