My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Harry Potter is on this team. Harry Potter, who is a juggler and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-121 (L)
Justin Herbert opens with a pull-up jumper! This newcomer making an early statement!
This surprise package Justin Herbert misses the mark! A fadeaway jumper goes begging in the paint!
Justin Herbert throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure from the right corner!
Homer Simpson, this do-it-all player, lets the shooter get free along the baseline! Costly lapse!
Justin Herbert dishes the towel! This guy nobody was talking about showing occasional mental lapses!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Jesus Christ once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
A free throw from Homer Simpson hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Harry Potter is clearly fatigued! This ball game of this plus this ball game of competing the game!
Jesus Christ commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Homer Simpson explodes angrily after the turnover! This guy with rings on every finger spiraling!
This global icon Harry Potter tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Homer Simpson closes his eyes walking out. Harry Potter keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
103-104 (L)
This newcomer Justin Herbert comes out aggressive! Opens with an and-one driving to the hoop!
Justin Herbert with another hook shot! You can't stop this man!
Harry Potter gets screened out of the play! This first-ballot legend lost in traffic!
Homer Simpson misses the bunny! A farmer dropping the stubborn soil from point-blank!
This player nobody saw coming Justin Herbert ties the game! What a comeback! Insane court vision at its peak!
First half is done. Homer Simpson is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know Homer Simpson plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Homer Simpson called for the travel at the buzzer! Walking away from the stubborn soil shame!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
Harry Potter is writing the story tonight! This undisputed superstar with a half-court heave at the buzzer!
Jesus Christ gets called for the foul! Clumsy as a messiah with the game at closing time!
Bart Simpson fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the student gave everything!
Harry Potter kicks his towel across the floor. Justin Herbert has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
106-100 (W)
Bart Simpson, this multi-time All-Star, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Harry Potter, this do-it-all player, dominates at the buzzer and puts up a deep three! Unstoppable!
Harry Potter pokes it away! Quick fingers from competing the game!
Justin Herbert, this hidden prospect, surveys and delivers! Nerves of steel in the playmaking!
Jesus Christ plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a messiah on their best day!
Halftime! Homer Simpson looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: Homer Simpson fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Harry Potter converts from the left corner! A pull-up jumper with trademark that dawg mentality!
A hostile crowd as Jesus Christ checks in for the extra period! The messiah returns!
Jesus Christ picks up the assignment! Locked in, the messiah accepts the mission!
Justin Herbert fades away like a player possessed! Nerves of steel unleashed!
Homer Simpson shakes hands! The handshake of a farmer who respects the stubborn soil!
Harry Potter and Justin Herbert run circles around Bart Simpson who doesn't move. Zen. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-107 (L)
Homer Simpson fires up the crowd to open the game! This all-time great starting strong!
Harry Potter misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the game!
Homer Simpson charges right into the defender! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
This household name Harry Potter goes to work at the buzzer! A thunderous slam drops beautifully!
Back to the locker room. Jesus Christ's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Small detail: Jesus Christ whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Harry Potter mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Justin Herbert, this tower, loses the handle and the opportunity! Hot head!
Jesus Christ adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran messiah!
Jesus Christ is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure messiah stubbornness!
Bart Simpson packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Harry Potter refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Homer Simpson watches it and immediately regrets it. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
88-122 (L)
Harry Potter announces themselves! The juggler has arrived and the building knows it!
Harry Potter can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Jesus Christ trips up in the free-throw line! A messiah never trips at work... Right?
Harry Potter, this tweener, gets exploited in the switch! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed in the mismatch!
Justin Herbert, this walking skyscraper, throws the hands up! Exasperated driving to the hoop!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Justin Herbert asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: Justin Herbert is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Bart Simpson rattles it out! Shaking the palace of hoops with their bare hands intensity!
Justin Herbert, this tower, with tired legs on the low block! Injury-prone body slowing this player nobody saw coming down!
Bart Simpson tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Tendency to force bad shots in the decision-making!
Homer Simpson shakes their head! A farmer who can't believe that just happened!
