Timberwolves — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Timberwolves | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Timberwolves! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Paolo Banchero on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 208 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jesus Christ is on this team. Jesus Christ, who is a messiah and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
73-118 (L)
The game begins and Donald Trump is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!
Jesus Christ can't hit from the restricted area! That zone is cursed for this messiah!
Iron Man charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Iron Man gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Donald Trump slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an investor hits the workbench!
Halftime whistle. Donald Trump high-fives his teammates on the way out. Exclusive: Donald Trump was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
LaMelo Ball fires a deep three at half court but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Paolo Banchero short-arms the shot from fatigue! This hooper's hooper has nothing left!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Donald Trump mouths off at coming out of the locker room! An investor venting about the next venture!
Jesus Christ absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a messiah knows tough days!
Paolo Banchero sits on the floor in the hallway. Iron Man sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-92 (W)
Donald Trump steps onto the field house! From bankrolling the next venture to this, game time!
A reverse layup from Jesus Christ! That's eyes in the back of the head at the highest level!
Jesus Christ times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A left-handed block in the paint!
Paolo Banchero, this giant, runs the offense with freakish explosiveness! Beautiful passing!
This potential GOAT Donald Trump attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
The players disappear. Iron Man has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Rumor has it Iron Man tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This generational talent Iron Man with a cold-blooded devastating dunk! No conscience!
Opposing fans respect Jesus Christ! Even rivals admire a messiah's hustle!
Donald Trump makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the investor way!
LaMelo Ball, this long boy, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this established player right now!
Iron Man reflects on the game! The thoughtful reflection of a superhero after a big day!
Paolo Banchero does a backflip. Well, he tries. Iron Man applauds the effort. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
108-99 (W)
The den welcomes Iron Man! The superhero with the game has arrived!
Donald Trump answers back with an alley-oop! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
Paolo Banchero draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
Donald Trump threads the needle! Beautiful assist from downtown! Unreal court vision!
LaMelo Ball, this colossus, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Finally a breather. Jesus Christ has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Jesus Christ does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Jesus Christ, this once-in-a-lifetime player, threads the needle for a tear drop facing the rim!
The crowd is on its feet! A sold-out gym on fire as LaMelo Ball takes the court!
This next-level player LaMelo Ball swings the rock around! Insane court vision ball movement!
LaMelo Ball, this guy with a proven track record, has the intangibles! Next-level basketball IQ beyond the stats!
This up-and-coming baller LaMelo Ball thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Donald Trump climbs onto the scorer's table. LaMelo Ball joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
95-122 (L)
Paolo Banchero opens with an off-balance shot! This name that's buzzing making an early statement!
Jesus Christ, this first-ballot legend, comes up empty! A buzzer beater off target facing the rim!
This established player LaMelo Ball with turnover number lengths ahead! Limited stamina is piling up!
Paolo Banchero overcommits and gets beat! Tendency to force bad shots when reading the play!
A scoop layup from Paolo Banchero in the paint! That's a statement right there!
Heading in. Paolo Banchero's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Word is Paolo Banchero sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ, this household name, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
Paolo Banchero crosses over but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Jesus Christ slows the pace when the team needs it! This global icon tempo control!
This well-respected player Paolo Banchero can't close out! The legs are shot from the left corner!
Donald Trump walks off in defeat! Even an investor's skills couldn't save tonight!
LaMelo Ball's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Paolo Banchero breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
95-115 (L)
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
Paolo Banchero lets fly the leather into the front rim! That's frustrating for this seasoned vet!
Jesus Christ pulls up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Paolo Banchero turns the head and loses the man! This hooper's hooper napping defensively!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, overpowers for a pull-up jumper! Size matters!
Halftime! Donald Trump walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little scoop: Donald Trump collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
This hooper's hooper Paolo Banchero stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Jesus Christ can't connect! Their bare hands in hand, sure. The orange through the hoop, nope!
LaMelo Ball reads the defense perfectly! Nerves of steel and a sky-high basketball IQ!
This well-respected player LaMelo Ball can barely jump! The springs are gone from the right corner!
Paolo Banchero sits alone on the bench. This dude putting the league on notice processing the defeat.
