My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | New York Over-Timers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Victor Wembanyama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 224 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Yoda. A jedi master. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a jedi master, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Yoda has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-115 (L)
The game begins and Yoda is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Kobe Bryant forces a devastating dunk from the right corner! This undisputed superstar trying too hard!
Abraham Lincoln loses the pill! A farmer would never be this careless!
Abraham Lincoln bites on the fake! Fooled like a farmer by counterfeit the stubborn soil!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to rush showing!
Halftime. The doctor examines Kobe Bryant's shoulder while the others catch their breath. They say Kobe Bryant eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
A buzzer beater attempt by Victor Wembanyama falls short! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
Abraham Lincoln powers through! The farmer in them won't quit on the stubborn soil!
Kobe Bryant throws it away! Ego the size of Texas under pressure facing the rim!
Dwayne Johnson, this living legend, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Dwayne Johnson's gaze is cold, distant. Abraham Lincoln's gaze is hot, angry. Behind the scenes, I learned Abraham Lincoln was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
109-110 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this mammoth, sets the tone immediately! A killer instinct from the jump!
Kobe Bryant goes to work through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Yoda, this short king, can't keep up with the speed! Injury-prone body exposed!
This potential GOAT Dwayne Johnson rattles it out! So close yet so far driving to the hoop!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama rallies the troops! The team feeds off natural-born leadership!
Both teams head to the locker room. Kobe Bryant wipes his forehead with his jersey. Rumor has it Kobe Bryant talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Abraham Lincoln gets stripped at the last second! Stripped of the damn ball like a farmer stripped of the seed dibber!
Victor Wembanyama slams the Wilson in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Kobe Bryant, this titan, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this certified GOAT candidate right now!
Abraham Lincoln misses the wide-open three! The seed dibber left behind on this one!
Kobe Bryant, this global icon, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Dwayne Johnson's gaze is cold, distant. Abraham Lincoln's gaze is hot, angry. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-91 (W)
Yoda stretches center court! Loosening up, the jedi master is getting ready!
This potential GOAT Dwayne Johnson punishes the defense with a bucket from the left corner!
Yoda, this small but mighty player, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by that dawg mentality!
Abraham Lincoln hits the trailer! Connecting plays with the seed dibber accuracy!
Dwayne Johnson, this undisputed superstar, manages the clock beautifully in the first half!
The players file out. Kobe Bryant exchanges a tense look with the coach. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant tried to impress the Orlando Magic-Beans players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Yoda, this world-class player, threads the needle for a two-handed slam in the paint!
Yoda bows to the fans! A jedi master bowing after the game masterpiece!
Abraham Lincoln plugs the gap! Plugging holes with farmer efficiency!
Win or lose, Abraham Lincoln has earned respect tonight! This first-ballot legend warrior spirit!
Abraham Lincoln reflects on the game! The thoughtful reflection of a farmer after a big day!
Abraham Lincoln does a belly slide on the court. Dwayne Johnson does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
115-93 (W)
Abraham Lincoln dribbles onto the floor! The crowd roars for this certified GOAT candidate!
Dwayne Johnson with another scoop layup! You can't stop this man!
Yoda, this big-name player, shuts down the play under the basket! Lockdown defender!
Kobe Bryant attacks and creates! Another assist along the baseline! Quarterback!
Kobe Bryant posts up into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Dwayne Johnson asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: Dwayne Johnson tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
A finger roll by Kobe Bryant! The crowd erupts! An unmatched feel for the game personified!
The arena buzzes for Yoda! A jedi master who electrifies wherever they go!
Yoda sets the perfect screen! Built like a jedi master who doesn't skip leg day!
Abraham Lincoln proves that cultivating the stubborn soil builds character for the venue!
Abraham Lincoln sits on the bench with a smile! This guy with rings on every finger job well done!
Yoda slides across the court in his socks while Dwayne Johnson splashes water on everyone. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-90 (W)
Tip-off! Dwayne Johnson gets us started! Let's go!
Dwayne Johnson launches the Spalding with silky smooth technique. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, with the clutch brilliant anticipation! The crowd is on its feet!
Yoda, this scrappy guard, drops the dime! Eyes in the back of the head passing on display!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama sets the back screen! Scary good handles off-ball contribution!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Victor Wembanyama started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Yoda with a buzzer beater! The finesse of their bare hands right there on the den!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Finals-like atmosphere as Abraham Lincoln steps up!
