My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Mitchell Robinson. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Barack Obama. The man is a community organizer. A freaking community organizer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their bullhorn and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-101 (L)
Landry Shamet opens with an and-one! This rising star making an early statement!
Tyler Kolek, this player nobody saw coming, comes up empty! A buzzer beater off target back to the basket!
This guy with a proven track record Jordan Clarkson loses concentration and the rock with it!
Tyler Kolek scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Ego the size of Texas!
This diamond in the rough Landry Shamet punishes the defense with a free throw under the basket!
Break! Landry Shamet heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Rumor has it Landry Shamet does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Barack Obama throws their hands up! Like a community organizer when their bullhorn breaks!
Landry Shamet, this guy nobody was talking about, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the left corner!
Barack Obama adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran community organizer!
Jordan Clarkson, this titan, with tired legs along the baseline! Hot head slowing this guy with a proven track record down!
Barack Obama leaves the den quietly! Quiet as a community organizer after the neighborhood setback!
Tyler Kolek's gaze is cold, distant. Landry Shamet's gaze is hot, angry. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
129-84 (W)
Tip-off! Tyler Kolek gets us started! Let's go!
Mitchell Robinson, this towering presence, uses strength and skill for an alley-oop! Complete player!
Jordan Clarkson posts up and dishes! Gorgeous feed on the low block! Iron discipline!
This living legend Barack Obama is automatic along the baseline! A bucket drops again!
Jordan Clarkson slides to the passing lane and steals it! Scary good handles!
Halftime! Jordan Clarkson checks his stats on the board and winces. Quick anecdote about Jordan Clarkson: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This name that's buzzing Mitchell Robinson converts along the baseline! A buzzer beater right on cue!
This hidden prospect Landry Shamet puts the exclamation point! A floater from downtown!
Mitchell Robinson trips over the pill! Even this respected competitor has those moments!
Tyler Kolek lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A victory dance!
Tyler Kolek, this versatile guy, acknowledges the fans! Immense pressure! A primal scream!
Barack Obama grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Jordan Clarkson applauds. Behind the scenes, I learned Jordan Clarkson was also a community organizer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
130-85 (W)
Jordan Clarkson, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
A scoop layup by Jordan Clarkson! The crowd erupts! Iron discipline personified!
Landry Shamet shoots and finds the trailer for a fadeaway jumper! Great awareness!
Tyler Kolek, this player nobody saw coming, drops a floater at the top of the key! Pure artistry!
Jordan Clarkson reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Halftime whistle. Tyler Kolek flops into the first available chair. Exclusive info: Tyler Kolek is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This first-ballot legend Barack Obama finishes with authority! A finger roll driving to the hoop!
Landry Shamet piles it on! A bank shot extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
This up-and-coming baller Jordan Clarkson gets photobombed on the jumbotron! A salute to the fans interrupted!
Landry Shamet, this 7-footer, gets the crowd on their feet! A raised fist! Electric!
Tyler Kolek, this who-is-this-guy player, points to the crowd! A salute to the fans! This was for the fans!
Barack Obama jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
131-89 (W)
Barack Obama steps onto the den! From rallying the neighborhood to this, game time!
Jordan Clarkson, this dude putting the league on notice, reads the play perfectly and delivers a bank shot!
Landry Shamet with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open scoop layup!
Landry Shamet with the highlight-reel bucket! This surprise package owning the moment!
Landry Shamet, this unknown gem, shuts down the play driving to the hoop! Lockdown defender!
The players disappear. Mitchell Robinson has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know Mitchell Robinson plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Barack Obama finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a community organizer who's running late!
Landry Shamet, this player nobody saw coming, wraps it up with a flourish! Total destruction!
This newcomer Tyler Kolek catches the Spalding between the legs! Not intentionally!
This up-and-coming baller Jordan Clarkson holds up three fingers! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd after the triple!
This unknown gem Landry Shamet raises the arms! The win is in the books! A fist pump toward the bench!
Barack Obama charges toward the crowd. Jordan Clarkson catches him just before he dives into the stands. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-95 (W)
Jordan Clarkson, this titan, announced to huge cheers! Wild stands!
Jordan Clarkson strings together a buzzer-beater at half court. Nerves of steel on full display!
Barack Obama hounds the ball handler! Tenacious as a community organizer with their bullhorn!
Tyler Kolek picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a half-court heave!
Mitchell Robinson reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Both teams head in. Tyler Kolek has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Intel: Tyler Kolek once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
A bucket from Tyler Kolek! This dark horse is putting on a show tonight!
Tyler Kolek blows past in front of the home faithful! Palpable tension! Beautiful!
This dark horse Tyler Kolek defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
The stadium knows it! Jordan Clarkson is special! This well-respected player writing legacy!
Barack Obama tips their hat! The community organizer salute! Pure class!
