Lebron Squad — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Lebron Squad | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Denver Horse-Track | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Lebron Squad! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Shaquille O'Neal. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 216 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Son Goku. A bushi. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a bushi, with their katana blade, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Son Goku has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the feudal lord with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
96-112 (L)
Bryce James, this dude out of nowhere, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Tim Duncan clanks another one off the rim! This multi-time All-Star needs to find rhythm!
Tim Duncan coughs up the basketball! Sometimes predictable game strikes again in transition!
Bronny James gets posted up and scored on! This seasoned vet overpowered!
This dude out of nowhere Bryce James goes to work facing the rim! A devastating dunk drops beautifully!
The players head to the locker room. Bronny James is sweating like a racehorse. Rumor has it Bronny James has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Bronny James drives the towel! This dude putting the league on notice showing limited stamina!
Bronny James forces a fadeaway jumper on the low block! This legit talent trying too hard!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal with the savvy veteran play! Natural-born leadership experience showing!
Son Goku struggles in the final quarter! The bushi hitting the wall with the feudal lord!
Bryce James, this hungry young player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Shaquille O'Neal watches the crowd file out in silence. Bryce James prefers not to look. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-75 (W)
This raw talent Son Goku gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Bronny James catches fire! And it's a double-clutch layup! Pure God-given talent taking over!
Bronny James with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! A gym-rat work ethic on that one!
This bonafide star Tim Duncan is automatic on the low block! A buzzer beater drops again!
Bryce James, this raw talent, pokes the damn ball free! Scramble from the left corner!
Coach calls everyone back. Son Goku drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Son Goku entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Tim Duncan with the highlight-reel finger roll! This multi-time All-Star owning the moment!
Tim Duncan piles it on! A half-court heave extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Bronny James high-fives nobody! This guy with a proven track record left hanging in the paint! Brutal!
Bryce James, this total unknown, with the signature team high-five! The fans love it!
Tim Duncan, this mammoth, acknowledges the fans! A boiling cauldron! A chest bump!
Shaquille O'Neal and Tim Duncan do celebratory push-ups. Son Goku counts out loud. Definitely cheating. I learned tonight that Shaquille O'Neal used to be a bushi. That explains the unique running style. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
98-96 (W)
Game time! Shaquille O'Neal and this once-in-a-lifetime player ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal with the no-foul contest back to the basket! Clean as a whistle!
Bryce James takes a tough hook shot and it doesn't go! Defense that's basically a suggestion in shot selection!
Tim Duncan, this franchise guy, reads the play perfectly and delivers a sky hook!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Break! Son Goku heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Little scoop: Son Goku tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Tim Duncan tips in the rebound for a sky hook! All hustle, all heart!
Bryce James with the chase-down charge taken! What athleticism!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Shaquille O'Neal in the spotlight!
Bronny James delivers in the clutch! A sky hook in the paint! This solid pro is ice cold!
Son Goku shakes hands! The handshake of a bushi who respects the feudal lord!
Son Goku grabs Bronny James and hoists him onto his shoulders. Bryce James tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
121-93 (W)
The game begins and Bronny James is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Bryce James, this player nobody saw coming, unleashes a fadeaway jumper from the right corner! Bang!
Bryce James with the full-court pressure! This who-is-this-guy player making them uncomfortable!
Shaquille O'Neal dunks and dishes! Gorgeous feed driving to the hoop! Ridiculous creativity!
This guy everybody knows Tim Duncan uses the floater over this mammoth coverage! Smart!
First half is done. Tim Duncan is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Locker room intel: Tim Duncan has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Bryce James goes to work to the rack for an alley-oop! Can't contain this oversized freak!
This respected competitor Bronny James has the arena rocking! A crowd fully behind them off the charts!
Bryce James celebrates the team's success! This rising star knows together is better!
This hungry young player Bryce James channels the inner champion! An unmatched feel for the game at its peak!
Bryce James posts up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Tim Duncan, Son Goku, and Bronny James pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
104-88 (W)
Tim Duncan, this headliner, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
Bryce James with eyes in the back of the head finds the angle for a step-back three!
Son Goku holds the line in the elbow! The discipline of a bushi with their katana blade!
Tim Duncan, this 7-footer, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Shaquille O'Neal reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime whistle. Son Goku high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it Son Goku has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
A pull-up jumper by Tim Duncan! The crowd erupts! Ridiculous creativity personified!
Bronny James, this hooper's hooper, waves the crowd up! A crowd fully behind them rising!
Shaquille O'Neal, this undisputed superstar, communicates the switch! That dawg mentality and vocal leadership!
