My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Adam Sandler. A film producer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their loaded checkbook better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Adam Sandler has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the risky picture and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-132 (L)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
An alley-oop from Jesus Christ hits the iron! Heavy feet under the spotlight!
Jesus Christ commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Adam Sandler caught flat-footed! Standing still, the film producer reflexes took a nap!
King Kong, this swiss-army-knife type, shows negative body language! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
Break! Barack Obama has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Anecdote: Barack Obama once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Adam Sandler gets blocked! Rejected harder than a film producer's worst day on the job!
Barack Obama plays through exhaustion! The endurance of rallying the neighborhood daily!
Adam Sandler, this undersized spark plug, gets stripped back to the basket! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Jesus Christ can't mask the disappointment! This basketball god wearing it on the sleeve!
Godzilla walks off in silence. This jersey-selling name gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Adam Sandler sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Jesus Christ winces. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Jesus Christ. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
74-119 (L)
Jesus Christ starts in the point guard! Playing the point guard the way a messiah plays with their bare hands!
That one wasn't even close, Jesus Christ! Stick to competing the game!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to force bad shots when protecting the orange!
Jesus Christ loses the battle in the paint! Being a messiah doesn't help you here!
This living legend Adam Sandler fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
The players head in. Jesus Christ slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know Jesus Christ knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Miami Heart-Attack's colors. By accident, obviously. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Adam Sandler lets fly the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Jesus Christ is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Adam Sandler dribbles it off their foot! Their loaded checkbook would never betray a film producer like that!
Godzilla crosses over and kicks the stanchion! This franchise guy losing composure!
Jesus Christ tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Adam Sandler snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. Did you know that Jesus Christ practices film producer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
89-133 (L)
Adam Sandler, this pint-sized baller, sets the tone immediately! Freakish explosiveness from the jump!
Adam Sandler, this little firecracker, wastes a golden chance with a wild devastating dunk!
This guy everybody knows King Kong dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jesus Christ watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Barack Obama slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a community organizer hits the workbench!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Jesus Christ asks for an ice pack. I've been told Jesus Christ always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Barack Obama misses on the final possession! A community organizer dropping the neighborhood at the worst time!
King Kong spins but can't sustain the effort! Occasional mental lapses emptying the tank!
Godzilla throws it into the stands! What was that from this headliner!
Adam Sandler is visibly upset! Upset as a film producer when the risky picture goes sideways!
King Kong rises up past the media. This established star not in the mood to talk.
Jesus Christ's eyes are glassy. King Kong mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
84-129 (L)
Adam Sandler checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Jesus Christ misses at the buzzer! A messiah who missed the deadline!
Godzilla passes to nobody! This All-Star caliber talent with a head-scratching decision!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Adam Sandler pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The film producer in them is showing!
Rest time. Godzilla isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Godzilla knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Philadelphia Injury-Report's colors. By accident, obviously. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
King Kong clanks another one off the rim! This certified bucket needs to find rhythm!
Barack Obama grabs the shorts! This potential GOAT is running on fumes!
Sloppy handling by Barack Obama! Rallying the neighborhood is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ posts up angrily after the turnover! This once-in-a-lifetime player spiraling!
King Kong, this versatile guy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
King Kong scratches the back of his neck nervously. Godzilla has the look of someone who has seen things. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
73-118 (L)
Adam Sandler bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ misfires again! Limited stamina could cost the team!
Adam Sandler botches the handoff! Even their loaded checkbook exchanges go smoother!
This max-contract guy Godzilla bites on the fake! Beaten off the pick and roll!
Adam Sandler waves off the play! The authority of a film producer in that gesture!
Halftime. Jesus Christ glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. They say Jesus Christ has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Godzilla gets a clean look but ego the size of Texas costs the bucket!
Adam Sandler asks for ice! Cooling down, even a film producer's engine needs a rest!
Barack Obama lets fly into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!
Barack Obama tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the community organizer will bounce back!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
Godzilla's eyes are glassy. Barack Obama mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-130 (L)
Godzilla, this multi-time All-Star, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A buzzer-beater from King Kong goes in and out! Heartbreaking facing the rim!
Jesus Christ forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
Jesus Christ gets posterized! A messiah framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
King Kong, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated driving to the hoop!
Halftime whistle. Adam Sandler has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know? Adam Sandler launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Godzilla with a wild attempt! This top-tier talent not finding the range tonight!
Adam Sandler is spent! Used up like the risky picture after a film producer's long day!
Godzilla charges right into the defender! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas when controlling pace!
Godzilla, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Adam Sandler goes to work to the tunnel in disappointment. This certified GOAT candidate will learn from this.
Jesus Christ lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Adam Sandler holds his in. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-131 (L)
Godzilla looks dialed in from the start! Night-in night-out consistency preparation showing!
Godzilla launches and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
Jesus Christ turns it over during crunch time! A messiah dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
This headliner Godzilla misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Adam Sandler drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a film producer's spirit has limits!
Break! Godzilla has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Intel: Godzilla refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Barack Obama misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Jesus Christ labors up the court! Trudging like a messiah dragging the game!
Godzilla, this tweener, gets called for the carry! Lack of consistency in ball-handling!
Jesus Christ gets a technical for complaining! Lack of consistency on full display!
This world-class player King Kong tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Adam Sandler bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
84-129 (L)
Tip-off! King Kong gets us started! Let's go!
Barack Obama misfires driving to the hoop! This guy with rings on every finger searching for answers!
This established star Godzilla commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
Barack Obama gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the neighborhood on a rough day!
Barack Obama stares in disbelief! The look of a community organizer who just lost everything!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Jesus Christ launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This franchise cornerstone Adam Sandler short-arms a bank shot from way beyond the arc! Not enough lift!
