My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Darth Vader. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 202 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Hulk. A scientist in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their lab notebook better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Hulk has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the hidden truth and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
78-112 (L)
Darth Vader announces themselves! The jedi has arrived and the building knows it!
Hulk gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the scientist touch can't save that one!
Darth Vader forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
Jesus Christ gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Luke Skywalker attacks angrily after the turnover! This All-Star caliber talent spiraling!
Halftime whistle. Darth Vader has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Fun fact: Darth Vader tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Air ball from Luke Skywalker! Being a jedi doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This certified GOAT candidate Darth Vader can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Luke Skywalker dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a jedi like that!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Hulk had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
Napoleon's gaze is cold, distant. Jesus Christ's gaze is hot, angry. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
110-87 (W)
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
Darth Vader scores at will! A two-handed slam from downtown! This once-in-a-lifetime player domination!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ takes the charge from mid-range! Gutsy play!
Napoleon delivers the entry pass! Right on the money from this military leader!
Darth Vader crosses over with purpose every possession! This living legend chess master!
Halftime! Jesus Christ walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Jesus Christ fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Hulk explodes and scores! Those scientist hands work wonders with the damn ball!
Luke Skywalker gets an electric crowd every time they step on the palace of hoops! The jedi aura!
Darth Vader chains the plays together! Stringing them like a jedi on a roll!
The narrative shifts! Jesus Christ takes control with a killer instinct!
Luke Skywalker, this max-contract guy, high-fives the bench! A slide across the hardwood! Team effort!
Napoleon and Luke Skywalker do celebratory push-ups. Jesus Christ counts out loud. Definitely cheating. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-97 (W)
Jesus Christ lets fly into position! This basketball god not wasting any time!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, knifes through for a floater back to the basket! Wow!
Luke Skywalker, this little guy, walls off the drive back to the basket! No way through!
Hulk, this global icon, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Luke Skywalker finds the angle! The angle jedi uses for the game!
Halftime. Jesus Christ glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Jesus Christ keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Luke Skywalker hits nothing but net! Pure as a jedi's work with their bare hands!
This certified GOAT candidate Jesus Christ turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Jesus Christ, this guy with rings on every finger, communicates the switch! Eyes in the back of the head and vocal leadership!
Napoleon's hands tell two stories,the battle standard by day, the basketball by night!
Hulk soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a scientist savoring glory!
Darth Vader blows a kiss to the camera. Jesus Christ blows twelve. Luke Skywalker blocks the lens. I got a text from Darth Vader after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
101-96 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Napoleon catches the basketball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Darth Vader scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the jedi knows geometry!
Jesus Christ takes the ball right out of their hands! Grip of a messiah!
Hulk with the no-look pass! Discoverring the hidden truth blindfolded!
Hulk adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a scientist with the hidden truth!
Halftime! Jesus Christ looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Staff confession: Jesus Christ is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Napoleon scores the go-ahead! A military leader who always finishes the job on time!
Social media explodes with Napoleon's the battle standard highlights! Viral military leader content!
Luke Skywalker, this elusive guard, boxes out for the teammate! This big-name player doing the dirty work!
Jesus Christ's messiah background shines through every play with the game!
Jesus Christ talks to reporters! Explaining the pill like explaining the game!
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker run circles around Hulk who doesn't move. Zen. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
102-106 (L)
This potential GOAT Hulk in the starting lineup! Let's see what this potential GOAT brings!
Napoleon hooks it in! The arc of a military leader swinging the battle standard!
Jesus Christ overcommits and gets beat! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the play!
Luke Skywalker, this franchise guy, comes up empty! A pull-up jumper off target off the pick and roll!
Hulk, this global icon, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Intermission. Hulk dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Rumor has it Hulk has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Napoleon turns it over with seconds left on the clock! This hall-of-fame lock crumbles under pressure!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! Heated! This messiah doesn't handle losing well!
Hulk blows past with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Darth Vader sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the jedi touch is off tonight!
Hulk vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their lab notebook reinforced with the hidden truth!
Hulk hurls his water bottle at the wall. Jesus Christ flinches but doesn't react. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
130-86 (W)
Luke Skywalker, this bonafide star, draws first blood! An and-one to start!
Napoleon with the decisive and-one! Insane court vision when it matters most!
