tuff — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | tuff | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Tuff! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Spider-Man! Picture this: standing at 178 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Spider-Man. The man. Is. A superhero. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhero. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhero and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
75-119 (L)
General Grievous, this well-respected player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Hulk forces a bucket facing the rim! This franchise cornerstone trying too hard!
This undisputed superstar Jeffrey Epstein dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
General Grievous caught flat-footed! Standing still, the military personnel reflexes took a nap!
Jeffrey Epstein slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a philanthropist hits the workbench!
Both teams head to the locker room. Ben Tennyson wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little scoop: Ben Tennyson logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back! The players look fired up.
Hulk explodes but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
Hulk plays through exhaustion! The endurance of discoverring the hidden truth daily!
Hulk launches into a dead end in transition! Turnover! Heavy feet!
Hulk buries their face! Hidden from view, the scientist can't watch!
Hulk walks off in defeat! Even a scientist's skills couldn't save tonight!
Spider-Man's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. General Grievous breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
129-84 (W)
Ben Tennyson sets the tone early! The association football player came to play tonight!
Ben Tennyson hits nothing but net! Pure as an association football player's work with their football boots!
Ben Tennyson with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open free throw!
Jeffrey Epstein tallies another one! This philanthropist keeps racking them up!
Ben Tennyson, this versatile guy, contests everything under the basket! Insane court vision on full display!
Halftime. Ben Tennyson glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Little scoop: Ben Tennyson tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
The crowd erupts as Spider-Man nails a step-back three! A superhero on fire at the gym!
General Grievous even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
General Grievous blows past and the orange goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Ben Tennyson mimes scoring after scoring! The crowd loves it!
Hulk hugs the coach! This undisputed superstar with a complete performance!
Hulk and Spider-Man share a 30-second hug. General Grievous wants in. Gets pushed away. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
125-97 (W)
Spider-Man fires away into position! This franchise cornerstone not wasting any time!
Spider-Man handles the ball like their bare hands. A bank shot back to the basket! The precision of a superhero!
Jeffrey Epstein switches seamlessly! Versatile as a philanthropist switching between their bare hands and the game!
Jeffrey Epstein with the touch pass! This potential GOAT barely had the orange and found the man!
This dude putting the league on notice General Grievous calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Well-deserved break. General Grievous looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Juicy intel: General Grievous turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Ben Tennyson explodes with the precision of an association football player at work. And it's an alley-oop!
Camera pans to Jeffrey Epstein's philanthropist colleagues in the stands! Philanthropist solidarity!
Jeffrey Epstein picks up the assignment! Locked in, the philanthropist accepts the mission!
This living legend Spider-Man flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
General Grievous puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a military personnel wrapping up the job!
Spider-Man grabs General Grievous and hoists him onto his shoulders. Jeffrey Epstein tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
119-80 (W)
General Grievous, this seasoned vet, embraces the boiling cauldron! Game on!
A fadeaway jumper! General Grievous cannot be stopped tonight! This up-and-coming baller is locked in!
Jeffrey Epstein lobs it perfectly! Arcing it with precision worthy of their bare hands!
General Grievous treats the rock like the frontline and sinks it. Easy as pie for a military personnel!
Spider-Man times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A ball recovery at the buzzer!
Finally a breather. Spider-Man has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Confession: Spider-Man believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Hulk nails an off-balance shot from deep! Range like their lab notebook reaching across the workshop!
Spider-Man stat-pads without shame! Filling the box score like a resume!
Ben Tennyson just analyzed the play using association football player terminology! Makes sense actually!
Jeffrey Epstein chest-bumps after a bank shot! Impact worthy of a philanthropist victory!
Jeffrey Epstein walks off the field house victorious! A philanthropist who conquered it all tonight!
Jeffrey Epstein and Ben Tennyson swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
115-107 (W)
Ben Tennyson gets the starting nod! An association football player starting with their football boots confidence!
Ben Tennyson just treated the leather way they treat the winning goal. A thunderous slam, bang!
Hulk slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Ridiculous creativity in every step!
Hulk, this combo guard, runs the offense with eyes in the back of the head! Beautiful passing!
Jeffrey Epstein spaces the floor! Making room out there like a philanthropist clears the workspace!
Rest. General Grievous buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Juicy anecdote: General Grievous was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Spider-Man with the fadeaway deep three! Smooth as their bare hands in action!
The road crowd tries to rally but Hulk silences them! Immense pressure!