The stadium knows it! Shaquille O'Neal is special! This all-time great writing legacy!
This bonafide star Tim Duncan walks off to a standing ovation! An electric crowd! Incredible!
Son Goku makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Tim Duncan makes a bigger heart. Bronny James makes a massive heart. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
112-111 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal fires up the crowd to open the game! This first-ballot legend starting strong!
Son Goku, this smooth operator, walls off the drive under the basket! No way through!
Bryce James, this potential breakout star, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
This raw talent Bryce James with a picture-perfect fadeaway jumper! The crowd goes wild!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
That's a cut. Bronny James stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Little secret: Bronny James watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, rises to the occasion! A pull-up jumper along the baseline! Huge!
Shaquille O'Neal slides to the passing lane and steals it! Natural-born leadership!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, commands a cathedral silence! The arena belongs to this hall-of-fame lock!
Son Goku buries the go-ahead shot! Ice cold, this bushi doesn't flinch!
Bryce James, this big fella, takes the final bow! A primal scream! Dominant display!
Son Goku does a belly slide on the court. Bronny James does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
105-108 (L)
Tim Duncan takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Tim Duncan knocks down an and-one from downtown! Ice in the veins!
Shaquille O'Neal overcommits and gets beat! Sometimes predictable game when reading the play!
Bryce James attacks the basketball into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!
Bryce James, this walking skyscraper, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Rest. Bryce James buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Locker room intel: Bryce James has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
This surprise package Son Goku can't deliver when it matters! Tendency to rush under pressure!
Tim Duncan storms to the bench! This All-Star caliber talent is visibly upset!
Bryce James, this mountain of a man, sets the tone with natural-born leadership! Leader!
Shaquille O'Neal can't handle the pressure! This franchise cornerstone folds in late in the quarter!
Bryce James had the chances but couldn't convert. This total unknown left wanting.
Shaquille O'Neal takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Bryce James doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-110 (L)
This hungry young player Son Goku means business! Fast start at the buzzer!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal short-arms a layup at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!
Bronny James reacts too late to rotate! Defense that's basically a suggestion on the help side!
Bronny James buries a buzzer beater at the top of the key! This up-and-coming baller is on fire tonight!
The locker room. Bryce James sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Bryce James once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Bryce James glares at the scoreboard! This who-is-this-guy player not happy with the situation!
Bronny James misses the open look! This guy with a proven track record can't believe it! Ego the size of Texas!
This max-contract guy Tim Duncan recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Son Goku is running on fumes! The bushi tank is completely empty!
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, hangs the head. Tough loss despite iron discipline effort.
Tim Duncan walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Shaquille O'Neal drags one foot after the other. Tonight I had a revelation: Shaquille O'Neal runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
113-83 (W)
Tim Duncan, this tower, sets the tone immediately! Eyes in the back of the head from the jump!
A deep three by Bronny James! The building is rocking! This up-and-coming baller takeover!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal orchestrates the offense at the buzzer! Maestro!
Bryce James drains a scoop layup driving to the hoop! Textbook an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Son Goku with the chase-down crucial offensive board! Running like a bushi chasing the feudal lord!
The players disappear. Son Goku has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: Son Goku tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Bronny James, this solid build, takes over on the low block. A euro-step! That's elite!
Son Goku even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
Bryce James trips over the orange! Even this dude out of nowhere has those moments!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, does the shimmy! A slide across the hardwood! The arena goes crazy!
This total unknown Bryce James seals the deal! Victory with a killer instinct!
Bryce James mimes popping a champagne bottle. Bronny James mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight I had a revelation: Bronny James runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-111 (L)
This legit talent Bronny James comes out aggressive! Opens with a finger roll at the buzzer!
Tim Duncan fires a fadeaway jumper off the pick and roll but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
This certified bucket Tim Duncan with turnover number buckets! Heavy feet is piling up!
Bryce James gets crossed over! This newcomer left frozen from mid-range!
Tim Duncan answers back with a hook shot! That dawg mentality under pressure!
The players leave the court. Bronny James clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know? Bronny James has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Bronny James, this name that's buzzing, with the frustrated foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in tough moments!
This dark horse Son Goku puts up a buzzer beater but it won't fall! Off night!
Shaquille O'Neal, this all-time great, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Bryce James is gassed! This hidden prospect bent over at half court! Tendency to rush catching up!
Bryce James reflects on what could have been. Injury-prone body the difference tonight.
Son Goku hurls his water bottle at the wall. Tim Duncan flinches but doesn't react. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-80 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, embraces the electric crowd! Game on!
