My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | New York Over-Timers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Victor Wembanyama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 224 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus Christ. Profession? Messiah. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-129 (L)
Victor Wembanyama looks dialed in from the start! An unmatched feel for the game preparation showing!
Jesus Christ can't finish! The messiah who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Jesus Christ loses the pill! A messiah would never be this careless!
Jesus Christ gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! Heated! This messiah doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ slides down against the hallway wall. Rumor has it Jesus Christ does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Jesus Christ misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Jesus Christ misses the rotation! Too tired, like a messiah too tired for the game!
Kyrie Irving charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
This All-Star caliber talent Kyrie Irving stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Jesus Christ had the chances but couldn't convert. This absolute legend left wanting.
Victor Wembanyama whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Jesus Christ nods without conviction. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
108-95 (W)
And we're underway! Stephen Curry touches the damn ball first! This multi-time All-Star looks eager!
Jesus Christ with the highlight-reel buzzer-beater! This franchise cornerstone owning the moment!
Jesus Christ strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Kyrie Irving with the no-look pass! This max-contract guy has eyes in the back of the head!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Next-level basketball IQ!
Halftime whistle! Stephen Curry slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: Stephen Curry is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Stephen Curry with an incredible hook shot under the basket! Standing ovation!
A hostile crowd is electric when Jesus Christ has the rock! A messiah charging the room!
This global icon Jesus Christ unites the locker room! Pure God-given talent captain's mentality!
Jesus Christ dedicates this game to the game and every messiah who believed!
Kyrie Irving posts up the trophy! This max-contract guy adds to the collection! A raised fist!
Jesus Christ jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
119-91 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the starting nod! A messiah starting with their bare hands confidence!
Stephen Curry scores with an off-the-charts basketball IQ. A catch-and-shoot triple driving to the hoop! Too smooth!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Stephen Curry threads the needle! Beautiful assist along the baseline! Unreal court vision!
This established player Victor Wembanyama calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The locker room fills up. Kyrie Irving has already eaten three oranges. Rumor has it Kyrie Irving tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Victor Wembanyama steps back the Wilson into a two-handed slam! Next-level basketball IQ shining through!
Kyrie Irving steps back and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, anchors the second unit! This player making noise versatile contributor!
This is the Stephen Curry game! This guy everybody knows taking over in the final quarter!
Stephen Curry tosses the pill in the air! A slide across the hardwood! This reliable star mission accomplished!
Stephen Curry throws chalk powder like LeBron. Victor Wembanyama coughs for two minutes straight. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
101-105 (L)
Jesus Christ steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
Jesus Christ penetrates the pill with flair and hits an and-one! Sensational!
Kyrie Irving, this do-it-all player, gets exploited in the switch! Injury-prone body exposed in the mismatch!
Kyrie Irving, this solid build, bobbles the leather and the chance evaporates from downtown!
Kyrie Irving, this certified bucket, with the gutsy play! Clawing back one possession at a time!
Break! Jesus Christ has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Confession: Jesus Christ believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Jesus Christ throws it away in the fourth quarter! A messiah wasting their bare hands at the worst time!
Jesus Christ tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the messiah will bounce back!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, sets the tone with natural-born leadership! Leader!
Victor Wembanyama can't handle the pressure! This hooper's hooper folds on the inbound pass!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
Stephen Curry's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Jesus Christ hides his eyes under a towel. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
98-114 (L)
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry comes out firing! A free throw in the first minute!
Stephen Curry fires a two-handed slam in transition but can't connect! Limited stamina showing!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Stephen Curry gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to rush!
Kyrie Irving with next-level basketball IQ finds the angle for an off-balance shot!
Halftime! Kyrie Irving is limping slightly heading off the court. Quick anecdote about Kyrie Irving: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Stephen Curry glares at the scoreboard! This guy everybody knows not happy with the situation!
A buzzer-beater by Victor Wembanyama along the baseline is way off! Tough night for this league veteran!
Jesus Christ launches into the right spacing! Night-in night-out consistency and elite court awareness!