Spider-Man draws the attention! Magnetic presence, the superhero aura is undeniable!
Spider-Man, the superhero from the day shift, is writing their story on the floor tonight!
Ben Tennyson penetrates into the tunnel with the W! This hidden prospect all smiles!
Jeffrey Epstein, Ben Tennyson, and Spider-Man pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-112 (L)
Ben Tennyson checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Ben Tennyson bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
Ben Tennyson dribbles it off their foot! Their football boots would never betray an association football player like that!
Jeffrey Epstein overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
General Grievous scores the go-ahead! A military personnel who always finishes the job on time!
Players head to the locker room. General Grievous has tape on three fingers. Did you know? General Grievous has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Ben Tennyson throws their hands up! Like an association football player when their football boots breaks!
Hulk launches from deep and misses! A scientist's range doesn't apply here!
Jeffrey Epstein triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with philanthropist urgency!
General Grievous bends over during the dead ball! This league veteran gathering what's left!
Jeffrey Epstein, this combo guard, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Hulk rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. General Grievous picks up his own and folds it carefully. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-107 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
General Grievous walls up in the perimeter! Immovable as their service rifle bolted down!
Jeffrey Epstein goes 0 for the quarter! A philanthropist having a rough shift with their bare hands!
General Grievous finishes with flair! Showmanship of a military personnel presenting the frontline!
General Grievous, this up-and-coming baller, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a euro-step!
Halftime whistle! General Grievous slides down against the hallway wall. Little secret: General Grievous has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
General Grievous converts the and-one in traffic! Tough as defending the frontline in a crowd!
Spider-Man an iron-wall defense and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
A standing ovation as General Grievous warms up with some military personnel moves!
Hulk scores the go-ahead! Leading from the front, true scientist mentality!
Ben Tennyson soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, an association football player savoring glory!
General Grievous charges toward the crowd. Ben Tennyson catches him just before he dives into the stands. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
91-121 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Hulk! The scientist with the hidden truth has arrived!
This who-is-this-guy player Ben Tennyson rattles it out! So close yet so far on the low block!
Jeffrey Epstein loses the ball in traffic! This living legend can't afford that!
Spider-Man, this pint-sized baller, gets dunked on along the baseline! Poster material!
A pull-up jumper from General Grievous! That's an off-the-charts basketball IQ at the highest level!
Break! Spider-Man rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Staff confession: Spider-Man is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Spider-Man drops the head after another miss! Defense that's basically a suggestion sapping the confidence!
General Grievous misses! Even a military personnel can't fix that shot!
General Grievous uses a fast-break offense brilliantly! Strategy from defending the frontline!
Ben Tennyson calls for the sub! Even an association football player's stamina with their football boots has limits!
This global icon Jeffrey Epstein stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this global icon wanted.
Ben Tennyson slams his fist on the bench. Spider-Man places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-109 (L)
Spider-Man announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Spider-Man puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their bare hands can save that!
Jeffrey Epstein loses the basketball! A philanthropist would never be this careless!
General Grievous gets posted up and scored on! This player on the come-up overpowered!
This player making noise General Grievous punishes the defense with a two-handed slam on the low block!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jeffrey Epstein walks head down toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Jeffrey Epstein logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
General Grievous looks to the heavens! A military personnel praying for their service rifle to work!
General Grievous, this seasoned vet, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
General Grievous launches to the weak side! This well-respected player exploiting the rotation!
Ben Tennyson tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like an association football player's energy for the winning goal!
Jeffrey Epstein absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a philanthropist knows tough days!
Jeffrey Epstein closes his eyes walking out. Ben Tennyson keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Ben Tennyson. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
113-106 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein huddles with the team! Huddling up, the philanthropist strategizes!
General Grievous punishes the defense! A military personnel punishing the frontline with precision!
Ben Tennyson reads the play perfectly! That association football player brain working overtime!
Ben Tennyson with the no-look pass! Scoring the winning goal blindfolded!
Spider-Man adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the superhero approach!
Both teams head in. Spider-Man has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Quick anecdote about Spider-Man: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Hulk with another two-handed slam! You can't stop this man!
Deafening noise! Ben Tennyson crosses over and the building shakes!
Hulk provides the spark! Electric energy, the scientist is firing on all cylinders!
This rising star Ben Tennyson turns adversity into fuel! An All-Star Game worthy play energy!
Spider-Man ends on a high note! A superhero who finishes strong every time!
Jeffrey Epstein does a belly slide on the court. Ben Tennyson does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-112 (L)
Tip-off! Spider-Man gets us started! Let's go!
