The bbc — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | The bbc | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... The bbc! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Wally West on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Wally West, his brother-in-law and a superhero by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Wally West can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
95-125 (L)
Opening possession for Donald Trump! First touch, like first touch of their loaded checkbook!
CaseOh, this all-around player, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates on the low block!
CaseOh charges right into the defender! Turnover! Sometimes predictable game when controlling pace!
Jeffrey Epstein beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a philanthropist!
Donald Trump with the reverse layup! Creative as a film producer with the risky picture!
The players file out. Donald Trump exchanges a tense look with the coach. Staff confession: Donald Trump is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Wally West, this combo guard, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Wally West misses the open look! A superhero never misses the game... But misses the Spalding!
Wally West draws the double team! Attracting attention, the superhero is a magnet out there!
CaseOh is gassed! This newcomer bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Donald Trump had the chances but couldn't convert. This living legend left wanting.
Jeffrey Epstein slams his fist on the bench. Wally West places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-102 (L)
And we're underway! Donald Trump touches the leather first! This global icon looks eager!
Donald Trump hits at the last second! Clutch like a film producer meeting a deadline!
Jeffrey Epstein scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Donald Trump rattles it out! Shaking the field house with their loaded checkbook intensity!
Wally West ignites an electric crowd! That superhero energy is contagious!
Into the tunnel. Wally West grabs a banana on the way and devours it. The staff told me Wally West sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Wally West picks up the offensive foul! A superhero charging like they charge at the game!
Donald Trump blows past away from the huddle! This all-time great in a dark place mentally!
Kim Jong-un is writing the story tonight! This once-in-a-lifetime player with a floater from mid-range!
Jeffrey Epstein airballs the potential winner! Competing the game is easier than this!
Kim Jong-un, this pint-sized baller, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
CaseOh has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Wally West has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-109 (W)
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump means business! Fast start at the buzzer!
Kim Jong-un with the huge ball recovery at the top of the key! This undisputed superstar says no!
Brick! CaseOh misfires in the paint! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
CaseOh finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a digital transformation consultant who's running late!
CaseOh positions perfectly in the restricted area! Placement of their bare hands on the game!
Into the tunnel. Kim Jong-un grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know Kim Jong-un keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
CaseOh ties it up! Evening things out with digital transformation consultant composure!
Donald Trump, this living legend, shuts down the play along the baseline! Lockdown defender!
CaseOh soaks in a cathedral silence! A digital transformation consultant savoring life beyond their bare hands!
Jeffrey Epstein with a deep three in the final minute! The philanthropist's last the game of the day!
Jeffrey Epstein dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a philanthropist's the game chart!
Wally West runs the full court high-fiving everyone. CaseOh follows doing the wave alone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-103 (L)
Kim Jong-un fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This hall-of-fame lock locked in!
This all-time great Kim Jong-un punishes the defense with a buzzer beater from way beyond the arc!
Donald Trump gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the risky picture on a rough day!
Kim Jong-un clanks another one off the rim! This generational talent needs to find rhythm!
Jeffrey Epstein keeps the faith! The faith of a philanthropist in the game!
End of the second quarter. Jeffrey Epstein is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little scoop: Jeffrey Epstein logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Donald Trump fouls at the worst time! A film producer tripping over the risky picture!
This household name Jeffrey Epstein gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Wally West told reporters: 'being a superhero and playing here, same fire!'
Jeffrey Epstein gets stripped at the last second! Stripped of the damn ball like a philanthropist stripped of their bare hands!
This guy nobody was talking about CaseOh shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Jeffrey Epstein's complexion is grey. Wally West's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
82-116 (L)
Wally West comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the superhero means business!
CaseOh, this combo guard, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Ego the size of Texas!
Donald Trump passes to nobody! This once-in-a-lifetime player with a head-scratching decision!
CaseOh gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a digital transformation consultant's worst day on the job!
Jeffrey Epstein looks to the heavens! A philanthropist praying for their bare hands to work!
Halftime whistle. Donald Trump spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Little scoop: Donald Trump tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Donald Trump, this tweener, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this household name!
Wally West waves for a timeout! The superhero needs the game break!
Stolen from Kim Jong-un! A politician who let it slip through their fingers!
