My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | My Team | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Jordan Poole. The man. The beast. Standing at 193 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Sabrina Carpenter, her brother-in-law and a movie actor by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying script binder and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Sabrina Carpenter can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for film character to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
102-117 (L)
This guy with a proven track record Jordan Poole comes out aggressive! Opens with a hook shot facing the rim!
Jordan Poole, this legit talent, sends the leather wide! The touch is off tonight!
This well-respected player Jordan Poole gets pickpocketed from mid-range! Sloppy handling!
Sabrina Carpenter gambles for the steal and pays the price! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Jordan Poole shoots the leather into a floater! Unreal swagger shining through!
End of the first half. Jordan Poole is beet red but still standing. They say Jordan Poole eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This seasoned vet Jordan Poole shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
A euro-step from Jordan Poole hits the iron! Lack of consistency under the spotlight!
Jordan Poole, this tweener, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Nerves of steel!
Jordan Poole is visibly tired! This player on the come-up needs a timeout badly!
Jordan Poole sits alone on the bench. This player making noise processing the defeat.
Jordan Poole replays the score in his head on a loop. Jordan Poole tries to think about something else. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
114-102 (W)
This seasoned vet Jordan Poole in the starting lineup! Let's see what this seasoned vet brings!
Jordan Poole, this solid build, dominates from downtown and puts up an alley-oop! Unstoppable!
Sabrina Carpenter strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Jordan Poole, this do-it-all player, hits the cutter perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ right on time!
Jordan Poole, this combo guard, sets a brick-wall screen! Ridiculous creativity on full display!
The players head in. Jordan Poole slips on the wet tunnel floor. The staff told me Jordan Poole sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Sabrina Carpenter with the crafty free throw! Scary good handles on display!
Deafening noise! Jordan Poole posts up and the building shakes!
Sabrina Carpenter celebrates the teammate's bucket! Joy of a movie actor seeing the film character succeed!
Jordan Poole, this seasoned vet, has been building to this all game! In the dying seconds!
This seasoned vet Jordan Poole wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Jordan Poole grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Jordan Poole's name. The announcer chases him. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
129-84 (W)
Sabrina Carpenter, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! An off-the-charts basketball IQ from the jump!
Jordan Poole scores with silky smooth technique. A euro-step along the baseline! Too smooth!
This next-level player Jordan Poole zips the pass through! Another dime from this do-it-all player!
Sabrina Carpenter with the highlight-reel alley-oop! This certified bucket owning the moment!
Jordan Poole, this combo guard, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
That's a wrap for now. Jordan Poole dives into the tunnel. They say Jordan Poole eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
This player making noise Jordan Poole with a picture-perfect deep three! The crowd goes wild!
Sabrina Carpenter piles it on! Stacking buckets like it's nothing! The movie actor is dominant!
Jordan Poole takes off and the shoe flies off! This legit talent playing barefoot briefly!
Jordan Poole blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a slide across the hardwood!
Jordan Poole walks off the field house victorious! This well-respected player owns this moment!
Sabrina Carpenter and Jordan Poole lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
125-79 (W)
Jordan Poole, this player on the come-up, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A reverse layup from Jordan Poole! This legit talent just keeps delivering!
Jordan Poole, this player making noise, sets the table back to the basket! Assist master!
Jordan Poole converts a tough pull-up jumper from mid-range! Skill level: elite!
Jordan Poole, this tweener, locks down the attacker! Iron discipline on the defensive end!
Cut! Halftime. Sabrina Carpenter's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Anecdote: Sabrina Carpenter lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This league veteran Jordan Poole with a beautiful free throw driving to the hoop! Poetry in motion!
Jordan Poole, this tweener, caps off a dominant performance! Night-in night-out consistency from start to finish!
Jordan Poole dribbles off the foot and into the front row! This next-level player oops!
Sabrina Carpenter hugs teammates! Same warmth they bring to portraying the film character!
Jordan Poole fires away off the court victorious! This dude putting the league on notice leaves it all out there!
Jordan Poole makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Jordan Poole makes a bigger heart. Sabrina Carpenter makes a massive heart. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-98 (W)
Jordan Poole, this tweener, takes the court! The packed arena is electric!
Sabrina Carpenter, this combo guard, uses every inch to deliver a pull-up jumper!
This dude putting the league on notice Jordan Poole takes the charge facing the rim! Gutsy play!
This up-and-coming baller Jordan Poole orchestrates the offense at half court! Maestro!
Jordan Poole, this league veteran, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a half-court heave!
Intermission. Sabrina Carpenter dumps an entire water bottle over her head. Did you know? Sabrina Carpenter once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Jordan Poole, this swiss-army-knife type, uses strength and skill for a double-clutch layup! Complete player!
Jordan Poole in a sold-out gym on fire! This up-and-coming baller has been waiting for this stage!
Jordan Poole, this do-it-all player, holds the team together with night-in night-out consistency! Captain!
Jordan Poole takes off like a player possessed! Scary good handles unleashed!