Luke Skywalker, this lightning-quick little man, finds the trailer! A pull-up jumper off the assist, easy money!
This max-contract guy Luke Skywalker with a picture-perfect finger roll! The crowd goes wild!
Napoleon steals the ball! Quick hands from rallying the war front all day!
Halftime. The doctor examines Napoleon's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know Napoleon keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
An and-one from Luke Skywalker! This certified bucket is putting on a show tonight!
Darth Vader adds another bank shot to the demolition! Their bare hands destruction!
Jesus Christ claims the gymnasium is like the game, they know every inch!
This potential GOAT Napoleon raises the arms in triumph! A bench mob celebration! The crowd follows!
Hulk waves goodbye to the den! See you next time, from their lab notebook to the ball!
Hulk and Luke Skywalker pretend to fish Jesus Christ out of the crowd. They pull hard. Evening confession: I'm wearing Hulk's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-119 (L)
Opening possession for Napoleon! First touch, like first touch of the battle standard!
This absolute legend Napoleon misses the mark! A floater goes begging in transition!
Darth Vader loses the rock! A jedi would never be this careless!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, lets the shooter get free off the pick and roll! Costly lapse!
This All-Star caliber talent Luke Skywalker erupts for a scoop layup! The floodgates are open!
End of the second quarter. Darth Vader is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Darth Vader refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Napoleon is visibly upset! Upset as a military leader when the war front goes sideways!
Jesus Christ misses the bunny! A messiah dropping the game from point-blank!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Darth Vader recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Napoleon drags their feet! Heavy as the battle standard at the end of a shift!
Napoleon leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a military leader after the war front setback!
Darth Vader pulls his cap down over his eyes. Jesus Christ doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
126-86 (W)
Napoleon looks dialed in from the start! Next-level basketball IQ preparation showing!
Jesus Christ rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
Hulk with the give-and-go! Teamwork from discoverring the hidden truth together!
Luke Skywalker converts at half court! A pull-up jumper with trademark an unmatched feel for the game!
Luke Skywalker picks their pocket! A jedi with quick hands knows how to handle thieves!
Halftime whistle! Luke Skywalker grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Locker room intel: Luke Skywalker has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Darth Vader drills it driving to the hoop! That jedi precision with their bare hands pays off!
Darth Vader makes it a laugher! Laughing like a jedi laughing at easy the game!
Darth Vader brought a lunchbox full of the game! Snacking or strategizing?
Luke Skywalker does the jedi dance after a fadeaway jumper! The game has never looked this fun!
Hulk wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their lab notebook and the pill!
Luke Skywalker does a handstand. Jesus Christ holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
123-89 (W)
Jesus Christ wins the opening tip! Tipping off with messiah energy!
Napoleon lets fly to the rack for a finger roll! Can't contain this miniature missile!
Hulk dishes through traffic! Threading the needle like a pro!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, glides to from downtown for a silky alley-oop!
Luke Skywalker, this max-contract guy, walls up back to the basket! Impenetrable defense!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Jesus Christ picks up the pace. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ does it again! A scoop layup with effortless precision!
Jesus Christ stat-pads without shame! Filling the box score like a resume!
Napoleon high-fives nobody! This all-time great left hanging along the baseline! Brutal!
Hulk points to the crowd after a buzzer beater! This one's for every scientist out there!
Hulk caps a perfect night! Clean as a scientist on their best day!
Hulk blows a kiss to the camera. Luke Skywalker blows twelve. Napoleon blocks the lens. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-109 (L)
Jesus Christ steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
Jesus Christ drives the leather right into the defender's hands! Tendency to rush!
Napoleon commits the live-ball turnover! The battle standard would be ashamed!
Darth Vader turns the head and loses the man! This certified GOAT candidate napping defensively!
Napoleon launches the leather with flair and hits a finger roll! Sensational!
Halftime. Darth Vader's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Word is Darth Vader sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Jesus Christ, this tweener, sits down hard on the bench! Ego the size of Texas written all over his face!
Luke Skywalker rattles it out! Shaking the court with their bare hands intensity!
Luke Skywalker, this elusive guard, exploits the mismatch driving to the hoop! Smart play!
Luke Skywalker asks for the ball to slow the pace! This headliner needs air!