Spider-Man scores with their bare hands, no, with their hands! But the precision is the same!
Ben Tennyson watches them score! Just watching, like watching their football boots gather dust!
Hulk shoots but overcooks it! Hot head showing up again!
General Grievous lets fly and the deficit melts! He's on an unstoppable run!
Break. Jeffrey Epstein's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Jeffrey Epstein tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Spider-Man sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the superhero touch is off tonight!
Ben Tennyson crosses over the towel! This unknown gem showing occasional mental lapses!
Jeffrey Epstein is living proof that philanthropist can thrive on the venue!
General Grievous can't convert in the first quarter! This dude putting the league on notice shrinks in the moment!
Hulk walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to scientist life tomorrow!
General Grievous's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Spider-Man hides his eyes under a towel. I learned backstage that Spider-Man also does philanthropist on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-119 (L)
Ben Tennyson stretches center court! Loosening up, the association football player is getting ready!
The rim rejects Spider-Man! The rim says no! Even a superhero gets rejected sometimes!
Ben Tennyson with a wild pass that sails out! This hungry young player giving it away!
Ben Tennyson left in the dust! Even an association football player moves faster than that!
Hulk fades away and it's an alley-oop! This living legend proving the doubters wrong!
The players head to the locker room. Jeffrey Epstein is sweating like a racehorse. Fun fact: Jeffrey Epstein blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Hulk walks away muttering! Muttering about the hidden truth under their breath!
Brick! Spider-Man misfires from the right corner! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Hulk, this basketball god, manipulates the defense with the eyes! That dawg mentality!
Hulk jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for discoverring the hidden truth tomorrow!
Ben Tennyson shakes hands through the pain! An association football player who respects their football boots and the game!
General Grievous takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jeffrey Epstein follows the same path. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
104-95 (W)
General Grievous bounces the leather pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Ben Tennyson scores on the putback! Recycling the winning goal is second nature for an association football player!
Jeffrey Epstein blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Hulk picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with scientist precision!
Jeffrey Epstein pins the defender! Pinning them down with philanthropist authority!
Halftime whistle. Jeffrey Epstein spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Jeffrey Epstein slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
General Grievous gets the friendly bounce! Even the Wilson respects a military personnel!
The crowd collectively holds its breath for Spider-Man's shot! You could hear a pin drop!
Spider-Man, this basketball god, rotates on defense! An unmatched feel for the game team commitment!
Hulk's scientist background shines through every play with the hidden truth!
Hulk wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their lab notebook and the rock!
General Grievous gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Jeffrey Epstein gives his shoes. Ben Tennyson gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
104-101 (W)
General Grievous gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a military personnel on day one!
This established player General Grievous forces the bad pass! Iron discipline creating turnovers!
General Grievous misfires on the floater! Too much float, the military personnel touch abandoned them!
Ben Tennyson, this potential breakout star, reads the play perfectly and delivers a free throw!
General Grievous fires away with purpose every possession! This established player chess master!
Break! Spider-Man rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. I've been told Spider-Man always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
General Grievous with the clutch rebound! This respected competitor fighting for every ball!
Ben Tennyson with the defensive rebound! Secured like only an association football player can!
Hulk, this global icon, waves the crowd up! A boiling cauldron rising!
General Grievous, this established player, keeps the team alive! A deep three in the fourth quarter!
Ben Tennyson tallied double figures! Double the winning goal, double the glory!
Jeffrey Epstein performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Ben Tennyson imitates it. It's worse. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-112 (L)
Ben Tennyson starts in the floor general! Playing the floor general the way an association football player plays with their football boots!
General Grievous misses at the buzzer! A military personnel who missed the deadline!
General Grievous shoots the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this legit talent!
Hulk beaten to the spot! Slower than a scientist on a Monday morning!
General Grievous pops the jumper! Clean as their service rifle after a polish!
Break! General Grievous rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Fun fact: General Grievous was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Hulk, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Heavy feet creeping in!
Spider-Man misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
This generational talent Spider-Man adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
Spider-Man misses the rotation! Too tired, like a superhero too tired for the game!
This hidden prospect Ben Tennyson shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Hulk is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. General Grievous waits at the tunnel entrance. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
tuff ends the season #9 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Spider-Man.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Tuff!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Spider-Man! Picture this: standing at 178 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Spider-Man. The man. Is. A superhero. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhero. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhero and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
tuff ends the season #9 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Spider-Man.
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