goats — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | goats | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Goats! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Harry Potter is on this team. Harry Potter, who is a juggler and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
76-120 (L)
This dark horse Dylan Hobbs gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild devastating dunk!
Dylan Hobbs with the backcourt violation! This diamond in the rough under too much pressure!
Derrick Rose gets crossed over! This top-tier talent left frozen facing the rim!
Dylan Hobbs, this hidden prospect, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Halftime whistle. Derrick Rose high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little secret: Derrick Rose listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Harry Potter drives the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Derrick Rose is running on pure willpower! This established star refusing to quit!
Jesus Christ loses the Wilson! A messiah would never be this careless!
Dylan Hobbs, this newcomer, yells at the coaching staff! Injury-prone body causing friction!
This first-ballot legend Harry Potter tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Derrick Rose replays the score in his head on a loop. Harry Potter tries to think about something else. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
109-87 (W)
Jesus Christ comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the messiah means business!
Dylan Hobbs converts a tough bank shot in the paint! Skill level: elite!
Dylan Hobbs, this raw talent, switches seamlessly and locks up! Silky smooth technique shining through!
Derrick Rose reads the defense like a book! Assist along the baseline! Iron discipline!
Derrick Rose dishes into the right spacing! Unreal swagger and elite court awareness!
The players file out. Derrick Rose exchanges a tense look with the coach. They say Derrick Rose eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Dylan Hobbs, this do-it-all player, posts up and delivers a bank shot! Textbook!
Superman throws the headband to the crowd! Better than throwing the game!
This All-Star caliber talent Derrick Rose claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this All-Star caliber talent!
Superman brings blue-collar their bare hands grit to the temple of basketball!
Harry Potter dunks into the tunnel with the W! This basketball god all smiles!
Derrick Rose and Jesus Christ lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-110 (L)
Dylan Hobbs takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Dylan Hobbs fires a devastating dunk from the right corner but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!
Jesus Christ fires away the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this generational talent!
This total unknown Dylan Hobbs fouls reaching in! Shaky emotions under pressure on defense!
Superman dribbles the ball with pure God-given talent. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Derrick Rose to massage his thighs. Did you know Derrick Rose knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Orlando Magic-Beans's colors. By accident, obviously. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Superman pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The superhero in them is showing!
This first-ballot legend Superman misses the mark! An alley-oop goes begging driving to the hoop!
Dylan Hobbs reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Jesus Christ is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the messiah is spent!
Harry Potter wipes a tear! A juggler who poured everything into the effort!
Harry Potter presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Superman walks right past without noticing. Tonight I had a revelation: Superman runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
102-107 (L)
Harry Potter sets the tone early! The juggler came to play tonight!
Dylan Hobbs, this potential breakout star, drops a pull-up jumper from the right corner! Pure artistry!
Superman gets posterized! A superhero framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Dylan Hobbs, this raw talent, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Superman sparks the comeback! The superhero fire from their bare hands ignites the field house!
Both teams head in. Derrick Rose has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. I've been told Derrick Rose always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Superman gets stripped at right from the tip-off! Stripped of the Spalding like a superhero stripped of their bare hands!
This rising star Dylan Hobbs throws an elbow in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Harry Potter takes off with elegance and power! This basketball god is the complete package!
Jesus Christ sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the messiah touch is off tonight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Superman congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this once-in-a-lifetime player.
Dylan Hobbs looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Jesus Christ looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
97-96 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a messiah on day one!
Dylan Hobbs, this total unknown, pokes the damn ball free! Scramble in transition!
Jesus Christ misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the game!
This undisputed superstar Superman erupts for a half-court heave! The floodgates are open!
Superman finds the angle! The angle superhero uses for the game!
First half is done. Superman is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Rumor has it Superman talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Dylan Hobbs with the biggest play of the game! A step-back three in transition!
This All-Star caliber talent Derrick Rose with a drawn charge under the basket! Intimidating!
This undisputed superstar Superman turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Dylan Hobbs, this dark horse, with the clutch iron-wall defense! After a timeout stop!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Derrick Rose charges toward the crowd. Jesus Christ catches him just before he dives into the stands. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
88-131 (L)
This total unknown Dylan Hobbs in the starting lineup! Let's see what this total unknown brings!
A buzzer beater from Dylan Hobbs hits the iron! Heavy feet under the spotlight!
Harry Potter throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Superman gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Harry Potter storms to the bench! This franchise cornerstone is visibly upset!
Break. Harry Potter collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Intel: Harry Potter asked Los Angeles Nursing-Home for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Air ball from Harry Potter! Being a juggler doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Superman misses from fatigue! This generational talent can't get the elevation at the buzzer!
This basketball god Harry Potter with turnover number points! Limited stamina is piling up!
This bonafide star Derrick Rose fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Dylan Hobbs walks off in silence. This dark horse gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jesus Christ shakes Derrick Rose's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
94-106 (L)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Jesus Christ can't buy a bucket! Maybe the game would be easier to aim!
Derrick Rose, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Harry Potter fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a juggler chasing the game!
Harry Potter with an incredible double-clutch layup at the top of the key! Standing ovation!
Back to the locker room. Derrick Rose punches his locker. Anecdote: Derrick Rose slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Harry Potter fires away away from the huddle! This basketball god in a dark place mentally!
Dylan Hobbs, this total unknown, pulls the trigger from the left corner but no luck!
This total unknown Dylan Hobbs recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Superman drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Derrick Rose, this all-around player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite that dawg mentality effort.
Dylan Hobbs pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Jesus Christ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
102-103 (L)
Dylan Hobbs shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this total unknown!