Harry Potter vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Jesus Christ bites the inside of his cheek. Harry Potter pinches the bridge of his nose. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
100-122 (L)
Justin Herbert, this long boy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This potential breakout star is in the building!
Homer Simpson, this absolute legend, pulls the trigger at the top of the key but no luck!
Bart Simpson spins the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this top-tier talent!
Jesus Christ gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Homer Simpson hooks it in! The arc of a farmer swinging the seed dibber!
End of the first half. Homer Simpson is beet red but still standing. Did you know? Homer Simpson once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Harry Potter throws their hands up! Like a juggler when their bare hands breaks!
Homer Simpson whiffs on the jumper! A farmer off their game with the seed dibber!
Jesus Christ reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this messiah!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Bart Simpson, this guy everybody knows, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Harry Potter and Justin Herbert walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
92-120 (L)
This undisputed superstar Harry Potter comes out firing! An and-one in the first minute!
Homer Simpson with the off-balance bank shot! This certified GOAT candidate couldn't set the feet!
Bart Simpson loses possession! The game never leaves a student's hands like that!
Homer Simpson loses their assignment! Like losing the seed dibber in the workshop!
Bart Simpson finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
Finally a breather. Homer Simpson has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Small detail: Homer Simpson wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Justin Herbert picks up the second technical! This dude out of nowhere ejected! Ego the size of Texas!
Homer Simpson fires away the orange into nothing! Occasional mental lapses on full display tonight!
Harry Potter exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
Jesus Christ plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
This household name Homer Simpson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this household name wanted.
Harry Potter lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Homer Simpson holds his in. Did you know that Homer Simpson practices farmer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
90-115 (L)
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Jesus Christ misses! Even a messiah can't fix that shot!
Intercepted! Jesus Christ's pass snatched right out of the air! A messiah would never be that careless!
This established star Bart Simpson gives up the offensive rebound! Shaky emotions under pressure when boxing out!
Jesus Christ tallies another one! This messiah keeps racking them up!
Heading in. Homer Simpson's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. I've been told Homer Simpson always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Harry Potter mouths off on a clutch free throw! A juggler venting about the game!
Harry Potter shanks it from the top of the key! Competing the game uses different muscles!
This potential breakout star Justin Herbert calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Homer Simpson soldiers on! The soldier who cultivates the stubborn soil with the seed dibber!
Jesus Christ absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a messiah knows tough days!
Harry Potter stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Justin Herbert exhales. Again. And again. Evening confession: I'm wearing Harry Potter's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
86-131 (L)
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
Bart Simpson, this bonafide star, comes up empty! A thunderous slam off target back to the basket!
Bart Simpson forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
This max-contract guy Bart Simpson caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Harry Potter walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Break! Bart Simpson rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Little secret: Bart Simpson has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Bart Simpson off the back iron! Hard miss, even a student cringes at that!
Bart Simpson, this combo guard, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ with turnover number points! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Justin Herbert, this raw talent, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Bart Simpson, this solid build, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Jesus Christ's lip is trembling. Justin Herbert dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Evening confession: I'm wearing Jesus Christ's jersey under my shirt. For morale. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
82-120 (L)
Homer Simpson fades away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this living legend!
Bart Simpson sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this student!
This generational talent Jesus Christ commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to force bad shots!
This newcomer Justin Herbert fouls reaching in! Sometimes predictable game on defense!
Harry Potter buries their face! Hidden from view, the juggler can't watch!
Halftime! Homer Simpson has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. I've been told Homer Simpson once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This headliner Bart Simpson misfires again! Sometimes predictable game could cost the team!
Homer Simpson is huffing and puffing! Winded, even a farmer would call it quits!
Harry Potter gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a juggler's grip!
Bart Simpson slams the ball in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Bart Simpson takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad student day!
Bart Simpson sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Harry Potter puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Behind the scenes, I learned Harry Potter was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
95-127 (L)
This world-class player Bart Simpson opens the scoring! A buzzer-beater! Early advantage!
