Pesce — basketball_team 🇮🇹
5 membri · TeamBranch
Diario di stagione
Classifica
| # | Team | V | S | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Pesce | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-stagione
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. Ladies and gentlemen... Pesce! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Victor Wembanyama. The man. The beast. Standing at 224 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Gesù, his brother-in-law and a messia by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Gesù can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Giornata 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
107-103 (V)
Tip-off! Victor Wembanyama gets us started! Let's go!
This all-time great Michael Jordan with the weak-side sky-high block! Incredible help!
Gesù misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Stephen Curry with the highlight-reel scoop layup! This franchise guy owning the moment!
Michael Jordan slows the pace when the team needs it! This franchise cornerstone tempo control!
Break. Batman collapses next to the vending machine. They say Batman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama answers back immediately! A thunderous slam in the paint! Resilient!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Listen to that roar! Batman spins and the place explodes!
Batman with the pressure-proof pull-up jumper from way beyond the arc! After a timeout!
Batman daps up the opposition! Class act, on and off the court!
Stephen Curry and Gesù freestyle a victory rap. Michael Jordan does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. I learned tonight that Stephen Curry used to be a messia. That explains the unique running style. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Giornata 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
115-76 (V)
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama opens the scoring! A buzzer beater! Early advantage!
Stephen Curry with the tough and-one through contact! This certified bucket won't be denied!
Batman threads the needle! Beautiful assist off the pick and roll! Unreal court vision!
This certified GOAT candidate Gesù capitalizes at the top of the key! A pull-up jumper with freakish explosiveness!
Victor Wembanyama a defensive rebound with authority! This long boy protecting the paint!
Break! Victor Wembanyama takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
A pull-up jumper by Michael Jordan from downtown! Ridiculous creativity in every fiber!
Stephen Curry with a showtime pull-up jumper! This guy everybody knows enjoying every second!
Batman launches and the mouthguard falls apart! Wardrobe malfunction!
Gesù pumps the fist! This living legend feeling it at the top of the key! A chest bump!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, high-fives the bench! A chest bump! Team effort!
Batman grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Gesù applauds. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Gesù. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Giornata 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
108-111 (S)
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! A buzzer-beater to start!
A euro-step from Gesù! That's insane court vision at the highest level!
Stephen Curry loses the screen battle! Tendency to force bad shots around the picks!
Batman launches an and-one and... Airball! Occasional mental lapses at its peak!
Gesù completes the comeback! Complete as a messia completing the game!
The locker room. Stephen Curry sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Stephen Curry tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Stephen Curry misfires on the potential dagger! This jersey-selling name lets them off the hook!
Batman slams the damn ball in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Michael Jordan drives like a player possessed! That dawg mentality unleashed!
Michael Jordan misses the wide-open look with seconds left on the clock! This basketball god will regret that!
This living legend Batman stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this living legend wanted.
Stephen Curry kicks his towel across the floor. Gesù has already left for the locker room, alone. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Giornata 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
110-94 (V)
The game begins and Gesù is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
This established star Stephen Curry with a picture-perfect sky hook! The crowd goes wild!
Gesù walls up in the low post! Immovable as their bare hands bolted down!
Gesù sets up the easy score! Easy as a messia setting up their bare hands!
Gesù schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true messia!
Halftime. Stephen Curry throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Stephen Curry got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Batman with a tear drop in the paint! Competing the game in tight spaces!
Michael Jordan lets fly in front of the home faithful! An electric crowd! Beautiful!
Batman takes the charge for the team! Heart of a supereroe, sacrifice of a warrior!
Michael Jordan attacks into the record books! This generational talent making memories!
Stephen Curry tosses the orange in the air! A chest bump! This established star mission accomplished!
Gesù grabs Michael Jordan and hoists him onto his shoulders. Stephen Curry tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Giornata 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
131-86 (V)
Gesù explodes into position! This living legend not wasting any time!
Batman dribbles with the precision of a supereroe at work. And it's an and-one!
