THE PREZ — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | THE PREZ | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. Ladies and gentlemen... THE PREZ! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for George Washington! Picture this: standing at 74 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Joe Biden. A university professor in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their lecture notes better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Joe Biden has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the young scholars and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
74-119 (L)
Barack Obama lands the first layup! First blood! The community organizer strikes first!
Abraham Lincoln misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to rush exposed!
This household name Barack Obama stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Players head to the locker room. Abraham Lincoln has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Abraham Lincoln has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Abraham Lincoln can't score in crunch time! This farmer is way off tonight!
Abraham Lincoln asks for ice! Cooling down, even a farmer's engine needs a rest!
Donald Trump throws it away! A pass worse than a film producer tossing the risky picture!
Barack Obama mouths off and picks up a T! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Abraham Lincoln vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the seed dibber reinforced with the stubborn soil!
Barack Obama sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Abraham Lincoln winces. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-94 (W)
George Washington, this living legend, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Joe Biden launches and scores! A reverse layup! This combo guard is a problem!
George Washington, this living legend, shuts down the play from the right corner! Lockdown defender!
Joe Biden with the hockey assist! Setting up the play like a true university professor!
Joe Biden calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's university professor mentality!
Halftime. Abraham Lincoln wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Little secret: Abraham Lincoln watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Abraham Lincoln scores with iron discipline. A tear drop from the right corner! Too smooth!
Barack Obama salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the community organizer signs off in style!
Abraham Lincoln communicates on the switch! Clear as a farmer's directions!
Abraham Lincoln plays with the stubborn soil on their mind and the damn ball in their hands!
Joe Biden soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a university professor savoring glory!
Donald Trump and Barack Obama share a 30-second hug. Joe Biden wants in. Gets pushed away. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-87 (W)
This guy with rings on every finger George Washington means business! Fast start in the paint!
George Washington hits the triple! Three buckets, three cheers for this farmer turned baller!
Joe Biden picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Donald Trump quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a catch-and-shoot triple! What a pass!
Joe Biden uses that university professor IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Halftime whistle. Abraham Lincoln has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. I've been told Abraham Lincoln always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Abraham Lincoln pulls up the basketball beautifully for a half-court heave! What touch!
Abraham Lincoln gets a sold-out gym on fire every time they step on the den! The farmer aura!
This hall-of-fame lock Abraham Lincoln tips it to the teammate! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
Donald Trump bridges two worlds: the risky picture and a scoop layup, bound by passion!
Barack Obama caps a perfect night! Clean as a community organizer on their best day!
Donald Trump runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Joe Biden follows doing the wave alone. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
100-93 (W)
And we're underway! Barack Obama touches the orange first! This living legend looks eager!
Barack Obama nails a buzzer-beater on a strategic timeout! A community organizer who delivers when it matters!
Abraham Lincoln stands firm! Not moving, this farmer is planted!
Joe Biden dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this university professor!
Donald Trump executes a drive-and-kick game perfectly! Precision learned as a film producer!
Break! Abraham Lincoln has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Juicy anecdote: Abraham Lincoln was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Abraham Lincoln answers back with a catch-and-shoot triple! Iron discipline under pressure!
The crowd chants Donald Trump's name! A Playoff atmosphere for the film producer with their loaded checkbook!
Barack Obama, this once-in-a-lifetime player, picks up the fallen teammate! Silky smooth technique beyond the stats!
This is the Donald Trump game! This basketball god taking over in the final quarter!
Barack Obama tallied double figures! Double the neighborhood, double the glory!
Abraham Lincoln throws chalk powder like LeBron. George Washington coughs for two minutes straight. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
82-125 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Abraham Lincoln! The farmer with the stubborn soil has arrived!
Donald Trump can't buy a bucket! Another miss along the baseline! Frustrating!
Donald Trump gets the ball stripped! The risky picture would have stayed in a film producer's grip!
Barack Obama gives up the easy bucket! Easier than rallying the neighborhood!
George Washington, this undisputed superstar, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Break. Donald Trump collapses next to the vending machine. Locker room intel: Donald Trump has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Donald Trump with a wild attempt! This hall-of-fame lock not finding the range tonight!
This global icon Abraham Lincoln stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
Joe Biden, this versatile guy, gets called for the carry! Shaky emotions under pressure in ball-handling!
Joe Biden walks away muttering! Muttering about the young scholars under their breath!
Barack Obama walks off in defeat! Even a community organizer's skills couldn't save tonight!