Tim Duncan, this top-tier talent, drops a hook shot driving to the hoop! Pure artistry!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Shaquille O'Neal scores with insane court vision. A tear drop in transition! Too smooth!
Tim Duncan, this colossus, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Halftime. The doctor examines Son Goku's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Fun fact: Son Goku blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
This guy nobody was talking about Bryce James finishes with authority! A bucket driving to the hoop!
Shaquille O'Neal with a showtime tear drop! This certified GOAT candidate enjoying every second!
Shaquille O'Neal, this undisputed superstar, catches the basketball in the face! Hands of stone today!
Shaquille O'Neal rises up and pounds the chest! A fist pump toward the bench! Warrior mentality!
Tim Duncan goes to work the trophy! This big-name player adds to the collection! A slide across the hardwood!
Tim Duncan and Son Goku pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
116-97 (W)
Bronny James dribbles with energy from the opening whistle! This guy with a proven track record locked in!
Tim Duncan, this titan, dominates from the left corner and puts up a floater! Unstoppable!
Bronny James with the denial defense! This player on the come-up not giving an inch!
Son Goku sees the floor! The awareness of a bushi scanning the feudal lord!
Tim Duncan goes to work to the weak side! This established star exploiting the rotation!
The players head in. Son Goku slips on the wet tunnel floor. Anecdote: Son Goku slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Tim Duncan converts a tough thunderous slam from mid-range! Skill level: elite!
Listen to that roar! Son Goku rises up and the place explodes!
Bryce James, this hidden prospect, rotates on defense! Nerves of steel team commitment!
Bronny James steps back with conviction! This up-and-coming baller believes tonight is the night!
Tim Duncan, this giant, salutes the faithful! A slide across the hardwood! What a night!
Tim Duncan runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Behind the scenes, I learned Shaquille O'Neal was also a bushi in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-111 (L)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
Son Goku sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this bushi!
Son Goku, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Bryce James gets burned on the drive! Hot head in lateral movement!
Shaquille O'Neal scores in transition! A reverse layup with natural-born leadership! Brilliant!
Halftime! Bryce James looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know? Bryce James launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal hangs the head after the miss! Deflated driving to the hoop!
Bryce James lets fly the Spalding into the front rim! That's frustrating for this hidden prospect!
Son Goku spaces the floor! Making room out there like a bushi clears the workspace!
Bronny James, this league veteran, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Bronny James walks off in silence. This respected competitor gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Bryce James punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Son Goku slides down the wall to the floor. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
98-123 (L)
Son Goku opens with a bucket! This newcomer making an early statement!
Son Goku air-mails a catch-and-shoot triple on the low block! Way off for this rising star!
Bryce James with the lazy pass! Sometimes predictable game leading to easy points!
Son Goku gets blown by! Even a bushi couldn't stop that!
What a play by Bryce James! A hook shot facing the rim! This newcomer is cooking!
The locker room fills up. Son Goku has already eaten three oranges. Did you know Son Goku knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Son Goku kicks the air! The frustration of a bushi who knows they can do better!
Son Goku misses the layup! Even the feudal lord would have gone in easier!
Shaquille O'Neal launches into the right spacing! Natural-born leadership and elite court awareness!
Son Goku grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their katana blade in the workshop!
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, takes the loss hard. Tendency to force bad shots at the wrong moments.
Son Goku refuses the coach's embrace. Bronny James accepts it but his body is stiff. Did you know that Bronny James practices bushi on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
111-112 (L)
And we're underway! Tim Duncan touches the leather first! This guy everybody knows looks eager!
Bryce James, this absolute unit, with a silky tear drop in transition! Smooth operator!
Tim Duncan gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Son Goku, this versatile guy, gets the separation but can't finish! Limited stamina!
Son Goku digs deep for the comeback! Deep as a bushi digs into their best work!
The locker room fills up. Bronny James has already eaten three oranges. Juicy anecdote: Bronny James was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Son Goku picks up the offensive foul! A bushi charging like they charge at the feudal lord!
Bryce James, this towering presence, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Bryce James has found another gear! This total unknown shifting into overdrive!
Son Goku gets blocked on the final possession! Rejected harder than the feudal lord proposals!
Shaquille O'Neal sits alone on the bench. This franchise cornerstone processing the defeat.
Bronny James's complexion is grey. Bryce James's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Lebron Squad ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Lebron Squad!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Shaquille O'Neal. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 216 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Son Goku. A bushi. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a bushi, with their katana blade, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Son Goku has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the feudal lord with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Lebron Squad ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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