Abraham Lincoln rotates on defense! Rotating with the seed dibber efficiency!
The narrative shifts! Dwayne Johnson takes control with silky smooth technique!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, points to the crowd! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This was for the fans!
Yoda blows a kiss to the camera. Dwayne Johnson blows twelve. Abraham Lincoln blocks the lens. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-97 (W)
Abraham Lincoln steps onto the hardwood! From cultivating the stubborn soil to this, game time!
Victor Wembanyama, this solid pro, unleashes a two-handed slam on the low block! Bang!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, locks down the attacker! Silky smooth technique on the defensive end!
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, finds the rolling big man! A scoop layup off the assist!
Yoda manages the clock! Time management of a jedi master who never misses a deadline!
That's a wrap for now. Victor Wembanyama dives into the tunnel. Did you know? Victor Wembanyama has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Yoda attacks and scores! Those jedi master hands work wonders with the damn ball!
Chants of 'farmer! Farmer!' fill the gym for Abraham Lincoln!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, sets the perfect screen! Scary good handles for the team!
Kobe Bryant overcomes the early struggles! This franchise cornerstone rising like a phoenix!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Dwayne Johnson caps off a special night! A slide across the hardwood! Until next time!
Dwayne Johnson and Kobe Bryant carry Abraham Lincoln like a trophy across the entire court. I got a text from Dwayne Johnson after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
96-102 (L)
Abraham Lincoln looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
Brick! Kobe Bryant misfires driving to the hoop! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
Yoda double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
Yoda gets screened out of the play! This max-contract guy lost in traffic!
Abraham Lincoln attacks in the paint and finishes with a pull-up jumper! Too good!
The players file out. Yoda exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it Yoda talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Abraham Lincoln mouths off at the jump ball! A farmer venting about the stubborn soil!
A pull-up jumper from Dwayne Johnson hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
Dwayne Johnson, this all-around player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Abraham Lincoln can't get lift! Legs heavy as the seed dibber after the contest!
Dwayne Johnson walks off in silence. This hall-of-fame lock gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Yoda replays the score in his head on a loop. Victor Wembanyama tries to think about something else. Tonight I learned Yoda used to be a farmer before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-99 (W)
Dwayne Johnson, this guy with rings on every finger, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Yoda with the crafty half-court heave! Freakish explosiveness on display!
Victor Wembanyama forces the step-out-of-bounds! This up-and-coming baller hawking the ball!
Dwayne Johnson reads the defense like a book! Assist under the basket! Scary good handles!
Victor Wembanyama, this giant, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break. Yoda's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Anecdote: Yoda once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Kobe Bryant converts from the right corner! A free throw with trademark natural-born leadership!
Social media explodes with Abraham Lincoln's the seed dibber highlights! Viral farmer content!
Victor Wembanyama sprints back on defense! This name that's buzzing leading by example!
This hall-of-fame lock Abraham Lincoln embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
Kobe Bryant, this mammoth, acknowledges the fans! A hostile crowd! A victory dance!
Yoda and Victor Wembanyama pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-95 (W)
Yoda wins the opening tip! Tipping off with jedi master energy!
Dwayne Johnson, this solid build, showcases eyes in the back of the head with a gorgeous devastating dunk!
Dwayne Johnson shuts the door at half court! That's how you play defense!
Abraham Lincoln with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! That dawg mentality on that one!
Yoda slows the pace when the team needs it! This big-name player tempo control!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
A two-handed slam by Yoda from the right corner! Unreal swagger in every fiber!
A cathedral silence as Yoda checks in for the second quarter! The jedi master returns!
This global icon Kobe Bryant celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Remember this moment! Kobe Bryant is making history with a two-handed slam!
That's the game! Dwayne Johnson finishes with a monster performance! This generational talent victorious!
Kobe Bryant climbs onto the scorer's table. Yoda joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
81-112 (L)
Abraham Lincoln locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Yoda can't connect! Their bare hands in hand, sure. The rock through the hoop, nope!
Intercepted! Yoda's pass snatched right out of the air! A jedi master would never be that careless!
Yoda gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in the paint!
That's a wrap for now. Dwayne Johnson dives into the tunnel. Juicy anecdote: Dwayne Johnson was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Victor Wembanyama dunks but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Yoda lets fly sluggishly! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up with this max-contract guy!
Victor Wembanyama with the errant pass! This well-respected player needs to settle down!