George Washington sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Abraham Lincoln has his head in his hands. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
95-127 (L)
Joe Biden takes the court to a cathedral silence! The university professor with their lecture notes is here!
Donald Trump dunks but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
George Washington turns it over in the right wing! Butterfingers from this farmer!
Donald Trump gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the risky picture behind their loaded checkbook!
Joe Biden with the crafty fadeaway jumper! Nerves of steel on display!
Rest time. Joe Biden isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Joe Biden lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Donald Trump buries their face! Hidden from view, the film producer can't watch!
Barack Obama, this certified GOAT candidate, with a contested scoop layup that misses at the top of the key!
Donald Trump takes off to the right spot! Insane court vision off-ball movement!
Joe Biden can barely run! This ball game harder than this ball game of challenging the young scholars!
Donald Trump looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a film producer!
Donald Trump kicks his towel across the floor. Joe Biden has already left for the locker room, alone. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
103-88 (W)
Barack Obama blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this absolute legend!
Joe Biden lets fly past the defense for a pull-up jumper! Size advantage from this this tweener!
Donald Trump takes the ball right out of their hands! Grip of a film producer!
George Washington, this global icon, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Unreal swagger!
Abraham Lincoln, this tweener, sets a brick-wall screen! Scary good handles on full display!
Coach calls everyone back. George Washington drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it George Washington has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Abraham Lincoln floats one in in the paint! Delicate as a farmer with the seed dibber!
The road crowd tries to rally but Abraham Lincoln silences them! A roaring arena!
Barack Obama makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the community organizer way!
Donald Trump dribbles with conviction! This first-ballot legend believes tonight is the night!
Donald Trump clocks out from the field house! End of the their loaded checkbook shift!
Joe Biden does a backflip. Well, he tries. Barack Obama applauds the effort. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
92-99 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate Donald Trump opens the scoring! A devastating dunk! Early advantage!
Donald Trump, this tweener, gets the look off the pick and roll but the lid's on the rim!
Donald Trump with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost film producer!
Barack Obama can't contain the drive! Rallying the neighborhood is more containable!
Joe Biden, this combo guard, rises above and hammers a reverse layup!
Back in the locker room, Abraham Lincoln sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little scoop: Abraham Lincoln logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
George Washington glares at the scoreboard! This global icon not happy with the situation!
A step-back three from Donald Trump catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This generational talent Donald Trump switches defensive assignments on the fly! Natural-born leadership!
George Washington is spent! Used up like the stubborn soil after a farmer's long day!
Donald Trump fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the film producer gave everything!
Donald Trump's eyes are glassy. Abraham Lincoln mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
91-113 (L)
This absolute legend George Washington catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, gets the separation but can't finish! Lack of consistency!
Barack Obama loses possession! The neighborhood never leaves a community organizer's hands like that!
George Washington, this compact dynamo, gets dunked on the low block! Poster material!
This basketball god Barack Obama with a vintage two-handed slam! The old magic is still there!
Break! Barack Obama has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Fun fact: Barack Obama tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Donald Trump tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the film producer will bounce back!
Abraham Lincoln air-mails an off-balance shot from downtown! Way off for this global icon!
Joe Biden reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
George Washington stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a farmer over the stubborn soil!
George Washington tips the cap to the winners! The farmer's grace with the stubborn soil!
Joe Biden claps his hands in frustration. Barack Obama clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
85-108 (L)
Abraham Lincoln fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This generational talent locked in!
This first-ballot legend Barack Obama short-arms a step-back three from way beyond the arc! Not enough lift!
Donald Trump crosses over into a dead end facing the rim! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
This global icon Barack Obama caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Abraham Lincoln tallies another one! This farmer keeps racking them up!
Halftime! Barack Obama is limping slightly heading off the court. Rumor has it Barack Obama talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Joe Biden throws their hands up! Like a university professor when their lecture notes breaks!
Joe Biden whiffs on the jumper! A university professor off their game with their lecture notes!
Barack Obama, this generational talent, manages the clock beautifully in the extra period!
Donald Trump is gassed! More tired than after a full day of greenlighting the risky picture!
Barack Obama sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a community organizer after their bullhorn broke!
Joe Biden is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Abraham Lincoln waits at the tunnel entrance. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-109 (L)
George Washington huddles with the team! Huddling up, the farmer strategizes!
Barack Obama fires a brick from along the baseline! Way off, even for a community organizer!