King Kong, this smooth operator, with tired legs under the basket! Occasional mental lapses slowing this elite player down!
Jesus Christ throws it away! Occasional mental lapses under pressure facing the rim!
This world-class player King Kong throws an elbow in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Barack Obama leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as a community organizer after the neighborhood setback!
Adam Sandler pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Jesus Christ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-133 (L)
King Kong, this do-it-all player, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Godzilla with the off-balance two-handed slam! This franchise guy couldn't set the feet!
Barack Obama penetrates into a dead end back to the basket! Turnover! Tendency to rush!
King Kong scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Ego the size of Texas!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to rush written all over his face!
Break. Barack Obama's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Physio's confession: Barack Obama purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
King Kong, this bonafide star, with a contested free throw that misses at half court!
Adam Sandler rises up but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
This max-contract guy Godzilla forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Adam Sandler mouths off on the decisive possession! A film producer venting about the risky picture!
Godzilla, this jersey-selling name, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Jesus Christ refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Barack Obama watches it and immediately regrets it. Behind the scenes, I learned Barack Obama was also a film producer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
77-122 (L)
Adam Sandler, this generational talent, embraces the roaring arena! Game on!
This potential GOAT Adam Sandler misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging from way beyond the arc!
Adam Sandler with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the risky picture!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Barack Obama slams the Wilson in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Halftime whistle. King Kong high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it King Kong has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
This big-name player King Kong muscles up a euro-step but can't get it to fall!
Barack Obama stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a community organizer over the neighborhood!
Godzilla with a wild pass that sails out! This All-Star caliber talent giving it away!
King Kong storms to the bench! This multi-time All-Star is visibly upset!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
King Kong avoids the cameras like the plague. Godzilla gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
85-129 (L)
Jesus Christ opens with a layup! This hall-of-fame lock making an early statement!
Jesus Christ bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
Turnover by Adam Sandler! Greenlighting the risky picture requires less coordination, clearly!
Barack Obama bites on the fake! Fooled like a community organizer by counterfeit the neighborhood!
Adam Sandler storms to the bench! Heated! This film producer doesn't handle losing well!
Break! Adam Sandler takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Small detail: Adam Sandler wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Jesus Christ fires a brick facing the rim! Way off, even for a messiah!
This All-Star caliber talent King Kong signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Limited stamina!
Jesus Christ loses the rock! A messiah would never be this careless!
Barack Obama throws their hands up! Like a community organizer when their bullhorn breaks!
Godzilla sits alone on the bench. This certified bucket processing the defeat.
Adam Sandler is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Jesus Christ waits at the tunnel entrance. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a film producer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
81-125 (L)
Adam Sandler steps onto the floor! From greenlighting the risky picture to this, game time!
Barack Obama misses from the corner! At the top of the key is no place for their bullhorn!
Jesus Christ gets picked! A messiah getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Barack Obama loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
This certified GOAT candidate Barack Obama can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Well-deserved break. Barack Obama looks like someone who just ran a marathon. True story: Barack Obama walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Cleveland Twin-Towers. Awkward. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Adam Sandler takes off but the shot rims out! Shaky emotions under pressure rears its ugly head!
Adam Sandler cramps up! Muscles tight from their loaded checkbook and the Spalding double duty!
This living legend Jesus Christ with turnover number points! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Barack Obama hangs the head after the miss! Deflated on the low block!
Adam Sandler takes the loss hard! Hard as the risky picture on a bad film producer day!
Adam Sandler refuses the coach's embrace. Jesus Christ accepts it but his body is stiff. Tonight I had a revelation: Jesus Christ runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
86-131 (L)
Jesus Christ explodes with energy from the opening whistle! This household name locked in!
Jesus Christ can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the Wilson differently than the game!
King Kong coughs up the Wilson! Ego the size of Texas strikes again from mid-range!
Jesus Christ beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a messiah!
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Break! King Kong heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. True story: King Kong walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Boston Ring-Chasers. Awkward. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Jesus Christ misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
King Kong, this All-Star caliber talent, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
This big-name player Godzilla loses concentration and the pill with it!
Barack Obama sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a community organizer after a long shift!
Godzilla reflects on what could have been. Ego the size of Texas the difference tonight.
King Kong stares at the floor while Godzilla mutters something inaudible under his breath. I got a text from King Kong after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-125 (L)
Godzilla fires up the crowd to open the game! This top-tier talent starting strong!
Barack Obama fires and misses in the paint. Should have stuck with the neighborhood!
Adam Sandler, this short king, fumbles the entry pass from mid-range!
Adam Sandler overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
Break. Adam Sandler collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Fun fact: Adam Sandler tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
King Kong misses the open look! This max-contract guy can't believe it! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This living legend Jesus Christ can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Godzilla with the lazy pass! Shaky emotions under pressure leading to easy points!
Barack Obama fires away the towel! This basketball god showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Godzilla had the chances but couldn't convert. This bonafide star left wanting.
Adam Sandler pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Jesus Christ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I got a text from Adam Sandler after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
75-120 (L)
King Kong, this franchise guy, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Adam Sandler, this all-time great, sends the leather wide! The touch is off tonight!
Barack Obama throws it away! A pass worse than a community organizer tossing the neighborhood!
Godzilla gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
King Kong mouths off and picks up a T! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
The players head to the locker room. Jesus Christ is sweating like a racehorse. They say Jesus Christ eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Jesus Christ bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Adam Sandler is running on fumes! The film producer tank is completely empty!
King Kong goes to work the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this top-tier talent!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Adam Sandler vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their loaded checkbook reinforced with the risky picture!
King Kong kicks his towel across the floor. Barack Obama has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Adam Sandler. A film producer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their loaded checkbook better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Adam Sandler has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the risky picture and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=400)
