My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Iron Man! Picture this: standing at 6 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Iron Man. A superhero by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-129 (L)
George W. Bush posts up with energy from the opening whistle! This first-ballot legend locked in!
George W. Bush misses! Even a statesperson can't fix that shot!
Sloppy handling by Jilly Cooper! Exposing the hidden scandal is done with more finesse!
Donald Trump, this solid build, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to rush!
Jesus Christ drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a messiah's spirit has limits!
Break. Iron Man collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little secret: Iron Man watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Jesus Christ rattles in and out! The game never teases a messiah like that!
Jesus Christ misses from fatigue! This potential GOAT can't get the elevation at the top of the key!
Iron Man throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
This basketball god Iron Man shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Iron Man packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jilly Cooper is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Donald Trump waits at the tunnel entrance. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
75-120 (L)
Jesus Christ bounces the ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump misses the mark! A scoop layup goes begging in the paint!
George W. Bush turns it over in the right wing! Butterfingers from this statesperson!
George W. Bush, this do-it-all player, lets the shooter get free driving to the hoop! Costly lapse!
Donald Trump drops the head after another miss! Occasional mental lapses sapping the confidence!
Both teams head to the locker room. Jesus Christ wipes his forehead with his jersey. Juicy anecdote: Jesus Christ was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
George W. Bush misfires at the buzzer! Their diplomatic pouch calibration needed!
This diamond in the rough Jilly Cooper is a warrior but the body says no! The 48 regulation minutes of war!
Jilly Cooper tries to be too fancy and loses the ball! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
George W. Bush slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a statesperson hits the workbench!
George W. Bush, this smooth operator, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Jilly Cooper walks toward the tunnel without a word. Donald Trump stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I got a text from Jilly Cooper after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
86-130 (L)
Jilly Cooper wins the opening tip! Tipping off with journalist energy!
Iron Man, this miniature missile, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Stolen from Jilly Cooper! A journalist who let it slip through their fingers!
Jilly Cooper gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a journalist's worst day on the job!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Iron Man picks up the pace. Anecdote: Iron Man threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Air ball from Jilly Cooper! Being a journalist doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Jilly Cooper, this potential breakout star, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
George W. Bush loses possession! The political storm never leaves a statesperson's hands like that!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Jesus Christ gave it everything! Everything a messiah has, left on the court!
Iron Man's complexion is grey. Jesus Christ's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-130 (L)
George W. Bush steps onto the gymnasium! From navigating the political storm to this, game time!
Jesus Christ just barely misses! Close as a messiah getting the game almost right!
Jilly Cooper trips up in the baseline! A journalist never trips at work... Right?
Iron Man gets screened out of the play! This basketball god lost in traffic!
This player nobody saw coming Jilly Cooper hangs the head after the miss! Deflated at the top of the key!
Break. Jilly Cooper collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Confession: Jilly Cooper believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Jilly Cooper, this tweener, gets the look in the paint but the lid's on the rim!
Jesus Christ takes the rest play! Even a messiah needs a breather!
Iron Man, this little firecracker, gets called for the carry! Shaky emotions under pressure in ball-handling!
George W. Bush mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
George W. Bush sits on the floor in the hallway. Iron Man sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
81-126 (L)
Jesus Christ takes the court to a cathedral silence! The messiah with their bare hands is here!
George W. Bush, this tweener, gets stuffed trying a pull-up jumper! Denied!
Iron Man, this pint-sized baller, gets the ball poked away! Heavy feet when protecting the damn ball!
George W. Bush caught flat-footed! Standing still, the statesperson reflexes took a nap!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! This certified GOAT candidate is visibly upset!
Back in the locker room, Jilly Cooper sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Jilly Cooper slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Donald Trump fires and misses driving to the hoop. Should have stuck with the next venture!
Iron Man mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
Iron Man coughs up the pill! Sometimes predictable game strikes again from way beyond the arc!
Jilly Cooper shakes their head! A journalist who can't believe that just happened!
Donald Trump walks off in silence. This living legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Donald Trump unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Jilly Cooper runs a hand down her face. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
74-119 (L)
Iron Man, this lightning-quick little man, sets the tone immediately! Silky smooth technique from the jump!
