My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | New York Over-Timers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Houston Blast-Off | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Domantas Sabonis. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 208 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. The chef's surprise of the evening is Democritus. A philosopher by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the nature of truth with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-104 (L)
This seasoned vet Domantas Sabonis comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper from downtown!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, gets the look but can't convert off the pick and roll!
DeMar DeRozan passes to nobody! This solid pro with a head-scratching decision!
Zach LaVine, this long boy, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
Zach LaVine scores with next-level basketball IQ. An off-balance shot under the basket! Too smooth!
Break. Zach LaVine asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little secret: Zach LaVine listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We're back! The players look fired up.
DeMar DeRozan, this up-and-coming baller, refuses to high-five! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the chemistry!
Zach LaVine takes off the Spalding into the front rim! That's frustrating for this next-level player!
Democritus, this swiss-army-knife type, exploits the mismatch from the left corner! Smart play!
Domantas Sabonis rises up but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
This name that's buzzing DeMar DeRozan tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
DeMar DeRozan's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Democritus hides his eyes under a towel. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
115-78 (W)
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Zach LaVine knocks down a two-handed slam in the paint! Ice in the veins!
Zach LaVine reads the defense like a book! Assist from the right corner! Pure God-given talent!
Zach LaVine scores at will! A step-back three facing the rim! This player making noise domination!
Godzilla plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this big-name player!
Intermission. Godzilla dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Juicy anecdote: Godzilla was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This up-and-coming baller Domantas Sabonis is automatic at the top of the key! A buzzer beater drops again!
Domantas Sabonis pulls up with confidence! The game is well in hand for this well-respected player!
Is Democritus dribbling or questioning the nature of truth? Hard to tell from here!
Domantas Sabonis lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Domantas Sabonis, this tower, celebrates the win! A raised fist! What a game!
Democritus and Zach LaVine form a tunnel for Domantas Sabonis to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-95 (W)
Godzilla opens with a buzzer beater! This world-class player making an early statement!
Democritus, this combo guard, rises above and hammers a scoop layup!
Domantas Sabonis a crucial offensive board with authority! This giant protecting the paint!
This jersey-selling name Godzilla with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Democritus positions perfectly in the paint! Placement of their thought experiment on the nature of truth!
Halftime. Zach LaVine wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know? Zach LaVine once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
DeMar DeRozan, this well-respected player, threads the needle for a deep three from mid-range!
Zach LaVine crosses over in front of the home faithful! Palpable tension! Beautiful!
Domantas Sabonis, this walking skyscraper, boxes out for the teammate! This legit talent doing the dirty work!
This legit talent Zach LaVine is living their best moment right now in the paint!
Final buzzer! Godzilla is the hero! This elite player with a game for the ages!
Domantas Sabonis does a handstand. Godzilla holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
130-85 (W)
This certified bucket Godzilla comes out firing! A step-back three in the first minute!
Zach LaVine dishes the damn ball with insane court vision. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Domantas Sabonis with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
A deep three from Domantas Sabonis back to the basket! That's a certified bucket-getter!
DeMar DeRozan slides to the passing lane and steals it! An unmatched feel for the game!
Back in the locker room, Domantas Sabonis sits down and stares at the ceiling. Locker room anecdote: Domantas Sabonis talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Domantas Sabonis with insane court vision finds the angle for a pull-up jumper!
Zach LaVine launches and it's too easy! The lead is ballooning! Mercy rule!
DeMar DeRozan calls a timeout team doesn't have! This established player lost count!
Zach LaVine with the finger to the lips to hush the crowd after the and-one! This legit talent is fired up!
Zach LaVine, this name that's buzzing, embraces the teammates! A primal scream! Sweet victory!
Godzilla runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Behind the scenes, I learned DeMar DeRozan was also a philosopher in a past life. You can feel it in the game. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
115-109 (W)
DeMar DeRozan drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this player on the come-up!
A euro-step from Domantas Sabonis! This league veteran reminding everyone why they're on top!
DeMar DeRozan rejects the layup! A sky-high block by this long boy! Get that out!
Domantas Sabonis dunks and dishes! Gorgeous feed along the baseline! Silky smooth technique!
This seasoned vet Domantas Sabonis runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Halftime! Domantas Sabonis walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Fun fact: Domantas Sabonis failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Godzilla with the smooth off-balance shot! This headliner making it look easy!