Stolen from Donald Trump! A film producer who let it slip through their fingers!
George Washington scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Occasional mental lapses!
Donald Trump hits nothing but net! Pure as a film producer's work with their loaded checkbook!
Halftime! Donald Trump checks his stats on the board and winces. Little scoop: Donald Trump tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This living legend Barack Obama fouls hard out of frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Joe Biden spins the orange into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
Barack Obama, this smooth operator, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Insane court vision!
This hall-of-fame lock Joe Biden has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Barack Obama wipes a tear! A community organizer who poured everything into the effort!
Barack Obama mutters while walking out. George Washington watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
98-114 (L)
Abraham Lincoln begins their shift on the palace of hoops! A farmer starting the seed dibber shift!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Joe Biden throws up a prayer from way beyond the arc! Not answered!
Barack Obama loses the orange! A community organizer would never be this careless!
Joe Biden loses their assignment! Like losing their lecture notes in the workshop!
Barack Obama puts it through! The reliability of a community organizer with the neighborhood!
Heading in. Barack Obama's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Fun fact: Barack Obama got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
George Washington sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a farmer after a long shift!
Donald Trump gets blocked! Rejected harder than a film producer's worst day on the job!
Abraham Lincoln overloads one side! Loading up with farmer strategy!
Joe Biden needs oxygen! More winded than a university professor after overtime!
This living legend Abraham Lincoln shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Donald Trump hurls his mouthguard into the trash. George Washington keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-122 (L)
George Washington starts in the rim protector! Playing the rim protector the way a farmer plays with the seed dibber!
Joe Biden can't connect! Their lecture notes in hand, sure. The rock through the hoop, nope!
Sloppy handling by Abraham Lincoln! Cultivating the stubborn soil is done with more finesse!
Barack Obama gets crossed over! This undisputed superstar left frozen at the top of the key!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
Into the tunnel. Joe Biden grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Intel: Joe Biden asked Boston Ring-Chasers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Joe Biden clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their lecture notes hitting the young scholars!
This guy with rings on every finger Barack Obama calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Tendency to rush taking its toll!
Barack Obama throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the community organizer got too confident!
Joe Biden, this household name, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to rush in tough moments!
George Washington shakes hands through the pain! A farmer who respects the seed dibber and the game!
Donald Trump scratches the back of his neck nervously. George Washington has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
93-124 (L)
This basketball god Barack Obama gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Barack Obama misses the layup! Even the neighborhood would have gone in easier!
Donald Trump coughs it up! A film producer's grip doesn't work on the damn ball!
George Washington watches them score! Just watching, like watching the seed dibber gather dust!
Abraham Lincoln with the step-back buzzer beater! Creating space like a farmer with the seed dibber!
Halftime whistle. Barack Obama flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Barack Obama once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
George Washington, this compact dynamo, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Barack Obama misses! Even a community organizer can't fix that shot!
Abraham Lincoln, this versatile guy, exploits the mismatch from way beyond the arc! Smart play!
Abraham Lincoln takes the rest play! Even a farmer needs a breather!
Donald Trump, this solid build, hangs the head. Tough loss despite unreal swagger effort.
Barack Obama punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. George Washington slides down the wall to the floor. Tonight I had a revelation: George Washington runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-121 (L)
Tip-off! Abraham Lincoln gets us started! Let's go!
That one wasn't even close, Barack Obama! Stick to rallying the neighborhood!
George Washington trips up in half court! A farmer never trips at work... Right?
Donald Trump watches helplessly! A film producer watching the risky picture fall off the shelf!
Donald Trump stares in disbelief! The look of a film producer who just lost everything!
Time to breathe. George Washington has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Did you know George Washington once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Barack Obama launches a bucket and... Airball! Tendency to force bad shots at its peak!
Barack Obama finds a second wind! The community organizer engine roars back to life!
Barack Obama throws it into the stands! What was that from this certified GOAT candidate!
Joe Biden waves off the play! The authority of a university professor in that gesture!
Donald Trump tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we greenlights better, like the risky picture!'
Barack Obama lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. George Washington decides not to comment. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
THE PREZ finishes #14 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: George Washington.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. Ladies and gentlemen... THE PREZ!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for George Washington! Picture this: standing at 74 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Joe Biden. A university professor in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their lecture notes better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Joe Biden has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the young scholars and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
THE PREZ finishes #14 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: George Washington.
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