Final buzzer! Jordan Poole is the hero! This name that's buzzing with a game for the ages!
Sabrina Carpenter and Jordan Poole stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-89 (W)
Jordan Poole rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this name that's buzzing!
Jordan Poole, this smooth operator, elevates for a monster hook shot!
Jordan Poole pressures the inbound! This respected competitor with relentless a killer instinct!
Jordan Poole, this league veteran, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Freakish explosiveness!
Sabrina Carpenter makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a movie actor behind the film character!
Heading in. Jordan Poole's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Staff confession: Jordan Poole is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Jordan Poole catches fire! And it's an and-one! Ridiculous creativity taking over!
Vendors sell Sabrina Carpenter-themed merch! Merchandise gold for this movie actor!
This player making noise Jordan Poole unites the locker room! Insane court vision captain's mentality!
The transformation of Jordan Poole is complete! This solid pro has arrived!
This up-and-coming baller Jordan Poole is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Jordan Poole and Jordan Poole act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
98-106 (L)
Tip-off! Sabrina Carpenter gets us started! Let's go!
Jordan Poole forces an and-one under the basket! This solid pro trying too hard!
Sabrina Carpenter, this tweener, gets the ball poked away! Ego the size of Texas when protecting the damn ball!
This league veteran Jordan Poole fouls reaching in! Tendency to force bad shots on defense!
This multi-time All-Star Sabrina Carpenter is automatic on the low block! A bank shot drops again!
Break! Jordan Poole takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. They say Jordan Poole has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Jordan Poole, this versatile guy, throws the hands up! Exasperated from way beyond the arc!
Jordan Poole with a wild attempt! This next-level player not finding the range tonight!
Jordan Poole goes to work to the weak side! This guy with a proven track record exploiting the rotation!
Jordan Poole is running on pure willpower! This respected competitor refusing to quit!
Jordan Poole walks off in silence. This name that's buzzing gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jordan Poole hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Jordan Poole keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Tonight I had a revelation: Jordan Poole runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
129-86 (W)
And we're underway! Jordan Poole touches the pill first! This well-respected player looks eager!
This next-level player Jordan Poole punishes the defense with a bank shot in the paint!
Sabrina Carpenter finds the open teammate! Vision of a movie actor spotting the film character!
A thunderous slam from Jordan Poole driving to the hoop! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Jordan Poole plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this established player!
Back to the locker room. Jordan Poole's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Exclusive info: Jordan Poole is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This player making noise Jordan Poole with a vintage euro-step! The old magic is still there!
This headliner Sabrina Carpenter puts the exclamation point! A hook shot facing the rim!
Jordan Poole lets fly and pulls up at half court! Time? There's a full quarter left!
This name that's buzzing Jordan Poole waves goodbye to the opponent! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Savage!
Sabrina Carpenter punches the air at game's end! Victory! The movie actor did it!
Jordan Poole grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Jordan Poole applauds. Behind the scenes, I learned Jordan Poole was also a movie actor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
109-97 (W)
Game time! Jordan Poole and this seasoned vet ready to put on a show at the den!
This top-tier talent Sabrina Carpenter capitalizes at the top of the key! A pull-up jumper with night-in night-out consistency!
Sabrina Carpenter slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Next-level basketball IQ in every step!
This hooper's hooper Jordan Poole with assist number buckets! Natural-born leadership on display!
Jordan Poole pushes the pace in transition! Silky smooth technique showing in every play!
Off to the locker room. Jordan Poole has already drained two water bottles. Little scoop: Jordan Poole logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Sabrina Carpenter, this big-name player, unleashes a bank shot at the buzzer! Bang!
You can feel a packed arena through the screen! Jordan Poole in the spotlight!
Jordan Poole finds the open teammate! This up-and-coming baller making everyone better!
Jordan Poole, this dude putting the league on notice, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this dude putting the league on notice is dangerous!
Jordan Poole tosses the pill in the air! A bench mob celebration! This legit talent mission accomplished!
Jordan Poole dumps his Gatorade on Jordan Poole who screams because it was cold. Jordan Poole piles on. I learned that Jordan Poole's father was a movie actor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
114-99 (W)
Jordan Poole, this next-level player, embraces the crowd fully behind them! Game on!
Jordan Poole attacks facing the rim and finishes with a layup! Too good!
Jordan Poole, this all-around player, contests everything at half court! Unreal swagger on full display!
Jordan Poole goes to work the pill through traffic! What a pass by this league veteran!
Jordan Poole spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jordan Poole walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Jordan Poole slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
An alley-oop by Jordan Poole! The crowd erupts! Ridiculous creativity personified!
Listen to that roar! Jordan Poole attacks and the place explodes!
This league veteran Jordan Poole claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this league veteran!
This league veteran Jordan Poole channels the inner champion! Eyes in the back of the head at its peak!
Jordan Poole sits on the bench with a smile! This up-and-coming baller job well done!
Jordan Poole and Jordan Poole chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
109-90 (W)
Sabrina Carpenter sets the tone early! The movie actor came to play tonight!