Palpable tension fills the arena! This undisputed superstar Democritus feeds off the energy!
Zach LaVine, this player making noise, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
This name that's buzzing Zach LaVine channels the inner champion! Night-in night-out consistency at its peak!
Democritus, this certified GOAT candidate, points to the crowd! A fist pump toward the bench! This was for the fans!
DeMar DeRozan takes Democritus by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-120 (L)
Democritus lands the first euro-step! First blood! The philosopher strikes first!
This All-Star caliber talent Godzilla short-arms a reverse layup under the basket! Not enough lift!
Democritus coughs it up! A philosopher's grip doesn't work on the basketball!
DeMar DeRozan gets crossed over! This guy with a proven track record left frozen from the left corner!
DeMar DeRozan drives past everyone for a half-court heave! This giant on a mission!
First half is done. Democritus is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Anecdote: Democritus fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Zach LaVine gets a technical for complaining! Lack of consistency on full display!
Democritus skips it off the rim! The nature of truth has better hop than that!
Democritus, this first-ballot legend, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A killer instinct!
Domantas Sabonis fires away sluggishly! Ego the size of Texas catching up with this dude putting the league on notice!
Democritus walks off in defeat! Even a philosopher's skills couldn't save tonight!
Godzilla isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Domantas Sabonis tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
84-122 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Democritus catches the ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This seasoned vet DeMar DeRozan rattles it out! So close yet so far at half court!
This league veteran Zach LaVine gets pickpocketed off the pick and roll! Sloppy handling!
DeMar DeRozan, this 7-footer, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Godzilla drives away from the huddle! This top-tier talent in a dark place mentally!
Time to breathe. Zach LaVine has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Did you know? Zach LaVine has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
DeMar DeRozan, this big fella, can't finish back to the basket! That one stings!
DeMar DeRozan is gassed! This solid pro bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Zach LaVine with the backcourt violation! This player making noise under too much pressure!
This guy with a proven track record DeMar DeRozan slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Zach LaVine sits alone on the bench. This league veteran processing the defeat.
Zach LaVine lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Democritus holds his in. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-97 (W)
This all-time great Democritus gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a surgical steal!
Domantas Sabonis, this well-respected player, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target in the paint!
Godzilla with the and-one deep three! Natural-born leadership through the whistle!
This next-level player Domantas Sabonis adjusts the angle mid-drive! Nerves of steel body control!
Rest time. Democritus isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. They say Democritus eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Zach LaVine, this mammoth, comes up big! A sky hook on the inbound pass! Legend!
Democritus with a crucial offensive board! The reflexes of a philosopher catching the nature of truth!
Deafening noise! Zach LaVine fades away and the building shakes!
Domantas Sabonis, this legit talent, keeps composure and delivers a finger roll! Next-level basketball IQ!
Zach LaVine walks off the arena victorious! This solid pro owns this moment!
DeMar DeRozan and Godzilla leap onto each other like kids. Democritus comes sprinting in and crushes them both. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-114 (L)
Democritus gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a philosopher on day one!
Godzilla with a wild attempt! This world-class player not finding the range tonight!
This next-level player Zach LaVine with turnover number buckets! Heavy feet is piling up!
This established player DeMar DeRozan caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Democritus, this generational talent, knifes through for a two-handed slam along the baseline! Wow!
Break time. Democritus bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Democritus collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This legit talent DeMar DeRozan hangs the head after the miss! Deflated on the low block!
Godzilla with the off-balance free throw! This reliable star couldn't set the feet!
This established player DeMar DeRozan adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This seasoned vet DeMar DeRozan has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Zach LaVine walks off in silence. This guy with a proven track record gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Godzilla kicks his towel across the floor. Domantas Sabonis has already left for the locker room, alone. Evening confession: I'm wearing Godzilla's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-100 (L)
The game begins and Domantas Sabonis is ready! You can see insane court vision written all over his face!
Domantas Sabonis, this absolute unit, loses the handle and the opportunity! Heavy feet!
Godzilla penetrates carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
DeMar DeRozan falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
This reliable star Godzilla goes to work at the buzzer! A fadeaway jumper drops beautifully!
Well-deserved break. DeMar DeRozan looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Rumor has it DeMar DeRozan talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
DeMar DeRozan, this mountain of a man, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
Domantas Sabonis, this player making noise, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the right corner!
Zach LaVine drives with purpose every possession! This next-level player chess master!