Stephen Curry explodes but the legs won't cooperate! Lack of consistency catching up!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry leaves the den with head held high. Fought to the end.
Stephen Curry watches the crowd file out in silence. Kyrie Irving prefers not to look. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
119-88 (W)
Victor Wembanyama fires away into position! This up-and-coming baller not wasting any time!
A layup by Kyrie Irving! The building is rocking! This jersey-selling name takeover!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a crucial offensive board!
Stephen Curry whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This swiss-army-knife type seeing everything!
Kyrie Irving, this swiss-army-knife type, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Well-deserved break. Jesus Christ looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know Jesus Christ knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Los Angeles Nursing-Home's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Kyrie Irving, this versatile guy, dominates off the pick and roll and puts up a bucket! Unstoppable!
The court erupts as Jesus Christ enters! The messiah gets a hero's welcome!
Stephen Curry sacrifices the body taking the charge! This headliner ultimate teammate!
This will be talked about for years! Victor Wembanyama with a layup! Iconic!
That's the game! Stephen Curry finishes with a monster performance! This big-name player victorious!
Victor Wembanyama and Stephen Curry play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Victor Wembanyama loses. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-99 (W)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Kyrie Irving reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Kyrie Irving, this big-name player, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
Jesus Christ goes coast to coast for a catch-and-shoot triple! This certified GOAT candidate is relentless!
Jesus Christ goes small-ball! Adapting like a messiah who reads the room!
The players head in. Jesus Christ slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know Jesus Christ keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, with the late-game double-clutch layup! Iron discipline shining through!
Kyrie Irving forces the step-out-of-bounds! This bonafide star hawking the ball!
Listen to that roar! Victor Wembanyama blows past and the place explodes!
This certified bucket Kyrie Irving demands the ball and delivers! At the last second heroics!
Jesus Christ penetrates into the tunnel with the W! This potential GOAT all smiles!
Jesus Christ throws chalk powder like LeBron. Victor Wembanyama coughs for two minutes straight. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-84 (W)
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a double-clutch layup from mid-range!
Jesus Christ carves through and scores! That's what a messiah does best!
This established star Stephen Curry with a critical stop! A crucial offensive board when it counts!
Victor Wembanyama with the incredible court vision! This player on the come-up sees passes nobody else does!
Kyrie Irving spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Coach calls everyone back. Victor Wembanyama drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
An off-balance shot from Victor Wembanyama! This league veteran reminding everyone why they're on top!
Immense pressure as Jesus Christ, this tweener, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Jesus Christ plugs the gap! Plugging holes with messiah efficiency!
Kyrie Irving lets fly with conviction! This All-Star caliber talent believes tonight is the night!
Jesus Christ is named player of the game! The messiah is also the star!
Jesus Christ blows a kiss to the camera. Stephen Curry blows twelve. Kyrie Irving blocks the lens. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-86 (W)
Victor Wembanyama, this giant, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
Jesus Christ lets fly with the precision of a messiah at work. And it's a tear drop!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Jesus Christ sees the floor! The awareness of a messiah scanning the game!
Jesus Christ controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Halftime. Stephen Curry's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Staff confession: Stephen Curry is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jesus Christ scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a messiah right there!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama brings a standing ovation to a new level! Incredible scene!
Kyrie Irving shoots the rock into the right hands! This established star quarterback!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A hostile crowd!
Stephen Curry, this established star, with the post-game interview smile! Pure God-given talent all night!
Jesus Christ rips the net off the rim. Stephen Curry wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
111-110 (W)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Victor Wembanyama, this absolute unit, swats it into the third row! A left-handed block!
A layup from Stephen Curry hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama converts in the paint! A tear drop right on cue!
This elite player Stephen Curry adjusts the angle mid-drive! Unreal swagger body control!
Back to the locker room. Kyrie Irving's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Juicy intel: Kyrie Irving turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Kyrie Irving nails an alley-oop with the shot clock winding down! Clutch!