George W. Bush, this all-around player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this undisputed superstar!
Jilly Cooper throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the journalist got too confident!
Iron Man beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superhero!
Jilly Cooper slams the rock in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Break! Jilly Cooper grabs an ice bag and slaps it on her knee. Little secret: Jilly Cooper has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jilly Cooper posts up but it's well off! Shaky emotions under pressure under fatigue!
Jilly Cooper drags their feet! Heavy as their press badge at the end of a shift!
This hidden prospect Jilly Cooper forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Iron Man waves off the play! The authority of a superhero in that gesture!
Donald Trump reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
George W. Bush mutters while walking out. Iron Man watches from the corner of his eye, worried. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
81-126 (L)
And we're underway! Jesus Christ touches the orange first! This certified GOAT candidate looks eager!
Iron Man launches and misses! The rock isn't the game, and it shows!
Donald Trump loses the ball! An investor would never be this careless!
Iron Man gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Iron Man storms to the bench! Heated! This superhero doesn't handle losing well!
That's a wrap for now. Iron Man dives into the tunnel. Did you know Iron Man once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Jesus Christ misses the open look! A messiah never misses the game... But misses the orange!
Jilly Cooper grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their press badge in the workshop!
Jilly Cooper charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
George W. Bush glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this statesperson!
George W. Bush wipes a tear! A statesperson who poured everything into the effort!
Jilly Cooper punches her locker when she gets to the locker room. Donald Trump slides down the wall to the floor. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
75-120 (L)
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ opens the scoring! A hook shot! Early advantage!
George W. Bush crosses over the orange into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!
Iron Man throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Iron Man gets posterized! A superhero framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Donald Trump posts up the towel! This guy with rings on every finger showing tendency to force bad shots!
First half is done. George W. Bush is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know George W. Bush knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Minnesota Ice-Wall's colors. By accident, obviously. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Iron Man can't hit from the restricted area! That zone is cursed for this superhero!
Jesus Christ misses the rotation! Too tired, like a messiah too tired for the game!
Intercepted! Jesus Christ's pass snatched right out of the air! A messiah would never be that careless!
Donald Trump gets a technical for complaining! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Iron Man spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This franchise cornerstone will learn from this.
Jilly Cooper's eyes are red, jaw tight. George W. Bush apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
73-118 (L)
The arena welcomes Jilly Cooper! The journalist with the hidden scandal has arrived!
Jilly Cooper bricks another one! Building something awful with their press badge tonight!
Iron Man loses the pill in traffic! This undisputed superstar can't afford that!
Jesus Christ bites on the pump fake! This guy with rings on every finger sent flying in transition!
Jesus Christ mouths off at the jump ball! A messiah venting about the game!
Halftime! Jesus Christ is limping slightly heading off the court. Exclusive: Jesus Christ was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
A sky hook by Jilly Cooper at half court is way off! Tough night for this raw talent!
Jilly Cooper is huffing and puffing! Winded, even a journalist would call it quits!
Donald Trump with the backcourt violation! An investor going backwards with the next venture!
This household name Jesus Christ gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
George W. Bush takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Iron Man follows the same path. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
77-115 (L)
This player nobody saw coming Jilly Cooper comes out aggressive! Opens with a step-back three from downtown!
Donald Trump can't find the range! Their portfolio ledger has better accuracy than that!
This absolute legend Iron Man dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jesus Christ gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
This hidden prospect Jilly Cooper fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
The players file out. Jilly Cooper exchanges a tense look with the coach. Fun fact: Jilly Cooper got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
An off-balance shot attempt by Iron Man falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
George W. Bush slows down visibly! Slower than their diplomatic pouch on low power!
Iron Man botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Jesus Christ, this guy with rings on every finger, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Donald Trump tips the cap to the winners! The investor's grace with the next venture!
George W. Bush pulls his cap down over his eyes. Jilly Cooper doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
89-134 (L)
This potential breakout star Jilly Cooper gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
George W. Bush can't convert the open shot! Navigating the political storm is way easier!