Bart Simpson misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Bart Simpson, this all-around player, gets called for the carry! Ego the size of Texas in ball-handling!
Jesus Christ fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a messiah chasing the game!
Bart Simpson rises up with the precision of a student at work. And it's a euro-step!
Halftime whistle! Bart Simpson grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Exclusive: Bart Simpson was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Harry Potter looks to the heavens! A juggler praying for their bare hands to work!
Justin Herbert, this diamond in the rough, with the shot-clock heave! No good from way beyond the arc!
Harry Potter, this combo guard, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 48 regulation minutes!
Homer Simpson sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a farmer after the seed dibber broke!
Harry Potter hurls his water bottle at the wall. Jesus Christ flinches but doesn't react. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
74-118 (L)
This household name Jesus Christ catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Justin Herbert, this tower, gets the look along the baseline but the lid's on the rim!
Homer Simpson throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the farmer got too confident!
Harry Potter gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Jesus Christ waves off the play! The authority of a messiah in that gesture!
The players leave the court. Homer Simpson clings to the tunnel railing. Confession: Homer Simpson believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Jesus Christ gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the messiah touch can't save that one!
Bart Simpson tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a student's energy for the game!
Homer Simpson throws it away! A pass worse than a farmer tossing the stubborn soil!
Harry Potter sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a juggler after a long shift!
Harry Potter walks off in defeat! Even a juggler's skills couldn't save tonight!
Harry Potter pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Homer Simpson takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-108 (L)
Harry Potter bounces the leather pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Jesus Christ heaves and misses! Should have heaved the game instead!
Bart Simpson throws it into the stands! What was that from this headliner!
Harry Potter turns the head and loses the man! This once-in-a-lifetime player napping defensively!
Jesus Christ applies the same technique to the Wilson as to the game. A bucket on the low block!
Halftime. Homer Simpson is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Homer Simpson threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Sometimes predictable game written all over his face!
Harry Potter can't finish! The juggler who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Homer Simpson, this do-it-all player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Bart Simpson gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a student begging the game for mercy!
This household name Harry Potter shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Homer Simpson slams his fist on the bench. Bart Simpson places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-121 (L)
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this potential GOAT brings!
Harry Potter misfires! The juggler's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
Homer Simpson dribbles it off their foot! The seed dibber would never betray a farmer like that!
This guy with rings on every finger Harry Potter commits the and-one foul! Tendency to force bad shots in positioning!
This total unknown Justin Herbert can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jesus Christ walks head down toward the tunnel. True story: Jesus Christ walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against San Antonio Skyscrapers. Awkward. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Brick! Jesus Christ misfires at half court! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Harry Potter calls for the sub! Even a juggler's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Justin Herbert with the lazy pass! Occasional mental lapses leading to easy points!
Harry Potter, this combo guard, waves off the play call! Lack of consistency hurting the team!
This generational talent Jesus Christ congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this generational talent.
Harry Potter sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jesus Christ puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-130 (L)
The game begins and Justin Herbert is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
A thunderous slam by Justin Herbert driving to the hoop is way off! Tough night for this player nobody saw coming!
This absolute legend Homer Simpson commits the offensive foul! Turnover from way beyond the arc!
Harry Potter watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Bart Simpson, this All-Star caliber talent, refuses to high-five! Sometimes predictable game hurting the chemistry!
The locker room. Justin Herbert sprawls out full-length on the bench. They say Justin Herbert eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Justin Herbert air-mails a bucket at half court! Way off for this who-is-this-guy player!
This newcomer Justin Herbert is a warrior but the body says no! The 48 regulation minutes of war!
Bart Simpson with a wild pass that sails out! This jersey-selling name giving it away!
This All-Star caliber talent Bart Simpson throws an elbow in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Justin Herbert had the chances but couldn't convert. This dark horse left wanting.
Homer Simpson scratches the back of his neck nervously. Harry Potter has the look of someone who has seen things. Evening confession: I'm wearing Homer Simpson's jersey under my shirt. For morale. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Harry Potter is on this team. Harry Potter, who is a juggler and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)