Hulk, this all-around player, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Napoleon mutters while walking out. Jesus Christ watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I learned backstage that Jesus Christ also does jedi on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-124 (L)
Hulk, this versatile guy, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
Luke Skywalker fires a floater at the top of the key but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Luke Skywalker, this scrappy guard, commits the travel! Sometimes predictable game in the footwork!
Napoleon gets blown by! Even a military leader couldn't stop that!
Napoleon walks away muttering! Muttering about the war front under their breath!
The players leave the court. Darth Vader clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Darth Vader was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Darth Vader whiffs on the jumper! A jedi off their game with their bare hands!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ can barely jump! The springs are gone at half court!
Luke Skywalker goes to work the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this elite player!
Darth Vader storms to the bench! This global icon is visibly upset!
This big-name player Luke Skywalker shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Darth Vader mutters 'damn' under his breath. Luke Skywalker says 'yeah' in the same tone. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-102 (L)
This first-ballot legend Darth Vader means business! Fast start under the basket!
Napoleon misses on the final possession! A military leader dropping the war front at the worst time!
Napoleon coughs up the ball! Injury-prone body strikes again off the pick and roll!
Napoleon can't stay in front! Rallying the war front doesn't build lateral quickness!
Luke Skywalker with the crafty buzzer beater! Pure God-given talent on display!
Break. Napoleon collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little scoop: Napoleon tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Hulk vents at their teammates! The scientist who vents about the hidden truth!
Napoleon, this elusive guard, bobbles the damn ball and the chance evaporates at half court!
Luke Skywalker reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this jedi!
Hulk powers through! The scientist in them won't quit on the hidden truth!
Jesus Christ packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jesus Christ refuses Cleveland Twin-Towers's handshake. Hulk offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
101-102 (L)
Luke Skywalker opens with a thunderous slam! This max-contract guy making an early statement!
The technical flair of Hulk recalls their scientist days. A half-court heave! Sublime!
Napoleon, this miniature missile, gets blown by on the perimeter! Tendency to rush in the legs!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ puts up a deep three but it won't fall! Off night!
Luke Skywalker steals and scores! This guy everybody knows cutting the gap at the buzzer!
Players head to the locker room. Darth Vader has tape on three fingers. I've been told Darth Vader once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Hulk coughs it up with the game on the line! The hidden truth slipping away!
Hulk slams the ball in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
The stadium knows it! Darth Vader is special! This basketball god writing legacy!
Hulk, this all-around player, rattles out the free throw! Heavy feet getting the best of this living legend!
Darth Vader walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to jedi life tomorrow!
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-120 (L)
Tip-off! Jesus Christ gets us started! Let's go!
Luke Skywalker can't buy a bucket! Maybe the game would be easier to aim!
Jesus Christ with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Hulk bites on the fake! Fooled like a scientist by counterfeit the hidden truth!
Jesus Christ adds to the total! A messiah who always exceeds expectations!
Rest time. Luke Skywalker isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. I've been told Luke Skywalker always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Napoleon, this hall-of-fame lock, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Napoleon with the contested bank shot on the low block! No good! Bad selection!
Napoleon schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true military leader!
Hulk looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a scientist relieved of their lab notebook!
Luke Skywalker refuses to make excuses! A jedi owns the game failures too!
Luke Skywalker refuses San Antonio Skyscrapers's handshake. Jesus Christ offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
109-110 (L)
Luke Skywalker gets the starting nod! A jedi starting with their bare hands confidence!
Luke Skywalker scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a jedi right there!
Jesus Christ gets posted up and scored on! This franchise cornerstone overpowered!
A buzzer beater attempt by Darth Vader falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Hulk forces the turnover! This basketball god creating opportunities on both ends!
Halftime! Hulk checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Hulk once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This first-ballot legend Darth Vader gets called for the charge with seconds left on the clock! Brutal!
Jesus Christ posts up the towel! This absolute legend showing injury-prone body!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, evolves before our eyes! A signature move!
This potential GOAT Darth Vader with the clutch-time breakdown! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Napoleon sits alone on the bench. This all-time great processing the defeat.
Napoleon mutters 'damn' under his breath. Jesus Christ says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Darth Vader.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Darth Vader. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 202 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Hulk. A scientist in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their lab notebook better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Hulk has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the hidden truth and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Darth Vader.
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