This living legend Jesus Christ with turnover number buckets! Tendency to force bad shots is piling up!
George W. Bush can't contain the drive! Navigating the political storm is more containable!
Jesus Christ walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Halftime! Donald Trump is limping slightly heading off the court. Little scoop: Donald Trump logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Jesus Christ can't finish! The messiah who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Jilly Cooper barely gets back on defense! Moving like a journalist on a Friday afternoon!
This global icon George W. Bush gets pickpocketed driving to the hoop! Sloppy handling!
Jesus Christ glares at the scoreboard! This certified GOAT candidate not happy with the situation!
George W. Bush refuses to make excuses! A statesperson owns the political storm failures too!
Jilly Cooper snaps at the bench on her way out. George W. Bush says nothing, but his look says everything. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-131 (L)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Iron Man with the off-balance buzzer beater! This generational talent couldn't set the feet!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ commits the offensive foul! Turnover at the top of the key!
Iron Man gets blown by! Even a superhero couldn't stop that!
This household name Donald Trump slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Back to the locker room. Jilly Cooper punches her locker. Anecdote: Jilly Cooper fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Jesus Christ explodes the basketball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Jilly Cooper looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a journalist relieved of their press badge!
Iron Man commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
Despite the loss, Jesus Christ held their own with the game! The messiah fought!
Donald Trump and Jilly Cooper share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-121 (L)
George W. Bush crosses over into position! This certified GOAT candidate not wasting any time!
Jilly Cooper skips it off the rim! The hidden scandal has better hop than that!
Donald Trump double-dribbles! Bankrolling the next venture doesn't have that rule!
George W. Bush loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
Donald Trump, this hall-of-fame lock, with the frustrated foul! Limited stamina in tough moments!
The locker room fills up. Donald Trump has already eaten three oranges. Did you know Donald Trump once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Iron Man launches a deep three and... Airball! Occasional mental lapses at its peak!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Donald Trump can barely jump! The springs are gone from mid-range!
George W. Bush coughs it up! A statesperson's grip doesn't work on the rock!
Iron Man tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the superhero will bounce back!
Jesus Christ had the chances but couldn't convert. This generational talent left wanting.
Iron Man sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Donald Trump puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I learned tonight that Iron Man used to be a journalist. That explains the unique running style. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-131 (L)
Iron Man looks dialed in from the start! Ridiculous creativity preparation showing!
Iron Man fires a brick from the low block! Way off, even for a superhero!
Iron Man with the backcourt violation! This potential GOAT under too much pressure!
Jilly Cooper overcommits! Going all-in like a journalist on the hidden scandal, but wrong!
George W. Bush argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to navigating the political storm!
Break. Iron Man collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. I've been told Iron Man once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
That one wasn't even close, Jesus Christ! Stick to competing the game!
Donald Trump calls for the sub! Even an investor's stamina with their portfolio ledger has limits!
Donald Trump launches the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hall-of-fame lock!
Jesus Christ kicks the air! The frustration of a messiah who knows they can do better!
Iron Man shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Iron Man stares at the floor while George W. Bush mutters something inaudible under his breath. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
81-125 (L)
Tip-off! Jilly Cooper gets us started! Let's go!
Iron Man forces a bad sky hook! This household name needs to trust teammates!
Donald Trump throws it into the stands! What was that from this basketball god!
This rising star Jilly Cooper fouls reaching in! Shaky emotions under pressure on defense!
Donald Trump rises up and kicks the stanchion! This guy with rings on every finger losing composure!
Break. Iron Man collapses next to the vending machine. Small detail: Iron Man whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Donald Trump misses the bunny! An investor dropping the next venture from point-blank!
Jilly Cooper grabs the shorts! This dude out of nowhere is running on fumes!
Donald Trump dribbles it off their foot! Their portfolio ledger would never betray an investor like that!
This generational talent Iron Man throws an elbow in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Iron Man leaves the hardwood quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
George W. Bush's lip is trembling. Iron Man dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Evening confession: I'm wearing George W. Bush's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Iron Man.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Iron Man! Picture this: standing at 6 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Iron Man. A superhero by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Iron Man.
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