Donald Trump buries their face! Hidden from view, the film producer can't watch!
CaseOh absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a digital transformation consultant knows tough days!
CaseOh turns back to look at the court one last time. Jeffrey Epstein doesn't turn around. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
93-102 (L)
This potential GOAT Donald Trump comes out firing! A buzzer beater in the first minute!
CaseOh misfires! The digital transformation consultant's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
This diamond in the rough Wally West with turnover number points! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Wally West gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Donald Trump scores at will! A devastating dunk at half court! This certified GOAT candidate domination!
Well-deserved break. Kim Jong-un looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Staff confession: Kim Jong-un is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Jeffrey Epstein storms to the bench! This first-ballot legend is visibly upset!
Kim Jong-un misses the layup! Even the public policy would have gone in easier!
Jeffrey Epstein traps with the double! Trapping them, the philanthropist knows how to corner prey!
Kim Jong-un, this little guy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
CaseOh walks off in defeat! Even a digital transformation consultant's skills couldn't save tonight!
Kim Jong-un chews his nails on the bench. Wally West stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
89-113 (L)
CaseOh steps onto the temple of basketball! From competing the game to this, game time!
The rim rejects Donald Trump! The rim says no! Even a film producer gets rejected sometimes!
Jeffrey Epstein with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Kim Jong-un, this small but mighty player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
Wally West nails a pull-up jumper with the ease of a superhero who competes the game. Natural!
Break! CaseOh rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Small detail: CaseOh wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Jeffrey Epstein walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
CaseOh bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
Kim Jong-un triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with politician urgency!
Wally West, this surprise package, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Jeffrey Epstein takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad philanthropist day!
Jeffrey Epstein turns back to look at the court one last time. Wally West doesn't turn around. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
85-129 (L)
Kim Jong-un gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a politician on day one!
CaseOh, this diamond in the rough, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Kim Jong-un, this undersized dog, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted on the low block!
Wally West loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Break! Jeffrey Epstein takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Small detail: Jeffrey Epstein whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Donald Trump, this absolute legend, sends the basketball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Donald Trump looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a film producer relieved of their loaded checkbook!
This newcomer CaseOh loses concentration and the basketball with it!
Wally West throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
Donald Trump vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their loaded checkbook reinforced with the risky picture!
Jeffrey Epstein punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Wally West slides down the wall to the floor. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
107-118 (L)
This dark horse Wally West opens the scoring! A hook shot! Early advantage!
Wally West shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a superhero would cringe!
Jeffrey Epstein dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a philanthropist like that!
Donald Trump gives up the back door! Limited stamina when overplaying!
Kim Jong-un posts up the basketball with a gym-rat work ethic. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
That's a wrap for now. Jeffrey Epstein dives into the tunnel. Little secret: Jeffrey Epstein has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Wally West mutters to himself walking back! This dude out of nowhere fighting inner demons!
Wally West, this who-is-this-guy player, pulls the trigger on the low block but no luck!
Kim Jong-un iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with politician focus!
Donald Trump is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the film producer is spent!
Jeffrey Epstein leaves the den quietly! Quiet as a philanthropist after the game setback!
Wally West claps his hands in frustration. Jeffrey Epstein clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
91-132 (L)
Wally West starts in the defensive anchor! Playing the defensive anchor the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Donald Trump just barely misses! Close as a film producer getting the risky picture almost right!
Donald Trump with the backcourt violation! This guy with rings on every finger under too much pressure!
CaseOh bites on the pump fake! This dude out of nowhere sent flying on the low block!
This basketball god Jeffrey Epstein stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break. Wally West asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Word is Wally West sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
CaseOh, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild bucket!
Kim Jong-un digs deep! Deep as a politician digs into the public policy!
This household name Donald Trump dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Kim Jong-un, this scrappy guard, throws the hands up! Exasperated from mid-range!
Donald Trump, this generational talent, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Wally West stares at the floor while CaseOh mutters something inaudible under his breath. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-99 (L)
Kim Jong-un, this basketball god, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, carves up the defense for a sky hook! Beautiful!
Kim Jong-un gets blown by! Even a politician couldn't stop that!
CaseOh misses! Even a digital transformation consultant can't fix that shot!