Paolo Banchero has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. LaMelo Ball has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
110-91 (W)
This established player Paolo Banchero opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
A layup by Paolo Banchero! The building is rocking! This established player takeover!
Paolo Banchero picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
LaMelo Ball pinpoints the pass in the paint! Another assist for this dude putting the league on notice!
Iron Man draws the double team! Attracting attention, the superhero is a magnet out there!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! LaMelo Ball walks head down toward the tunnel. Did you know LaMelo Ball plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, posts up and delivers a deep three! Textbook!
Immense pressure as Paolo Banchero, this giant, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Jesus Christ fights through the screen for the team! That messiah toughness right there!
The narrative shifts! Donald Trump takes control with night-in night-out consistency!
Jesus Christ dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a messiah's the game chart!
Donald Trump and Iron Man act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Tonight I learned Donald Trump used to be a messiah before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-85 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the starting nod! A messiah starting with their bare hands confidence!
Donald Trump steps back the pill with iron discipline. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
LaMelo Ball a defensive stop at the critical moment! Nerves of steel right on cue!
This next-level player Paolo Banchero connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a layup!
Donald Trump uses that investor IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Back to the locker room. Paolo Banchero's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Paolo Banchero logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
LaMelo Ball pulls up the damn ball beautifully for a free throw! What touch!
Listen to that roar! Donald Trump dishes and the place explodes!
Donald Trump boxes out for the teammate! Making room like an investor with the next venture!
Iron Man proves that competing the game builds character for the palace of hoops!
Iron Man shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Donald Trump grabs Iron Man and hoists him onto his shoulders. Jesus Christ tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
93-97 (L)
Donald Trump stretches center court! Loosening up, the investor is getting ready!
Jesus Christ pulls off a two-handed slam out of nowhere! Was that basketball or messiah magic? Unbelievable!
Jesus Christ left in the dust! Even a messiah moves faster than that!
Donald Trump takes a tough euro-step and it doesn't go! Tendency to force bad shots in shot selection!
Jesus Christ cuts the deficit! Cutting through with their bare hands sharpness!
Break. Paolo Banchero collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Did you know Paolo Banchero entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Donald Trump, this certified GOAT candidate, air-balls in crunch time! The crowd is stunned!
Donald Trump is visibly upset! Upset as an investor when the next venture goes sideways!
This solid pro LaMelo Ball turns adversity into fuel! A world-class move energy!
Jesus Christ can't deliver! Even a messiah can't help in this the first quarter!
Donald Trump sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an investor after their portfolio ledger broke!
Iron Man walks head down toward the tunnel. Paolo Banchero drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-110 (L)
Donald Trump starts in the slasher! Playing the slasher way an investor plays with their portfolio ledger!
Iron Man, this lightning-quick little man, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
Turnover by Jesus Christ! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
A sky hook from Jesus Christ! This generational talent is putting on a show tonight!
Off to the locker room. LaMelo Ball has already drained two water bottles. I've been told LaMelo Ball always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Paolo Banchero slams the Spalding in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
LaMelo Ball, this seasoned vet, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
Donald Trump, this basketball god, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a euro-step!
Paolo Banchero drives but the legs won't cooperate! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
Iron Man vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
LaMelo Ball bites the inside of his cheek. Iron Man pinches the bridge of his nose. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-121 (L)
Paolo Banchero takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Iron Man can't finish! The superhero who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, gets stripped from downtown! Injury-prone body exposed!
Iron Man falls asleep on the weak side! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
This well-respected player Paolo Banchero with a vintage euro-step! The old magic is still there!
The locker room fills up. Paolo Banchero has already eaten three oranges. Fun fact: Paolo Banchero is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Donald Trump storms to the bench! This global icon is visibly upset!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the separation but can't finish! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a messiah behind the game!
Jesus Christ calls for the sub! Even a messiah's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Jesus Christ looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a messiah!
Iron Man's complexion is grey. LaMelo Ball's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-107 (W)
Iron Man locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
LaMelo Ball, this giant, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Donald Trump misses the layup! Even the next venture would have gone in easier!
What a play by Donald Trump! A scoop layup on the low block! This household name is cooking!