Dwayne Johnson glares at the scoreboard! This undisputed superstar not happy with the situation!
Kobe Bryant reflects on what could have been. Hot head the difference tonight.
Victor Wembanyama has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Yoda has aged ten years in forty minutes. Behind the scenes, I learned Yoda was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
86-131 (L)
Abraham Lincoln fires up the crowd to open the game! This global icon starting strong!
Abraham Lincoln misfires from back to the basket! The seed dibber calibration needed!
Kobe Bryant dunks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama bites on the fake! Beaten off the pick and roll!
Abraham Lincoln slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a farmer hits the workbench!
Break! Victor Wembanyama rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Confession: Victor Wembanyama believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
A layup by Victor Wembanyama at the top of the key is way off! Tough night for this seasoned vet!
Kobe Bryant bends over during the dead ball! This franchise cornerstone gathering what's left!
This guy everybody knows Yoda gets pickpocketed facing the rim! Sloppy handling!
Kobe Bryant dribbles angrily after the turnover! This generational talent spiraling!
Victor Wembanyama goes to work to the tunnel in disappointment. This next-level player will learn from this.
Kobe Bryant unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Yoda runs a hand down his face. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Kobe Bryant's name. Forgive me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-96 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant in the starting lineup! Let's see what this once-in-a-lifetime player brings!
Victor Wembanyama draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, bobbles the Spalding and the chance evaporates at the top of the key!
Abraham Lincoln nails a reverse layup during crunch time! A farmer who delivers when it matters!
This living legend Abraham Lincoln switches defensive assignments on the fly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Time to breathe. Victor Wembanyama has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Yoda with the pressure-proof hook shot facing the rim! On the final possession!
This All-Star caliber talent Yoda anchors the defense along the baseline! Nothing gets through!
Listen to that roar! Kobe Bryant launches and the place explodes!
Kobe Bryant with the late steal and score! This hall-of-fame lock taking matters into own hands!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Abraham Lincoln jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
84-114 (L)
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson comes out aggressive! Opens with a euro-step from the left corner!
Yoda misses from the corner! Under the basket is no place for their bare hands!
Yoda throws it away! A pass worse than a jedi master tossing the game!
Yoda gets blown by! Even a jedi master couldn't stop that!
Yoda buries their face! Hidden from view, the jedi master can't watch!
Intermission. Dwayne Johnson dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know? Dwayne Johnson launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Yoda, this reliable star, fumbles the finish in transition! Back to the drawing board!
Dwayne Johnson, this certified GOAT candidate, sucking wind after that sprint! The contest of battle!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Dwayne Johnson mutters to himself walking back! This potential GOAT fighting inner demons!
Victor Wembanyama spins past the media. This guy with a proven track record not in the mood to talk.
Victor Wembanyama isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Kobe Bryant tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-124 (L)
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama opens the scoring! A layup! Early advantage!
Yoda misses! Even a jedi master can't fix that shot!
Dwayne Johnson pulls up the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this undisputed superstar!
Dwayne Johnson, this versatile guy, fouls unnecessarily from mid-range! Sometimes predictable game!
Kobe Bryant, this franchise cornerstone, with the frustrated foul! Sometimes predictable game in tough moments!
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Word is Victor Wembanyama sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Dwayne Johnson with a rough reverse layup at the top of the key! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
This established player Victor Wembanyama stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, gets stripped at the top of the key! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
This undisputed superstar Dwayne Johnson gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This certified GOAT candidate Dwayne Johnson leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Dwayne Johnson hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Victor Wembanyama keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-122 (L)
Abraham Lincoln takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Dwayne Johnson rushes a floater from mid-range! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Yoda tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Injury-prone body in the decision-making!
Yoda gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Victor Wembanyama drives away from the huddle! This well-respected player in a dark place mentally!
Halftime whistle! Abraham Lincoln grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Off the mark for Yoda! Great jedi master, not so great at basketball tonight!
Kobe Bryant short-arms the shot from fatigue! This once-in-a-lifetime player has nothing left!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, gets called for the carry! Shaky emotions under pressure in ball-handling!
Kobe Bryant shoots and kicks the stanchion! This living legend losing composure!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this guy with rings on every finger.
Yoda rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Abraham Lincoln picks up his own and folds it carefully. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Victor Wembanyama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 224 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Yoda. A jedi master. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a jedi master, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Yoda has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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