Michael Jordan with the alley-oop pass! This colossus throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Victor Wembanyama, this league veteran, unleashes a two-handed slam driving to the hoop! Bang!
Batman, this swiss-army-knife type, contests everything back to the basket! That dawg mentality on full display!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Michael Jordan to massage his thighs. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Michael Jordan, this colossus, dominates from the right corner and puts up a thunderous slam! Unstoppable!
Stephen Curry lets fly and it's too easy! The lead is ballooning! Mercy rule!
Stephen Curry crosses over and bumps into the mascot on the sideline! Entertainment!
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, cups the ear to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! They want more!
It's over! Batman delivers the goods! This living legend walks off a winner!
Stephen Curry improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Michael Jordan plays the imaginary violin. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Giornata 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-110 (S)
Gesù locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messia who means business!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, drops a sky hook from the right corner! Pure artistry!
Stephen Curry lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this big-name player fooled!
Michael Jordan blows past the damn ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Michael Jordan sparks the comeback! A euro-step from mid-range! This absolute legend leads the charge!
Cut! Halftime. Gesù's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Locker room intel: Gesù has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama misses the free throws! Tendency to rush at the line!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
Stephen Curry is the protagonist tonight! This jersey-selling name authoring a masterpiece!
Stephen Curry penetrates and bricks it! Sometimes predictable game in the second quarter!
Gesù fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the messia gave everything!
Stephen Curry's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Batman breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Giornata 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
122-82 (V)
This guy with rings on every finger Gesù in the starting lineup! Let's see what this guy with rings on every finger brings!
Victor Wembanyama catches fire! And it's a two-handed slam! Freakish explosiveness taking over!
Batman with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Iron discipline on that one!
Stephen Curry explodes and it's an off-balance shot! This big-name player proving the doubters wrong!
Gesù stands firm! Not moving, this messia is planted!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan slides down against the hallway wall. Did you know Michael Jordan once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Gesù dribbles and fires a deep three! This do-it-all player lighting it up!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, with the dagger and then some! A bank shot!
Gesù proposed a messia-themed halftime show! The crowd votes yes!
Michael Jordan taps the logo on the jersey! A fist pump toward the bench! That's pride right there!
Batman caps a perfect night! Clean as a supereroe on their best day!
Gesù and Batman carry Michael Jordan like a trophy across the entire court. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Giornata 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
129-94 (V)
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Batman scores on the putback! Recycling the game is second nature for a supereroe!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry finds the open man! Assist and a free throw!
Gesù hits the mid-range! The sweet spot, just like their bare hands placement!
Victor Wembanyama with the huge defensive rebound along the baseline! This solid pro says no!
End of the second quarter. Gesù is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Gesù failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Stephen Curry knocks down a euro-step from downtown! Ice in the veins!
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
This living legend Gesù forgets the play call! Looking at the bench confused!
Gesù with the emphatic victory dance! This once-in-a-lifetime player letting everyone know!
What a game for Batman! Tomorrow's the game will feel easy after this!
Stephen Curry does a belly slide on the court. Michael Jordan does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Giornata 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
105-95 (V)
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
Victor Wembanyama dunks the Wilson into an off-balance shot! Unreal swagger shining through!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, locks down the attacker! A killer instinct on the defensive end!
Batman finds the open teammate! Vision of a supereroe spotting the game!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
That's a wrap for now. Michael Jordan dives into the tunnel. Little secret: Michael Jordan watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, muscles in for a thunderous slam! Pure power!
The road crowd tries to rally but Michael Jordan silences them! A sold-out gym on fire!
Victor Wembanyama sprints back on defense! This hooper's hooper leading by example!
Stephen Curry is writing the story tonight! This guy everybody knows with a devastating dunk from downtown!
Batman leaves everything on the gymnasium! Left it all out there tonight!
Gesù does a belly slide on the court. Michael Jordan does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Giornata 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
111-92 (V)
Michael Jordan explodes with energy from the opening whistle! This hall-of-fame lock locked in!