Jordan Clarkson takes a bow for the crowd. Barack Obama bows to Jordan Clarkson. The nobility of basketball. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
94-104 (L)
Barack Obama lands the first layup! First blood! The community organizer strikes first!
Tyler Kolek, this do-it-all player, gets the separation but can't finish! Ego the size of Texas!
Mitchell Robinson coughs up the Wilson! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again from downtown!
This guy nobody was talking about Landry Shamet fouls reaching in! Injury-prone body on defense!
Mitchell Robinson answers back with a buzzer-beater! Silky smooth technique under pressure!
The players head in. Jordan Clarkson slips on the wet tunnel floor. Juicy anecdote: Jordan Clarkson was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Barack Obama vents at their teammates! The community organizer who vents about the neighborhood!
Mitchell Robinson, this oversized freak, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
Jordan Clarkson, this name that's buzzing, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a bank shot!
Landry Shamet is cramping up! This potential breakout star trying to shake it off! Tendency to rush!
Jordan Clarkson reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Jordan Clarkson claps his hands in frustration. Landry Shamet clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight I learned Jordan Clarkson used to be a community organizer before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
93-98 (L)
Barack Obama fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This all-time great locked in!
Mitchell Robinson, this walking skyscraper, bobbles the rock and the chance evaporates at the buzzer!
Mitchell Robinson throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Jordan Clarkson turns the head and loses the man! This seasoned vet napping defensively!
Landry Shamet, this walking skyscraper, showcases an unmatched feel for the game with a gorgeous euro-step!
The locker room. Barack Obama sprawls out full-length on the bench. Locker room intel: Barack Obama has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Landry Shamet mutters to himself walking back! This hidden prospect fighting inner demons!
An off-balance shot attempt by Mitchell Robinson falls short! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
Mitchell Robinson identifies the soft spot in the zone! This hooper's hooper surgical precision!
Mitchell Robinson spins but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
Tyler Kolek sits alone on the bench. This raw talent processing the defeat.
Landry Shamet stares at the floor while Tyler Kolek mutters something inaudible under his breath. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-82 (W)
Landry Shamet, this giant, is introduced and the arena explodes! This rising star is in the building!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, glides at the top of the key for a silky two-handed slam!
This hidden prospect Tyler Kolek connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a scoop layup!
Landry Shamet lets fly and converts! A buzzer beater from way beyond the arc! Money!
Landry Shamet with the denial defense! This dark horse not giving an inch!
Finally a breather. Barack Obama has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know Barack Obama started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jordan Clarkson lets fly the ball into a tear drop! Iron discipline shining through!
Barack Obama showboats with a slide across the hardwood! Even the neighborhood gets a rest in blowouts!
Barack Obama fades away and the jersey falls apart! Wardrobe malfunction!
This next-level player Jordan Clarkson stares down the bench! A slide across the hardwood after the big play!
Jordan Clarkson, this league veteran, soaks in the moment! Victory along the baseline! A victory dance!
Barack Obama moonwalks across the hardwood. Jordan Clarkson attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. Did you know that Jordan Clarkson practices community organizer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
96-120 (L)
Mitchell Robinson, this solid pro, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Barack Obama shoots an air ball in an incredible energy! A community organizer lost in the noise!
Jordan Clarkson, this mammoth, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the left corner!
Tyler Kolek lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this who-is-this-guy player fooled!
Landry Shamet knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Well-deserved break. Landry Shamet looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Physio's confession: Landry Shamet purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
This dark horse Landry Shamet hangs the head after the miss! Deflated back to the basket!
Tyler Kolek rushes a buzzer-beater driving to the hoop! Limited stamina creeping in!
Mitchell Robinson drives into the right spacing! Eyes in the back of the head and elite court awareness!
This who-is-this-guy player Tyler Kolek can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This guy with a proven track record Jordan Clarkson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this guy with a proven track record wanted.
Mitchell Robinson rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Barack Obama picks up his own and folds it carefully. I got a text from Mitchell Robinson after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
114-99 (W)
Landry Shamet posts up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this raw talent!
Jordan Clarkson, this guy with a proven track record, sinks a layup with surgical precision back to the basket!
Tyler Kolek forces the shot-clock violation! Silky smooth technique on full display!
This rising star Tyler Kolek creates for others! Unselfish play with night-in night-out consistency!
Mitchell Robinson makes the hockey pass! Silky smooth technique finding the extra pass!
Break. Tyler Kolek asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little scoop: Tyler Kolek tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Barack Obama drains it! Emptying the tank like a community organizer on double shift!
The arena trembles! Landry Shamet with the play and a Playoff atmosphere follows!
This player nobody saw coming Landry Shamet motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
This raw talent Tyler Kolek flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
Barack Obama walks off the hardwood victorious! A community organizer who conquered it all tonight!
Tyler Kolek and Landry Shamet leap onto each other like kids. Jordan Clarkson comes sprinting in and crushes them both. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-120 (L)
This hall-of-fame lock Barack Obama opens the scoring! A hook shot! Early advantage!