Jesus Christ with the help-side rebound in traffic! This household name always in position!
Victor Wembanyama shoots in front of the home faithful! A sold-out gym on fire! Beautiful!
Jesus Christ owns the moment! This is Jesus Christ's the game, and they know it!
Jesus Christ heads to the locker room with a smile! Good day at the office for the messiah!
Kyrie Irving blows a kiss to the camera. Stephen Curry blows twelve. Jesus Christ blocks the lens. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-89 (W)
This big-name player Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Stephen Curry blows past and fires an and-one! This smooth operator lighting it up!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Stephen Curry with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Insane court vision on that one!
This elite player Kyrie Irving with the savvy veteran play! Iron discipline experience showing!
Finally a breather. Jesus Christ has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Word is Jesus Christ sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kyrie Irving answers back with a pull-up jumper! Night-in night-out consistency under pressure!
You can cut the tension with a knife! Wild stands as Kyrie Irving steps up!
This player on the come-up Victor Wembanyama defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
The legend of Victor Wembanyama grows! This guy with a proven track record adding another chapter back to the basket!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Victor Wembanyama and Kyrie Irving run circles around Jesus Christ who doesn't move. Zen. Did you know that Kyrie Irving practices messiah on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-110 (L)
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Pure God-given talent from the jump!
Jesus Christ misfires on the low block! Even this living legend has off nights!
Jesus Christ commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, carves up the defense for an and-one! Beautiful!
Into the tunnel. Kyrie Irving grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Kyrie Irving was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Stephen Curry storms to the bench! This certified bucket is visibly upset!
Kyrie Irving, this solid build, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to force bad shots!
Jesus Christ plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a messiah on their best day!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Jesus Christ leaves the floor quietly! Quiet as a messiah after the game setback!
Stephen Curry's eyes are glassy. Jesus Christ mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Did you know that Jesus Christ practices messiah on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-112 (L)
Jesus Christ takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Victor Wembanyama gets a clean look but shaky emotions under pressure costs the bucket!
Victor Wembanyama loses the rock in traffic! This player making noise can't afford that!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to force bad shots when boxing out!
Victor Wembanyama, this mammoth, takes over on the low block. A double-clutch layup! That's elite!
Both teams head to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know Victor Wembanyama plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Jesus Christ can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the basketball frustration!
Jesus Christ gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the messiah touch can't save that one!
Stephen Curry reads the defense perfectly! Scary good handles and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Stephen Curry is gassed! This top-tier talent bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Jesus Christ fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the messiah gave everything!
Victor Wembanyama shakes Jesus Christ's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. I learned backstage that Jesus Christ also does messiah on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
107-97 (W)
Jesus Christ dishes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this global icon!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, showcases an unmatched feel for the game with a gorgeous bucket!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, walls up at the buzzer! Impenetrable defense!
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a two-handed slam!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Break! Victor Wembanyama has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Jesus Christ drives past the defense for a fadeaway jumper! Size advantage from this this smooth operator!
Palpable tension as Jesus Christ warms up with some messiah moves!
Victor Wembanyama brings energy off the bench! This name that's buzzing infectious enthusiasm!
Stephen Curry overcomes the early struggles! This multi-time All-Star rising like a phoenix!
Jesus Christ celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Jesus Christ and Kyrie Irving form a tunnel for Stephen Curry to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
94-106 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, can't get an alley-oop to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Jesus Christ dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the messiah's finest moment!
Jesus Christ reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to rush on the help side!
A layup by Stephen Curry! The crowd erupts! Ridiculous creativity personified!
Halftime whistle! Kyrie Irving slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote of the day: Kyrie Irving forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
An and-one attempt by Kyrie Irving falls short! Limited stamina in the legs!
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama is a warrior but the body says no! The 48 regulation minutes of war!
Jesus Christ takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad messiah day!
Stephen Curry mutters while walking out. Jesus Christ watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Victor Wembanyama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 224 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus Christ. Profession? Messiah. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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