This world-class player Derrick Rose with a cold-blooded two-handed slam! No conscience!
Dylan Hobbs gets posted up and scored on! This newcomer overpowered!
A half-court heave attempt by Dylan Hobbs falls short! Injury-prone body in the legs!
Superman takes over! Takeover mode, a superhero seizing their bare hands!
End of the first act. Superman is puffing like a steam engine heading back. They say Superman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Superman with the ill-advised pass in the closing moments! Intercepted!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
The announcers share Harry Potter's juggler story,competing the game since age 16!
Harry Potter bricks it when it matters! Their bare hands accuracy went home early!
This global icon Jesus Christ shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
Jesus Christ looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Superman looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-119 (L)
The game begins and Jesus Christ is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Superman clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
This global icon Superman commits the 5-second violation! Clock management sometimes predictable game!
Superman beaten to the spot! Slower than a superhero on a Monday morning!
Harry Potter hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a juggler lifting their bare hands!
Halftime whistle. Harry Potter flops into the first available chair. Small detail: Harry Potter whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Jesus Christ glares at the scoreboard! This generational talent not happy with the situation!
Superman gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Derrick Rose dunks with purpose every possession! This reliable star chess master!
This all-time great Jesus Christ is a warrior but the body says no! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of war!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jesus Christ takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Superman follows the same path. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-104 (L)
Superman bounces the basketball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Jesus Christ sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
This All-Star caliber talent Derrick Rose with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Superman, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over defense that's basically a suggestion!
A fadeaway jumper from Dylan Hobbs! This raw talent is putting on a show tonight!
Halftime whistle! Dylan Hobbs grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Intel: Dylan Hobbs refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Derrick Rose mutters to himself walking back! This headliner fighting inner demons!
Derrick Rose, this versatile guy, can't get a double-clutch layup to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This reliable star Derrick Rose with the savvy veteran play! An unmatched feel for the game experience showing!
Harry Potter calls for the sub! Even a juggler's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Harry Potter vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Dylan Hobbs and Superman walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I learned that Dylan Hobbs's father was a messiah. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-123 (L)
Superman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This diamond in the rough Dylan Hobbs rattles it out! So close yet so far in the paint!
Dylan Hobbs, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Jesus Christ gambles for the steal and pays the price! Limited stamina!
Dylan Hobbs scores at will! A bucket along the baseline! This dude out of nowhere domination!
The players disappear. Derrick Rose has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. They say Derrick Rose eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
Harry Potter misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Dylan Hobbs makes the hockey pass! Eyes in the back of the head finding the extra pass!
Superman is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure superhero stubbornness!
Superman sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Derrick Rose sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jesus Christ puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-112 (L)
Tip-off! Superman gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ rattles it out! Shaking the temple of basketball with their bare hands intensity!
Superman dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Derrick Rose bites on the pump fake! This bonafide star sent flying under the basket!
What a play by Derrick Rose! A buzzer-beater along the baseline! This franchise guy is cooking!
Halftime! Dylan Hobbs has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Staff confession: Dylan Hobbs is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Superman storms to the bench! Heated! This superhero doesn't handle losing well!
Derrick Rose, this solid build, gets the separation but can't finish! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Derrick Rose sets the screen at the perfect angle! This established star cerebral play!
Derrick Rose launches sluggishly! Lack of consistency catching up with this All-Star caliber talent!
Dylan Hobbs dunks to the tunnel in disappointment. This newcomer will learn from this.
Jesus Christ claps his hands in frustration. Harry Potter clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-114 (L)
Derrick Rose, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Harry Potter rushes a thunderous slam from the left corner! Lack of consistency creeping in!
This franchise cornerstone Harry Potter commits the offensive foul! Turnover from way beyond the arc!
Derrick Rose overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
Superman banks a layup off the glass! Geometry learned from the superhero life!
Halftime whistle! Harry Potter grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Harry Potter got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Derrick Rose attacks angrily after the turnover! This elite player spiraling!
Harry Potter misses the bunny! A juggler dropping the game from point-blank!
Jesus Christ triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with messiah urgency!
Superman short-arms the shot from fatigue! This generational talent has nothing left!
Harry Potter, this once-in-a-lifetime player, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Derrick Rose bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-110 (L)
And we're underway! Harry Potter touches the Wilson first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
Harry Potter sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this juggler!
Dylan Hobbs with the errant pass! This dark horse needs to settle down!
Derrick Rose gives up the back door! Sometimes predictable game when overplaying!
Harry Potter, this combo guard, showcases iron discipline with a gorgeous buzzer beater!
Break! Superman takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know? Superman launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Dylan Hobbs can't mask the disappointment! This raw talent wearing it on the sleeve!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
Jesus Christ counters the press! Problem solved, messiah style!
Harry Potter misses from fatigue! Tired arms from competing the game all week!
Superman absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a superhero knows tough days!
Superman and Jesus Christ share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-126 (L)
Superman pulls up into position! This potential GOAT not wasting any time!
Dylan Hobbs, this swiss-army-knife type, bobbles the ball and the chance evaporates on the low block!
Jesus Christ fires away into a dead end at the top of the key! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
Dylan Hobbs, this tweener, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Superman looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Jesus Christ lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back! The players look fired up.
Superman rattles in and out! The game never teases a superhero like that!
Jesus Christ cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the leather double duty!
Superman, this solid build, gets the ball poked away! Defense that's basically a suggestion when protecting the ball!
Superman mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Derrick Rose, this smooth operator, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Derrick Rose and Jesus Christ walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
goats finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Goats!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Harry Potter is on this team. Harry Potter, who is a juggler and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
goats finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
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