Kim Jong-un forces the turnover! This franchise cornerstone creating opportunities on both ends!
Halftime whistle! Kim Jong-un grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Little secret: Kim Jong-un has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Kim Jong-un misses the game-tying shot! Even a politician couldn't save that one!
Jeffrey Epstein picks up the second technical! This basketball god ejected! Ego the size of Texas!
Wally West dedicates this game to the game and every superhero who believed!
Kim Jong-un throws it away in the first quarter! A politician wasting their campaign podium at the worst time!
Jeffrey Epstein consoles teammates! The heart of a philanthropist in that moment!
Kim Jong-un and Jeffrey Epstein walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
98-123 (L)
Kim Jong-un takes the court to a hostile crowd! The politician with their campaign podium is here!
CaseOh fires and misses at the buzzer. Should have stuck with the game!
Kim Jong-un forces the pass! Forcing their campaign podium where it doesn't fit!
Kim Jong-un loses their assignment! Like losing their campaign podium in the workshop!
Donald Trump with another half-court heave! You can't stop this man!
The locker room fills up. Wally West has already eaten three oranges. The staff told me Wally West sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
This hidden prospect CaseOh throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
This hall-of-fame lock Donald Trump rattles it out! So close yet so far from mid-range!
This potential breakout star CaseOh with the savvy veteran play! A killer instinct experience showing!
Donald Trump, this absolute legend, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
This raw talent Wally West stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this raw talent wanted.
Wally West pulls his cap down over his eyes. Jeffrey Epstein doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-129 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate Kim Jong-un in the starting lineup! Let's see what this certified GOAT candidate brings!
Kim Jong-un, this small but mighty player, gets stuffed trying a free throw! Denied!
Jeffrey Epstein tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
Jeffrey Epstein, this combo guard, can't keep up with the speed! Heavy feet exposed!
Wally West drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a superhero's spirit has limits!
The locker room fills up. Jeffrey Epstein has already eaten three oranges. Juicy intel: Jeffrey Epstein turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
A free throw from Wally West goes in and out! Heartbreaking facing the rim!
CaseOh, this smooth operator, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Kim Jong-un loses possession! The public policy never leaves a politician's hands like that!
This who-is-this-guy player Wally West shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
CaseOh shakes hands through the pain! A digital transformation consultant who respects their bare hands and the game!
Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-122 (L)
Jeffrey Epstein wins the opening tip! Tipping off with philanthropist energy!
Donald Trump, this solid build, loses the handle and the opportunity! Heavy feet!
CaseOh, this do-it-all player, gets stripped under the basket! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
This generational talent Kim Jong-un fouls reaching in! Defense that's basically a suggestion on defense!
Kim Jong-un spins the towel! This certified GOAT candidate showing injury-prone body!
The players leave the court. Wally West clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Wally West knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Jeffrey Epstein with the contested thunderous slam driving to the hoop! No good! Bad selection!
Wally West short-arms the shot from fatigue! This guy nobody was talking about has nothing left!
CaseOh with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Jeffrey Epstein can't mask the disappointment! This guy with rings on every finger wearing it on the sleeve!
Jeffrey Epstein goes to work past the media. This living legend not in the mood to talk.
Donald Trump turns back to look at the court one last time. CaseOh doesn't turn around. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-130 (L)
Donald Trump fires up the crowd to open the game! This absolute legend starting strong!
Jeffrey Epstein misfires at the buzzer! Even this generational talent has off nights!
CaseOh, this swiss-army-knife type, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!
CaseOh can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Jeffrey Epstein shakes their head! A philanthropist who can't believe that just happened!
Halftime! Wally West checks his stats on the board and winces. Did you know Wally West entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Jeffrey Epstein, this living legend, comes up empty! A floater off target at the top of the key!
Jeffrey Epstein jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for competing the game tomorrow!
Wally West, this combo guard, gets the ball poked away! Occasional mental lapses when protecting the Spalding!
Kim Jong-un rises up angrily after the turnover! This hall-of-fame lock spiraling!
CaseOh looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a digital transformation consultant!
Wally West whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. CaseOh nods without conviction. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
The bbc finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Wally West.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... The bbc!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Wally West on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Wally West, his brother-in-law and a superhero by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Wally West can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
The bbc finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Wally West.
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