Jordan Clarkson fades away the orange awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this respected competitor!
Jordan Clarkson passes to nobody! This respected competitor with a head-scratching decision!
Barack Obama can't stay in front! Rallying the neighborhood doesn't build lateral quickness!
Mitchell Robinson with the and-one euro-step! Pure God-given talent through the whistle!
Coach calls everyone back. Barack Obama drags his feet toward the tunnel. True story: Barack Obama walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against New York Over-Timers. Awkward. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Tyler Kolek, this swiss-army-knife type, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Tyler Kolek explodes but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Landry Shamet slows the pace when the team needs it! This surprise package tempo control!
Tyler Kolek penetrates but can't sustain the effort! Lack of consistency emptying the tank!
Landry Shamet, this beanpole, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Jordan Clarkson walks head down toward the tunnel. Barack Obama drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Behind the scenes, I learned Barack Obama was also a community organizer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
120-93 (W)
This guy nobody was talking about Landry Shamet catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Barack Obama, this first-ballot legend, unleashes an and-one off the pick and roll! Bang!
Tyler Kolek an iron-wall defense with authority! This smooth operator protecting the paint!
Landry Shamet, this long boy, drops the dime! A gym-rat work ethic passing on display!
This name that's buzzing Jordan Clarkson recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
End of the first half. Barack Obama is beet red but still standing. Did you know Barack Obama once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Jordan Clarkson with another scoop layup! You can't stop this man!
Jordan Clarkson, this solid pro, plays to the crowd! An incredible energy is contagious!
Tyler Kolek finds the open teammate! This hungry young player making everyone better!
The narrative shifts! Mitchell Robinson takes control with a gym-rat work ethic!
Landry Shamet grabs the game ball! This surprise package earned it tonight!
Barack Obama does a handstand. Tyler Kolek holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
98-103 (L)
Tyler Kolek looks dialed in from the start! Scary good handles preparation showing!
Landry Shamet, this colossus, dominates from mid-range and puts up a hook shot! Unstoppable!
Landry Shamet gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Barack Obama, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the handle and the opportunity! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Tyler Kolek, this solid build, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Finally a breather. Tyler Kolek has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Tyler Kolek is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Barack Obama explodes and slips! Turnover in the third quarter! Hot head!
Mitchell Robinson blows past angrily after the turnover! This seasoned vet spiraling!
Remember this moment! Mitchell Robinson is making history with a devastating dunk!
Barack Obama throws it away in crunch time! A community organizer wasting their bullhorn at the worst time!
Tyler Kolek launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This hungry young player will learn from this.
Barack Obama kicks his towel across the floor. Jordan Clarkson has already left for the locker room, alone. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Barack Obama's name. Forgive me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-124 (L)
Barack Obama comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the community organizer means business!
A free throw from Jordan Clarkson catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Barack Obama turns it over at after a timeout! A community organizer dropping their bullhorn at the worst time!
Jordan Clarkson, this beanpole, fouls unnecessarily at half court! Occasional mental lapses!
Jordan Clarkson, this big fella, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the buzzer!
Halftime. Mitchell Robinson wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know Mitchell Robinson plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Barack Obama with a wild attempt! This generational talent not finding the range tonight!
Mitchell Robinson, this respected competitor, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Barack Obama coughs it up! A community organizer's grip doesn't work on the Wilson!
Mitchell Robinson glares at the scoreboard! This hooper's hooper not happy with the situation!
Mitchell Robinson had the chances but couldn't convert. This legit talent left wanting.
Jordan Clarkson walks toward the tunnel without a word. Barack Obama stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Jordan Clarkson's name. Forgive me. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
114-98 (W)
Landry Shamet, this guy nobody was talking about, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
Tyler Kolek, this tweener, elevates for a monster layup!
Landry Shamet shuts the door from mid-range! That's how you play defense!
Mitchell Robinson, this mammoth, runs the offense with next-level basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
This hooper's hooper Mitchell Robinson switches defensive assignments on the fly! Freakish explosiveness!
Halftime. Jordan Clarkson's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Confession: Jordan Clarkson tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Tyler Kolek converts a tough off-balance shot at the buzzer! Skill level: elite!
Deafening noise! Barack Obama dishes and the building shakes!
Tyler Kolek, this surprise package, picks up the fallen teammate! Pure God-given talent beyond the stats!
Jordan Clarkson pulls up with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
This player making noise Mitchell Robinson seals the deal! Victory with a killer instinct!
Landry Shamet cries tears of joy in Mitchell Robinson's arms. Jordan Clarkson is also crying but nobody knows why. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
My Team ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Mitchell Robinson.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Mitchell Robinson. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Barack Obama. The man is a community organizer. A freaking community organizer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their bullhorn and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
My Team ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Mitchell Robinson.
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