Batman cuts and scores! Sharp as their bare hands, this supereroe!
Stephen Curry times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A rebound in traffic along the baseline!
Batman dishes through traffic! Threading the needle like a pro!
This undisputed superstar Gesù adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Both teams head to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Michael Jordan with natural-born leadership finds the angle for a layup!
The energy in this building is unreal! Stephen Curry channeling a crowd fully behind them!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, rotates on defense! A killer instinct team commitment!
Batman channels their inner supereroe,competing the game made these hands!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Batman and Stephen Curry do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Giornata 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
102-91 (V)
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This living legend Batman does it again! A catch-and-shoot triple with effortless precision!
This world-class player Stephen Curry with a brilliant anticipation at half court! Intimidating!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, drops the dime! Scary good handles passing on display!
Batman reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this supereroe!
Break. Michael Jordan asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Michael Jordan tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Batman with the fadeaway double-clutch layup! Smooth as their bare hands in action!
The crowd is on its feet! A boiling cauldron as Stephen Curry takes the court!
Batman, this combo guard, sets the perfect screen! Iron discipline for the team!
Stephen Curry spins through pain, through doubt! This elite player transcending!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama secures the win with that dawg mentality! Another one in the bag!
Stephen Curry and Victor Wembanyama form a tunnel for Michael Jordan to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Giornata 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-123 (S)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Gesù can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Stephen Curry explodes into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!
Batman left in the dust! Even a supereroe moves faster than that!
Stephen Curry storms to the bench! This world-class player is visibly upset!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Exclusive info: Stephen Curry is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Curry can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this elite player!
Gesù is running on fumes! The messia tank is completely empty!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama with turnover number lengths ahead! Injury-prone body is piling up!
Batman stares in disbelief! The look of a supereroe who just lost everything!
Michael Jordan launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This absolute legend will learn from this.
Stephen Curry unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Victor Wembanyama runs a hand down his face. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Giornata 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-103 (S)
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Batman can't finish! The supereroe who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Batman loses possession! The game never leaves a supereroe's hands like that!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, gets exploited in the switch! Sometimes predictable game exposed in the mismatch!
Batman takes off and delivers a pull-up jumper! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Halftime whistle. Victor Wembanyama spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This all-time great fighting inner demons!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, with a contested double-clutch layup that misses at the buzzer!
This living legend Michael Jordan switches defensive assignments on the fly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Victor Wembanyama is gassed! This respected competitor bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this max-contract guy.
Gesù isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Michael Jordan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Giornata 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
107-97 (V)
Michael Jordan dunks onto the floor! The crowd roars for this absolute legend!
Batman tallies another one! This supereroe keeps racking them up!
Victor Wembanyama, this guy with a proven track record, pokes the damn ball free! Scramble on the low block!
Gesù, this certified GOAT candidate, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Michael Jordan steps back to the weak side! This hall-of-fame lock exploiting the rotation!
That's a cut. Batman stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Batman got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, sinks a catch-and-shoot triple with surgical precision on the low block!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Victor Wembanyama gets hot!
Gesù provides the spark! Electric energy, the messia is firing on all cylinders!
Gesù is having a career night! Better than any day with their bare hands!
That's the game! Victor Wembanyama finishes with a monster performance! This next-level player victorious!
Stephen Curry does a handstand. Gesù holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Giornata 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
95-100 (S)
Gesù bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Victor Wembanyama fires a half-court heave from mid-range but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Michael Jordan with the errant pass! This once-in-a-lifetime player needs to settle down!
Gesù, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over shaky emotions under pressure!
Batman rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
Halftime whistle. Gesù has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Small detail: Gesù whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Gesù shoots but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Gesù launches into the right spacing! Night-in night-out consistency and elite court awareness!
This big-name player Stephen Curry can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Gesù walks off in defeat! Even a messia's skills couldn't save tonight!
Victor Wembanyama's complexion is grey. Stephen Curry's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Pesce ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Diario di stagione Pesce
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