LaMelo Ball spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Jesus Christ keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Jesus Christ converts at the line in a Finals-like atmosphere! Focus of a messiah with their bare hands!
This first-ballot legend Iron Man anchors the defense from the left corner! Nothing gets through!
Iron Man's fan section holds up the game! The superhero army is loud!
Iron Man nails it at the buzzer! Delivered on time like a superhero meeting a deadline!
Paolo Banchero hugs the coach! This dude putting the league on notice with a complete performance!
Iron Man and Jesus Christ leap onto each other like kids. Paolo Banchero comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
98-112 (L)
Iron Man, this all-time great, draws first blood! A bank shot to start!
Iron Man forces a bad step-back three! This generational talent needs to trust teammates!
Stolen from Jesus Christ! A messiah who let it slip through their fingers!
LaMelo Ball, this mammoth, fouls unnecessarily facing the rim! Sometimes predictable game!
Donald Trump, this versatile guy, muscles in for a fadeaway jumper! Pure power!
Time to breathe. LaMelo Ball has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Rumor has it LaMelo Ball does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Paolo Banchero mutters to himself walking back! This up-and-coming baller fighting inner demons!
Paolo Banchero, this towering presence, gets the look from way beyond the arc but the lid's on the rim!
Iron Man traps with the double! Trapping them, the superhero knows how to corner prey!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, looks exhausted from way beyond the arc! The legs are gone!
This guy with a proven track record Paolo Banchero shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Iron Man slams his fist on the bench. Donald Trump places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I learned backstage that Donald Trump also does messiah on weekends. That explains those reflexes. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-121 (L)
This established player LaMelo Ball gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Air ball from Jesus Christ! Being a messiah doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Iron Man throws it into the stands! What was that from this guy with rings on every finger!
LaMelo Ball gets crossed over! This guy with a proven track record left frozen under the basket!
Donald Trump shakes their head! An investor who can't believe that just happened!
Halftime. Donald Trump's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know Donald Trump plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Paolo Banchero, this big fella, gets stuffed trying a reverse layup! Denied!
Iron Man cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the rock double duty!
Donald Trump throws it out of bounds! Like launching their portfolio ledger into the void!
Paolo Banchero, this walking skyscraper, sits down hard on the bench! Injury-prone body written all over his face!
Jesus Christ leaves the hardwood with dignity! The dignity of a messiah with their bare hands!
Donald Trump chews his nails on the bench. Iron Man stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
97-111 (L)
Iron Man announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Paolo Banchero, this tower, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Lack of consistency!
Paolo Banchero loses the leather in traffic! This seasoned vet can't afford that!
Iron Man gets posted up and scored on! This certified GOAT candidate overpowered!
This legit talent LaMelo Ball goes to work at the buzzer! A step-back three drops beautifully!
That's a wrap for now. Donald Trump dives into the tunnel. Anecdote of the day: Donald Trump forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Donald Trump drops their shoulders! Deflated, even an investor's spirit has limits!
Paolo Banchero, this league veteran, pulls the trigger facing the rim but no luck!
Jesus Christ goes small-ball! Adapting like a messiah who reads the room!
Iron Man, this global icon, is dragging! The 48 regulation minutes minutes taking their toll!
This respected competitor Paolo Banchero congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this respected competitor.
Donald Trump looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Iron Man looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-116 (L)
Tip-off! Paolo Banchero gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their bare hands can save that!
Iron Man with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
LaMelo Ball, this 7-footer, gets dunked on in the paint! Poster material!
A hook shot by Paolo Banchero driving to the hoop! Next-level basketball IQ in every fiber!
Halftime whistle. LaMelo Ball has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Exclusive: LaMelo Ball was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Iron Man, this little guy, shows negative body language! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
Brick! Paolo Banchero misfires at half court! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Jesus Christ calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's messiah mentality!
Jesus Christ tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a messiah's energy for the game!
Iron Man, this all-time great, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
LaMelo Ball pulls his cap down over his eyes. Paolo Banchero doesn't have a cap, and it shows. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Timberwolves finishes #11 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Paolo Banchero.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Timberwolves!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Paolo Banchero on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 208 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jesus Christ is on this team. Jesus Christ, who is a messiah and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
Timberwolves finishes #11 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Paolo Banchero.
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