Godzilla, this all-around player, laboring up and down! Lack of consistency draining the energy!
This guy with a proven track record Domantas Sabonis stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this guy with a proven track record wanted.
Godzilla and Zach LaVine share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-104 (L)
Opening possession for Democritus! First touch, like first touch of their thought experiment!
Godzilla can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this top-tier talent!
This certified GOAT candidate Democritus commits the offensive foul! Turnover from way beyond the arc!
Domantas Sabonis, this walking skyscraper, gets dunked on from way beyond the arc! Poster material!
Domantas Sabonis converts a tough sky hook from mid-range! Skill level: elite!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Godzilla picks up the pace. Rumor has it Godzilla has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Democritus stares in disbelief! The look of a philosopher who just lost everything!
A two-handed slam by Domantas Sabonis from the left corner is way off! Tough night for this seasoned vet!
Godzilla, this all-around player, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Zach LaVine grabs the shorts! This guy with a proven track record is running on fumes!
Domantas Sabonis, this player making noise, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Domantas Sabonis walks head down toward the tunnel. DeMar DeRozan drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Domantas Sabonis's name. Forgive me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
105-103 (W)
Tip-off! Domantas Sabonis gets us started! Let's go!
This well-respected player Domantas Sabonis with the weak-side iron-wall defense! Incredible help!
This top-tier talent Godzilla throws up a prayer along the baseline! Not answered!
DeMar DeRozan, this mountain of a man, glides to from way beyond the arc for a silky buzzer beater!
Zach LaVine, this mountain of a man, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Break time. Democritus bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Intel: Democritus refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Zach LaVine with the pressure-proof thunderous slam at the top of the key! During crunch time!
Godzilla, this smooth operator, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Domantas Sabonis, this colossus, basks in a crowd fully behind them! This is home!
Zach LaVine spins and drills it! In the money time! Pure God-given talent under pressure!
DeMar DeRozan, this tree of a man, salutes the faithful! A primal scream! What a night!
DeMar DeRozan performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Domantas Sabonis imitates it. It's worse. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
99-108 (L)
Godzilla takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
DeMar DeRozan launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Domantas Sabonis gets screened out of the play! This player on the come-up lost in traffic!
DeMar DeRozan dunks past the defense for a pull-up jumper! Size advantage from this this giant!
Halftime! DeMar DeRozan is limping slightly heading off the court. Juicy intel: DeMar DeRozan turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This well-respected player Domantas Sabonis throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
This name that's buzzing Domantas Sabonis muscles up a bank shot but can't get it to fall!
Democritus creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, philosopher-level thinking!
Democritus is gassed! More tired than after a full day of questioning the nature of truth!
DeMar DeRozan had the chances but couldn't convert. This next-level player left wanting.
Zach LaVine isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Democritus tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
108-117 (L)
DeMar DeRozan, this player on the come-up, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Domantas Sabonis, this towering presence, can't get a bank shot to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Domantas Sabonis, this titan, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
Domantas Sabonis gives up the back door! Limited stamina when overplaying!
This guy with rings on every finger Democritus with a beautiful floater driving to the hoop! Poetry in motion!
Break. Domantas Sabonis collapses next to the vending machine. Rumor has it Domantas Sabonis has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Domantas Sabonis steps back and kicks the stanchion! This seasoned vet losing composure!
Brick! Godzilla misfires along the baseline! Hot head at the worst time!
This next-level player DeMar DeRozan sets the back screen! Pure God-given talent off-ball contribution!
Democritus grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their thought experiment in the workshop!
Democritus, this first-ballot legend, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Zach LaVine whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Domantas Sabonis nods without conviction. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
89-134 (L)
DeMar DeRozan looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
Godzilla fires a two-handed slam from downtown but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Godzilla fades away the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this headliner!
Domantas Sabonis lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this well-respected player fooled!
Godzilla, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the buzzer!
Break. Domantas Sabonis's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Small detail: Domantas Sabonis wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Democritus shanks it from the low post! Questioning the nature of truth uses different muscles!
Zach LaVine, this giant, with tired legs from way beyond the arc! Shaky emotions under pressure slowing this well-respected player down!
Godzilla with the lazy pass! Tendency to rush leading to easy points!
Godzilla, this guy everybody knows, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
Domantas Sabonis reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
Democritus bites the inside of his cheek. Godzilla pinches the bridge of his nose. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Domantas Sabonis.
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Season journal
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