Sabrina Carpenter with another half-court heave! You can't stop this man!
Sabrina Carpenter with the chase-down iron-wall defense! What athleticism!
Jordan Poole reads the defense like a book! Assist from the right corner! Iron discipline!
This hooper's hooper Jordan Poole sets the back screen! Ridiculous creativity off-ball contribution!
Halftime. Jordan Poole's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Small detail: Jordan Poole wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Jordan Poole knocks down an off-balance shot off the pick and roll! Ice in the veins!
Jordan Poole, this player on the come-up, waves the crowd up! Wild stands rising!
Sabrina Carpenter adjusts on the fly! Quick thinking from this movie actor!
Scouts overlooked a movie actor. They won't overlook Sabrina Carpenter after tonight's the script binder show!
It's over! Jordan Poole delivers the goods! This legit talent walks off a winner!
Jordan Poole performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Sabrina Carpenter imitates it. It's worse. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
102-96 (W)
Jordan Poole looks dialed in from the start! Pure God-given talent preparation showing!
Jordan Poole pulls up and drills a free throw! Can't teach that!
This player on the come-up Jordan Poole with a critical stop! A clutch steal when it counts!
Jordan Poole, this swiss-army-knife type, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Jordan Poole makes the hockey pass! Natural-born leadership finding the extra pass!
Halftime. Jordan Poole is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Confession: Jordan Poole calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
A tear drop from Jordan Poole! This respected competitor reminding everyone why they're on top!
The energy in this building is unreal! Jordan Poole channeling an incredible energy!
Jordan Poole dunks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Jordan Poole is writing the story tonight! This solid pro with a thunderous slam driving to the hoop!
This player on the come-up Jordan Poole raises the arms! The win is in the books! A chest bump!
Jordan Poole does a belly slide on the court. Jordan Poole does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Tonight I had a revelation: Jordan Poole runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
93-99 (L)
Jordan Poole, this versatile guy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This player making noise is in the building!
Jordan Poole misfires from the right corner! Even this player on the come-up has off nights!
Sabrina Carpenter explodes the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this max-contract guy!
This solid pro Jordan Poole picks up the cheap foul! Injury-prone body showing!
Jordan Poole penetrates to the rack for a double-clutch layup! Can't contain this versatile guy!
Both teams head to the locker room. Sabrina Carpenter wipes her forehead with her jersey. Anecdote: Sabrina Carpenter fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This dude putting the league on notice Jordan Poole stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Jordan Poole forces a bad layup! This guy with a proven track record needs to trust teammates!
This hooper's hooper Jordan Poole calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Jordan Poole is gassed! This next-level player bent over at half court! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
This hooper's hooper Jordan Poole congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this hooper's hooper.
Jordan Poole snaps at the bench on his way out. Jordan Poole says nothing, but his look says everything. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
102-100 (W)
This well-respected player Jordan Poole catches the ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Sabrina Carpenter, this versatile guy, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by a killer instinct!
This next-level player Jordan Poole rattles it out! So close yet so far at the top of the key!
A sky hook by Jordan Poole! The building is rocking! This seasoned vet takeover!
Jordan Poole, this solid build, exploits the mismatch facing the rim! Smart play!
Intermission. Jordan Poole dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Jordan Poole once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Jordan Poole nails a bank shot with the shot clock winding down! Clutch!
Jordan Poole, this tweener, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
What a cathedral silence! Jordan Poole and the fans creating a spectacle!
Jordan Poole with the dagger tear drop! This league veteran buries the opposition!
This up-and-coming baller Jordan Poole seals the deal! Victory with night-in night-out consistency!
Jordan Poole, Jordan Poole, and Jordan Poole pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
111-102 (W)
The game begins and Jordan Poole is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Jordan Poole, this do-it-all player, posts up and delivers a bucket! Textbook!
This solid pro Jordan Poole forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
Jordan Poole, this smooth operator, runs the offense with freakish explosiveness! Beautiful passing!
This hooper's hooper Jordan Poole recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Halftime! Sabrina Carpenter looks in the mirror and shakes her head. True story: Sabrina Carpenter walked into the wrong locker room during her first game against Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. Awkward. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This next-level player Jordan Poole erupts for a double-clutch layup! The floodgates are open!
Jordan Poole, this established player, feeds off every decibel! A standing ovation is fuel!
This established player Jordan Poole swings the orange around! Freakish explosiveness ball movement!
Jordan Poole, this swiss-army-knife type, evolves before our eyes! A moment of pure magic!
Sabrina Carpenter posts career numbers! Numbers bigger than the film character inventory!
Jordan Poole makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Jordan Poole makes the 'call us' gesture. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
My Team finishes #2, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Jordan Poole.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Jordan Poole. The man. The beast. Standing at 193 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: she signed Sabrina Carpenter, her brother-in-law and a movie actor by trade, on a ten-day contract. The girl showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying script binder and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Sabrina Carpenter can place a basketball with the same precision she uses for film character to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the girl's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
My Team finishes #2, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Jordan Poole.
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